The Wild Geas!

[Lakashnik]

wht he said ^^

i know its been holidays and u deserve time off etc roo.
but god damn it if i dont have more story by the end of the month im gonna go psycho on joo!!!!!
well not really cos then would never find out ending
pweeeeeezzzzzz roooooo

 

[Gasoline]

Oi, Roo! Come back...at ONCE! we're missing you

 

[Oro]

For all the patrons of the tavern were of races that the brothers Fisted didn't normally associate with, it was similar in most of the significant ways to taverns everywhere. Drunks tried vainly to impress barmaids with their charm and sour breath while others squared up to each other in the ancient ritual of sorting the pecking order - if you ended up horizontal, you weren't at the top. Here and there females either tried to assert their independance and equality by buying a drink once in a blue moon or used other gifts to gain drinks from hopeful men.
Ham approached the bar, slightly uncertainly.
"Allo. Beer."
"Name's not beer." said the barman, smirking. The barman's bright orange shirt was just a little too tight and hugged his contours.
Ham thought for a moment then grinned.
"Allo. Beer. Now." then he leaned forward, "Keep it up little celt and it free drink for all when I shoves that tap so far up your arse you squirt beer out of nose for next month."
The barman regarded Ham for a moment in surprise. Technically, he could have the huge firbolg beaten up at any moment with one call. He realised that he would still be enjoying a beer enema before that help actually arrived.
Ham grinned happily as he took the tankard when the barman had finished pouring and said to himself, "Just like home."
"Sure. Friend." said the barman, smiling and oily once again.
Ham gazed around the bar. Tight slurped his beer and made many lip smacking and gurgling noises, similar to a baby with its bottle. Same contents as Tight's bottle held when he was a baby too.
"So then," said Ham to the barman, "friendly village this. Nice for circus."
The barman began polishing glasses. Really he should have washed them first, but he just liked to pose. He made flexing motions while he polished, sometimes holding a pose for anything up to a whole minutes.
"Sure is." said the barman, arms holding a bow position.
"Uh. Yeh." said Ham, confused at the strange way the barman was moving.
"You fellows putting on a show then for us poor countryfolk tomorrow then?" asked the barman, making a perfect bulldog pose.
"Yer." said Ham. They expected to be long gone by the next night.
"Think many will come see us?" asked Ham.
"Absolutely," said the barman. The whole village is buzzing."

Ham noticed out of the corner of his eye, a female firbolg had sidled up to Tight and was making with the cow eyes. Tight grinned at her giving her his best come hither look, which was only slightly less disturbing than the expression a sabretooth might have after it sat on a bed of thistles. What a sabretooth would be doing sitting on a bed of thistless is neither here nor there. Regardless, sane men trembled at a happy Tight, given his favourite passtime culminated in heads flying different directions from the bodies they used to belong to. More advanced civilisations would have labelled Tight a sociopathic psychotic with bipolar disorder. In Midgard, he was just Joe Average.
Ham had only managed to teach tight one word in Hibernian so far, after all their weeks travelling.
Tight looked wide eyed at the female firbolg.
"Drink?" he said hopefully, ini Hibernian.
"Oooh ta. Don't mind if I do."
Tight motioned for the barman and held up his tankard and also pointed at the female."
"Usual please Sheepfur" said Tight's new friend.
"Sure thing Besz." answered the barman, striking an impressive flex.
The barman poured another tankard for Tight, and the same for the Besz.
Tight nodded approvingly. He liked a woman that could hold her drink. He preferred when they held a drink for him, but it would be rude on first meeting to expect that.
Sheepfur struck a pose as if he was the captain of a ship staring into the distance after handing over the drinks.
"Two silver." he said.
Tight didn't need to speak Hibernian to know it was time to pay for the drinks. Being a perfect gentletroll he turned and looked hopefully at Besz. Besz was suddenly discomfited by the horrible feeling she was going to have to pay for not only her own drink, but also that of this firbolg. This wasn't the plan.
Sheefur waited patiently, he looked good in this particular pose. Tight smiled and raised his tankard at her.
"Put it on my tab, Sheepfur." sighed Besz. Recovering quickly she smiled her best heart melting smile and said to Tight, "You'll get the next round, my big handsome firbolg then, yes?"
Tight had absolutely no idea what she was saying and nodded vigorously.

