Help toilet paper alternative?

[megadave]

I've just smoked a doob so now i'm desperate to do a poo. One problem - no toilet paper about

I'm not going to the shops so i'll have to make do with something else, but what?

Help me FH !

 

[tierk]

Err try water?

 

[fettoken]

Use whatever rags you can find and wash them after, or just throw them away.

Borrow some paper from someone.

Take a dump, then take a bath.

Take a dump in the bath

Steal someones towels and use them. Then take a bath.

 

[Raven]

Use Aoami's towel. Give it a quick rinse afterwards though, hygiene and all that.

 

[Tuthmes]

The Daily Mail?

 

[Madmaxx]

"Get that bitch to make me some blueberry muffins! Rrriigghhtt Nnnooowww"

 

[megadave]

use a tea towel in the end

 

[Ormorof]

nasty... but entertaining

 

[eksdee]

filthy, filthy man.

 

[megadave]

last time i used a sponge, which was far more effective/less messy. Threw it away though

 

[eksdee]

should have sent it to cho for xmas.

 

[Sparx]

3 sea shells

 

[Lamp]

Apparently, nothing gives greater pleasure than a swan's neck

'I have', answered Gargantua, 'by a long and curious experience found out a means to wipe my bum. The most lordly, the most excellent, the most convenient that was ever seen. I have wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf's skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney's bag, with a Montero, with a falconer's lure. But to conclude, I say and maintain that of all the torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.

 

[Ingafgrinn Macabre]

kitchen paper....

 

[xomer]

nice thread xD.

very important for the FH's community :>

 

[Lethul]

Shower afterwards?

 

[Aoami]

use a tea towel in the end

i've been in bed with flu for 4 days and the house falls apart.

 

[Ormorof]

did you get out of bed at all or did you use the Tea Towel Initiative too?

edit; as i wrote that i had an image of a feverishly disturbed person pooping into a tea towel then flinging it out the window... must drink more coffee...

 

[Vladamir]

Just had a similar encounter myself, first thing that crossed my mind;

 

[megadave]

looks accident prone

 

[Ixnay]

Do what I did.

Was staying at my mates about 10 years ago, had woken up early in the morning needing a shit, the bathroom was right next to the room we slept in.
I shouted through to him, theres no loo roll, go get me some. He told me to use my hand ( not realising I'd done a shit and just needed to blow my nose or something). So I indeed used my hand and washed after each wipe in his sink

After I'd told the fucker what had happened, he said I should've told him as they had more loo roll downstairs! Fucker

 

[Punishment]

 

[Punishment]

i've been in bed with flu for 4 days and the house falls apart.

Hey hey , you need a new teatowel

 

[Everz]

Do what I did.

Was staying at my mates about 10 years ago, had woken up early in the morning needing a shit, the bathroom was right next to the room we slept in.
I shouted through to him, theres no loo roll, go get me some. He told me to use my hand ( not realising I'd done a shit and just needed to blow my nose or something). So I indeed used my hand and washed after each wipe in his sink

After I'd told the fucker what had happened, he said I should've told him as they had more loo roll downstairs! Fucker

Thought thats what normal brummies did?

 

[TdC]

a long time ago, I was pooping at my aunt's house in the upstairs bathroom and discovered to my horror that there was no roll. after a frantic search of the entire bathroom. srsly, the ENTIRE bathroom, there was no roll to be found anywhere!

(I mean, wtf? who in sweet baby jebus' name HIDES their roll right?)

anyway, I needed to get away, so I wiped my bum with the shower mat, went back down stairs all cool and watched telly with my cousins till it was time to leave, not telling anyone a thing.

Serves them right for friggin hiding the bloody rolls

True story!

 

[cHodAX]

You southerners are all sick fuckers.

 

[Lamp]

You're all a bunch of pansies. Toilets are for wimps. Dig a hole, take a dump in the garden, & use leaves.