Tom Thinks We Are All Doomed!

[Maljonic]

Showbiz - News - Cruise 'to build alien attack bunker' - Digital Spy

Hopefully Xenu will only be gunning for the Scientologists.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Welcome to last week!

 

[Dukat]

I've just read up a little on what it is that scientology actually is, and I'm shocked that, as far as I can make out, the piss take of the 'xenu' story that featured on South Park isnt actually different from what they actually preach in thier "level three" classes.

Do they really believe this??!?

Seventy-five million years ago, Xenu was the ruler of a Galactic Confederacy which consisted of 26 stars and 76 planets including Earth, which was then known as Teegeeack. The planets were overpopulated, each having an average population of 178 billion. The Galactic Confederacy's civilization was comparable to our own, with aliens "walking around in clothes which looked very remarkably like the clothes they wear this very minute" and using cars, trains and boats looking exactly the same as those "circa 1950, 1960" on Earth.

Xenu was about to be deposed from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of "renegades", he defeated the populace and the "Loyal Officers", a force for good that was opposed to Xenu. Then, with the assistance of psychiatrists, he summoned billions of his citizens together to paralyze them with injections of alcohol and glycol, under the pretense that they were being called for "income tax inspections". The kidnapped populace was loaded into space crafts for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). The space craft were identical to the Douglas DC-8 with the exception of having different engines.

I really, really try hard not to scoff at another person's beliefs, but seriously, what?!?

Have I stumbled onto a series of sites that are trying to make fun of scientology, or is this seriously what they believe? I know I'm gullible, but I keep expecting to see a "this article has been vandalised, help wikipedia restore it" note somewhere. Isn't this all just a big joke?

 

[Chilly]

its all true man

 

[Dukat]

its all true man

The sane part of me is hoping you've posted that saying "haha! hook line and sinker!!!!11 What a dupe!!" in real life

I'd rather be a gullible fool, and for this to all be a big joke, than face the fact that there is a religion based on the story I just posted.

Please, please tell me your not serious!

 

[Chilly]

obviously the stories themselves are not true, but the scientologists DO believe them. I myself have wondered whether its not all the biggest joke in the history of jokes but Tom Cruise is a fucking weirdo.

/edit - well, they SAY they believe them...

 

[Raven]

Sounds about as believable as some virgin getting knocked up in Jerusalem

 

[Tom]

Look, if people can believe that a bloke walked on water, and magic'd up fishes and wine for loads of people, then why worry about people who believe in alien religions?

And note that theres not really any corroboration on the Cruise story. If hes building a bunker it might well be to store wine.

You know what happens when people don't talk to the press - they just make shit up.

 

[DaGaffer]

I've just read up a little on what it is that scientology actually is, and I'm shocked that, as far as I can make out, the piss take of the 'xenu' story that featured on South Park isnt actually different from what they actually preach in thier "level three" classes.

Do they really believe this??!?



I really, really try hard not to scoff at another person's beliefs, but seriously, what?!?

Have I stumbled onto a series of sites that are trying to make fun of scientology, or is this seriously what they believe? I know I'm gullible, but I keep expecting to see a "this article has been vandalised, help wikipedia restore it" note somewhere. Isn't this all just a big joke?

Yes, this is seriously what they believe. But what do you expect from a religion started by a hack science-fiction writer who said (according to various witnesses) on a number of occasions before he started Scientology that the best way to make a million would be to start a religion? Of course, as people have already said, its no less ridiculous than any other religion, except of course, Pastafarianism (All Hail His Noodly Appendage).

 

[Dukat]

Look, if people can believe that a bloke walked on water, and magic'd up fishes and wine for loads of people, then why worry about people who believe in alien religions?

I cant believe I'm defending christianity here, but atleast the stories about turning water into wine, and of a loaf of bread and a couple of fish feeding 5000 can be interpretted differently to thier scriptual meanings. They revolve around rumours of a man who actually lived, in a place that actually existed, and atleast some of what is said did happen - there was a guy called jesus, he was crucified, etc etc.

