Time travel a reality?

D

dysfunction

Guest
'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003 By CHAD KULTGEN NEW YORK

-- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall
Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256! Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider. "But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a
portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources." The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs. "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession. Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune. "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS. All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft." However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.
 
L

Lester

Guest
Glen.


This was posted two months from now. fs.
 
S

Summo

Guest
believe.jpg
 
O

old.D0LLySh33p

Guest
Summo always makes me laff :)

Good read by the way dys!
 
G

gremlin

Guest
I want to believe..

believe-mgf.jpg

..but i cant since it's clearly a hairdressers car.
 
S

Summo

Guest
I agree with you completely, grem.

That's an MGF.

:p
 
L

leggy

Guest
hehe lest

Those are some serious photoshop.. sorry ..paint skills.
 
D

doh_boy

Guest
Originally posted by dysfunction
'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003 By CHAD KULTGEN NEW YORK

<stuff>



*makes film of the story*
 
N

nath

Guest
Its been done loads before..

Timecop, I think, featured this guys story at the start.
 
B

bigfoot

Guest
/me bans Wij for image he was going to post on may 3rd.
 
W

Wij

Guest
/me posts pictures of Bif in the n00d in last years threads
 
T

TedTheDog

Guest
The original is here and its interesting to see its in the "Entertainment News & Gossip" category.
 
T

Trebz

Guest
Originally posted by TedTheDog
The original is here and its interesting to see its in the "Entertainment News & Gossip" category.

All there news goes under that category though, so its now less interesting.
 
N

NaveT

Guest
However its written originally by.Weekly World News

Some interesting articles...

Space Alien Mummy Stuns Scientists!
Schools Will Soon Force Your Kids To Take Drugs!
America's running out of supermodels
 
T

Trebz

Guest
Originally posted by Lester
*their*

Oh no! I've made another grammatical error in one of the millions of lines of text I've ever written on a pc, it breaks my heart, truly.
 
P

plightstar

Guest
But he would know if he would get caught, but and avoid it, but what happens is that he ha effect a near infinite possible futures, causing the world to explode to two days.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



That was good to get out of my system.
 

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