True stories!

Dukat

Resident Freddy
Joined
Jan 10, 2004
Messages
5,396
Just because I'm bored!

I want to hear those stories you people have about events that just dont ever happen in normal day to day life! You know, like when something so crazy happens you have to pinch yourself to see if you're not dreaming, there will probably be some good ones here seeing as half the regulars here are wierdos! :p

Seeing as I'm one of them, I'll go first! :D

I was on holiday in majorca (sp?), first time I'd been abroad really, unless you could scotland! I quite enjoyed it, was interesting to see other places and other cultures, and I loved the weather!

Anyway, we were out one night doing a bit of shopping, me, my mum and dad, and my brother. We'd been out a few hours, all pretty routine stuff, until we went into a cornershop like place (like a spar) to get a snack. All of a sudden this old woman jumps up from behind the counter and runs over to me and shouts "BLANKO BLANKO!!!", needless to say, I'm not very tanned, I used to be a little worse, but I didnt think I was a vampire or anything! so this woman proceeds to jump up and down (literally, she was actually hopping) and point at me and babble on in what I assume was spanish, occassionally repeating the words "BLANKO!! BLANKO!!" really really loudly. I didnt know if I was in trouble tbh, she seemed to be ignoring everyone else in the shop (some of which I thought were about as lightly complexioned as I was :(), until one of the assitants in the shop came up to me and said in halting english that its ok, and that the woman was just saying she was suprised how pale I was, the old woman eventually calmed down a bit and went over to a shelf and gave me a box of pingles (which made my day), my parents chatted with the assistant a bit, then we left and carried on shopping.

To this day though my mum still laughs about it, it was just so wierd, I cant help wondering if the old woman gave a packet of pringles to every pale person who went into the shop, or if she was from out of town, or what, but it was just so strange, I wasnt treated any different by anyone else I saw in the entire two weeks I was in majorca apart from by this one old lady, it was really really strange

Anyway, I was just reading what Cho said about vampires in another thread and I remembered this, I had to make a thread because there's got to be hundreds of strange and slightly crazy stories out there, seeing as I'm probably the least-well travelled person on FH!

So post you're crazy stories here, I'm expecting great things from you lot! :D
 

Ezteq

Queen of OT
Joined
Jan 4, 2004
Messages
13,457
hehehe blanko!!

ok this happened a few years ago near christmas i just got back from australia and was spending the holiday with b2's family, i was sat on the sofa and realised my arse felt cold so stood up and saw my lovely tight black jeans had ripped right across the arse and b2's nana (who was like 94 and looked like yoda) piped up (really loudly) "Whats she done?? Wet Erself???"


always cracks me up whenever i think about it.


other pant ripping stories of mine are:

when i was 16 i worked on a building site and was wearing shorts (summer) was sat ont eh scaffolding having my lunch and ust have sat on a nail cos i stood up and heard Riiiiiip, turned round (exposing my arse to all ont en building site) to see what had happened and got a rousing chorus of "blue moooon!"

working at the factory a couple of years ago and my trousers gave out (again) lol but luckily i was wearing long johns under them so i looke a bit like step toe.


got home b2 sewed them up for me, the next day i went to get on the bus and riiiiiiiiip....so home i went, had fun explaining to my boss "sorry im late...me troosers ripped"


i dont know why it happens to me but it might have something to do with the fact i have a big bitt and i cannot lie lol.
 

Dukat

Resident Freddy
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Jan 10, 2004
Messages
5,396
Rofl Ez, that cracked me up :D

Having it happen once is bad enough! four times is crazy!! :D
 

Ezteq

Queen of OT
Joined
Jan 4, 2004
Messages
13,457
hay thats not counting the time i jumped on the sofa and split the back of my jim jam trousers :(


i loved those ones, but i made the leg bits in to curtains for the GP hutch :D
 

Little Boy

One of Freddy's beloved
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
738
Lol okay!
When I went to spain a few years ago i was on a rollercoaster and half way round the track thingy, i was slowly sliding out of my seat, and I was literally shating myself because i thought i was going to fall out! And my sister, was pissing herself laughing in the seat next to mine! Bitch!
And at the end I saw the picture and all you could see was my head and my mouth wide open lol!!!
I think i needed a new pair of pants after that day :(
 

Levin

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
2,734
Speaking of trousers and weird stories.

Back when I was 20 or so I used to work as a roof layer during the summers. We would apply hot bitumen on the roof and then roll over the covering, while heating the roll with a bunsen burner (not sure what you call it in English - but think flamethrower with a max range of a meter or so).