Ham silently sipped his own beer. He needed Tight and his new friend to finish with the barman so he could get on with pumping him for information.
"Greetings, friend." said a voice at Ham's shoulder.
Ham turned and saw nothing. He was tired of the comedy routine where someone turns around, can't see anyone and it always ends up being a short arse of some description below the field of vision. In this case, a lurikeen, who played his part in the tired old joke to perfection.
"Down here mate."
"Oh. Another garden gnome that got lost." said Ham tersly. This was interfering with his attempt at information mining.
"OI!" said the lurikeen, "I'll have you know NONE of my family have ever taken up the fishing trade."
"Apologies," said Ham. Then he added, "So you local here?"
"No, passing through."
"Oh?" said Ham.
"Maximus Small. Purveyor." said the lurikeen.
Ham opened his mouth and closed it again. The lurikeen regarded him closely for any sign of a smirk. This is where troll stupidity helped a huge amount. It usually took a troll so long to get any joke that many regarded them (mistakenly) as being polite,
"Purveyor of what, Max?" asked Tight.
"Herpetological accessories." he answered.
"What, ointment for Ladyrot and stuff?"
"Gah, everyone says that." huffed Max, "No. Snake things. Cages, snares, antivenom, all that good ol' stuff. No alchemist should be without my wares. You should see the latest Mark II Cagesnare, beats the arse off that shoddy contraption they're punting out in Tir Na Nog. Folds flat, sturdy..."
Ham felt his eyes glazing over as Max waxed lyrical about his products. Why did this always happen to Ham in bars, he thought. He was like flypaper for random bores. Max's drone washed over Ham as he waited for the barman to finish serving Tight. Ham looked at Tight. He saw the barman serving him again, briefly followed by a cross look on the female firbolg's face which was quickly changed to a sweet smile as Tight turned back from the bar. Ham wished he knew how his deranged brother did it. Tight couldn't even speak the language.

Tight was enjoying himself immensely. He had no idea what this firbolg woman was rabbiting on about, but she kept buying him beer. He liked her. He randomly nodded and grunted when she was speaking, which it has to be said is all that is generally required of any male when a woman is speaking. With each beer, she became just a bit more trollish, and Tight found himself warming to her.
"You're probably one of the most eloquent men I've ever met." said Besz.
Tight nodded and smiled. Lots of eye contact, that was the key.
"You with the circus then?" asked Besz.
Tight nodded and grunted to accent his confirmation.
"I bet you get a lot of women following you around."
Tight reckoned it was time for a bit of variation and shook his head.
Besz's eyes opened in surprise, "My, a big strapping firbolg like yourself? I'd have thought they would all be after you."
Tight shrugged. Besz noticed the way his whole torso heaved when he did so. He didn't talk much but he seemed a good listener, really able to understand what a woman wanted in a man.
At Tight's feet, was an increasingly grizzly hound. Jugulator was desperately trying to be a good dog, but there was a female shaped threat competing for his master's attention. This would not do. He kept his head down and snuffled unhappily, all the time his eyes glowing a baleful red towards Besz.

Sitting in the most shadowfilled corner of the inn, was a shadowy figure wearing a cloak and smoking a pipe. Shadowy figures must smoke and absolutely must wear cloaks. There's a code to these things, you know. This shadowy figure had nothing to fear here, it was just someone with a new hobby. The great thunder god, Thor, of Midgard, was still completely failing to get off with anyone and since these troublesome trolls had taken up so much of his attention lately, he decided he'd watch how they proceeded. He had kept an eye on them all the way from Midgard to Hibernia and had now manifested himself as a Celt, purely to observe them at close quarters. He was studying Tight with great interest. He observed the laconic, laid back act, the set of the shoulders, the way this female seemed to swoon almost constantly in his prescence. How in Odin's name could this brute attract women, yet a god of his stature and reputation failed completely to get anywhere with even a simple peasant girl. Thor grudgingly admitted Tight was playing the girl to perfection. Mean, moody and mysterious, giving nothing away, stroking her desire by teasing her to find out more about him. Class player that troll. Even though he looked like a firbolg just now. This also troubled Thor. He didn't like that anyone except gods could change their shape to suit. He needed to have words with that seal. Over dinner. The words would be "Mmm tastes like chicken". Thor chuckled to himself as he considered how magnificently cool he would look enjoying roast seal. OH NICE MOVE, thought Thor to himself. Tight got Ham to buy a round and mumbled something to Ham quietly while the firbolg woman was powdering her nose. Godsdamn he was a smooth operator.

