Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Vendo

[Oro]

These just seem to be getting increasingly ridiculous.

Order of events so far:

1) The Elf, The Troll And The Wardrobe.
2) Oh Brother Troll, Where Art Thou!
3) Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Vendo (This one)
4) The Dear Hunter ... to be written
5) The Wild Geas ... to be written

and that will probably be it for ol' Ham Fisted I think

Posting the first section of this as the later sections suddenly got nuked by having thought out the last 2 stories in the Ham Fisted Adventures and by me giggling like a lunatic when I decided that someone I know who plays DAoC should be careful what they wish for. Hit delays as needed to plot last 2 to make sure I didn't get too far out of whack with stuff. And at the moment doing lots of non-DAoC related stuff so its been kind of on the back burner. Thoroughly enjoying doing Ham stuff but got to keep it in its place.

Yes, teasing a bit. Anyway, without further warm-up babble, on with the main babble.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Vendo


Nosferum sat on the roof of the Galplen town hall, the rough stone buildings of the troll town mostly hidden by night's shroud. He felt powerful and confident. Despite the setbacks of the last few nights' hunting he could feel it in his bones: tonight he'd taste blood. These townspeople had proved tricker than he had expected. He was hungry now. He needed to drink deep and he needed to do it soon before his strength started to wane.

Clouds passed in front of the moon and the streets below grew more dim. Nosferum drew his black cape around him then he spied an old troll woman shuffling down the street. She was wearing rough tattered leather scraps roughly stitched together that creaked as her large troll frame moved around. Gah. Well, nothing else seemed to be presenting itself. The townsfolk had employed Spiritmasters and Runemasters to conjur prescience nodes around town. It was very hard for him to move undetected. This troll would have to do. It set his teeth on edge just thinking of having to penetrate the hard skin to reach the jugular, but he had to feed.

Nosferum leaped from the top of the building, gliding silently to the ground. While gliding he concentrated a little and his incisors extended from the gum tissue around them until they were fangs several inches long. As he was about to hit her, she turned as if expecting him.

Nosferum was far stronger than any troll though and he was not in the slightest concerned. In fact he was stronger than several trolls together, as had beeen proven on a few occasions. Nevertheless, he preferred stealth and an easy kill when possible.

There was a break in the clouds and the moon again lit the street. The troll woman was facing him now and Nosferum wasted no time in finishing his extended pounce. Once the fangs penetrated her neck she would be helpless. He was upon her in a second, but instead of trying to fend him off, the troll rolled with the force of impact, sending Nosferum flying into the ground just behind where she had stood.

He stood and shook the dust off and regarded the troll, who waited calmly for him to attack again. Damn she was cocky. He was incensed.
"I am known and feared as Nosferum, the vampire, and I will be feasting on you now!" he snarled as he leaped again.

With speed that belied her trollish nature, the troll woman pulled two axes concealed within her clothing and at the same time her body started to shudder and change, within the space of a second becoming more like a massive slavering bear. She howled in the moonlight as Nosferum attacked. Parrying his first attempt to bite she only just managed to shrug him off without him breaking skin.
His eyes glowed red with spite as he turned and flew at her again. Once more she waited for him to get close enough then opening her arms in a parody of a welcoming embrace she swung both axes inwards, timed perfectly to slice his head off. Nosferum's head went flying from his body, thick blue blood spurting and turning red as it hit the air. The headless corpse twitched as it hit the ground.
The troll gave a satisfied sniff and went over to the body, pulling a stake from a belt as she went. She flicked it into the air and brought it down square in the chest where the heart would be. Nosferum's head watched as the stake bit into his body. She faced the dismembered head as she did this.
As the stake pierced the heart she said, "Never heard of you."
The vampire crumbled to dust.

There were sounds of running feet and three members of the town guards came into view around the corner of the street, skidding to a halt as they saw Ma Fisted and the smouldering pile of ash which had formerly been the proud Nosferum.
"Evenin' boys" said Ma Fisted, as she returned to troll form and put her axes away."
"Evenin' Ma." said the three Norsemen in unison.
"Don't reckon this one will be any more trouble"
"No Ma." agreed the three men.
"Be havin' reward now then."
"Yes Ma." nodded the brave town guards hurriedly, nudging each other until one of them reached for his pouch and started pulling some gold coins.
"I uh, well em. I'll just give you from my own purse just now Ma and get it back at the station later. Will save you having to visit. I know you're really busy."
Ma Fisted watched closely as the rather nervous young guardsman counted out the coins. The town guards hated it when Ma Fisted visited their station. They were forced to tidy. She was notorious for inspecting them and making sure her taxes were well spent. When she found something wrong, she insisted on a refund and often held several town guards upside down until they agreed. Some of them would give more generously than really needed, and from their own purses too - in case future tax rebates might be needed.

"Me be off den boys. Keep up der good work makin' streets safe for innocent ladytrolls to walk at night."

Ma Fisted watched the guards carefully for any hint of rebellion as she said the word 'innocent'. She should really have been watching for reaction at the word 'lady'. She need not have worried, the guards were nicely cowed. All was well with the world.
"Night Ma." said all three guards together, visibly sagging.



It wasn't far to House Fisted. It was basically two cottages which had been built close together and Ma Fisted had made into one. The previous owners of the second cottage had happily moved to accommedate the Fisted's growing family and agreed not to press charges since there was no proof the missing bodies had been eaten by their trollish neighbours. Ma Fisted brought new meaning to the phrase 'missing family members'. Look at it this way: when Ma Fisted took a notion for sweetmeat, inns emptied and suddenly men found a need to go defend Midgard's frontiers. If it came to facing Ma Fisted or a horde of plated Albion enemies, the tin cans were by far the lesser threat. At least they didn't deep fry your wedding tackle for a light snack.

The door swung open as Ma Fisted approached and light shone out onto the street. Her boys were always there to greet her as she came home from work. Or else.
"Ello mother troll" said Ham and Tight together as she entered.
"Ello boys, you miss your ol' helpless mother?"
"Yes mother troll" said the boys together. Boys. Heh. They were fully grown trolls.
The inside was spotlessly tidy. Three trolls in mortal fear of singing in high voices make very good housekeepers. Ma looked around approvingly. What does the inside of a troll house look like? Well, look at it this way: troll language has four hundred and twenty words for 'fighting' and none for 'feng shui'. Battle trophies are the order of the day, the bloodier the better.

"Tight, you get the cabbages?"

