You meet someone, but it doesnt work out

fettoken

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You meet a person, have a short fling over a week where you connect really well, but she states that she doesnt want a relationship. When the fling is over, you are left with all kinds of emotions.

I mean, she and her gang of girls approached me. She took initiative, called me and wanted me to visit her during the time i were in visiting in my old city. But then she wants to go back to friends. I can accept that. She have had many bad relationships from 1 to 2 years in lenght and she was a real problem child.

She is now mentally fine and her life is going fine. Im not sure if she has feelings for me, maybe, i sure have feelings for her. Its this kind of person i would want to stay together with. She's a wonderful person, and we are good friends. She IS obviously afraid to commit to a new relationship due to being burned before, as she said there could have been something between us if the time was right, but her studies begins and she wants to focus on herself only. She is 20 y/o.

Last time we met she said she jokingly she wouldnt have sex for quiet some time now. (apparently she has a fuck buddy, but with no feelings involved)
Also she kissed me and hugged me, and said she were going to visit me for coffee soon in Stockholm, then we parted. She also sent alot of sms'es and called me time and time, but now, nothing.

Now i am left confused. Does she or does she not have feelings for me? (obviously she doesnt want to admit if so, and im not going to ask) Or is it that she got tired of me and tried to end it in a nice way?
 

old.Tohtori

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This has to be said again; just ask.

"Is this going somewhere?"
"Are we just friends?"

Then take answer and act accordingly. And NO, don't go into "but if she emant this or that". Ask again ask directly, ask affirmitively.

If you can't be friends, don't be. If she wants a relationship, go for it.

Direct, straightforward, go.

Oh and next time someone says to me "But i want to focus on myself" i'm gonna say "Learn to multitask you selfish bitch" :p
 

fettoken

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I have to disagree with you there Toth, sometimes things are not written in stone, and you get a negative response by being too direct and forceful.

Well, at least ive learned that taking one night stands further than a night is not a good idéa. Someone will get hurt.
 

old.Tohtori

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Disagree all youw want, but until you make action happen and get to the bottom of things, you'll just be wondering and questioning every text. No one is talking about forcing, just getting clear answers and not taking bushbeaters.

This is a classic case though;

as she said there could have been something between us if the time was right,

Seems like you're her string along, want to keep you around, but won't commit.

That's why, affirmitive action or long nights.

Have you done the following already;

Check your phone after leaving it somewhere for just one minute, JUST in case she texted?

Wait up just that extra 15 minutes, just in case she texts and you could be asleep?

EDIT: Then again there's the possibility that you've read too much into it.

E2: Oh and, not arguing with you, just offering a rather extensive experience POV.
 

fettoken

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I did so later this day. But the roles were reversed just a couple of days ago. I guess it got too intense and she decided to step back. I got really attached but processing it now after taking a long walk and talking to some people over the phone.

Learn from this, don't let things get too heated, leave some room even if she insists on seeing you all the time.
 

TdC

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you weren't in a relationship were you? then just enjoy the company and other yummies. relax, chill out.
 

tierk

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Shag one of her friends, she will respect you then :)
 

Sparx

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Worst thing you can do is walk up to her and go BAM this is how it is, as much we as a speicies like to think we are near god like the old games still exist. You still have to Peacock baby

Be cool on the outside and style it out thats all you can do
 

kivik

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Funny thing, this exactly happened to me too. Got told just a few days back that 'I'm not ready for commitment'. The rest is basically the same too, she and her friends were really into me. And she too had some relationship that ended in a bad way.

So we're in the same boat.

One part of me still hopes for something, that there is still a way we can be together. You know 'what if?'. I want answers, just talk through about everything between her and me. So that nothing is left unsaid.

I think toht is right really. There is a risk she might take it the wrong way if I'm too direct but... Has to be done because I don't want to be left there wondering.

Finally I'd like to say that I wasn't in love with her, I just liked her alot. And I think I'm more sorry about the loss of what we could've had, than what we had. Same with you maybe?

EDIT: And damn sparx is right too :( can't make up my mind...
 

Ezteq

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hmm its a tough one and first I'll just say I am really sorry to hear of this, I mean any way you look at it it sucks tbh. I can understand fear of getting hurt but jesus we leave the house every day (except the agorophobs out there) and run the risk of being hurt in any number of imaginative ways so tbh that's her problem and no matter how fab you are you can't do anything about it.

I think stating objectives at the start seems like a good idea but in reality, tbh we (and this is something I have certainly learned) never ever know what is round the corner so tbh just go with it and see where things take you.

You never ever know what's going on in anyone else's head so I shan't try to psychoanalyse her, I'll just say it sounds as if carrying on with it wont end well for you take care sweetie and don't let yourself be used.
 

fettoken

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you weren't in a relationship were you? then just enjoy the company and other yummies. relax, chill out.

I need to do this, just relax and chill out.
 

tierk

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hehe I was going to say this, but I would prefer shagging her and her friend at once ;)

OK i would ahve to agree that this is a far better solution then mine!!! :p
 

russell

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Its the time honoured thing.
If she/he wants you, they will make sure they are with you REGARDLESS of timing/ 'issues'/studies/work/geography. If they don't, a million excuses can be found.
Horrible, horrible fact of life x
 

TdC

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OK i would ahve to agree that this is a far better solution then mine!!! :p

I wonder if it would be the ultimate slur if two people in a threesome slowly but surely started to ignore the remaining one?

"mmmm you two are so hot like that"
"please, don't touch me, and don't speak"


lol :D
 

fettoken

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Well, heard from two of her friends that she's a real slut and bullshitter so now i dont have to worry :D At least i got to nail her.
 

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