Work problems making me ill need opinions/advice

Aada

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Last year i had an incident at work:

I went to my manager about another employee a lot of other employees were fed up with the special treatment she gets i told the manager what i thought and what other employees on his department thought and left it at that and i assumed the discussion would have been in confidence and left it at that as i was just bringing matters to his attention.

A week or two later the woman's husband came in and threatend me at work i kept my cool and went to the duty manager and he was thrown out and i asked to put a complaint in to which the duty manager advised me to do.

To cut a long story short the whole thing was brushed under the carpet and was a complete farce.

Fast forward to this point and i believe i am suffering from depression/anxiety as ever since that incident i cannot stop thinking about it, especially when i am trying to sleep things just go over and over in my head and i am awake till usually 2am in the morning baring in mind i have to be up for 5am for work.


I'm just at the point where i've tried to deal with it but i can't and it's severly effecting me physically and tomorrow i'm going to the doctors and see what she say. In our employee hand book it states that transfers can be arranged but because the incident was a year ago give or take i don't know how to speak to my personnel manager about it.

I feel stupid for feeling like this but i can't stop thinking about the whole thing.

Why am i posting about my personal life? no idea but i just wanted some opinions or advice :(

Thanks.
 

Tom

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So this happened a year ago and you're still upset about it?

I suggest you have other problems you're ignoring.
 

Tuthmes

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You've got a bad manager that's all. Also if she gets special treatement I guess the manager is responcible for it? Why go to him in the first place?
 

Aada

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So this happened a year ago and you're still upset about it?

I suggest you have other problems you're ignoring.

Nope no other problems, i'm just being silly then? that's one opinion :)
 

Aada

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You've got a bad manager that's all. Also if she gets special treatement I guess the manager is responcible for it? Why go to him in the first place?

Well actually there's 2 managers on our department a line manager and a senior manager and the woman is friends with the senior manager i can only assume that's the reason the whole thing got brushed under the rug.
 

Tuthmes

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Well actually there's 2 managers on our department a line manager and a senior manager and the woman is friends with the senior manager i can only assume that's the reason the whole thing got brushed under the rug.

No shit Sherlock. Now solve that puzzle!
 

Job

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You need to talk about it, the closer the people to the event the better, that's a form of post traumatic stress, it will fade, but you need to get out of the mental rut as soon as possible, the person who leaked the info has committed a criminal offence and you are the victim, seek help mate and get a solicitor.
 

Aada

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Yeah i do i know it's been a while but the whole thing just pisses me off and well not every day you get threatend at work, maybe i should have just thought fuck it and smashed his face in but nope i did the 'adult' thing and took it through proceedure for all that was fucking worth ;/
 

Tuthmes

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Imho the whole threating thing is another reason for her to get fired. Also another reason why you got bad managers (not sure if a good one exists on this earth).
 

Scouse

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It's pissing you off at work, after a year? Is it still current or is it all settled and the only hangover is that you personally can't let it go?

If it's current, and you're still getting abuse, then I'd be tempted to talk to a solicitor. Especially since this happened when a confidential complaint was made public.


However - you're not giving enough info. Your original post needs more detail. Exact detail. Take the time to write a post out that tells us everything (timescales, complaints, abuse, frequency) - then go back and look at how you can write it in a way that's legible and clear rather than a stream of conciousness :)
 

Aada

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I guess if im honest I can't let it go yet guess I just need to talk to someone.
 

Gumbo

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You're going to struggle with any action a year down the line, unless the whole thing has been continuing with more 'incidents' at work. Tom's a little bit right, Dwelling on the initial set of incidents for a year seems to be, from the outside, a bit odd.

Job's talking bollocks about criminality. Fancy that? How is anyone going to prove anything? Manager would argue that they had a quiet word with employee, to try to address the issue without naming names, employee went home and had a lucky guess it was you who raised it when discussing with hubby, he came in.

What area do you work in? If it's getting you down that much, try to find another job. If the same situation exists now as a year ago, how is it going to change going forward?

You won't win a tribunal based on your impression that one employee was being favoured.
 

Embattle

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Depending on the size of the company you can normally go above those involved if you don't feel satisfied with the results you got, however like others said it was some time ago so might be rather difficult now. The other thing to do is try harder to leave your work at work, which is perhaps easier said than done depending on your makeup.
 

Punishment

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First world problems tbh, get off your face before going to bed it helps me sleep off trivial stuff :p
 

Hawkwind

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You need to talk about it, the closer the people to the event the better, that's a form of post traumatic stress, it will fade, but you need to get out of the mental rut as soon as possible, the person who leaked the info has committed a criminal offence and you are the victim, seek help mate and get a solicitor.

Only worth seeing a solicitor if you have everything documented, absolutely everything and witnesses. Having been through this kind of shit, from experience I would say take a holiday and have a good long think about your situation and if you want to make a move? Can you apply a for a transfer to another department? Or location? Don't rush into anything and don't say anything to your co-workers about it.
 

old.Tohtori

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First world problems tbh, get off your face before going to bed it helps me sleep off trivial stuff :p

Well ofcourse it's first world problems since we're living here, if we lived in the US we'd have second world problems :D

Little Mutumbu in Kenya also has problems with his schoolfriends, it's not just about hunger&thirst&lonrape down there.
 

~Latency~

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shit happens, you did the right thing and were screwed over cuz she's friends with senior management

i had a similar thing at my last job, there was a shit manager who got the job as she was boning another manager, everyone knew, complained to HR about it and was forced to quit in the end as they tried to fire me.. thought about it for a while, but really it was a complete farce and i've learnt from it :d

if i were you i wouldn't take it any further by yourself, they'll fuck you over.. if everyone is of the same opinion try to organise a group meeting and from there you can refer to the BS from last year to further your case
 

Bahumat

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Don't bother with HR as they are there to protect the company, not the staff, especially if you're a lowbie :(
 

opticle

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What is it about what happened that is bothering you mate ?

Is it anger or anxiety or unhappiness ?

It's a long time to still be having issues about something like that, but I can sympathise as I've seen similar things happen.

If it's anger at what happened and how it happened, I guess I'd suggest either trying your best to put it behind you or move on from where you work as you obviously aren't happy there.
I don't think anything else can really be done from the work point of view.. and though I guess it feels brushed under the carpet, someone can't be held responsible for their mental spouse (though they should apologise). Feeling your trust has been betrayed by your manager is a different situation but I guess is one that can only really be resolved by trying to talk to said individual and understanding what happened.. Otherwise I don't think there is much you can do.. They apparently tried to do something about the situation (unclear in whose interests) and obviously fucked up.

Being threatened can also be shit if you feel you've never been truly given the opportunity to defend yourself / your rights and you feel you've been wronged with no justice to it.. The only thing I can suggest you do is to talk to work colleagues who are your friends about it and explain how you feel. I'm sure they'll understand and be sympathetic and maybe that support will help you put it behind you.

If its anxiety / unhappiness, I'd think about talking to your doctor as if it's gone on as long as it has (? more than 6 months) then it's obviously not resolving the way it should for you and may indicate you've got more going on than you think - this one "problem" could be a symptom of a little more.

I hope it works out for you. I'm sure it will with time. What did your doctor say ?
 

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