Its worth mentioning that cabbages are to troll intestines what several tonnes of high explosives are to dams. The Fisted family walked the Galplen streets with plenty of space around them after Ma's cabbage stew. Mercifully, they only had cabbage once a week, on Saturdays in actual fact. On Sundays, Galplen streets were fairly empty and tracker dogs tended to be given the day off.
"Yes mother troll." answered Tight.
"Ham, the outhouse cleaned?"
"Yes mother troll" answered Ham dutifully.
"Where's father troll?" she asked.
Both trolls scraped their feet nervously and looked down.
Ma Fisted raised the Arched Eyebrow Of Doom and the temperature seemed to drop.
"Well...?" she asked.
"He's sleepin' mother troll," said Tight, "long day."

Twisted Fisted was not a lazy troll. He just wasn't very good at things. Any things. He had been called "Twisted" for years, ever since he'd caught his hands in a grinder. Since then he hadn't been able to fight or do most of the things that trolls loved which for trolls generally involved beating up anything smaller than a troll. It should be noted that most creatures are smaller than trolls and that trolls were in general a very busy species.

So Twisted became a thief and spy, practicing his stealth techniques which mainly involved trying to look like a tree. One of the maxims of spying is that often the best place to hide is out in the open and Twisted took this to its illogical conclusion. When practicing, he'd stand in the town square and tell people they couldn't see him. Amazingly, after a few months of this it seemed to work because people acted as if they couldn't see him and in fact appeared to look everywhere except at him. Twisted concluded that this meant his stealth training was complete and set off on the path of thievery.
Most of his earnings tended to come from scavenging around Galplen.

So earlier that same day, Twisted had been standing beside the road, practicing his rather unique stealth technique.

'I are big tree I are big tree I are big tree' thought Twisted to himself as he recited his stealth mantra. His lips moved slightly while he thought this. He was camped beside the main road into Galplen waiting for hapless passers-by to silently pounce on. The leather armour itched and Twisted couldn't help but feel naked, even after all this time as a professional thief. Any normal thief would have hidden in the bushes, but such was Twisted's faith in his ability to remain undetected that he stood in plain view on the edge of the road. He willed his large frame invisible. Sadly both physics and magical ability were against him.

A black horse drawn carriage approached along the road with a single driver wrapped closely in a black cape. The horses also were black. The coffin on the roof of the carriage was, of course, black. The only thing missing possibly was a glowing sign saying "Vampire in Transit - Most Gross Deadly Danger!"... or perhaps there was but it glowed in black. Who could tell.

I are tree I are tree I are tree I are tree.
The carriage drew to a halt beside Twisted.
I are tree I are tree I are tree.
"Good day to you sir." said the driver, in perfectly precise tones.
"I are a tree. You can't see me." said Twisted.
"Oh." said the driver, immediately confused, especially as Twisted had managed to contradict himself in the space of two short sentences.
"Oookay then. I just wanted to know if this is the road to Galplen."
"I could tell you but am just tree. Trees can't talk. So I got to stop talking now. Have nice day."
A crafty look appeared on the driver's face.
"Ah, but my mother's aunty's brother had an adpoted nephew that was half Hibernian. And everyone knows Hibernians can talk to trees."
Twisted pondered this. The logic completely defeated him but nonetheless he was here to make some money.
"I are here to rob. Not give directions." said Twisted stubbornly.
The driver immediately jumped down and feined fear, "Oh my. I'd better not stand in your way then."
Twisted nodded, glad things were finally going his way.
"And since I have ten gold coins in my purse here, you'd probably take it all, yes?"
Twisted nodded, breaking into a big smile.
"And while you're at it, you wouldn't mind helping a now penniless traveller know which fork in the road leads to Galplen?"
Twisted suddenly had the feeling he was missing something but having the feeling your missing something is about ninety percent of the average troll's waking life so he dismissed it straight away.
"Uh, yeh."
"Excellent," said the driver, "and if I was to tell you were my master had hidden away an extra five gold, perhaps you wouldn't mind accompanying me and showing me around Galplen to this address here and perhaps help me unload?."
The driver whipped out a piece of paper and held it under Twisted's nose. Or branch, depending on if you were in on the stealth mantra or not. Twisted looked hesitant so the driver quickly read out the address to him. Twisted recognised it immediately and announced he would be able to guide them to the address.
"But first," said Twisted, "got to break stealth."
The driver wisely said nothing.

Twisted took a deep breath and slowly said, "I are not tree."

Despite there being no visible change in posture, Twisted said, "Holding tree shape makes bones ache. Tree stealth is hard."
The driver continued to sagely say nothing, and drew upon his best poker face to save hurting the troll's feelings. Trolls with hurt feelings quickly tended to become onlookers with broken ribs.
After a suitable pause the driver said, "Right then, lets be off!" and hopped back onto the carriage. Twisted, who prided himself on his thiefly catlike grace, managed the steps on the third attempt.

And so after a long and busy day, when Ma Fisted returned from a profitable evening of vampire slaying, her dearest hubby was tucked up in bed asleep after completely having forgotten to do the previous night's dishes.

Ham and Tight sat in the living room. Though most rooms were fairly similar, the main room of the house had even more battle trophies and bloodied heads adorning the walls than the other rooms. 'Living' room held much irony in troll households. Ham and Tight knew the procedure well. Currently it was the calm-before-the-storm phase. Ma had entered the bedroom."
"What bit we at?" asked Tight, who was never too good at keeping track of events.
"Thinking its the velvety voice bit." answer Ham. Sure enough if they strained their ears they could here quiet whispering as MA approached her quarry, currently enjoying the deep sleep of those blissfully ignorant of their fate.
The two boys heard a brief quiet rumble as Twisted roused from sleep.
"Ah," said Ham, "ready for next bit." and he produced two pairs of stuffed rabbits joined by a short leather strap. Both he and Tight immediately put these on their heads, the stuffed rabbits covering their ears.
"Times me glad you tailor brother troll." said tight.
"Me too brother troll." answered Ham.
There was a roar from the bedroom, the sounds of a raging troll screaming blue murder. Halfway through the roar the sounds changed and moments later Twisted came belting out of the bedroom at top speed. The two boys winced as he charged passed them. No children no matter how old they get can ever bear to see their parents naked. Its one of those taboos like that day you realise that your parents had to have actual sex to concieve you and you start to pray you're adopted or at least had some kind of test tube involved with your conception. Anything that stops you having to think that that wizened couple you spent your teenage years abusing ever got down and dirty. 'Parents' and 'jiggy' are two words that should never be in the same sentence and no offspring should ever have to hear them in meaningful proximity.

