Ways to turn men down

[Naetha]

Personally, I just don't see a great benefit in having joint finances. You should be able to budget for stuff together fine, and still keep separate accounts.

I've never had the urge to have a joint account (maybe this was a subliminal thing though, as the two divorces my parents went through, screams of "and you spent money from the join account on *this*!!!!" were very very common).

I guess for a lot of people its a form of security, but it goes both ways. Some people don't want to be tied up in a joint account, so if it does go tits up they can bolt and have no financial ties following them. Some people don't want to be tied up in a joint account so that if it goes tits up, the other person can't bolt with all the cash.

I've never been a big one for symbolic signs of security or togetherness (i.e. extended engagements, rings etc etc) our relationship is between us, and I don't feel the need to prove it to anyone else. When we got married, it was to (partly) prove to our friends and family that we are serious about eachother, and also so that when we have kids they're brought up in a more settled environment.

I guess some people (and by this I don't mean anyone specifically on these forums) view a joint account as another rung on the ladder to getting married (or having a secure commitment), along with getting engaged, etc etc, rather than a financially better way of running your accounts. I think me and Lee were always too lazy to bother getting a joint account anyway

 

[elisera]

Sure, that's feasible...not my cup of tea but fair play. Personally I wouldn't set up a joint account with anyone other than at the point where I'm happy to be fully settled down in a marriage and ready to start a family.

Just imo.

Don't get me wrong I wouldn't advocate running out and getting a join account with someone you have only been with for a few months, my points are questions/comments are directed more at those who are married/living with their partner in long term relationships

 

[Cadiva]

My parents are full of lost promises.

First it was moving to Yorkshire ..

See, that's where it all went wrong, you should have moved to the best county in the country

I've noticed that men/women who make less money/stay at home prefer a joint account and those men/women who are "equal" in bringing in the money don't care for it that much.

I wonder why

In my marriage I worked, we both had seperate bank accounts, I paid the bills, he went to university.
When he graduated, he ended up in a job which still paid less than mine, I continued to pay the bills, we continued to have seperate bank accounts.
We moved into a flat owned by my parents. I paid the mortgage, he paid the bills (at this time, he had a better paying job, mine was now less money) we still had seperate bank accounts.

We split up. We only have one bank loan to sort out. It's in his name, he took it out. I'm paying back half of it.

I'm now happily in another relationship. With him I paid the bills for the first 18 months we've been together. My job contract ended, he now pays the bills. We still have seperate bank accounts.

Your arguement doesn't actually work at all, sorry to say Tohtori, other than as a massive generalisation.

 

[elisera]

I've noticed that men/women who make less money/stay at home prefer a joint account and those men/women who are "equal" in bringing in the money don't care for it that much.

I wonder why

Actually I earn about 1.5/2 times my partner and neither of us has a problem with the join account

Joint, and enter into a Written agreement about the amount of funds you are both putting into it on a monthly basis OUTSIDE of the mortgage agreement.

Maybe I'm just not cynical enough yet

 

[TheBinarySurfer]

Don't get me wrong I wouldn't advocate running out and getting a join account with someone you have only been with for a few months, my points are questions/comments are directed more at those who are married/living with their partner in long term relationships

Yeah i understand the context youre talking in, i just think that anyone who places themselves in a situation where they can be made destitute willingly hasn't got a firm grasp on the realities of relationships or perhaps has their priorities out of what i would consider to be a sensible order.

Am i being particuarly harsh by saying that i wonder? <shrug> Apologies if so.

Maybe I'm just not cynical enough yet

Cynicism? Prefer to think of myself as firmly grounded/realistic.

Although apparently on all my personell jacket it says "cynical, negative and sarcastic" finally someone recognised my better qualities!

 

[elisera]

Yeah i understand the context youre talking in, i just think that anyone who places themselves in a situation where they can be made destitute willingly hasn't got a firm grasp on the realities of relationships or perhaps has their priorities out of what i would consider to be a sensible order.

Am i being particuarly harsh by saying that i wonder? <shrug> Apologies if so.

I suppose part of my way of thinking would also involve the fact that I a)have daily access to my account to see transactions both before and as they happen and b)know the correct routes to getting the account suspended should it look like things are going tits up, so the chances of him getting away with all our money are slim. Same would go in reverse for him.

 

[TheBinarySurfer]

I suppose part of my way of thinking would also involve the fact that I a)have daily access to my account to see transactions both before and as they happen and b)know the correct routes to getting the account suspended should it look like things are going tits up, so the chances of him getting away with all our money are slim. Same would go in reverse for him.

True, true. Gotta work now, boss in pacing mode and can see the screen

 

[liloe]

I would agree alot of women would not like you to spend the money which has been AGREED to be spent on other things (essential bills or other things)

But I find it very hard to believe that (as long as you are earning the money and not dossing about spending her money) that alot of women would complain about you spending money on something you want if the cash is "spare"..

Again I would say that if they are then there are more issues in your realtionship than your cashflows..

Word to that. I got nobody to moan about my hilarious expenses atm p), but I know my father likes to buy stuff and nope, my mother doesn't moan about it. I think if there is money spare and both parties equally spend that money, it's ok for both.

I'm more for shared accounts aswell, but I have to admit, there was never any case of splitting up badly in my circle of friends / family.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Your arguement doesn't actually work at all, sorry to say Tohtori, other than as a massive generalisation.

Ofcourse it's a generalisation.

You can't really base an argument on the realtionships of ALL the people in the world

 

[Cadiva]

Ofcourse it's a generalisation.

You can't really base an argument on the realtionships of ALL the people in the world

Hehe Still, as arguments go, it had a certain basis in logic. Too bad logic doesn't apply when it comes to most people.