The weekly Friday Joke

[Imgormiel]

There was a little boy stood in the kitchen in front of his dad playing around. He turned to his father and asked,"Daddy.....where do babies come from?"

The father turned to the little boy and looked at him curiously. The boys face was full of wonder. Then the boys father said, "Well, son. Daddy puts a little white solution in mommy called sperm. And that's where babies come from."

The boy looked a little confused but couldn't stop his curiousity and said,"So does mommy swallow it then?" And the father a little bemused answered,"Only when she wants a new pair of shoes."

 

[Overdriven]

Hahah, rofl.

 

[Laddey]

lol

 

[razeredge]

lol, heres another:

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing .

We even called up Arlene, the lady next door and she tried too; first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" ...




















































The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open"

 

[Overdriven]

Hahaha =D 2nd one was better.

 

[Imgormiel]

Similar joke and I bored trolling etc so

There was a man, and he had premature ejaculation problems. He tryed everything and was at the end of his tether because his sex life was crap.

So he went to the doc's and said, 'Man, I got problems with my sex life, is there anything you can do to help me? I've tryed everything!' The doc turned to him and said, 'Well, I supposed there is one last resort. Go out and buy a gun and just before you are about to ejaculate. Shoot the gun and you will go into a state of shock leaving your penis erect for at least 30 mins.'

The man said, 'Are you sure this works?'. The doc said, 'Yep, I guarantee it.'

So the man goes and buys a gun and gets home to see his wife and asks her if she would like to go upstairs for some fun. She promptly follows him to the bed and begins to give him oral sex. After a couple of minutes the man can feel himself about to cum in her mouth. He yelled out loud, 'Stop! Stop! I need to do something quick!' She ignored him and carried on. So he quickly got the gun and fired it into the ceiling.

In shock she bit off his cock, shat in his face and the milkman came out of the closet with his hands up!

 

[Ezteq]

hehehe loved all those jokes, am now trying to get the imagery form the last one off my mind though lol

 

[Imgormiel]

hehehe loved all those jokes, am now trying to get the imagery form the last one off my mind though lol

I got more inc on Friday provided I don't get modded first

 

[Imgormiel]

I got more inc on Friday provided I don't get modded first

Anyway, I was walking across the road. And went in to the store. I just casually walked down the aisles and picked up some coffee, some bread and tuna. Then I put them down on to the counter and waited a while, but then there was woman and she kept staring it me - It was making me kinda nervous. So I tryed to keep looking ahead and not to look at her, but then she nudged my arm and said, 'Excuse me, I apologise for staring at you, I didn't mean it. But you look like my son who died over a year ago.'

She then picked out her purse and drew a picture of her son and handed it to me to look at. And I looked at, and of course he looked nothing like me because he was Chinese.

So I handed her back the photograph and she said, 'Would you do me a big favour?' And I said to her, 'What is it?' She replied, 'Well as I leave the store would you say goodbye Mom to me? As I've not heard my son say that in a long time and it would mean very much to me if you did that.'

So I thought about it for a little while and then said, 'Well, Ok, that's not such a strange request.'

So she picked up her shopping to leave the store and she turned to me and called out, 'Goodbye son!' And I said, 'Goodbye Mom!'

So out of the door she went and I turned to the guy at the checkout and he cashed up my things and he turned to me and asked for $424.44 cents and I said to him, 'What the fuck?!! How can that be? I only got a few things!'
So he said, 'Well, when you came to the store your mother said to me that you would take care of things for her after she pointed you out to me and you distinctly said "Goodbye Mom!"

I looked at him and said 'Jesus!'

So I left my things on the counter and ran out into the car park and looked frantically for her. And just out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of her unloading the last of her things into the boot of her car. So I raced up to her as she was just about getting into the drivers seat of her car. Then I started pulling on her leg.

As I am pulling yours

 

[NikonL]

That wasn't good

 

[NikonL]

Here's a better joke.

Spoiler

A man goes into a bar and the barman greets him most civily with: "Good evening sir, and what will you have."

"That's very good of you, I'll have a whisky." replies the man.

The barman pours the drink and then says, "There you go sir, that will two pounds."

"I beg your pardon, sir," replies the man, "but I don't owe you for this!"

The barman just stared, mystified, until a lawyer who happened to be sitting at the end of the bar bursts out laughing.

