Imgormiel
Part of the furniture
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2004
- Messages
- 4,372
Found this, prolly old but still amusing....
1. Get in the mood
Cuddling does not count as initiating playtime. A man likes to feel desired too and for a change, he'd like it if his woman actually showed her interest by unbuttoning his shirt and pants. A woman should strip a man naked and strive to arouse him to the point where nature takes over. She should not wait to be asked to get it doggy-style either. A good woman will roll over and present -- she knows she loves it.
2. Lack of foreplay?
Wouldn't it be nice if women spent some time arousing their men for a change? Why is it that it's the man's job alone to arouse himself and his mate?
3. Playing dead
"Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home? Come on... I have become comfortably numb." Doesn't this give the Pink Floyd song so much more meaning? Why do some women insist on using sex as a time to catch up on their beauty sleep? Are they participants, or just spectators taking notes on a man's performance so they can report back to their girlfriends? The next time you hear a woman complaining about a bad sexual experience ask her, "Where were you when all this happened? At least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation."
4. Yanking the penis
Insist that your penis not be used as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen her forearms. Inform her that the "sweet" stroke is the down stroke, towards the body, and that she refrain from pulling the foreskin away from the body.
5. Lollipop fellatio
The male organ is a thing of wonderment and beauty, and should be worshipped and held tenderly at all times. Why do some women think that fellatio involves licking a man's penis as if it's a lollipop? The magic is in her vacuum-like abilities. Tell her to be gentle, keep teeth away at all times and use lots of saliva.
6. Brushing teeth
Asking a man to go brush his teeth after he has finished performing his cunnilingus duties is unsexy and can really ruin the mood. On the other hand, if a woman expects a kiss after performing her fellatio duties, it is expected that she be considerate and hop to the washroom right away to brush her teeth.
7. Spit bucket
It's understandable that some women do not like the taste of semen. But the most annoying thing a woman can do by far is put a spit basket beside her. Spitting into the basket every two minutes really cheapens and degrades the whole act. If your woman cannot handle the taste, ask her to stop out of respect, or rub some Strawberry/Kiwi Juice on your penis to camouflage the taste of semen.
8. Lack of position savvy
A small number of women have no clue how to move around in bed, making it very clumsy and awkward to try any new and erotic positions. This is probably due to lack of experience or participation in past relationships. When I say position 69, I don't mean to literally position her in a number shape. Or when I suggest doggy-style, I don't mean for her to bark either. I suggest that you give her a sex manual, or read one yourself to help her reach incredible new heights of unbelievable intense sexual pleasure. That, or get her an Etch A Sketch.
9. Distractions
In order to fully enjoy sex, one must indulge themselves in the moment without being distracted by menial thoughts such as doing the laundry, washing the dishes, making a shopping list, or repainting the bedroom. If your woman begins to talk about such things, ask her to go back to playing dead
10. Faking orgasm
How can a man improve his sexual performance if his woman keeps faking orgasm? As long as he thinks she's satisfied, he'll keep doing the same thing, and she'll keep faking. Eventually it will become a vicious cycle. Some women still have the nerve to complain about their men's lovemaking skills. Instead of complaining to their girlfriends, women should make it a habit of letting men know when they're pleasing them and when they're not. Men deserve some credit, our egos are not as fragile as women think. As long as it's constructive criticism, men won't mind if it will improve the lovemaking.
1. Get in the mood
Cuddling does not count as initiating playtime. A man likes to feel desired too and for a change, he'd like it if his woman actually showed her interest by unbuttoning his shirt and pants. A woman should strip a man naked and strive to arouse him to the point where nature takes over. She should not wait to be asked to get it doggy-style either. A good woman will roll over and present -- she knows she loves it.
2. Lack of foreplay?
Wouldn't it be nice if women spent some time arousing their men for a change? Why is it that it's the man's job alone to arouse himself and his mate?
3. Playing dead
"Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home? Come on... I have become comfortably numb." Doesn't this give the Pink Floyd song so much more meaning? Why do some women insist on using sex as a time to catch up on their beauty sleep? Are they participants, or just spectators taking notes on a man's performance so they can report back to their girlfriends? The next time you hear a woman complaining about a bad sexual experience ask her, "Where were you when all this happened? At least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation."
4. Yanking the penis
Insist that your penis not be used as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen her forearms. Inform her that the "sweet" stroke is the down stroke, towards the body, and that she refrain from pulling the foreskin away from the body.
5. Lollipop fellatio
The male organ is a thing of wonderment and beauty, and should be worshipped and held tenderly at all times. Why do some women think that fellatio involves licking a man's penis as if it's a lollipop? The magic is in her vacuum-like abilities. Tell her to be gentle, keep teeth away at all times and use lots of saliva.
6. Brushing teeth
Asking a man to go brush his teeth after he has finished performing his cunnilingus duties is unsexy and can really ruin the mood. On the other hand, if a woman expects a kiss after performing her fellatio duties, it is expected that she be considerate and hop to the washroom right away to brush her teeth.
7. Spit bucket
It's understandable that some women do not like the taste of semen. But the most annoying thing a woman can do by far is put a spit basket beside her. Spitting into the basket every two minutes really cheapens and degrades the whole act. If your woman cannot handle the taste, ask her to stop out of respect, or rub some Strawberry/Kiwi Juice on your penis to camouflage the taste of semen.
8. Lack of position savvy
A small number of women have no clue how to move around in bed, making it very clumsy and awkward to try any new and erotic positions. This is probably due to lack of experience or participation in past relationships. When I say position 69, I don't mean to literally position her in a number shape. Or when I suggest doggy-style, I don't mean for her to bark either. I suggest that you give her a sex manual, or read one yourself to help her reach incredible new heights of unbelievable intense sexual pleasure. That, or get her an Etch A Sketch.
9. Distractions
In order to fully enjoy sex, one must indulge themselves in the moment without being distracted by menial thoughts such as doing the laundry, washing the dishes, making a shopping list, or repainting the bedroom. If your woman begins to talk about such things, ask her to go back to playing dead
10. Faking orgasm
How can a man improve his sexual performance if his woman keeps faking orgasm? As long as he thinks she's satisfied, he'll keep doing the same thing, and she'll keep faking. Eventually it will become a vicious cycle. Some women still have the nerve to complain about their men's lovemaking skills. Instead of complaining to their girlfriends, women should make it a habit of letting men know when they're pleasing them and when they're not. Men deserve some credit, our egos are not as fragile as women think. As long as it's constructive criticism, men won't mind if it will improve the lovemaking.
's self