This was really hard work and on top the weather was hot and sunny (after my working weeks I looked like a cooked lobster) but anyway, one day we were doing this as usual and suddenly my co-worker stopped what he was doing and calmly said "Anders, do you notice anything strange?". I was like "what?" and pretty much just kept on with the burning. Then he pointed at my leg and I look down to see my shoe and my leg full in flames, all the way up to the knee.

He helped me douse it and afterwards we could only laugh. I hadn't felt a thing, which was really strange.
 

tris-

Failed Geordie and Parmothief
Joined
Jan 2, 2004
Messages
15,260
it was new years some time ago and i was in cyprus with my best mate.

we went out on our own into the town bit and went all over getting the free shots and generally getting pissed. then we went into the main pub and we got talking to some russian woman and the language barrier was full on 12" lead lining type.

we kept getting pissed, and then some more russians invited us to their table after midnight and they had bottles of vodka. they just kept shooving straight shots at us for ages.

we said to everyone else we were with wed stay out all night, so we went to the beach and knocked up a double bed from sun loungers. slept there all morning.

on another ocassion, same mate, we were on a ship going between cyprus and egypt.
somehow, we ended up in the captains private party being showered with free drinks.
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
Crete, 1993. First time out of the British Isles, and my first outing since a series of surgeries over the previous 3 years. I was looking forward to the trip, sort of, as I wanted to go see the various ruins, sights, and general experience a different culture.

We got there, and the first thing we did was get adjusted to the heat (as you do). So, a day by the pool was on the cards... and thats were my holiday pretty much ended. I went out, I was going to grab a lounger, when some kids ran past me next to the pool, knocking me over. I landed hard on my side, and a meaty 'Whack' rang out'... I was in pain, my leg, arm and sides ached, as did my head were i'd hit it. The on site doc said i'd pulled 6 muscles, and heavily knocked my hip. Nothing was broken, but i'd be laid up a few days.

I spent the entire two weeks inside the hotel, which was quite dark during the day (bright outside, dark inside - heavy contrast). There was a barmaid who was keeping me semi-company whilst I sat, alone, who tended the indoor bar (only place I could go sit and read and not be moved on). She was... well, VERY prety, and good company, and 18, and VERY pretty. So as you can imagine, the fat, disgusting german sausage sucking business men were trying their best to get into her pants (and failing).

It was at that point I found one of my most useful skills and talents to date, stealth.

Every time they kept coming in to chat her up, i'd suddenly appear next to her (Skinny english kid with skin so pale he looks like a ghost...) and suddenly loose the will to try. Its strange because its not like I was hiding, I was in plain sight, right out in the open. She found it hillarious, I was like some 'Phantom cock-block', for the rest of my holiday I was fending off the Germans, just like my grandfather did in WW2 (I still feel pride at this).

Turns out this little skill is something i've been doing for years, but hadn't noticed it. Its the ability to just be ignored, to slip from immediate memory when I feel like it, coupled with a trained light step, I've scared the crap out of more than a few members of my hospitals nursing staff. So much so that one nurse refused to do night shifts when I was on the ward (Old, high arch ceiling and marble floor, turns a mouse fart into an elephant fart, audio wise), simply because I could get from one end of a twenty meter long ward to the nurses station at the other end without making a sound, just to ask if I could have a sleeping tablet. After the third time of doing it she complained and got a new shift.

Mind you, you can see her point. Six foot three, pale as a ghost (still), who moves silently and has deep sleep deprivation rings round both eyes... would scare the fuck out of anyone not expecting it.
 

Helme

Resident Freddy
Joined
Mar 29, 2004
Messages
3,161
My most bizarre story would probably have to be the 5 or so hours I spent on a train in the middle of the forest. Electrical trains works by the basis that theres power in the lines, to save power theres spots along the rail where there is no power at all and the trains just 'glide' by them using momentum. Anyhoo, my train had been forced to stop to let another one pass(this is in Sweden, where a state company owns the rail and any private company has to let said state trains always go first). So my train ended up having to stop in the middle of the forest, problem being - the place we stopped at didn't have any power so we couldn't get started again. It took about an hour or so for them to send a 'rescue' train which to everyones amusement(atleast mine, everyone else was pretty pissed) also got stuck. We ended up having to wait another 4 hours or so for a 3rd train to come and push train1 and 2 into the powergrid again so they could start moving. After reaching the next station, I got off the train and started waiting for the train back home(no point in going to school when you'll be there 40 minutes), and believe it or not - the same bloody thing happened. Thankfully this time we were only stuck for about 30 minutes or so due to the 3rd train that saved us the last time being in the area.

I guess overall though, that I rather have this 1 time screwup with trains rather than taking a bus that has a very, very high risk of driving off the road during the winter.
 

