FH news Zarjazz

[Deebs]

Aka known as Zarjism has decided, due to peer pressure, to pass his driving test. A few things you need to know (just to be fair)

• He is not small. (well he is just under 20 stone - I think). Fiat 500's are out of the question, actually, most stretched limos would be a tight squeeze for him.
• He lives in London. The City (or thereabouts)
• He used to BMX (he thinks they were known as real bikes, not bicycles, fucking retarded northern cunt)
• Um, he is known as Zarjazz.
• He knows physics, unfortunately, his body has rejected everything he knows. Gravity has been cruel to him.
• He played QuakeWorld - The best game ever. Take the piss out of everything above but not this.

Anyway, join me in providing constructive comments on his quest to help him pass his driving test and become human (he is from Newcastle, the home of the stolen offside front wheel).

 

[phazey]

When you pass (and you will) Buy a classic American muscle car. I'd recommend a Shelby Mustang. No other reason apart from the fact with a left hand drive you can safely goose chicks who are walking on the pavement whilst you drive past. And the City is rife with those dirty women. Rife.

 

[Gwadien]

L2Drive broski.

 

[caLLous]

Aka known as? Wtf?

 

[TdC]

Zarjazz you nutter. what happened to the sleek, athletic Zarjazz? did you eat him?

 

[Gwadien]

Aka known as? Wtf?

Also known as known as, c'mon man, keep up.

You no hipster no more

 

[Nate]

Why not just be what you are Zarjazz? Stop lying to yourself. Steal a car. Be Northern!

 

[Zarjazz]

I think this is revenge for shouting down the street pre-9am to Deebs that he was a cheeky fucker. I stand by that statement.

Why not just be what you are Zarjazz? Stop lying to yourself. Steal a car. Be Northern!

I'm so Northern that we never drove cars on my estate. We were so poor we could barely afford electricity. Cars were just something you set fire to for lighting at night.

 

[Deebs]

Also known as known as, c'mon man, keep up.

You no hipster no more

I think this is revenge for shouting down the street pre-9am to Deebs that he was a cheeky fucker. I stand by that statement.



I'm so Northern that we never drove cars on my estate. We were so poor we could barely afford electricity. Cars were just something you set fire to for lighting at night.

Or something you nicked...

 

[Lamp]

Worst Things For Your Driving Instructor To Say

Driving in the vicinity of a school you should always expect children to run out into the road, like these children up ahead. Okay, get off the pavement now.

The Highway code states that it is an offence to leave the scene of an accident...but as this was your fault, you better get the hell out of here!

Pedestrians always have right of way at junctions, come to a halt and give way to them. Wait until they are safely half way across the road, now hit that horn!

If a police officer requires you to stop, look for a safe place to pull over, indicate and come to a stop. Then floor it as soon as he gets out of his car.

Man, that hot woman over there has a great rack!

Remember that cyclists are the most vulnerable of all road users and also the most fun to cut up.

First time? Yeah, me too.

You must bear in mind that a vehicle is capable of doing a lot of damage if not driven correctly. Just side-swipe that Toyota and I'll show you what I mean.

 

[Wij]

I learnt to drive round UKCLDM4. True story.

 

[Job]

I've got this really funny pot smoking mate who just looks like the pic in your avatar Wij, so everything you write I imagine him saying it and it makes it funnier.

 

[caLLous]

He looks just like Wij? :\

 

[MYstIC G]

Mount T on your motor for improved aerodynamics

 

[Wij]

Mount TdC on your motor for improved aerodynamics

 

[TdC]

there can be no more mounting now that we have established that Wij is a taker.

 

[BloodOmen]

found this in ad-trader for you Zarjazz, she's a beut and has good mileage

 

[Job]