Scientology, on the other hand, talks of events occuring 75 million years ago, of which there is no evidence, fossil or otherwise, infact there is evidence against any sort of civilisation existing at any point around the 75 million year era apart from the dinosaurs.

And whats all this about "space craft were identical to the Douglas DC-8 with the exception of having different engines" ?!?! WHAT?!

There is just so little evidence for it, its like saying "twelvety four trillion years ago there was a never ending supply of bigmacs from the planet Zog and everyone lived happily ever after, until a bad man who looked just like Darth Vader came along in his evil space ship that looked identical to the Death Star(except with different engines ofcourse) and blew it up"

Atleast with the bible(and most other religions) there are object lessons, the stories actually have meanings/lessons to them, something that gives the people believing in them a purpose.

 

[Maljonic]

Actually they tend not to talk about the alien invasion side of scientology these days, well at least play it down a lot. They usually try to focus more on the dianetics and life-improvement stuff in their "churches". They're trying to come across as a bona fide religion now and less of a "cult", which is difficult with Xenu in the background.

 

[Overdriven]

There is just so little evidence for it, its like saying "twelvety four trillion years ago there was a never ending supply of bigmacs from the planet Zog and everyone lived happily ever after, until a bad man who looked just like Darth Vader came along in his evil space ship that looked identical to the Death Star(except with different engines ofcourse) and blew it up"

Am I the only one who thinks that would make a great movie?

 

[DaGaffer]

Am I the only one who thinks that would make a great movie?

The last bit of L. Ron Hubbard fiction that got made into a movie was Battlefield Earth, so no, probably not.

 

[Wonk]

Look, if people can believe that a bloke walked on water, and magic'd up fishes and wine for loads of people, then why worry about people who believe in alien religions?

And note that theres not really any corroboration on the Cruise story. If hes building a bunker it might well be to store wine.

You know what happens when people don't talk to the press - they just make shit up.

WHY ARE WE DOOMED TOM?!?! O'WHY?!?

 

[TdC]

"twelvety four trillion years ago there was a never ending supply of bigmacs from the planet Zog and everyone lived happily ever after, until a bad man who looked just like Darth Vader came along in his evil space ship that looked identical to the Death Star(except with different engines ofcourse) and blew it up"

ZOMG!!11 Dukat is teh profit of teh gods!!1

 

[Chilly]

TdC, that's the best unintentional typo I've ever seen, given the context

 

[TdC]

I'm subtle, me! *chuckles*

 

[Gumbo]

Scientology, on the other hand, talks of events occuring 75 million years ago, of which there is no evidence, fossil or otherwise, infact there is evidence against any sort of civilisation existing at any point around the 75 million year era apart from the dinosaurs.

I'm not one to de-construct posts normally, but there was a dinosaur civilisation?

One Tyrannosaurus Rex turns to another and says, "I say, the way those Triceratops chew with their mouths open is sooo uncivilised!"

"I know!" replies his friend, "And as for the noise those pteredactyls make late into the evening, I really think something should be done..."

 

[Maljonic]

Well you never know, I always thought the dinosaurs must have become extremely civilized, built an interstellar community and simply fucked off somewhere else when their hypersoothsayers predicted prevailing humanity from the East.

 

[xane]

A good anti-Scientology website that explains a great deal about the "religion".
Operation Clambake - The Inner Secrets Of Scientology

 

[Chilly]

what a url

 

[Dukat]

I'm not one to de-construct posts normally, but there was a dinosaur civilisation?

One Tyrannosaurus Rex turns to another and says, "I say, the way those Triceratops chew with their mouths open is sooo uncivilised!"

"I know!" replies his friend, "And as for the noise those pteredactyls make late into the evening, I really think something should be done..."

Hehe

I sorta meant "any civilisation of a higher order than the dinosaurs", which is kind of like saying "any intelligence of a higher order than chavs" - eg. non-existant

Point taken, though the realisation that scientology is actually like a bad episode of star treck really did shock me enough to make such a grammatical error understandable imo!