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[TdC]

 

[Raven]

Got a girl in the office from Dundee, why can't all Scots talk like her instead of sounding like they are eating a tumble dryer on spin.

 

[Hawkwind]

exactly what our cat does when she doesn't get immediate attention, thanks for chuckle.

 

[Hawkwind]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comedy/comedians/30-great-one-liners/

As these things are a pain to run through on the website:

Groucho Marx (1890-1977): 'I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.'
Peter Kay (2 July 1973-): 'My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.'
Tommy Cooper (1921-1984): 'I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.'
Woody Allen (1 December 1935-): 'Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.'
Billy Connolly (24 November 1942-): 'My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.'
WC Fields (1880-1946): 'Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.'
Tony Hancock (1924-1968): 'This radio lark's a wonderful hobby, y'know. I've got friends all over the world, all over the world... none in this country, but friends all over the world.'
Les Dawson (1931-1993): 'My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.'
Spike Milligan (1918-2002): 'Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.'
Dorothy Parker (1893-1967): 'If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.'
Gore Vidal (1925-2012): 'Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.'
Bob Newhart (September 5, 1929-): 'I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.
Jimmy Carr (15 September 1972): 'I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". '
Ken Dodd (8 November 1927-): 'I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.'
Noel Coward (1899-1973): 'Never trust a man with short legs… his brain’s too near his bottom.'
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900): 'The English country gentleman galloping after a fox is the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.'
Eric Morecambe (1926-1984): 'I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.'
Mark Twain (1835-1910): 'Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.'
Bob Hope (1903-2003): I remember my staff asking me when I was going to retire. I said when I could no longer hear the sound of laughter. He said: "That never stopped you before".
Joan Rivers (June 1933- September 2014): 'The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.'
George Carlin (May 1937- June 2008) 'Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.'
Mae West (1893-1980): 'I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.'
Terry Jones (1 February 1942-): 'He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!' (in Monty Python's Life Of Brian)
Jay Leno (April 28, 1950-): 'Politics is just show business for ugly people.'
Kenneth Williams (1926-1988): 'Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!'
Jack Dee (24 September 1961-): 'The film industry is like Anne Robinson - always on the lookout for a new face.'
Jerry Seinfeld (April 29, 1954-): 'I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.'
Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil's Dictionary (1842-1913): 'War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.'
Homer Simpson (1987-): 'Trying is the first step towards failure.'
Oliver Hardy (1892-1957) to Stan Laurel (1890-1965): 'Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.'

 

[Trem]

Got a girl in the office from Dundee, why can't all Scots talk like her instead of sounding like they are eating a tumble dryer on spin.

Is she attractive? I think that may have something to do with how you are processing her voice. I do find a soft Scottish accent on a lady nice.

I can't wait for @TdC to finish his operation it seems like it's been years that he's been pre-op, I know the vagina is the important and difficult part but I just want some boobs there to go with his Jock/clog accent

 

[Gwadien]

Cunt of a guy, but yeah, I agree. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-34718933

 

[Moriath]

Cunt of a guy, but yeah, I agree. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-34718933

There are such things as zero sugar coke. I dont see why he has any right to stop advertising unless its blocked universally.

 

[Raven]

Why?

I have a can of coke once in a while, not died once.

If people are too stupid to not drink 10 litres a day then frankly...Darwinism.

 

[Gwadien]

Because it's marketing that's targeting children to drink unhealthy drinks.

Let's go back to tradition and have the lorries as Green and advertise Coke Life (Even though that might have questionable stuff in it)

 

[Raven]

They aren't unhealthy unless you consume silly amounts. Shit parents are shit though.

The culture of blame someone else doesn't help either.

 

[Gwadien]

They aren't unhealthy unless you consume silly amounts. Shit parents are shit though.

The culture of blame someone else doesn't help either.

I think there's a distinct difference between shit parenting and sub concious advertising.

What about the people my age who have grown up with this Coke advertising and drink copious amounts of it daily? Is that still the parents fault?

 

[Raven]

No, its their own fault for being retarded.

Darwinism.

If you think advertising is bad now for sugary drinks, try looking back to the 80s or 90s, much worse and there wasn't the neuroticism that is around these days where everything is going to kill us and wont somebody think of the children.

 

[Tom]

There are such things as zero sugar coke. I dont see why he has any right to stop advertising unless its blocked universally.

Nobody suggested he had any right to "stop advertising". But he has a right to voice his opinion, and that's what he's done.

And good for him tbh, sugary drinks turn you into @Trem.

 

[Gwadien]

We should bring back advertisement for smoking, because it has no effect.

 

[Moriath]

Nobody suggested he had any right to "stop advertising". But he has a right to voice his opinion, and that's what he's done.

And good for him tbh, sugary drinks turn you into @Trem.

Except his voice carrys more weight as he is an MP. unless he can prove that this stance is reflecting the majority of his constituents he shouldnt put it out there imo. As he is paid to be democratically representative. Not push his own agenda.

 

[Gwadien]

Except his voice carrys more weight as he is an MP. unless he can prove that this stance is reflecting the majority of his constituents he shouldnt put it out there imo. As he is paid to be democratically representative. Not push his own agenda.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxS-Tow-Qik

 

[Tom]

So what if his voice carries more weight? He's there to represent his constituents in Parliament. If he feels strongly about an issue then he's quite right to speak about it.

Jesus you don't half talk some shit.