Marc

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 28, 2003
Messages
11,094
Wagged school with a fake note from my mum. Went to the pleasurebeach with my mate. Went on the big one sat at the front. Who was sat right behind us? Gazza and Paul Stewart. There was a photo on the front page of the local newspaper the next day of Gazza and Paul Stewart with me and my mate on it.

Got suspended from school for a week. Owned.
 

pikeh

Resident Freddy
Joined
Aug 28, 2004
Messages
5,032
Lol okay!
When I went to spain a few years ago i was on a rollercoaster and half way round the track thingy, i was slowly sliding out of my seat, and I was literally shating myself because i thought i was going to fall out! And my sister, was pissing herself laughing in the seat next to mine! Bitch!
And at the end I saw the picture and all you could see was my head and my mouth wide open lol!!!
I think i needed a new pair of pants after that day :(

was that in port Aventura?

the smaller rollercoaster there i nearly fell out of!
 

kivik

Part of the furniture
Joined
Jan 21, 2004
Messages
2,623
Anyway, we were out one night doing a bit of shopping, me, my mum and dad, and my brother. We'd been out a few hours, all pretty routine stuff, until we went into a cornershop like place (like a spar) to get a snack. All of a sudden this old woman jumps up from behind the counter and runs over to me and shouts "BLANKO BLANKO!!!", needless to say, I'm not very tanned, I used to be a little worse, but I didnt think I was a vampire or anything! so this woman proceeds to jump up and down (literally, she was actually hopping) and point at me and babble on in what I assume was spanish, occassionally repeating the words "BLANKO!! BLANKO!!" really really loudly. I didnt know if I was in trouble tbh, she seemed to be ignoring everyone else in the shop (some of which I thought were about as lightly complexioned as I was :(), until one of the assitants in the shop came up to me and said in halting english that its ok, and that the woman was just saying she was suprised how pale I was, the old woman eventually calmed down a bit and went over to a shelf and gave me a box of pingles (which made my day), my parents chatted with the assistant a bit, then we left and carried on shopping.

To this day though my mum still laughs about it, it was just so wierd, I cant help wondering if the old woman gave a packet of pringles to every pale person who went into the shop, or if she was from out of town, or what, but it was just so strange, I wasnt treated any different by anyone else I saw in the entire two weeks I was in majorca apart from by this one old lady, it was really really strange

Funny how you mention about seeing their culture, that experience is quite a good example of their culture :) While you think it's really, really strange I think most people in Spain don't see anything strange about it. That's how they are, they talk instead looking with big eyes and thinking 'shit, that dude is pale as a ghost' and they are not afraid of talking to strangers :)

Just thought I could 'explain' that, but I probably would've thought the old lady was nuts aswell if I was you :D
 

Ezteq

Queen of OT
Joined
Jan 4, 2004
Messages
13,457
Wagged school with a fake note from my mum. Went to the pleasurebeach with my mate. Went on the big one sat at the front. Who was sat right behind us? Gazza and Paul Stewart. There was a photo on the front page of the local newspaper the next day of Gazza and Paul Stewart with me and my mate on it.

Got suspended from school for a week. Owned.

lmao i remember you telling us about that...you mentioned something about having done illegle substances and i believe the phrase you used was "eyes like pontifract cakes", that always stuck in my mind and when ever i read ones of your posts i imagine you there like a little owl behind the screen lol
 

Dukat

Resident Freddy
Joined
Jan 10, 2004
Messages
5,396
Funny how you mention about seeing their culture, that experience is quite a good example of their culture While you think it's really, really strange I think most people in Spain don't see anything strange about it. That's how they are, they talk instead looking with big eyes and thinking 'shit, that dude is pale as a ghost' and they are not afraid of talking to strangers

Just thought I could 'explain' that, but I probably would've thought the old lady was nuts aswell if I was you :D


Hehe, yea thats true, it did give me an insight into the "real" culture of the area, much better than any artificial holiday resort that was basically the entire area we were in.

I was only really worried for a start because I thought I'd done something wrong, it was a fair few years ago and I was just a kid then, it was pretty funny after I realised I wasnt going to be lynched by this old spanish lady though heh :D I just found it strange, I knew I was a little pale, but I mean I never thought I was that bad hehe :D

Its one of those stories my mum tells *everyone*, even now when I'm 22, she still tells people on odd occassions, I just have to endure it as much as possible! I'm still to this day chuffed that I got a free packet of pringles out of it! :D
 

Marc

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 28, 2003
Messages
11,094
lmao i remember you telling us about that...you mentioned something about having done illegle substances and i believe the phrase you used was "eyes like pontifract cakes", that always stuck in my mind and when ever i read ones of your posts i imagine you there like a little owl behind the screen lol


Lol aye, we didnt know it was gazza till we saw the paper. We thought our minds were playing tricks on us!
 

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