Tight leaned over to Ham and belched in his ear.
Ham rolled his eyes, "More beer Brother Tr...Firbolg?"
Tight grinned and nodded.
"I'll set up a couple shall I, save you the bother?" hissed Ham sarcastically.
Tight's head bobbed up and down in agreement, "Ta." he slurred.
Ham rolled his eyes. Max was still blathering on. He couldn't attract the barman's attention except for brief moments. Salesmen everywhere had that effect. Their conversation was so fertile it steamed gently in a warm room. All that was missing now was for Max to spot a barmaid so he could tell her 'his wife didn't understand him' as he tried to hit on her. Sheepfur was currently striking a very impressive swan type pose, while still managing to polish glasses.
Max banged his tankard on the counter, "Oi, Sheepfur, if you're not too busy there..."
Sheepfur ambled along the bar towards them. Max asked Ham if he wanted another, and Ham decided he might as well.
"How's the spy business then Sheepfur?" asked Max, with a mischevious glint in his eye.
"Shhhh" answered Sheepfur, good naturedly.
"Got to be the worst kept secret in Hibernia, Sheepy."
Sheepfur glowered at Max, poured the drinks, then went back to his flexing at the other end of the bar.
"What's that all about?" asked Ham.
"Ol Sheepfur here reckons he's really an infiltrator from Albion, one of the best assassins and spies they ever had."
"Oh" said Ham, "Bit dangerous for people to know that I would have thought."
"Yeh well, if he's a spy, my Aunty Beety is queen of Tir Na Nog. Sheepy there poses all the time and can't lift a sword to save himself."
On cue, Sheepfur polished another glass while miming a weightlifter with terminal piles under each armpit.
Ham looked sceptically at Sheepfur, "That's not a flex. Seen more impressive kobolds."
"Oh" said Max, immediately interested, "You've been on the frontiers then?"
Ham eyed Max before slowly answering, "Seen my share."
"Been in many fights then?"
"Not really, not a fighter. Tailor. Just been around."
"You seen any trolls then? I hear they're big ugly brutes that can tear your arms out of your sockets in a single motion."
Ham immediately thought of his uncle Krill but suppressed the image.
"Always thought trolls look kind of handsome, myself." said Ham.
Max's eyebrows shot up, "You must be joking?"
Ham caught himself, "Hehe, yeh, joking. They uuuugleeee."
He paused a moment, "Anyway, we got some live ones in the circus. Come to the show tomorrow night and you see for yourself."
Max grinned, "Oh the show is tomorrow night? Bah I will miss it, have to head down to Howth."
Ham said, "Oh, shame. You'd really like it. Say, I wonder if any of the local nobles will go. Always seem to get a better performance out of the crew if they do. Think Lord Banak will be there?"
Max shrugged, "Don't know. I had a load of stuff for his household, but he's not here. Can't make the sale without his say so on the order so will have to swing by here again on my way back from Howth later in the month."
Ham felt panic rising.
"He's not in mBeo?"
"No, some flunky up at his place told me he's in Tir na Nog, not due back until the day after. I can't wait, got a customer in Howth I promised I'd see."
Ham inwardly cursed, while trying to appear to maintain his composure, "That's really annoying."
"Yeh," agreed Max, "I've got to lug his stuff in my cart all the way south then back again, just because he's not where he said he would be."
This was a very real problem. The plan was to be on their way by dawn the next day. The circus was scheduled to give a show the following night, and there was no show to give.
Ham gulped down his drink, "Well, long day tomorrow, got to be up early. So long and thanks for sharing a chat with this tired firbolg."
Ham stood up quickly and made for the door. He was halfway there when he remembered his brother.
"Brother, time to go." he said to Tight.
Tight didn't even turn to face Ham, but waved him away. By this point, Besz was deep in his arms. Both seemed to be enjoying this.
"Brother, we don't have time for this."
Besz turned to Ham, "Oh begone, you're just jealous of this magnificent firbolg."
Ham's mind went blank. His stupid brother had pulled in a village where he couldn't even speak the language and wasn't even the same species as the inhabitants. Arrrgh.
"Time to leave, brother..." said Ham.
Trying not to appear tipsy, Besz looked mischeviously at Ham, "Mmm yes, maybe it is."
With that she snuggled further into Tight's arms then took his hand, "Lets go big fella. You can show my your circus tricks." She took Tight's hand and led him to the door, past the now angry Ham. Jugulator dutifully followed at Tight's heels, looking for an opening where his master wasn't looking so he could rip the woman's throat out. The look he gave her was not disimilar to Ham's.

