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- Thread starter Gamah
- Start date
DavidH
Part of the furniture
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2004
- Messages
- 2,923
A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you loos it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye? The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked, "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" The pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook!"
- English -
Resident Freddy
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- Apr 7, 2004
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- 5,263
you gamah, you! 
Lamp
Gold Star Holder!!
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Messages
- 23,269
Three men went to hell.
The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"
He then opened the doors to the three rooms.
Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.
Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.
Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.
The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.
They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."
The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"
He then opened the doors to the three rooms.
Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.
Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.
Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.
The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.
They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."
Lamp
Gold Star Holder!!
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Messages
- 23,269
A man goes to a brothel but only has $5 in his pocket.
"What can I get for $5 ?" he asked the woman at the counter.
"Nothing".
"Aw come on ! There must be something I can get for my $5".
"Ok ok. Go up the stairs right to the room at the top. Mind your step the light bulbs are out. In the room on the left. Go in. There's a girl waiting for you already on the bed. Hump her, and get back down here, ok ?"
"Sure !" says the man. So he goes all the way upstairs, nearly tripping over in the dark. He opens the door. Its pitch black inside. He spots the girl lying ontop of the bed.
He strips off, and lays ontop of her and starts fucking her. She doesn't move or say anything. "Well, what can I expect for $5" he thinks. Suddenly she spits in his face. "Ugh" but he carries on. He builds up and builds up and with each thrust she spits in his face. Eventually he shoots his load, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
"Have a nice time?" asks the desk woman.
"Not really, every time I shagged her the dirty cow spat in my face".
The woman sighed and called up to her husband upstairs: "Alf, Alf ! Better get another corpse, this one's full".
"What can I get for $5 ?" he asked the woman at the counter.
"Nothing".
"Aw come on ! There must be something I can get for my $5".
"Ok ok. Go up the stairs right to the room at the top. Mind your step the light bulbs are out. In the room on the left. Go in. There's a girl waiting for you already on the bed. Hump her, and get back down here, ok ?"
"Sure !" says the man. So he goes all the way upstairs, nearly tripping over in the dark. He opens the door. Its pitch black inside. He spots the girl lying ontop of the bed.
He strips off, and lays ontop of her and starts fucking her. She doesn't move or say anything. "Well, what can I expect for $5" he thinks. Suddenly she spits in his face. "Ugh" but he carries on. He builds up and builds up and with each thrust she spits in his face. Eventually he shoots his load, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
"Have a nice time?" asks the desk woman.
"Not really, every time I shagged her the dirty cow spat in my face".
The woman sighed and called up to her husband upstairs: "Alf, Alf ! Better get another corpse, this one's full".
Dreamor
Can't get enough of FH
- Joined
- May 23, 2004
- Messages
- 1,464
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the
stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "We don't have any!"
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the
container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her,
"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from
the container -
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM"
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the
stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "We don't have any!"
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the
container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her,
"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from
the container -
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM"
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 5,755
A woman walked onto the bus with her baby.
The bus driver said to her, when she bought her ticket "that must be the ugliest baby I've ever seen"
The woman went to her seat fuming. As she sat down, the man next to her asked her what the problem was.
"The bus driver was really rude to me" she said.
"Ok" the man said, "You go and shout at him, I'll hold your monkey"
The bus driver said to her, when she bought her ticket "that must be the ugliest baby I've ever seen"
The woman went to her seat fuming. As she sat down, the man next to her asked her what the problem was.
"The bus driver was really rude to me" she said.
"Ok" the man said, "You go and shout at him, I'll hold your monkey"
Oldie but goodie:
Dwarf with a lisp goes to a stud farm to buy a horse, "I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm.
"What sort of horse ?" asks the owner.
"A female horth", the dwarf replies and so the owner takes him to his finest mare.
"Nithe horth", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyth?".
The owner patiently picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's eyes.
"Nithe eyth" says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?".
Again, the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's teeth. "Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again,picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nithe eerth", says the dwarf, "Can I see her twot?"
With this, the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head deep inside the horse's vagina and holds him there for a few seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says, "Perhaps I should weefwaze that, can I see her wun awound?"
Dwarf with a lisp goes to a stud farm to buy a horse, "I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm.
"What sort of horse ?" asks the owner.
"A female horth", the dwarf replies and so the owner takes him to his finest mare.
"Nithe horth", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyth?".
The owner patiently picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's eyes.
"Nithe eyth" says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?".
Again, the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's teeth. "Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again,picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nithe eerth", says the dwarf, "Can I see her twot?"
With this, the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head deep inside the horse's vagina and holds him there for a few seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says, "Perhaps I should weefwaze that, can I see her wun awound?"