"He is perfectly correct, I am afraid. When you asked him what he wanted, in this contract you made, you made no implication that the drink he desired was in any way other than an offer of a gift. If he took you to court, I reckon he'd have a case"

The barman was upset, but very impressed with the sagacity of the man so he said, "Well, you got me there, have the drink on me for being so clever. But, after this, YOU'RE BARRED!"

Next day the man returns to the bar and the barman says, "Hey, you, I barred you yesterday, now get out."

"I beg your pardon!" responds the man, "this is the first time I have ever set foot in these premises."

"Oh, I am sorry" replies the barman, "I think you must have a double."

"Thank you very much," the man responds, "Make it a whisky."

 

[Imgormiel]

Here's a better joke.

Spoiler

A man goes into a bar and the barman greets him most civily with: "Good evening sir, and what will you have."

"That's very good of you, I'll have a whisky." replies the man.

The barman pours the drink and then says, "There you go sir, that will two pounds."

"I beg your pardon, sir," replies the man, "but I don't owe you for this!"

The barman just stared, mystified, until a lawyer who happened to be sitting at the end of the bar bursts out laughing.

"He is perfectly correct, I am afraid. When you asked him what he wanted, in this contract you made, you made no implication that the drink he desired was in any way other than an offer of a gift. If he took you to court, I reckon he'd have a case"

The barman was upset, but very impressed with the sagacity of the man so he said, "Well, you got me there, have the drink on me for being so clever. But, after this, YOU'RE BARRED!"

Next day the man returns to the bar and the barman says, "Hey, you, I barred you yesterday, now get out."

"I beg your pardon!" responds the man, "this is the first time I have ever set foot in these premises."

"Oh, I am sorry" replies the barman, "I think you must have a double."

"Thank you very much," the man responds, "Make it a whisky."

That sucked, no rep for you either

 

[megadave]

thats awful

 

[Bahumat]

These jokes are not jokes, just boring stories. i demand a funny, or i'll pee on a policeman

 

[Imgormiel]

These jokes are not jokes, just boring stories. i demand a funny, or i'll pee on a policeman

I'll pee on Enkor if you don't make a contribution

 

[Bahumat]

I'll pee on Enkor if you don't make a contribution

Your such a sexual deviant!

Have you cleared out your inbox yet? cant spam you with pm's

 

[Imgormiel]

Your such a sexual deviant!

Have you cleared out your inbox yet? cant spam you with pm's

lol, ok i'll do it now, word!!

 

[Bahumat]

lol, ok i'll do it now, word!!

Boom Boom Booooom, now everybody say Wey-oh, wey-ohhh.

That is all thanks

*pushes old lady into bus stop*

 

[Imgormiel]

Boom Boom Booooom, now everybody say Wey-oh, wey-ohhh.

That is all thanks

*pushes old lady into bus stop*

you now have permission to say to everyone that my inbox is campzzzZzzzed!!111

 

[Laddey]

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, 'Can I rent a donkey?
The guy said, We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop.
The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners.
Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?


-----------------------
How is a soyburger like a dildo?









They are both substitutes for meat.

---------------------------
one Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, Are you really going to let him get away with this?'

No, I guess not says God.
The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks Why did you let him do that?
To this God says Who's he going to tell?

Since everybody has been posting shit jokes i thought i'd add mine

 

[enkor]

I'll pee on Enkor if you don't make a contribution

oi!

 

[tris-]

Here's a better joke.

Spoiler

A man goes into a bar and the barman greets him most civily with: "Good evening sir, and what will you have."

"That's very good of you, I'll have a whisky." replies the man.

The barman pours the drink and then says, "There you go sir, that will two pounds."

"I beg your pardon, sir," replies the man, "but I don't owe you for this!"

The barman just stared, mystified, until a lawyer who happened to be sitting at the end of the bar bursts out laughing.

"He is perfectly correct, I am afraid. When you asked him what he wanted, in this contract you made, you made no implication that the drink he desired was in any way other than an offer of a gift. If he took you to court, I reckon he'd have a case"

The barman was upset, but very impressed with the sagacity of the man so he said, "Well, you got me there, have the drink on me for being so clever. But, after this, YOU'RE BARRED!"

Next day the man returns to the bar and the barman says, "Hey, you, I barred you yesterday, now get out."

"I beg your pardon!" responds the man, "this is the first time I have ever set foot in these premises."

"Oh, I am sorry" replies the barman, "I think you must have a double."

"Thank you very much," the man responds, "Make it a whisky."

sucks because its factually incorrect