Back in the corner, Thor laughed. Right. Time to try this out. He spied a likely Celt wench at the far side of the inn sitting by herself and crossed over to her. He was wearing the body of a finely muscled Celt himself and expected no difficulty. Approaching her, he made sure that his cloak fell back to show himself off. He leaned across the table at which she was sitting and said, "Drink?"
She smiled at him and looked just over his shoulder. Thor turned around and saw the biggest Celt he'd seen in all his time.
"This is my husband, Vrak. He's just bought some, thanks."
Vrak put down the drinks and smiled at Thor. Thor smiled back, weakly. It became possibly the first time Thor had flown through the air without the aid of his magical abilities.
"Bugger" he said, between broken teeth.
Vrak picked up Thor and carried him outside. Thor figured oh well, I can take this being thrown in the dirt, if it keeps the disguise up.
Vrak didn't throw Thor anywhere. Instead he carried Thor to a barn. Next to the barn door were chains. Vrak said nothing but set about chaining Thor to the barn door. Thor fretted and fumed but said nothing. He could fry this stupid farmhand in seconds.
Vrak then roughly pulled Thor's clothes off him until he was completely naked.
"Uh... what are you doing?"
Vrak still said nothing.
Vrak disappeared inside the barn a moment then emerged with a large pail. He took it and emptied the contents over Thor. Thor was puzzled to the point of no longer being angry. His naked body was covered head to foot in milk.
Vrak went back inside the barn again, still having said nothing. When he emerged he had three calves on ropes following after him. He tied the opposite end of each rope to a stake, winked at Thor, then turned on him and left.
The threes suckling calves licked their lips and approached Thor.
"Oh bloody hell" said Thor.

 

[Shaeffer]

hmph

hmph!

Bad Roo! :worthy:

 

[Jayce]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee !

You knew this was coming ....





.... wait for it ....










.... more more more !!

 

[Marrok]

Ahaha... this is great stuff

"Oh bloody hell"

now gifv more!

:worthy:

 

[Lakashnik]

roooooooooooo

/slap x 1098749827342

givf more more more more more more more more more.

 

[[SS]Gamblor]

Roo as always a top story =).

I unlike the others it seems can await your next installment .
So take your time , have a beer on me ( no i won't send you the money for it ;P) and remember .. if it moves .. smish it =)

 

[Oro]