So TWisted, butt naked and in fear for everything not normally shown in public made a bee line for the front door. Rampaging out of the bedroom behind him was Ma Fisted, in full glorious Vendo attire ie that of an enraged bear spitting more foam than a pack of rabid dogs visiting their buddies in Frothermouth.
Ham and Tight kept their faces carefully neutral while their parents passed by. After they were both gone out of the front door, the two trolls removed what Ham called Wabbit-Muffs.
"Think we should do washing up brother troll?" asked Tight.
"You wash, I dry." answered Ham.

Half an hour later Ma returned, dragging a rather sheepish Twisted behind her. The thoroughly professional headlock she had him in prevented any chance of escape.
"You know how I don't like coming home to dirty house all day I work I slave for you lot keeping your fed and clothed I just der old ladytroll I don't ask much I just do best and what do I get lazy husband can't even do washing up when doesn't bring in money and I have to do it all self its just not fair I should have listened to mother bless her soul she warned me about you Twisted Fisted."
There was a lot more of this but you have most of the details. Its a universal law that females of any species when angry lose the ability to punctuate sentences but instead gain the ability to speak without apparently needing to draw breath and an icy glare any aged Frost Dragon would be proud of. Its well known that Black Widows eat their mates, but what's not commonly known is that its nothing to do with feeding her impending young but more to do with she knows the git won't stick around after he's had his wicked way with her. Men. Pfft. They're all the same. And can any naturalist prove that male Black Widows have ever done the dishes? No, didn't think so.

"Washing up done mother troll." said Tight.
"Dry too mother troll." said Ham.
Twisted heaved a sigh of relief which changed to a painful grunt as Ma let go the headlock and he dropped to the floor with a loud thud.
Ma sniffed with ambivilent feelings between disappointment at exacting revenge on her lazy husband and happiness her boys had stepped up to the job.
"Dat's good den." she said. She looked down at her husband lying on the floor and for the first time noticed something. Frowning deeply, she leaned over Twisted, pushing her large head close to him. Twisted tried to back away, thinking she was about to go Vendo on him again but she didn't, She gently pushed his head to one side. On the side of his neck, quite clearly now she took the time to look, were two puncture wounds about the right distance apart for a human sized mouth to have made if it contained fangs.
"Twisted, where you actually been today?" she said, her tone changing from anger to worry.
"Working." answered Twisted, quite clearly a troll sized sulk coming on.
"I serious love," said Ma, "look like vampire bite on your thick neck. Where you been?"
"Ah don't be silly, I was just thieving at Gna Faste fork, got some good coin, Then..."
Twisted's voice trailed off, "I dont remember. I think I... no. Uh. Hrm."
Twisted lapsed into silence.
Ma paced the floor while the rest of the family watched her. She thought furiously. If the vampire that bit Twisted let him live that meant Twisted was destined to be a thrall or another vampire. He hadn't turned yet so there was time but she had no idea where to look. Wait a minute Ma, she thought to herself, she hadn't checked if they really were vampire bites. Given the activity in Galplen lately, she would be surprised if they weren't but nevertheless it should be checked.
"We need shaman. Time to go see Halfbrick," she announced.
Rather pointlessly, Ham said, "but he be in bed now. No seeings."
"Kind Galplen folk always ready to aid helpless old ladytroll, no matter what time of night." answered Ma, then quietly added, "or there new stone in graveyard."

 

[Oro]

Halfbrick the shaman was a venerable old troll. He liked a peaceful life. The air around his home was thick with the smell of potions he peacefully cooked up and anyone getting within sniffing distance tended to feel quite peaceful too though they would inexplicably have urges to eat confectionary shortly afterwards.

Being the middle of the night he was safely tucked up in bed with his favourite teddy bear, a hibernating Grizzly he'd captured some years ago.
When there was a thunderous rapping at his front door he didn't even stir. He'd had put in a particularly hard day at work making and testing potions and now the purple-feathered elephants were giving him a hard time. He prided himself on testing them all himself but the end result was he had more misfiring neurons than the average asylum.

There was the sound of splintering wood and a clunk which indicated Tight was using his troll lockpick. If he had been awake he would also have heard Twisted's voice full of pride saying "That my boy, Tight."
Leaving her family to sort out the door, Ma strode into the house and made her way straight upstairs to Halfbrick's bedroom. The stone flagged stairs echoed under her weight and she didn't break stride opening the door at the top.
"Halfbrick," she said, slightly louder than normal in an attempt to wake him up the nice way. She quickly realised that the snoring troll was not going to come out of this the easy way.
"Twisted," she shouted down the stairs, "Need wakeup remedy for sleepy troll. Fetch."
Twisted shouted acknowledgement back up the stairs and there were the sounds of trolls rummaging around down below and the occasional breaking of glass as they lumbered around. A minute or so later she could hear them coming up the stairs. Twisted, Ham and Tight all had barrels, which slopped water as they carried them.
"Full dosage boys." said Ma.
The three trolls positioned themselves around the bed and as one, emptied the water barrels over Halfbrick. It brought a new meaning to the word 'bedbath'. More logical species would possibly have tried a wet towel or failing that, have carried the sleepy one to the water source. Not trolls. They had the means to bring the mountain to Mohammad and saw nothing wrong with doing so.
Halfbrick lazily opened one eye. The old sage began to take in the scene around him and the accumulated wisdom of many years allowed him to zip straight past the time of day his home had been invaded, skirt around the fact he was now drenched, and lead him straight to the bottom line.
"Get lost, sleeping."
And he rolled over.
Unfortunately, he had now given away he sensed the world outside his head and Ma wasn't letting go. She reached over and with one hand lifted him up by the scruff of the neck, "We need talk, Halfbrick."
That was when Halfbrick registered the voice. Recognition kicked in, closely followed by survival instinct.
"Oh, it you Ma." he said, drowsiness disappearing like its arse had just been kicked with size sixteen boots, which coincidently was Ma's size.

