Wednesday joke

[evzy]

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark
boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.



Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again"

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner. " Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.................













"I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian".




Bdum tssscchhh !!

Thank you. Thank you. I am here all week!

~takes a bow and leaves the stage~

 

[Ryuno]

I'm sure i've heard that joke before.

And I didn't laugh sorry

 

[evzy]

I'm sure i've heard that joke before.

And I didn't laugh sorry

Its ok... will let you off just this once

 

[Laddey]

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to store all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen

 

[Gamah]

I smiled, a bit like..

 

[Sparx]

*tumbleweed*

 

[evzy]

Teh funny jokes are not allowed out until friday, but its ok to let a few tiddlers out before then !!

 

[Laddey]

My jokes are funny abit. I didn't want evzy to be on his own with the not-as-funny as friday joke

 

[Bahumat]

these jokes were posted a few weeks back

who makes jokes, where do they spawn from? is there a joke machine somewhere?

 

[Jeremiah]

I thought I might try lower the hillarity of this thread

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be apublic school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, US Attorney General, John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of maths instruction. "Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer tothemselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle".

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes"

Well... it made me smile anyway

 

[cHodAX]

LOL, nice one +rep for you.

 

[Cozak]

Laddeys first joke reminded me of an oooooold joke I heard years ago:

A guy goes into a brothel and says to the person running the place 'Ok I have 50quid to spend, whats the best I can get with that?' the guy is instructed to go to a room along the corridor.
He enters the room and there is a pretty average girl lying on the bed she says to him 'you can shag me, or for the same price you can climb the ladder to success'
The guy thinks to him self for a minute then decides to climb the ladder. He reaches the top and there is a room with another ladder and a pretty girl lying on the bed.. the girl says to him: 'you can shag me, or for the same price you can climb the ladder to success'
He thinks to himself about the girl downstairs and how much prettier the one in this room is, imagine what the one above is like.. so he climbs the ladder.
In this room there is another ladder and a stunningly beautiful girl lying on the bed who says to him: 'you can shag me, or for the same price you can climb the ladder to success'
No thinking involved this time the guy scrambles up the ladder.. this room has no other ladder in and a Bloke lying on the bed naked who says to him: 'Hi there! Im Cess!'

piss poor I know

 

[evzy]

~waits for the chicken crossing the road gag~

Its getting good this joke thread eh

 

[Rhori]

Laddey your jokes were allready posted here so they're old

 

[Laddey]

Laddey your jokes were allready posted here so they're old

You repped me for them a few weeks back, like 4 month back. I thought i could squeeze abit more blood outa' the stone!

and lol haarewin. thx

 

[Lamp]

All the jokes here made me chuckle.

After 4 hours of back-to-back meetings, they were a panacea for me.