Wanna make some funny posts?
- Thread starter Morphius
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old.Tohtori
FH is my second home
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*doesn't say a word*
VampiiricMist
Fledgling Freddie
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Kasall
Fledgling Freddie
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Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh damn, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again....for no reason." The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers? "The red head says, "Oh sure.....but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?" :eek2: 
:eek2:
:eek2:
Tsabo
Fledgling Freddie
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Why is jupitus editting every post? We live in a Democracy right? Or as close to it as possible.
Just seems a but OTT to be editting so much on an "Off Topic" forum where in theory anything should go, within reason I can understand. But talking about random stuff shouldn't get censored, should it?
Just seems a but OTT to be editting so much on an "Off Topic" forum where in theory anything should go, within reason I can understand. But talking about random stuff shouldn't get censored, should it?
Tasslehoff
Fledgling Freddie
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Can't force democracy unto something someone else owns, they choose to do what they want to do, with what they own!Tsabo said:
Tsabo
Fledgling Freddie
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Tasslehoff said:Can't force democracy unto something someone else owns, they choose to do what they want to do, with what they own!
This is true, but surely saying that something posted in an "Off Topic" forum isn't keeping on topic is a bit silly?
Tasslehoff
Fledgling Freddie
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You have a pointTsabo said:This is true, but surely saying that something posted in an "Off Topic" forum isn't keeping on topic is a bit silly?
here's an old one
guy walks into a bar sits down and orders a beer, after a short while he notices a jar filled with 50$ bills, he asked the bartender, so whats all this about ?
the bartender looks at him and smiles, well mate it's a bet we have going..
You have to put 50$ into the jar, then
1. Drink a whole bottle of tequila in one go with out as much as shedding a tear,
2. You have go out side to the backyard and pull the tooth of the old mad dog,
3. After that you'll have to go up stairs to my old grannie and f*** her brains out, since she hasnt had any in ages.!
the man takes a few moments to think it thru' and desides he can handle it, grabs a 50, from his pocket and puts it in the jar, the bartender hands him a bottle of tequila and he drinks in one go without as much as twitching or shedding a tear, after a few secs he staggers out the door to the back yard..and few seconds of silence are followed by a huuuge Growl and howel wich goes on for a little while, then silence, the bartender looks at the other customer at the bar, "man i think it killed him" but to there suprise the guy staggers back in...cloths half ripped appart and proclaims.....
shh..shnow wherez..shat old'hic..granni'sh withsh tje bad Tooth.!? hic.!
guy walks into a bar sits down and orders a beer, after a short while he notices a jar filled with 50$ bills, he asked the bartender, so whats all this about ?
the bartender looks at him and smiles, well mate it's a bet we have going..
You have to put 50$ into the jar, then
1. Drink a whole bottle of tequila in one go with out as much as shedding a tear,
2. You have go out side to the backyard and pull the tooth of the old mad dog,
3. After that you'll have to go up stairs to my old grannie and f*** her brains out, since she hasnt had any in ages.!
the man takes a few moments to think it thru' and desides he can handle it, grabs a 50, from his pocket and puts it in the jar, the bartender hands him a bottle of tequila and he drinks in one go without as much as twitching or shedding a tear, after a few secs he staggers out the door to the back yard..and few seconds of silence are followed by a huuuge Growl and howel wich goes on for a little while, then silence, the bartender looks at the other customer at the bar, "man i think it killed him" but to there suprise the guy staggers back in...cloths half ripped appart and proclaims.....
shh..shnow wherez..shat old'hic..granni'sh withsh tje bad Tooth.!? hic.!
Marc
FH is my second home
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Here is a good one to get your mates with in the pub.
Make sure they are all there and walk in pretending to be really upset. When they ask you whats wrong say
"well, I went to <insert local car salesroom> to pick up a new car I bought. I was driving it home and next thing flames starting comming out of the air vents. I started to panic as I thought the car was going to blow up or something. I picked up a rag and starting wafting at the flames, trying to put them out, but the rag caught fire, as there was oil on the rag it went up in flames pretty fast and my sleeve caught fire too. I threw the rag out of the window and started waving my arm out of the window, trying to put the flames out, next thing I see flashing blue lights, it was the police who told me pull over and now im in court next tuesday"
At this point (unless you are a career criminal or a chav) your mates are guarnteed to gasp and say "on what charge?"
To which you reply..
"possession of a firearm"
boom boom
Make sure they are all there and walk in pretending to be really upset. When they ask you whats wrong say
"well, I went to <insert local car salesroom> to pick up a new car I bought. I was driving it home and next thing flames starting comming out of the air vents. I started to panic as I thought the car was going to blow up or something. I picked up a rag and starting wafting at the flames, trying to put them out, but the rag caught fire, as there was oil on the rag it went up in flames pretty fast and my sleeve caught fire too. I threw the rag out of the window and started waving my arm out of the window, trying to put the flames out, next thing I see flashing blue lights, it was the police who told me pull over and now im in court next tuesday"
At this point (unless you are a career criminal or a chav) your mates are guarnteed to gasp and say "on what charge?"
To which you reply..
"possession of a firearm"
boom boom
LOL!!! that really made me chortle.Bubble said:
Hay does anyone know the joke about the man who goes in to a bar and puts a 12 inch pianist on the table??
heard the beginning in loads of films/books just wondering if it is a real joke?
any hoo:
whadda ya call a fly with no wings?
a walk.
whadda ya call a fly with no wings and no legs?
a rasin.