Ma grinned, "I know you always like to help ladytroll and now this ladytroll need your help."
Halfbrick was hanging in mid air. This is something that doesn't happen to trolls very often as there's not much can usually lift them off the ground and there probably wouldn't be until someone got around to inventing steam engines and cranes. It had often been commented that Ma Fisted had been born the wrong gender. Her strength and cunning brutality would have guaranteed a nice comfy dictatorship of any small country. Fortunately for most of Midgard she was only concerned with Galplen, her home. Albions and Hibernians had not had the pleasure of her company as she believed 'frontier no place for sophisticated ladytroll'.
Shortly after, they were all seated around Halfbrick's kitchen table after Ma had related what they knew and Halfbrick had inspected Twisted's neck.
"Looks like vamp bite alright" said Halfbrick.
"Can you cure it?" asked Ma simply.
Halfbrick thought for a moment, "Can't cure, but can give something that will make Twisted hallucinate so badly he won't be threat when he turns."
Ma grimaced, "That don't help."
Ham said, "We need to find biter and smish then."
Tight nodded, "Yer, only way if no cure."
"How long we got?" Ma said to Halfbrick.
"Usually only take day or so. Thought you were hunting last one tonight Ma?" said Halfbrick.
Ma answered, "Got him. Think this be new one."
"Bah," said Halfbrick, "vampires bad for business. People only buy garlic, and not my cures." Halfbrick pointed at a row of potions with curiously coloured bunnies on the labels. They were named for what you saw after a few drops of the stuff. Halfbrick insisted it was a cure for the common cold, and to be fair cold symptoms were unnoticable after you'd taken your medicine. You're attention tended to be taken up with the Pink Fluffy Bunnies chasing you around. Halfbrick's medicines were not for the faint of heart.Anyone with two functioning braincells stayed well away. He did a roaring trade with the local trolls.
"We need go library next." announced Ma.
"What we need at library?" asked Ham.
"We have a library?" asked Tight.
"I be off back to bed then." said Halfbrick, moments before Ma hoisted him by the scruff of the neck.
"Upsy getsy Halfbrick, you comin' with us." said Ma in a tone that suggested arguing was a bad idea.

 

[Darksword]

its cool so far, id view myself as the vampire, except more kinky

 

[Gasoline]

Keep it up

 

[Addlcove]

great as always

 

[Oro]

A short while later, the five trolls stood outside the Galplen library. Not many knew of its existence. Its entrance was not really shrouded in secrecy, but years of accumulated refuse. The small squat building was half hidden by trees on one side, and small hills of junk on the others. It was indeed technically a library as it did contain books that the general public could view. However, most of its contents were things like Troll Battle Tactics (one word: SMISH!), the chapter list went something like this:

Joy Of Smish -

Chapter 1: Smishing, An Introduction
Chapter 2: The Art Of Smish
Chapter 3: Zen Smish
Chapter 4: Advanced Smishing
Chapter 5: Smishing And Chewing Gum Without Falling Over

... and so on. You didn't dare say to a troll they had a monomania about beating the crap out of things. They preferred to think of it as clarity of purpose. And so the Galplen library went largely unnoticed by the general populace and its Chief Librarian, Ookish, had many years of easy-going laziness. The norseman had possibly the cushiest job in Midgard - chief librarian in a town where the populace didn't read.

Ma beat on the door with her ham sized fist. Note thats 'ham' as in lots of pork type meat as opposed to her son 'Ham' who was merely a big porky pile of meat. Even trolls don't use family members to beat on doors. Most of the time.

There was a rustling in the bush beside the door and sensing an attack, Tight whipped out his war mattock as quick as a flash and brought it crashing down on the bush. There was a dull wet thud and a young blonde norsewoman flopped out of the bush, quite dead.
"Supper here Ma." said Tight, ever practical. He summoned up his powers and prayed quickly to Thor, raising his right arm to the sky. There was a sense of gathering power and suddenly lightning shot down from the sky, instantly frying the body of the norsewoman.
"Food ready." beamed Tight, "Thanes top chefs."
The hungry trolls tore off various body parts and started the eat while they waited for the librarian to come to the door. This door was not quite like Halfbrick's front door, being iron and well protected.
"Mmm" said Twisted cramming big gobbets of meat into his mouth, "perfect Tight. Still pink in middle."

It was several minutes of Ma banging the door before they heard the shuffling of feet behind the door. Unlike when they arrived at Halfbrick's place, the trolls had food to occupy them so they weren't in a hurry to beat the door down this time.
"Coming, coming," they heard a querilous cracked voice saying as it approached. The door slowly creaked open and a short norseman appeared in the doorway.

"Ma," said Ookish, nodding. "What you doing here this time of night?"
"Entering." said Ma as she walked straight inside.
Ookish looked startled then sniffed the air, "Smells like burnt meat out here."
"Nope" said Ham, "was just right." and he followed Ma into the library.
Tight nudged the remains of supper back into the bush with his foot while Ookish was distracted by Twisted's shoulder nudging him back inside with the subtlety of a charging bull elephant.

Ma stood in the centre of the library and looked around. All the walls were covered in books with titles like "The A To C of Smishing". Trolls never got very far into the alphabet before they felt the need to hit something. Troll teachers were held in high regard not just for their teaching abilities but for their prowess in the Hundred Yard Dash at each year's Galplen Games.
"Another vampire in town, Ookish. What bringing dem here?" she said.
Ookish's spectacles slid down his nose. He really had it down to quite an art now. It was usually a prelude to a long and dull explanation.
"Short version." said Ma. Ookish instantly deflated. He pushed the spectacles back up to the bridge and sat down at a desk in the corner.

"Well, once in every generation a Slayer is called. I've been training our slayer and she's about ready to hunt now. I think they want to kill the Slayer. Actually, she should be on her way back here now from tonight's patrol."
There was a slight shuffling of feet then Twisted asked, "What does she look like?"
"Blonde hair, slim, about yay high, quite tasty actually." answered Ookish.
"That for sure." said Tight.
Ham elbowed Tight to be quiet, "We think vampire got her."
"She's dead?" exclaimed Ookish.
Tight burped.
"Pretty sure." said Ham.
"Damn." said Ookish, suddenly distraught, "Years of training wasted. Noooo."
Ma grunted for her boys to be quiet.
"We need to find where new biter gone to ground Ookish. Twisted been bit. Biter just got into town today we thinks, though not sure."
"So what do you want from me?" asked Ookish.
"Land registry. Lookin' for anywhere with own stable, probably on own grounds away from neighbours and maybe owned by someone not from Galplen."

Ma knew most of Galplen and the surrounding area from memory, after all she bullied most of the local populace at various times. She wasn't looking for the vampire lair at all, she reckoned there were five or six places most likely for it to be hiding. She was stalling because she didn't know what to do next. She knew full well Halfbrick wouldn't have a cure though it was useful to have the old shaman confirm the vampire bite. She also knew that the copy of the land registry held in the library would yield little or no help. Actually, the land registry was held at the town hall. Historically, a copy was only kept at the library to make sure the landed gentry didn't start making amendments that the commoners couldn't dispute. Ma Fisted was keeping her family busy while she had time to think. With all the recent vampire activity, most of the possible hiding places had already been cleared out. There were very few places any could hide now that weren't being regularly checked. Though she could rarely be called feminine except by those with an extremely good imagination or poor eyesight, Ma had an intuition that the library was the right place to come to.