 

[Ormorof]

Was an interesting article on beeb about coca cola in mexico - since the north american trade agreement opened up the market for cheap fizzy drinks obesity has exploded in mexico

And their health minister is on the board of a diabetes campaign group funded by coca cola

Seemed to be of opinion that the sugary drinks industry is fighting a battle same as tobacco was back in the day

I cant stand the sugar free versions of coke they taste awful

 

[Gwadien]

So what if his voice carries more weight? He's there to represent his constituents in Parliament. If he feels strongly about an issue then he's quite right to speak about it.

Jesus you don't half talk some shit.

Just realised, he's a Labour MP inint, probably explains the response

 

[Gwadien]

He's an MP that has expressed his concern, which is totally against the grain and the vast majority of people will not support him but whether you like it or not, he's attaching a personal experience for the betterment of everyone else; where would the political slant be in this?

I can only applaud him for it.

 

[DaGaffer]

It's an ongoing battle to stop your kids loading up on sugar; even when you're strict about it, (and I am, except for Halloween and special occasions) you turn your back and every other fucker is shovelling it down them. I had a set to with my father in law about it only yesterday but apparently I'm the bad guy because "its only a treat". Problem is its only a treat and the next thing you know its a routine and then you're wheeling them to fat camp on a forklift.

 

[Raven]

He should stop nannying people and get on with his job.

People should be free to make up their own ideas, after being guven the facts. Banthisfilth knee jerk bollocks is annoying.

 

[Gwadien]

It's an ongoing battle to stop your kids loading up on sugar; even when you're strict about it, (and I am, except for Halloween and special occasions) you turn your back and every other fucker is shovelling it down them. I had a set to with my father in law about it only yesterday but apparently I'm the bad guy because "its only a treat". Problem is its only a treat and the next thing you know its a routine and then you're wheeling them to fat camp on a forklift.

I can even recall when I was like 7-8ish, and friends used to come round my house, and they'd be like 'Oh, can I have some crisps, or chocolate?' and my mum would be like 'lol we don't have that shit'

Parents would be shocked.

 

[Ormorof]

Politicians serve first and foremost themselves, the fact that he was elected usually leads them to have the idea "i was elected so everyone who voted for me must think exactly like me, thus my opinions should be spewed everywhere!"

 

[Gwadien]

Politicians serve first and foremost themselves, the fact that he was elected usually leads them to have the idea "i was elected so everyone who voted for me must think exactly like me, thus my opinions should be spewed everywhere!"

He's in one of the safest seats in the UK, he can say everyone should die in a massive fire, and he'd still be elected.

 

[Ormorof]

Exactly, there should be a term limit for all political jobs tbh

 

[Trem]

We should bring back advertisement for smoking, because it has no effect.

It's all locked up now in the shops. It's ok I guess but I don't understand why tobacco but not booze, alcohol is way more damaging socially and economically. Honestly if smoking is so bad (which it is) they should just outright ban it, make it illegal. I for one won't arrange a dealer for a pack of ciggies. Fucking big cupboard filled with tobacco just makes the kids want the secret things more. It's just.....oh and that idea of plain packets to make them less attractive to children, I bet the conterfeiters were cumming in their pants at the thought of plain white packs.

We all know why they won't ban it though don't we? We also know why they don't want you buying your baccy off Bob in the pub don't we? It isn't because they are worried about you smoking dodgy Chinese stuff it's because they are worried about the revenue they aren't getting.

Fucking legalise marijuana and ban tobacco and alcohol and be done with it.

 

[Gwadien]

It's all locked up now in the shops. It's ok I guess but I don't understand why tobacco but not booze, alcohol is way more damaging socially and economically. Honestly if smoking is so bad (which it is) they should just outright ban it, make it illegal. I for one won't arrange a dealer for a pack of ciggies. Fucking big cupboard filled with tobacco just makes the kids want the secret things more. It's just.....oh and that idea of plain packets to make them less attractive to children, I bet the conterfeiters were cumming in their pants at the thought of plain white packs.

We all know why they won't ban it though don't we? We also know why they don't want you buying your baccy off Bob in the pub don't we? It isn't because they are worried about you smoking dodgy Chinese stuff it's because they are worried about the revenue they aren't getting.

Fucking legalise marijuana and ban tobacco and alcohol and be done with it.

Alcohol is too established in society - imagine the city centres if you removed alcohol.

I think you're right though, I think the Americans have such a large role in cigarettes that banning them would be a great deal more feasible then banning alcohol, simply because of the amount of people employed in the 'Alcohol' industry - Not just brewerys; logistics, pubs, clubs, bars, restaurants etc etc.

Besides, the only reason why I mentioned cigarettes is because reading between the lines, people drinking coke, and children drinking coke is solely down to the teaching of parents, not to do with advertisement.

Coca Cola has already made modern 'X-mas' (By the way, I found a 18th century reference to 'X-mas' the other day, interesting.) it's not just the joyous advert being on TV and thinking yay Christmas is near, it's because when the Coca Cola lorry comes, they give you merchandise and free drinks, if it was just the lorry, that'd be fantastic thanks.

 

[Gwadien]

Well I never knew this;


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4LvwXYmt3Q

 

[Scouse]

ban ... alcohol

Because that worked so well in 1920's america...

Banning anything is self-defeating.

imagine the city centres if you removed alcohol.

View: https://youtu.be/skxqbkpLE90?t=15