The third hardest thing to do in life

[Deebs]

if you don't want to be upset do not read the rest of my message as it concerns my mumma gucci

Spoiler

Well, here I am, just, still missing my best friend and mum so much I am still breaking down every day on the way to work and on the way home. I always wonder when the pain will get low enough where I don't go a day without crying. I know it is soon, but not sure when.

Today, well the 8th November, I had to attend and support one of my life long friends Pam, her mum died suddenly of cancer. When I say suddenly I mean, like 6 weeks and not 10 years like my mum.

Today was the 3rd hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The first was being with my mum when she slipped away from us, the 2nd was her service and the third was Pam's Mum's service at the same place as my mums.

I guess what I am trying to say is that your family, esp your Mum and Dad are extremely important to you and you should do everything you can to see them. It seems that my "generation" are going thru a loss of a parent and i wish that pain on noone. It is the worst pain you can imagine as only time can soften the pain, no physical person can ever.

Ah fuck, I guess I have rambled but to all my friends who have PM'ed me, yes I am still here but have not had the willpower to answer everyone individually. Sorry.

 

[MYstIC G]

Hang in there amigo.

Regards
Rob

 

[Guest]

i wish i could get my 2 brothers to go and see their dad as they haven't for about 4 years, he is 70 now and a life long smoker, i keep saying to them that they the next time they see him will be when he's in his coffin, but it falls on deaf ears..

i know exactly what you mean mate, i still have both my parents but as you said (me now being 40) they are getting on a bit....

 

[Fana]

I cant imagine your pain Deebs, and i dread the day i get to experience it myself. As Mystic G says, try to hang in there. Time does heal, even though that is probably little comfort to you now.

 

[xane]

A short while back I got made redundant, I was given this book called Stop Thinking Start Living, whilst I wouldn't exactly recommend it, as its the usual self-help b*ll*cks you'd expect, it does have a very significant piece of advice, which unfortunately it takes a couple of hundred pages to explain.

Your thoughts are passing moments, they are quite often not generated by events, past, present and future. When you think of a loved one who has died you get sad, but the event and the thought are in fact separate, as is the feeling that follows, and you have to realise that you don't have to think like that, and you don't have to feel that way, it is not the event, it is your thought that causes the feeling, you have to control your thoughts and not confuse them with the event.

Now I wish I had known this a few years back when I also suffered bereavement, in this case my wife, and then my best friend a year after (and also Kitten Bob), so I do have some experience of what you are going through. It is strange if you think about this idea, but it sort of works and there really is an element of truth in it, and I certainly was able to get through redundancy knowing it.

My partner's father died recently, so in a way I have had a similar experience.

When it does come to thinking about those who have died, I can only recommend Christina Rossetti's Remember Me, which has some useful advice at the end.

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

 

[Jupitus]

*manly hugs*

 

[Gamah]

Now I am normally an arsehole.

But I wish you the best Deebs, it's hard to loose a loved one, and even harder when you have to do things that remind you of that fact.

My best wishes go out to you mate.

 

[Embattle]

Even as I grow older I still love living at home with my olds, although I do have a concern with my dads fatness and unwillingness to do much but sure he will be fine.

All the best DBs.

 

[Chilly]

chin up Bru.

 

[Lazarus]

Stay strong Deebs. YOUR family need you too.