Ham wandered around the library. He didn't really bother about books. You couldn't eat them and tailoring didn't require a whole lot of reading. Ham sensed someone watching him and looked up at a small window high and saw two red eyes glaring balefully at him. He froze. A vampire. But more...
It took him a few seconds to shake himself out of his shock.
"MA!" he bellowed, "Vampire outside. But we got problem."
Ma was immediately running for the door, pulling her twin axes out, Tight and Twisted catching on fast and following her. Ookish looked at them blankly.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Follow me!" snarled Ma.
Halfbrick began incanting and for all his generally addled state he could tell when it was time to get serious.
"Why should I follow you?" asked Ookish.
"Always assist Ma." shouted Tight over his shoulder, adding, "And ALWAYS stick close!!"
Ookish harumphed and reluctantly made a move for the library door.
Ham stayed exactly where he was.

Ma ran out into the night, sniffing the air. By the time she was out the door, once more she was in Vendo bear form, senses heightened and sniffing for her prey and more than that she could feel the effect of Halfbrick's incantations on her.

She sensed the vampire up on the library roof and turned to face it. There was a swift movement then the black outline was gone. With a single leap she was most of the way up the wall, bear claws digging into the stonework and reaching for the overhanging roof.

Halfbrick was slower out the door but saw the vampire too. He could feel the blood rushing in him again for the first time in years and grinned toothily.
"How's about a lil ichor den." he said and stretched out an arm. The trees and undergrowth around the library seemed to extend and their branches reach to try and entwine the vampire as it ran lightly along the roof. Tendrils reached up but always seemed to just miss it.
"Bugger." said Halfbrick simply.
Halfbrick saw a bear-like shape thundering after the vampire, roof slates flying as it charged.
"Ookish gonna be pissed," he said to nobody in particular, "dat lot of holes for rain."

Ma disappeared into the night in hot pursuit of the vampire. Tight ran along the street trying to keep track of where she was headed. He didn't have the strength to get to rooftops quickly without losing sight of her but he was fast on his feet for a troll. He knew it wouldn't be long before the chase came to ground level - Galplen wasn't like the massive city of Jordheim were you could treat closely packed houses like a highway. Galplen had wide gaps. He reckoned he'd gained on the and stopped at a street corner waiting for them to catch up. Sure enough he heard the pounding. The vampire leaped from the edge of a house roof and glided all the way across the street to the next house. A few seconds later, Tight saw the bear-form of Ma making the same jump completely gracelessly using raw strength.

He was about to turn and follow them when a figure stepped out behind him and brought a large hammer crashing down on his head. Tight crumpled to the ground immediately. Twisted put the hammer back in his belt and dragged Tight back into the shadows.

Ma was struggling to keep up. The rooftops were not easy to navigate and she was finding it difficult to maintain bearform this long, she knew she wouldn't have much longer before she returned to normal. She saw the vampire drop off the end of the next roof and silently thanked the gods that she could return to ground level. Approaching the end of the roof she looked over the edge to check where the vampire was and how best to get down. As she looked over she realised her mistake. The vampire hadn't dropped, it was waiting just under the eaves. With strength easily matching her own, even while she wore her vendo form, the vampire pulled at Ma, dragging her over the edge and sending her plummeting to the ground. She hit hard and her world went black.

Back at the library, Halfbrick sensed his blessings fade. He went back inside the library and saw Ham morosely sitting hunched over one of the desks. Ookish was looking completely bemused.
"Thinking something happened to Ma." said Halfbrick, "all enchantments faded suddenly. Felt 'em."
Ham didn't look up, "We got bigger problem than just biter."
Halfbrick frowned, "How it be bigger?"
Ham sighed, "I got geas on me. Til it done I can't hurt Hibernians unless they hurt me."
"And problem?" asked Halfbrick.
"Vampire is Hibernian," answered Ham, "And I thinks it in Galplen looking for me."

 

[Darksword]

Ham sighed, "I got geas on me. Til it done I can't hurt Hibernians unless they hurt me."
"And problem?" asked Halfbrick.
"Vampire is Hibernian," answered Ham, "And I thinks it in Galplen looking for me."

F'in Elfs!

 

[Oro]

Twisted slinked into the library. Dawn was breaking as he entered. Ham looked up from where he sat.

Halfbrick was inspecting his pouches, checking inventory. Every once in a while he would look longingly at a potion bottle then reluctantly put it back.
"Father troll, where Ma and Tight?" asked Ham.
Twisted looked upset, "They been got. Biter has dem."
Ham's face crumpled into sadness.
"This my fault. Should not have come back. Everyone safe while I hid on frontier. Now we lost Ma and Tight and you been bit and might turn into biter next time it get dark."
Twisted could make no sense of what his son was babbling about. He didn't bother. All he had to do was play along.
"I follow vampire to lair. I know where he live."
Immediately he had everyone's attention.
"Where?" asked Ookish.
"Rocksmacker Tower. We go while vampire sleep and smish."
"Good plan." said Halfbrick, "It light now. Good smishing time."
"I'll stay and guard the library." said Ookish.
"I wake town guard," said Ham, "then we got lots to do this."
"I do dat son. You get proper weapons and I meet you at tower."
"Yes father troll." said Ham.
Halfbrick smacked his lips together, "I'll get some more supplies then".

Ookish watched the three trolls set off, happy his library was finally quiet, a little disturbed at the previous night's results. There had been a danger at one point he might have actually had to do something, which was completely against his ethos. Something nagged at him but he couldn't quite place it. he decided it was time for a nice long nap then he'd see about getting someone to fix the holes in the roof.

And so it was approximately an hour or so later that the three trolls gathered not far from Rocksmacker Tower. It was a squat ugly pile of stone, only called a tower because it hadn't managed to completely collapse into a pile of rubble yet. It was two storeys of low grade buildingwork.
"Dat one pretty building." said Halfbrick, taking a small whistle from a pouch and tucking it into his belt.
"Guard coming?" asked Ham."
"On their way." answered Twisted smoothly, "we can start without dem."
"Righto father troll."
"Biter sleep in day. We got one guard I thinks. I can take care of him. One moment, I stealth."
Twisted took a deep breath, "I are tree." and in his own mind he faded from view.
"I sneak in front and get guard, den signal you follow."
"Got it" said Halfbrick.
Twisted made a show of sneaking up to the house. Everyone was so used to him being utterly useless at sneaking that it was no surprise to see him walking down the middle of the road up to the door and mashing the lock to smithereens with an ear splitting crunch.
"Father troll getting better at picking locks." said Ham.
"Yer," said Halfbrick, "this time there still some of door left."

