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[SS]Gamblor
Fledgling Freddie
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2004
- Messages
- 1,293
Also who do they dress themselves ...
ONE... Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked
for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets," said
the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen
nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head
and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO... I was checking out at the local ASDA with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After
the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider",
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not
finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that
today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She
had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE... A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to
what she was doing, she said she was shopping on! the Internet and
they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy."
FOUR... I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her
car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should
have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't
get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience
store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you
have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she
answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and
manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over
there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE... Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm
almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine
paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last
remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and
proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX... I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home
was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need
of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that
the driver had set the "cruise control" and! then went in the back to
make a sandwich.
SEVEN... My neighbour works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from
a woman in o ne of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire
downtown?"
EIGHT... Police in Wales interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and
police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect
wasn't telling the truth. ! Believing the "lie detector" was working,
the suspect confessed.
NINE... A mother calls 999 very worried asking the controler if she
needs to take her kid to the Hospital A & E , the kid was eating
ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and
should be fine, the mother says, "I just gave him some ant
killer...." Dispatcher: "Rush him to A & E!"
Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."
ONE... Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked
for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets," said
the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen
nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head
and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO... I was checking out at the local ASDA with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After
the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider",
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not
finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that
today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She
had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE... A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to
what she was doing, she said she was shopping on! the Internet and
they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy."
FOUR... I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her
car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should
have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't
get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience
store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you
have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she
answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and
manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over
there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE... Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm
almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine
paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last
remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and
proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX... I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home
was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need
of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that
the driver had set the "cruise control" and! then went in the back to
make a sandwich.
SEVEN... My neighbour works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from
a woman in o ne of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire
downtown?"
EIGHT... Police in Wales interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and
police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect
wasn't telling the truth. ! Believing the "lie detector" was working,
the suspect confessed.
NINE... A mother calls 999 very worried asking the controler if she
needs to take her kid to the Hospital A & E , the kid was eating
ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and
should be fine, the mother says, "I just gave him some ant
killer...." Dispatcher: "Rush him to A & E!"
Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."
