Writing inspiration tips for Damini

Discussion in 'The Front Room' started by Tom, Dec 27, 2003.

  1. Tom

    Tom FH is my second home

    Ok, I'm sure she doesn't really need any, because shes already very good, but if she ever did, and it was on the following theme, I very strongly recommend it.

    Today, my toilet blocked up. I flushed it as usual, and instead of "MIRACLE POO-AWAY(TM)" I got a basin full of pongy water. I tried a few power flushes, to no avail. Then I tried a makeshift auger, which couldn't remove the blockage. So then I tried using Caustic Soda, twice, all that did was bring up more foul stenches.

    I had to resort to taking the toilet to bits, and I mean, totally removing it from the wall and exposing the waste pipe to air. If you've ever wondered what Victorian London must have smelled like before the installation of the new sewer system, then you need to try this. There is a very good reason for having a U-bend on your toilet, trust me, you don't want to find that reason out for yourself.

    You really wouldn't want to know what was blocking the bend, however, the contents of my stomach did, and tried to climb up my throat and have a look on several unpleasant occassions. The really annoying thing is that the plastic thread from the cistern inlet has stripped, and now I have to fill the cistern from a bucket, from my bath tap, until I have the chance to get a new part.

    Anyway, Damini, if you ever find yourself writing about foul stenches, and your muse has left you, try blocking your toilet, and then unblocking it like I did tonight.

    Children! Look before you flush!
  2. Shovel

    Shovel Can't get enough of FH

    I think it's more traditional just to play Monopoly at Christmas, Tom...
  3. dysfunction

    dysfunction FH is my second home

    I guess it comes from being a "great source of fibre"
  4. SawTooTH

    SawTooTH Can't get enough of FH

    Was it a tape worm?
  5. xane

    xane Fledgling Freddie

    But she's writing children's stories - oh wait, I see what you mean.
  6. PR.

    PR. Fledgling Freddie

    What in hells bells did you do all that for?!

    If the 3rd normal flush doesn't fix start pouring buckets of water down 9/10 this opens it up if not then you need to go to stage 2. Use of Hot Water it breaks down the toilet paper faster if in the unlikely event it still ain't clear, a quick spray of bleach leave it for a few hours then come back and repeat 1 and 2.

    Of course none of this would be necessary if you used the "precaution flush"
  7. D0LLySh33p

    D0LLySh33p Fledgling Freddie

    Tom scares me.
  8. Hashmonster

    Hashmonster Fledgling Freddie

    heheh :D

    I take heed of your warning tom! :cheers:
  9. dysfunction

    dysfunction FH is my second home

  10. leggy

    leggy Probably Scottish

    I feel this is the source of your problems.
  11. Gombur Glodson

    Gombur Glodson Fledgling Freddie

    I now it's cruel but this thread just made me laugh :p
  12. Tom

    Tom FH is my second home

    Hey, I tried a few powerflushes! And if you're saying that bleach and hot water is more effective than caustic soda......

    It was a piece of plastic lodged in there that must have finally had enough, and moved to block the u-bend. I've only had this place 2 years, and I don't put plastic down the loo, so not guilty! You might think that plastic doesn't smell bad, but what it stops from draining certainly does! :(
  13. Wij

    Wij I am a FH squatter FH Subscriber

    eeeeeeeewwwww :(

    Do you keep house-trained whales ?

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