Twisted disappeared inside the tower. A couple of minutes later he reappeared and motioned for the other two to follow him inside.
"Guard down, stuffed him in cupboard out of way. Follow, I know where biter sleeps." said Twisted.
If the outside of the tower was ramshackle and decaying, the interior did its best to match a visitor's first impression. It was a shambles, with broken furniture strewn around and piles of rubble here and there. In the entryhall there was a stairwell leading up a level and down into the basement.
"Down." said Twisted.

Ham pulled his mattock from his belt and held it uncertainly. He wasn't much good with weapons. Halfbrick pulled a potion from a pouch and held it uncertainly. He wasn't much good at mornings. Mornings to him usually were comprised of trying to remember first who he was and then what he'd had the night before. Twisted held his mattock uncertainly but that was only because he was having trouble following the orders of the nagging voice in his head.

Reaching the bottom of the stairwell, it was extremely dim in the tower basement. Ham felt something cold brushing against his neck and spun round.
"Oops sorry" said Twisted, who appeared to hold his mattock clumsily, "slipped." Sweat was breaking out on his forehead.
Ham heaved a sigh of relief and moved away from the stairwell. Halfbrick shrugged and pulled a potion bottle, flinging it at the wall. The glass shattered and a viscous goo splattered on the wall then started to glow. The room filled with an eerie blue light.
"Impressed." said Ham.
"You should see your poo the next day after one of those." chuckled Halfbrick.
Ham opened his mouth to say something then decided he didn't want any more information and simply closed it again.

In the dim light, Ham could see this was a basic dungeon with a couple of caged off areas. In one of them was a large black coffin. In the other, were the unconcious shapes of Ma and Tight.
"Ma there." hissed Ham, suddenly excited.
"Halfbrick check Ma and Tight, we check coffin." said Twisted.
Halfbrick moved to the second cell while Ham and Twisted moved in beside the coffin. Twisted hung back a little so Ham was ahead of him. Ham walked slowly around the coffin, unsure of what to do next. When he looked up, he saw Twisted closing and locking the cell door from the outside.
"Father troll...?" said Ham in confusion.
Twisted ran to the next cell where Halfbrick was kneeling now and inspecting Ma. He swung his mattock and brought it down on the back of Halfbrick's head, instantly knocking the shaman unconcious. He began to strip the shaman of all his potions and equipment.
"Father troll...?" said Ham again.
"I... must... son." answered Twisted, slowly.
There was the sound of footsteps on the stairwell and a norseman entered the dungeon. It was the driver from the carriage.
"Greetings Ham Fisted. I've been looking forward to meeting you."
"Who you?" asked Ham.
"Oh, nobody really. Just a servant. You'll meet my master this evening I'm sure.You can call me Tikylme, if you like."
"Why you here Tikylme Ifyoulike?"
Tikylme rolled his eyes. Stupid trolls.
"You have a geas upon you I believe Ham. My master is therefore quite safe there with you. You'll have to excuse his tardiness in welcoming you but he will make up for it. Around sunset."
Twisted finished divesting Halfbrick of his items and left the cell, closing and locking the door behind him. He threw Halfbrick's things into a corner and went to stand beside Tikylme.
"Twisted, we'll be leaving this evening after my master has taken care of his business here. Go fetch the carriage and horses from the town stablemaster."
Twisted shook his head as if trying to clear his vision but did as he was told without saying anything.
Tikylme pulled out a small pipe and aimed it at Ham. His cheeks briefly puffed and a dart shot out, hitting Ham in the neck. Ham grunted in surprise then his vision swam and he hit the ground unconcious. Tikylme unlocked the cell and quickly stripped Ham of all weapons and items, then returned outside again, relocking it behind him.
"Be seeing you soon Ham Fisted. You'll like working for my master. Oh wait, you won't. But you won't be able to do anything about it."
Tikylme laughed and mounted the stairwell, leaving the dungeon full of unconcious trolls and a lone coffin, who's occupant slept the cold sleep of the undead.

 

[Jeriraa]

Always follow Ma! - Classic

 

[Tesla Monkor]

http://www.gucomics.com/comics/gu_20040802.jpg

Someone else is reading this?

 

[Azathrim]

Yes Tesla, and here is the correct link:
http://www.gucomics.com/archives/view.php?cdate=20040802

Smish!

 

[Tesla Monkor]

Whoops. What he said.

 

[Solo]

give 4) The Dear Hunter

 

[Gwaen]

i want to know what happens next and if Ma kicks ass

 

[Oro]

Twisted mooched around Galplen's main stable while he waited for the Stable boy to bring out the horses so he could get the carriage ready. Something nagged at the back of his mind that it was wrong but he work out why. He had a job to do and it was good to serve the master.


Ham could hear voices. He couldn't make out what they were saying at first.
"Wrrrkkkp yrrr dzzzy bggeer"
Didn't make any sense.
"Wrrkup you zzyp ker."
Still not quite there. Just a little more time in bed, thats all he needed. He'd do his chores later.
"WAKE UP YOU DOZY BUGGER!"
Ham sat bolt upright. His vision swam a bit and it took him a few seconds to remember where he was. The small, barred window high on the wall that was the only light showed that the sun was starting to set.
"About bloody time." said Ma, "Now open coffin, kill biter, and lets be goin' home."
"I can't Ma." said Ham, miserably.
"Don't be silly troll," said Ma, "course you can. Open lid, smish, job done."
Ham looked at the large black coffin. It was easily six feet long.
"Can't Ma, it Hibernian. Not allowed hurt dem hibbies less they do sommat to me first."
"What you talkin' 'bout silly boy? I teach you smish good. Now stop messin' and smish that biter, or I take you over knee."
Ham bridled. She only scolded him like that to make him feel like a little boy troll again.
The shadows lengthened


In the library, Ookish paused while reading Trollstoy's classic 'War And More War". He glanced up at the damaged roof and considered getting it repaired. He could do that tomorrow. Wasn't there something he should be doing to do with trolls and vampires? No, nothing very important. He went back to his reading, ignoring the slight nagging that he should be doing something else.


It was nearly completely dark in the dungeon. Ma fretted and fumed that her son wouldn't simply open the coffin and take care of business. Tight sat in the corner morosely aware that he'd missed at least one meal and was dangerously close to missing another. It has been said that man is two days away from barbarity. It would take five days of solid banqueting to elevate the average troll to something Ghengis Khan could work with. Tight's belly rumbled and occasionally he sniffed unhappily.