Twisted stood in front of the ragged row of kobolds and norsemen and regarded them through slitted eyes. The marquee was almost quiet, the preparation for the assault all complete. Around the edges, guards watched for any sign of intrusion, and polymorphed Migardians stood outside, alert for anyone becoming too inquisitive. Twisted had decided it was time to inspect the stealth troops.
"What a sorry bunch of slobs. Look at you. Can't believe this what I have to work with. Hoster, suck in gut. How many bloody chins you got? Godsdamn you been out of it too long. Blood, bloody hell, your bow not even got string. Not know how to string one? GRYMLIGAST STOP PICKING NOSE. Kjel, stop letting him. Erm, Aeron, what you doing here? You not stealther. Bugger off."
A norseman detached himself from the lineup and trudged off, dejectedly.
The shambolic row of thugs, thieves and rogues made something approximating an effort to stand to attention. It was a straight line migrating geese would have been proud of.
Twisted sighed and was thankful they were at least awake.
"Right slobs. This troll wanna see some discipline."
Hoster smirked, "Don't want to know what you and Ma get up to, Twisted."
"Hoster want to see Twisted's Exploding Gut Move?"
Hoster looked uncertain, "Erm... There's no such thing."
As he finished speaking, Hoster doubled up as pain shot through the back of his head.
"Well spotted dat Norseman. But failed to spot kobold with pan handle behind him. Me smarter than you."
The entire assemblage assumed their best poker faces. This from the troll that had to say "I are tree" to assume a camoflaged state and who then tended to remain entirely visible to everyone around him. The fact that it was almost impossible to hide something troll-sized completely escaped Twisted.
"We go tonight. Just waiting on hunters returning."
At that, Blood's wizened kobold face turned a darker shade of blue.
"I should have been out with them." he grumbled.
"No string, no sting. Silly kobold." said Twisted, "Learn to string bow, get to go with team."
"Not my fault. Bloody Mortymer was meant to show me."
"Mortymer? The mute?" said Hoster.
"Aye." said Blood.
Mortymer stood at the end of the line, grunted and grinned but said nothing.
"Mort, why not out hunting?"
Mortymer shrugged. His blue kobold features once again pleasantly blank.
Inwardly, Twisted sighed. He had no idea how this bunch of pressganged misfits would take on a demon lord.
"Okies den. Right, Blackdeath, you got map?"
"I'm Blackshadow. That's Blackdeath."
"I'm not Blackdeath, I'm Blackblade." said a kobold.
Twisted's eyes glazed a little, "Erm?"
The little norseman that Blackblade pointed at said, "Nuh uh. I'm Blackrazor."
Twisted looked at the next shadowblade in line, "So you are?"
"Blackpoisondeathshadow, at yer service."
"Where's Blackdeath then?" asked Twisted, becoming quite cross.
"Thats him there." said Blackpoisondeathshadow.
"Who this then?" asked Twisted.
"Black."
Twisted stopped in his tracks and hesitated, "Black?"
"Yep"
"Just Black?"
"Yep"
"You can't be just Black."
"Am too."
"You got to be Black- something. It tradition."
"Nope. Just Black. Kobold assassin extraordinaire ready for action."
"You could have, dunno... Blackacid?"
"Taken. Cousin of mine." said Blackshadow.
"What about Blacksword?" said someone at the back.
"Retired, lives in Auditlen." said one of the others.
"Blackassassin?" said another voice.
"Working the Jamtland region. Walks with a lisp."
Twisted's mouth opened and closed at that while he tried to work out what he'd just been told.
There was a flurry of suggestions, Blackpants, Blackjack, Blackattack. All in use, or didn't meet with approval.
"How 'bout Blackblack." said someone sarcastically.
"Mmm," said Black, "thats good. I like it. Ok Blackblack it is. Simple, direct, dark, mysterious. The real me."
Twisted's head hurt. This inspection wasn't going as planned.
"QUIET! WHERE IS BLACKDEATH?!!!!" said Twisted loudly, ready to scream.
"Here boss. What up?"
"Why you not answer?"
"You talking to me?"
"Yes."
"Should have said." said Blackdeath, a smug grin across his norse features.
Twisted seethed, "So you got town map then?"
Blackdeath blinked twice, "We have a map?"


Ham sat with Ma. Tight had disappeared into one of the cottages with Besz. Ham knew his brother better than to interfere. Tight was hard enough to keep reigns on when thinking with his head, let alone anything else though arguably Tight's IQ went up when his bloodflow was concentrated elsewhere. He fretted that Tight would give the game away, but it was out of his hands now.
"Not look good." said Ma, "We supposed to do job tonight, be gone by dawn."
"No choice now," said Ham, "if we want to get demon, wait two days."
"We not able to do show. Nobody knows how. No acts. Nothing. We busted." said Ma.
"Well, you always say we bunch of clowns. Sure we can do something."
"Really son, who can put on show?" asked Ma.
Ham rubbed his chin with his big meaty hand then slowly said, "I think I got idea. Better wake up Seal."

