The "Quotes" are here to save the day!!

[MesS°]

Quotes are here to save the day!!
I find most treads mindlessly boring...

Q: Then why do u keep trolling u twat!
A: Sometimes, just sometimes someone comes along and saves the day, by actually being funny...

Iwe taken it opon myself to save ppl some time to actually get some work done, by getting a few "quotes" together, stolen from BW/ VN / private forums and my desk drawer... here goes:

1.
I can see your point, but I still think you´re full of crap.

2.
I don´t know what your problem is, but I´ll bet it´s hard to pronounce.

3.
How about never? Is never good for you?

4.
I see you´ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5.
I´ll try being nicer if you´ll try being smarter.

6.
I´m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

7.
I´m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

8.
I don´t work here. I´m a consultant.

9.
It sounds like English, but i can´t understand a word you´re saying.

10.
Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…

11.
I like you. You remind me of when I –was young and stupid.

12.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don´t give a damn.

14.
I´m already visualizing the cuct tape over your mouth.

15.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16.
Thank you. We´re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17.
The fact that no one understands you dosen´t mean youér an artist.

18.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20.
I´m not being rude. You´re just insignificant.

21.
It´s a thankless job, but I´ve got a lot of karma to burn off

22.
Yes, I am an agent of satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23.
And your crybaby whiny butt opinion would be…?

24.
Do I look like a people person?

25.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

26.
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

27.
If i throw a stick, will you leave?

28.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

29.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

30.
I´m trying to imagine you with a personality.

31.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

32.
Can I trade this job for what´s behind door #1?

33.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

34.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

35.
Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

36.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?

37.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

38.
Would you do me a favor? Go drink some lighter fluid.

Quote away ppl...

 

[Flimgoblin]

looks more like a re-hashing of the email 'joke' about "things you wish you could say at work"
amusing though.

I believe that was a long winded way of saying OLD!!111

(unless of course people have just been quoting the above email - in the same order - on VN and here )

 

[old.Zarff]

some good ones you've found :great:

 

[old.Filip]

i have never seen it before and hence got a good laugh

dont have any funny quotes though (( .. unless you danish ..
a RL female friend wantet to try Counter Strike (se had seen guys at work play it)

so i bougth her to a rather large computer cafe got her into the game and after a good 15 min of her been shoot and exploded every sec she yells out very loud so every guy around us burst's into laugther

"FILIP FOR FANDEN VIS MIG ET STED HVOR JEG KAN LIGGE PÅ LUR!!"

hehe ... i know 90% of you guys dont understand this .. but iam sure this is only funny in danish....

sry you ignorant none danish speaking people ...

Filip

 

[Addlcove]

check sig

 

[Flimgoblin]

Originally posted by old.Filip


"FILIP FOR FANDEN VIS MIG ET STED HVOR JEG KAN LIGGE PÅ LUR!!"

Oh gwan translate anyway

 

[Kobold]

heh thats a bit funny, not fall-off-my-chair-funny but a bit funny

 

[MesS°]

Originally posted by Flimgoblin
Oh gwan translate anyway

its not the same in English but a fast translate would be:

"FILIP FOR GOD SAKE SHOW ME WHERE I CAN AMBUSH"

"for fanden" means something like "for satan" in english not giving much sence...

/end of the first lesson in understanding the lego...

 

[Norvindus]

"FILIP FOR FANDEN VIS MIG ET STED HVOR JEG KAN LIGGE PÅ LUR!!"

FILIP GOD DAMIT SHOW ME A PLACE WHERE I CAN AMBUSH (or camp)

 

[Flimgoblin]

rofl

 

[Teren]

best quote

I like pie!!!

 

[old.Filip]

ambush just dont have the same ring to it ...

"ligge på lur" are more like when kids hide from each other ..

im affraid there is no real translation possible

 

[Flimgoblin]

hide and seek?

 

[Arnor]

All these are quotes from somewhere or another, and I cba to do the quote thingy, so just remember that everything is quotes.

If you fall down from a big height, you can aswell wave with your arms and try to fly - after all, you got nothing to loose

"In the beginning there was nothing - God said: "Let there be Light." And there was light. There was still nothing but you could see it a whole lot better

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Nothing I say here will not sound stupid, trite, or pretentious in ten years down the road. "

One of the greatest things about our country is that even I could someday become President. It is also one of the scariest!

"You'll all slave for me someday soon, and I'll pay you squat! Do you hear me, squat!"

"Well kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never Try"

You live and learn. Or you don't live long.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense (Hurting yourself is not sinful--only stupid).

A committee is a life-form with six or more legs and no brain.

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

"I kicked your butt so that one day, when you're sitting at home in your mansion, with your fancy car, and beautiful family, you're gonna know that the guy cleaning your pool kicked your butt"

"I brake for Cthulu"

"Hey, YOU! Out of the gene pool!"

"5 days a week, my body is a temple. The other 2, its an amusment park."

"Earth first, we will strip mine the other planets later."

"Save the Whales, trade them for valuble prizes!"

"I want chicken, I want liver, meow mix meow mix please deliver."

"It puts the lotion in the basket..."

"Me fail English? That's un-possible"

"Let's meet years from now on the street and have an awkward silence."

As we prepare to enter the next stage of our lives, it pleases me when I realize that the vast majority of you will become simple-minded slaves to the system.

I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs.
--Nancy Reagan former First Lady

"Send Lawyers, Guns and Money to get me out of this"

Of all the things I've lost in my life, I miss my mind the most.