Halfbrick sat with his brow furrowed. Neurons were randomly bouncing around inside his head and he was desperately trying to remember something he'd done. Something that he'd prepared for in case it all went horribly wrong. Alcoholics might have a large invisible white rabbit to keep them company. After years of dedicated alchemy, Halfbrick had a whole warren to keep him amused. Not all were pink, but all were certainly fluffy. Right now one was munching a blue lettuce leaf and looking at him in a meaningful way which he'd learned meant that he'd forgotten something important again.


Outside the tower, Twisted was now polishing the carriage and preparing it for setting off. The simple task eased his troubles and he could focus on something to keep the gnawing doubts at bay.


Beside Ham, there was a slight noise from inside the coffin, as if someone had awakened and was stretching. The lid creaked and opened with no visible force moving it. Ham backed into the side of the cage nearest Ma and the others.
"Time up. Should have smished." said Ma, her energy gone now after having berated Ham since he woke up.
"Sorry Mother Troll."

Tichylme appeared at the bottom of the stairs right on cue. Its a gift all evil minions posses. It makes their respective bosses appear to have psychic powers, even if their only manifest ability is to summon a dodgy looking butler to get them a cup of tea. Said tea must never be plain old tea either. Darjeeling or Earl Grey or even Banana Maple Lychee extract. The more obscure the flavour the better. Its fair to say most evil masters are pretentious bastards.

Halfbrick remembered. He fumbled at his belt and shortly after cupped his hands to his mouth. There was a faint gleam as something was returned to his belt.

Ham watched the coffin intently. A small hand appeared halfway along the rim. Note: ALL vampires show the hand first. They never get up on their elbows to give a jaunty wave as they emerge. The hand gripping the side of the coffin must come first. De rigeur as they say, though De Rigor might be more accurate. A small, child-sized body emerged from the coffin. Ham blinked, thinking his eyes were deceiving him then he realised. It wasn't a child, it was a lurikeen.
Ma fell on the floor laughing.

The little lurikeen had black hair and dark smouldering eyes, which instantly fell on Ham. Ignoring Ma laughing, he floated out of the coffin rather than climbed and hung in the air before him like some malign cherub. He wore all black of course except for a white shirt, all immaculately pressed. Thats another gift vampires posses. They can sleep all day squashed up inside of a coffin yet they always emerge looking like they've just appeared from their dressing room after having had several flunkies prepare them for their big entrance scene. The average Vlad would look like a tramp by the time he'd climbed out after sleeping in the same clothes he'd worn the day before, but not any self respecting vampire.
"Greetings Ham Fisted. I've come a long way to meet you."
"Figured." rumbled Ham then added, "Thought you'd be taller."

"Master, the fat one has something hidden in his belt." said Tickylme.
"They're all fat." answered the lurikeen, amused.
The driver hesitated before saying, "The one at the back that appears to be talking to a rabbit."
"Hmm" chuckled the lurikeen, in a deeper voice than you would expect from one so small.
The lurikeen approached the door to the cell and instantly Tickylme sprang to unlock and open it for him, being careful to lock it before Ham could take advantage.
"So then my addled friend," said the lurikeen, "what do you have there?"
Halfbrick looked up, appearing distracted. What the lurikeen had no way of knowing was that his invisible bunny rabbit friends were currently nibbling his ears and it tickled him a bit.
The lurikeen shrugged, "You probably think I'm going to be stupid enough to put my frail little body in with three hulking strong trolls, don't you?"
Ma grinned evilly, "I are just helpless ladytroll."
"You have one part right. Helpless."
The lurikeen quickly chanted in a language most of them couldn't understand. Ham could make out the occasional word here and there. Red glowing bands appeared around first Ma, then Tight and Halfbrick. Instantly the three trolls went rigid where they stood or sat. Tickylme unlocked the cell and the lurikeen entered. He could see the frustration on Ma's face as she tried to break the magical bonds but she was frozen in place. He quickly reached Halfbrick and reached for his belt, pulling the small silver whistle.
Halfbrick mumbled. The lurikeen was amused again. The oaf was resisting the stun spell better than the others.
"You know why they call me Halfbrick?" he said.
"You're a eunach?" answered the lurikeen.
"No." said Halfbrick and headbutted the lurikeen.
The lurikeen staggered backwards. Bloody thick skulled trolls. Arrggh he hated them so much.
He recovered rapidly and spun were he stood quickly moving his arms. Tight recognised the motions, he'd seen them before when fighting Hibernians on the frontiers. Inwardly he shrank even though stunned into immobility. Trolls might only know fighting but they were good at it and magic was a type of fighting.
There was a pulse of light appeared in the lurikeen's hands, expanding rapidly in all directions. The fierce light filled the whole dungeon. Ma and Tight could not move, only able to scream in pain inside their own skulls. Halfbrick howled as the wave of light hit him. While they reeled from shock, the lurikeen exited the cell rapidly and tickylme locked the door behind him.
In the next cell, Ham smiled briefly then did his best to hide the new hope he felt.
"All that for a toy whistle." said the lurikeen. He weighed up the chances of Halfbrick having a pack of ravening dogs or wolves that could come to the call of a whistle and decided the chance was so close to zero as to be not worth bothering about.
The stuns wore off on the trolls and they slumped to the floor.

Ham was thinking furiously. He knew that whistle and he knew now the clock was ticking. They needed time.
"So what you want me for runty biter?" he asked, though he was fairly sure of the answer in advance.
The lurikeen laughed, "You can't goad me troll. You knew someone would be coming for you the moment you set foot back in Midgard. You were only safe when you stayed hidden."
"I didn't want this."
"You have to kill someone, don't you Ham Fisted. That someone is my master and I will stop you."
Ham looked down at the ground.
"Did you really think you could hide with this geas on you? We've known of the geas a long time. My master is nothing if not prudent. A geas is a terribly strong thing. It sends out ripples."
The lurikeen paused, "So here I am. And the best part Ham Fisted is that you can't hurt me."
Ham grumbled.
"Bless. Big dumb troll can't smish? For shame. What must your poor helpless ladytroll mother think of her big strong boy."
Ham felt his cheeks reddening.
From the next cell, Ma asked, "What this about?"
"Yes," said the lurikeen, "tell her. I love a good story."
Ham sighed, "I kill celt on frontier. Before he die he put quest-curse on me. Can't hurt dem Hibbies less they hurt me first but can speak all languages since need that for quest. Thought could hide and not have worry about it."
"Master," whispered Ticklyme, "its getting late."
"Yes, it is." answered the lurikeen.
"Short version Mrs. Fisted is that your son has to kill my master or his family all die. And here we all are. The part I like the most is that I don't have to even enter the cell to kill you. I can just stand beside you and melt your bodies to slag. And then young Ham will be released from the geas. But since that same geas keeps me safe around the big lunk I'll deal with him first."