 

[Jeriraa]

"Okies den. Right, Blackdeath, you got map?"
"I'm Blackshadow. That's Blackdeath."
"I'm not Blackdeath, I'm Blackblade." said a kobold.
Twisted's eyes glazed a little, "Erm?"
The little norseman that Blackblade pointed at said, "Nuh uh. I'm Blackrazor."
Twisted looked at the next shadowblade in line, "So you are?"
"Blackpoisondeathshadow, at yer service."
"Where's Blackdeath then?" asked Twisted, becoming quite cross.
"Thats him there." said Blackpoisondeathshadow.
"Who this then?" asked Twisted.
"Black."
Twisted stopped in his tracks and hesitated, "Black?"
"Yep"
"Just Black?"
"Yep"
"You can't be just Black."
"Am too."
"You got to be Black- something. It tradition."
"Nope. Just Black. Kobold assassin extraordinaire ready for action."
"You could have, dunno... Blackacid?"
"Taken. Cousin of mine." said Blackshadow.
"What about Blacksword?" said someone at the back.
"Retired, lives in Auditlen." said one of the others.
"Blackassassin?" said another voice.
"Working the Jamtland region. Walks with a lisp."
Twisted's mouth opened and closed at that while he tried to work out what he'd just been told.
There was a flurry of suggestions, Blackpants, Blackjack, Blackattack. All in use, or didn't meet with approval.
"How 'bout Blackblack." said someone sarcastically.
"Mmm," said Black, "thats good. I like it. Ok Blackblack it is. Simple, direct, dark, mysterious. The real me."
Twisted's head hurt. This inspection wasn't going as planned.
"QUIET! WHERE IS BLACKDEATH?!!!!" said Twisted loudly, ready to scream.
"Here boss. What up?"
"Why you not answer?"
"You talking to me?"
"Yes."
"Should have said." said Blackdeath, a smug grin across his norse features.
Twisted seethed, "So you got town map then?"
Blackdeath blinked twice, "We have a map?"

Comic at its best... just imagining the line of Kobolds, all dyed black but basicly with the same equipment and called Black-something made me laugh tears.

 

[Ormorof]

Erm, Aeron, what you doing here? You not stealther. Bugger off.

lol

and the black bit was great

more more more!

 

[Lakashnik]

i just fell off my chair reading that black stealther bit.

 

[Erebus]

Absolutely amazing, still wiping tears from my eyes, swear people in work think i am strange for laughing so much.

btw Hoster probably has 2 chins now.

Old Hoster

 

[haarewin]

yaaaaaaaaay!

 

[Loch]

more Roo, more!

 

[Thrinnor]

We're not going to have to wait another month or so for another update do we?
This is the only reason I keep looking in the DAOC section!!

 

[Oro]

Seal was fuming. Ham was a little bemused. Seals aren't known for being capable a large array of expressions. Big, brown, soulful eyes that say "Please put down that club" was about all they were normally capable of.
"They spelled my name wrong!" he ranted. His flippers trembled as he said this.
"Does it matter?" asked Ham, rather puzzled.
"How would you like it if they spelled your name wrong? Gah, why am I even asking, you probably can't even spell your own name, let alone worry about someone else spelling it wrong."
"OW!!!" yelped the Seal, as Ham pinged him behind the left ear.
"Who cares. The seal, Teh Seel, all one. You is you, no matter who you is."
Seal sniffed, miffed and ear ringing. As with everything else that trolls do, troll pinging hurts. He glowered at Ham. Ham nodded approvingly: the ranting had stopped. He felt sorry for ol' Sealy. The little fluffy had been polymorphing members of their merry little band day in day out for some weeks now and was exhausted. At times Ham would get a fright as he passed some reflective surface. This was normal, but he wasn't used to seeing himself as a firbolg.
"We need your help Seel" said Ham softly.
Seel said nothing and waited.
"We need to put on a show. We need you to make it happen."
"Don't know anything about circus shows."
"Don't need to. You up to some more 'morphin'?"
Seel said slowly, "Tired Ham. You've had me polymorphing our people back and forward so much. Tired fluff here. Always easier to turn back of course, but still, it costs me. Things want to be in their natural form and readily return but to make them into something else is hard."
Ham nodded. He half understood. It did make a kind of sense.
Seal went on softly, "Which brings me to something I've been worrying about."
Ham raised an eyebrow but didn't interupt.
"What happens if something happens and Jugulator reverts? We've got a seething vampire to deal with that might kill us all."
Ham shrugged, "Dunno. He seem to love Tight. Hehe, maybe he still will?"
Seal cocked his head to one side, "Maybe."
"Get some rest, Seal. Lots to do in morning."
"Nightnight Ham."