"War doesn't decide who's right, only who's left."

I cheated on every exam since my freshman year.

Annual drug deaths: tobacco: 395,000, alcohol: 125,000, 'legal' drugs: 38,000, illegal drug overdoses: 5,200, marijuana: 0. Considering government subsidies of tobacco, just what is our government protecting us from in the drug war?

"Everyone around you has their little Schemes, listen to your heart and hold on to your dreams"

Remember as you go off to college... Girls may be good lookin' from afar, but they may be far from good lookin'

"Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat."

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

"Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines."

"It's not that life is so short, it's that you're dead for so long

"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."

The reason lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place is
that the same place isn't there the second time.

"You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full
of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the
clue mating dance."

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

"I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each
time a woman got pregnant, someone left town."

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."

"Laughing Stock: Cattle with a sense of humor."

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."

"3 kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't."

"Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice."

"I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left."

"I've found Jesus. He was hiding behind the sofa the whole time."
"Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply."

"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, and mean your mother."

"If at first you don't succeed-give up! No use being a damn fool."

"Cleanliness is next to "clean-limbed," according to Webster's.

Due to rising energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Somewhere, Somehow A cat is watching you.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

"Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool. "

Some people call it a six-pack, but to me, it's a support group.

What if the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about?

Just once, I wish someone would call me "sir" with out adding "you're making a scene."

"You cant hug with Nuclear arms"

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel

"The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."

"The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity."

"The best way to a mans heart is through his sternum"

"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad."

If life hands you lemons, demand tequila and salt.

"Just when you think you've made something idiot proof, someone goes and makes a better idiot"

our generation will never be free until the last politician is strangled by the entrails of the last priest.

The goggles!! They do nothing!!! -Raineer Wolfcastle

"She offered her honor, I honored her offer, and then all of the night I was on her and off her"

Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?

I am the angel of death, the hour of retribution is at hand...

"It's true... No man is an island. But if you take a bunch of dead guys and tie em together, they make a pretty good raft."

"Oh goodie, goth mimes. The best of both worlds. They pretend they're trapped in a box and then whine about how cruel and unfair it is. Summon The Dark Overlord to free you!"

"Shoulda stayed on the short bus"

"In the future, in your cubicle, this will be remembered as good times"

"Now the crap starts"

"Looking forward to seeing you at the 30th reunion AND seeing how the tattoo morphs"

"Hope your Mom never finds out!!"

"Hope you're not the first one of us to die"

"If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of Life's great disappointments"

"No single raindrop believes it is responsible for the flood"

"Hard work sometimes pays off over time, but laziness always pays off now"

"If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly"

"It could be that the purpose of your life was nothing more than to serve as a warning to others"

"The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is YOU"

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants" - Thomas Jefferson

"As you move forward, don't look back, you're liable to trip over your future and chip a tooth."

My advice: Take the Red Pill.

What are you looking at? You're laborers; you should be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education.

"Time flies when you're up to your nuts in half naked women."

"Believe in yourself, drink your school, stay in drugs, and don't do milk."

"Fat girls are like scooters. Fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to catch you on one."




Ah, just remembered. They are from www.fark.com some dude needed something to write under his picture in the yearbook and these are the suggestions I think.

Or it could be something completely different

 

[Anu]

BREAD DEFENCE MIDBARD

BORK BORK BORK

 

[-chancer-]

Moprons

 

[old.Tohtori]

Drinking can make you come up with some darn good guidelines in life...or just funny things to quote. Here's a few me, my brother or a friend of mine have said:

"I'm not against homosexuals. More means less competition."

"I'm a lesbian trapped inside a mans body."

"If women really wanted a man who cares about what is on the inside, they'd stop wearing make-up and wear baggy clothes."

"Driving a helicopter is as easy as flying a tank."

"It's not like i hate working, i just don't like it."

"What if we're the ancient first race in the universe?"

"If women had two different colored breasts, you would have seen twice as many breasts in your life."

"Mankind without man would be kind."

I'll post more when i remember them.

 

[Sortbane]

"In the beginning there was nothing - God said: "Let there be Light." And there was light. There was still nothing but you could see it a whole lot better

Hmm.. do I smell Adams Douglas here? (may he R.I.P)

 

[hint]

its verry miligan esque although miligans version was


God said "let there be light" and there was light, and it was good. Then there was the electricity bill, and it was not good.



but thats quite a paraphrase cos i don't have the book here.


as for the Finnish quote i think im right in saying the english equivilant would be "Filip! For gods sake show me where to play hide and seek!" i think that would get a fair giggle.

 

[katt!]

Everyone, given the opportunity, will be fucking stupid.

 

[Hulbur]

While in the danish army I had a First Leutenant that lived his entire life by 2 sentences.

Its easier to be forgiven then it is to get permission

and

Deny everything

Sounds pretty simple, but its a lot of fun working for a guy who lives and breathes by these simple lines

 

[Sharma]

i think it was spike milligan that said this befre he passed away..

I don't mind dieing, i just don't want to be there when it happens.

 

[fenrisan]

along the same general lines, and especially for you people in work n a Monday morning, see how many you can pin up before the boss notices;

http://www.despair.com/leaders.html

 

[Feldegast]

Why dont you go outside and play Hide-and-go-fuck-yourself

 

[MesS°]

Originally posted by Arnor2
All these are quotes from somewhere....jada jada

head hurts!


Lets hope noone from "Those of the long sig" find this tread!