The lurikeen moved to Ham's cell and had Tickylme unlock the door. A stun and a bite, that was all it would take. He was just about to cast the spell to stun Ham when there was a roar from behind him. The hugest bear the lurikeen had ever seen in both life and unlife leaped from the stairs onto him before he had a chance to react. Ham immediately charged out of the cell, making straight for Tickylme.

In his cell, Halfbrick happily smiled to his rabbits, "Teddybear".
Ma turned to Halfbrick, "You use your whistle to call bear?"
"Not my whistle. Belong to teddybear. He come get it back. If someone take it while he sleeping it make him tetchy."
Ma looked at the ravening bear currently mauling the tiny lurikeen.
"That what it like when he only tetchy?"
Halfbrick shrugged and smiled again, "My teddybear."

Ham reached the stricken Tickylme and lifted him off the ground. Hurling him against the wall, he advanced on the hapless minion. Groggy with pain, Tickylme braced himself for the final blow but instead Ham reached for the keys and yanked them free of Tickylme's belt. Throwing the keys to Ma he turned his attention to the lurikeen. The bear was tearing at the small lurikeen, but the thing of course wasn't dying. Only the sheer strength of the bear and brutality of the onslaught was stopping the lurikeen from doing anything but it was clear he wasn't dying.
Ham ran to the corner and grabbed their packs, quickly retrieving a wooden stake.
As fast as she could Ma unlocked the cell. Her and Tight charged out with Halfbrick wandering out behind them. At that moment the moonlight caught the edge of the bars and it seemed to Halfbrick such a beautiful thing.
"Wow. Moonlight. Bars. Bunneh!" said Halfbrick.
Risking a mauling, Ma and Tight knew instinctively what to do. This was a fight, and in fights trolls excelled. Ma ran around the bear to the other side and Tight got ready.
"Halfbrick," shouted Ma, "get bear off."
Halfbrick was lost in the moment. Moonbeams. Like, wow.
The lurikeen stopped struggling. The bear was still gouging huge slashes in his body but they healed up almost as fast as they were made. The lurikeen started to grow bigger.
"HALFBRICK!" shouted Ma, "biter shapechanging. Wake NOW or I be making sweetmeats."
One of Halfbrick's bunnies nibbled him, breaking the moonlit spell.
"Righty." he said.
Halfbrick moved over to where they were all struggling and ripped the pocket off the lurikeen. The silver whistle tumbled out. Halfbrick scooped it up and put an arm around the bear, whispering something in its ear. It immediately subsided and lumbered away from the lurikeen. Halfbrick retreated with it.
Ham was now able to approach the lurikeen.
"You can't kill me, you can't hurt me!"
"Blast from spell hit me in cell. You hurt me first."
For the first time the lurikeen showed some fear, "you'll never hit it hard enough to kill me. I'll drink you dry for trying Ham Fisted!"
Ham placed the stake over the vampire's heart with his left hand and balled his right fist at the same time raising his right arm up."
"Not Ham. Use full name."
He brought his right hand crashing down with incredible force on the stake driving it straight into the heart of the vampire.
"Hammer Fisted."
The vampire's body immediately crumbled to ash.

Outside, Twisted was still polishing the carriage. He saw Tickylme bolting from the tower but it didn't register with him what was going on. A few seconds later he felt the mental shackles fade.
Family.
He dashed inside the tower, rushing down the stairs. They were all there, slightly the worse for wear but safe. For the moment anyway.
Twisted rushed to Ma and gave her a big bear hug. Ham and Tight joined in.
Halfbrick looked at Teddybear and said, "Don't even think 'bout it."


Tickylme crept into the Galplen stable. He'd been watching the place for hours, quietly waiting for his chance when everyone had left. The previous night he'd managed to make it out by the skin of his teeth and spent the whole day hiding. He needed to get out of town and now with nightfall, he could steal a horse more easily. Carefully looking all around him, he made sure there was nobody in the area. Years of sniffing out enemies made him finely tuned to this kind of work. Finally, satisfied, he made his way to the nearest horse. He was good with horses, always had been. After a few reasurring whispers to the horse, he began silently preparing the horse for travel, looking over his shoulder nervously every few seconds. Nobody about.
He had just about finished saddling the horse when he heard a voice saying what would turn out to be the last words he would ever hear.
"I are not tree."

 

[Gwaen]

yey good story dude that part with that luri being the vampire was a good laugh you got any more storys on ma ?

 

[Darksword]

lol amazing story loved the ending also luri

 

[Chronictank]

i are not tree

 

[MaditioN]

rofl this is awesome stuffs, gonna host ur stories at bajs.mine.nu/daoc :] I R NOT TREE!

 

[Tilda]

I love it, its awesome

 

[Watchh]

Great stuff

 

[dimerian]

Excellent

 

[Oro]

Thanks chaps.

Dear Hunter stalled slightly as RL has taken an unexpected turn and not as focused when I'm sat in front of the laptop as I should be.

The ending was plotted for ages, but the thing that threw it into perspective was a little speech 2/3 of the way through Spiderman 2, which sums up something very nicely, and is the first time I've seen it done quite well in a superhero movie. Peter's aunt is explaining that people need heroes and even when people don't feel like heroes themselves they have to think of what they mean to others. Inside each of us there is that desire to be a hero, to be special and to be loved by others.

Twisted, though a comical character, has this deep rooted desire to be able to do something right, to be able to be a troll stealther, as unlikely as that would be.

The aim was to have an ending that made you laugh and go Raaaar at the same time

BUT just because I'm a git, I have to leave you with this thought. Did Twisted actually finally manage to stealth? Not ever going to be drawn out on that one, its my own feeble take on "Who shot Nice Guy Eddie." - Its more fun to wonder about it than be told I hope.

 

[haarewin]

Did Twisted actually finally manage to stealth?

of course he did!

 

[fortunefish]

ok ... awesome m8 u rule!

gonna pm tilda and ask her nicely if she will amke em sticky

 

[Phule_Gubben]

Last bump for the amazing stories of Roo/Oro

Thank god for having such a creative soul playing this game. Btw, do Roo still play DAoC? Anyone knows?

 

[Pirkel]

Last bump for the amazing stories of Roo/Oro

Thank god for having such a creative soul playing this game. Btw, do Roo still play DAoC? Anyone knows?

No he doesn't. Last I know is he was fairly active in WoW where he set up a kickarse roleplay guild on one of the PvP servers.

He still pops on my msn list every now and then I'll point him to your post next time he does