Somewhere in a cottage in Tir na mBeo a firbolg screamed in ecstasy. Tight had found Besz's hidden stash of beer. Besz was in bed alone, sitting up fuming. Tight was in her kitchen, a very happy troll. Firbolg. Troll. Er, you know what I mean. Oh dear, I think I'll take a break before I write the next bit.


Ok, I feel better now. On with the story.


The sun was bright, the sky was blue, the grass was green. Another depressingly perfect day in Hibernia thought Beeble. He was grumpy and out of sorts. Tiftok had been throwing stones through his window to wake him up. He used to throw stones AT his window, but Beeble's parents had simply stopped repairing it eventually. This morning's wakeup call had hit Beeble right where in... well lets just say he sat upright very quickly and his yelp was even higher pitched than usual. He cursed and leaned out of the window. He growled at Tiftok and started to rant at him.
"Quiet Beeble, time to get down to circus. If their monsters are like farm animals, they'll be mucking them out and feeding them first thing and we might sneak a looksee. Waking the others, meet you at our tree. Get moving."
Beeble immediately was silent. Sullen but intrigued, he nodded and his head ducked back inside.

The meeting tree was atop a small hill just outside the edge of Tir na mBeo. Normally they couldn't see much of the village, but the top of the marquee poked above the treeline. By the time Beeble was at the tree, the others were already there. He was still wiping jam from his mouth as he slouched towards the tree. Karey rolled her eyes and poked him once in the stomach, "You'll never lose that the way you eat, Beeble."
"Its glandular. My dad says so." huffed Beeble.
"What's a gland?" asked Lakishnak.
"What boys think with." said Karey, sweetly.
Beeble glowered at Karey who of course pretended not to notice, "Its what apothecaries say controls growing 'n' stuff. I think. Some animal glands are used in alchemy."
Tiftok motioned for them to be quiet, "Lets get downhill, there was a lot of noise earlier when I came out."
Lakishnak lagged behind just enough so he could take Karey's hand without drawing attention.


Seel concentrated hard. He was trembling from the effort. That was two sabretooths, four mammoths and a floppy eared rabbit so far. The rabbit had been a mistake but Blood was proving unusually hard to turn back. Seal was beginning to wonder if he'd actually reverted the kobold hunter, rather than polymorphing him into something new.
Several black-clad assassins lolled around and laughed. If it were possible for a rabbit to look annoyed, then this one did.
"Oooh wascally wabbit!" laughed one.
"Hehe, lets have some stew, boys." said another, brandishing a knife.
"Anyone bring carrots?" said a third.
Seal concentrated hard. The rabbit disappeared and was replaced by a slavering vendo bear.
Seal sighed, "At last."
Blood looked down at his claws and howled in pleasure. He roared and leaped at the the three assassins that had been laughing at him, who promptly scattered in all directions. He proceeded to chase each of them around the inside of the marquee.

Ham put his head in his hands. This unruly mob were hard enough to control when they were in their proper form. Now that some were being turned into circus animals for tonight's performance, it was complete chaos. Already, two healers that had been turned into mammoths had proceeded to sit on a few warriors and let go with a mammoth sized dump. Revenge they called it. The warriors were, quite literally, steaming.
"Blood, cool down!" yelled Ham, "MAMMOTHS! NO EATING THE GUARDS!"
Ham pondered, weren't mammoths supposed to be vegetarian or something? These ones definately weren't.
There was a slight irony here Ham yelling at them as they tried to chow down on the Midgardians, since the Fisted family were known for their 'exotic' dietry suplements when the Galplen militia weren't looking, or more accurately, cowering in fear on the other side of town.
The mammoths stopped tormenting the Midgardians, and Blood stopped chasing after the assassins, most reluctantly. Blood hadn't had this much fun in a long time.
"Right you lot. In front of me. Now."
They completely ignored him. Blood, in Vendo bear form, still chased the now terrified assassins and the mammoths seemed to be intent testing their bowel capacity around the marquee.
Ham shouted, "TO ME! NOW! OR..."
Ham sighed, he didn't want to have to do this.
"...Or I'll tell my mum!"
Vendo, mammoths and assassins all stopped dead. The sabretooths lazily opened one eye and reluctantly got to their feet. All moved towards Ham warily. Ham cringed inwardly at having to invoke Ma. There was a universal fear that if you said a demon's name, you lent it power and it would be summoned to you, whether you wanted it or not. Ma was a bit like that. Throughout Galplen, people feared to say her name as she had this worrying ability to suddenly appear behind your left shoulder handing you your left ear as a souvenir.
"Better. Okay, here's what I want. Mammoths will lean on each other, front legs touching. I want two sabretooths leaping up onto backs and bear at peak. Got it?"
The sabretooths collapsed laughing and the mammoths trumpeted in a snickering type of fashion. Blood buffed his claws and made no sound.
Ma appeared behind them.
"Ello boys. How rehersal going?" she asked pleasantly.
The laughter died on the spot.
Ham grinned, "just about to try first stunt Mother Troll, want to watch?"
"Oh no, don't let this ladytroll interfere. Just passing. Hungry. Hard to see all this fresh meat and not feel hungry dontcha think?"
"Yer, Mother Troll." answered Ham.
Two mammoths were leaning against each other before Ma had even turned away and the sabretooths were on the mammoth backs in seconds. Ham grunted approval.
"Blood, if you be so kind..." he said, and pointed to the mammoths.
Blood took a running leap and landed on the backs of the mammoths, running easily along there backs. Hmm at the heads, now what. He couldn't resist planting a foot squarely on the bridge of its trunk causing his team mate to trumpet in pain.
Blood took an evil glee in seeing the discomfort but was wholly unprepared for what happened next. The mammoth snaked its trunk quickly around his body, taking him higher into the air. It all happened too quickly for Blood to have time to panic. The next thing he knew he was hurled through the air with great force, all the way to the edge of the marquee. All the way to it... and through it as well. There was a loud ripping sounds as he frantically clawed at the air, finally making contact with the canvas.

Outside the large tent, the four Hibernian children heard a loud trumpeting and suddenly saw a vendo bear come flying through the gash it made, scrabbling wildly as it plummeted to the ground. As one, the four of them gasped. Running towards the bear were several trolls, kobolds and what were quite clearly norsemen, not Celts. They were stunned into silence, even Beeble, who was normally stuffed full of curses (as well as food) for every occasion.
The boys were all entranced. Karey, however was more practical, and started tugging on Lakishnak.
"We have to get out of here." she hissed.
Nobody moved.
"Tree people!" she hissed, starting to panic, "Unroot and move. They'll get us! Come on. NOW!"
Karey was near frantic with the need to be away from there. Lakashnik responded first, blinking. Tiftok and Beeble quickly roused from their shock. They turned on their heels and ran.

Down at the marquee, the massive firbolg they'd seen before shouting orders exited the marquee and saw them immediately. He began running towards them, trunk-like legs pumping rhythmically.

 

[Thrinnor]

Yay!

 

[haarewin]

thanks roo \o/

 

[Legohelten]

yay excelent work as always

more turning Blood into something cute and uncool, less turning him into something mean and cool plz

 

[Gasoline]

Several black-clad assassins lolled around and laughed

Keep it up, Roo!

 

[Tilda]

woo its good
I love the "Its what boys think with" remark

 

[Nugusta]

"Hoster want to see Twisted's Exploding Gut Move?"
Hoster looked uncertain, "Erm... There's no such thing."
As he finished speaking, Hoster doubled up as pain shot through the back of his head.
"Well spotted dat Norseman. But failed to spot kobold with pan handle behind him. Me smarter than you."


Funniest thing I've ever read, the Black roleplayers following a close 2nd

 

[Lakashnik]

wub joo roo!

 

[haarewin]

plz roo, i need my fix

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

Sorry guys, been busy moving home and doing bucketloads of RL things. Plotting is done, just need to find time to write the damned thing

 

[haarewin]

Sorry guys, been busy moving home and doing bucketloads of RL things. Plotting is done, just need to find time to write the damned thing

well so long as there is a valid excuse

 

[Lakashnik]

well so long as there is a valid excuse

pfff valide excuse my foot i wanna find out wht young lakishnak gets up to...

 

[[SS]Gamblor]

, hope everything is going alright Roo.


Bahh i need a fresh installment, I r going through withdrawl

 

[Teslacoil]

gimme update !!!

roo hope you ain't dead ;(