The miserable hag

[Tom]

...2 doors down from me just left a pissy note on my car, telling me not to park outside her house again, and to have some respect for my neighbours.

This, after I just today lent a battery charger to a neighbour with whom I've never spoken, to try and get his car started, and this morning I helped another neighbour (old bloke) carry a writing bureau from his car to his front bedroom, the thing weighed a tonne. I also gave my next-door neighbour 2 boxes of cat food that mine wouldn't eat.

And I'm the one with no respect?

The silly fucking cow hasn't said 5 words to me in the 9 years I've lived here, and I've for years put up with her screaming and shouting in the back garden to her three daughters. Unsurprisingly, the husband left years ago. I would have too if I were him, I swear she flies around on a fucking broomstick at night.

So I'm actually a little bit irritated by this, and am minded to knock on her door and tell her to speak to my face if she has a problem, and then to remind her that she has no right whatsoever to park outside her house, just like I don't. Or I could leave a short sweet note pinned to her door, telling her simply to **** the fuck off. Or I could just park outside her house all the time, I don't care. I think I've parked outside her house on only about 5 occasions, the most recent one today. Or I could just ignore it, and wait for her to ask a favour or something, at which point I'll kick her in the fanny.

What would you do?

 

[DaGaffer]

Ignore her. If she bothers to actually confront you, then tell her to CTFOADOA.

 

[pcg79]

i literally lol'd at 'kick her in the fanny'

 

[Shagrat]

yep just carry on as normal. wait for her to ask for help a few months down the line, and then tell her to feck off.

 

[old.user4556]

I'd ignore it. No matter how nice a person you are, or try your best to be, there's always someone out there that thinks you're a dick. In this case, she is said person.

 

[Moriath]

id park in front of her house at every opertunity hehe

 

[Furr]

Throw Cat poo at her windows.

 

[Embattle]

Say nothing but keep the note just in case she does something silly.

 

[Seanpaul]

Say nothing but keep the note just in case she does something silly.

this is the best idea.

stick the note in a bag and dont handle it too much either. these kind of people will probably key your car or damage it in some way rather than speak to your face.

then if it happens at least you got some proof of your suspicion.

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

Bug out. Nuke the site from orbit. Its the only way to be sure*








*May have been playing AvP recently.

 

[Trem]

i literally lol'd at 'kick her in the fanny'

You need permission to lol at fanny kick references from the prsident of the FKC (fanny kick corporation)



If it were me Tom I would watch and wait then when the time is right I would twat her across the head with a shovel and then bum her still warm corpse. Thats just me mind.

Maybe you should just do a big shit on her doorstep, then twat her wtih a shovel.

 

[Panda On Smack]

Point at your tax disc and inform her that this small circular piece of paper allows you to park where you choose.

 

[Zenith.UK]

My personal response would be to write a cogent, well worded letter telling her that you understand her frustration and have only ever parked outside her house when there was no other space available. Extend an invitation to come around for tea/coffee if she wants. She's not likely to take you up on the offer but at least you've shown that you're not a nasty person and are willing to listen.

I know everyone on my street on a first name basis and while I've extended the offer to all of them, only 2 have taken me up on the offer to pop around in over 2 years. It's the nature of communities these days... we're a lot more insular as a society than we used to be.

 

[TdC]

she was clearly trolling for teh cock, Tom. I think you should sneak into her house one night and try that shit out man !!!1

 

[Bob007]

Buy an old banger. 12 months tax, 12 months MOT. Park it outside her house, lock it up and drop the keys down a grid close by. Get the log book and send it off in her name but some made up address the other end of the country.

12 months of bliss till its towed anyway.

 

[Scouse]

Depends on how you feel Tom.

If you're not up for a bit of confrontation then Emb's suggestion is by far and away the best. However, if you fancy a bit of gentle argie bargie and don't think she should get away with this then pop over for a 'chat'.

Personally, I'd leave pointing out that it's a public highway and there's f*ck all she can do about it until last. I'd point out just what you've said - that she's not bothered talking to you in 9 years and she hasn't even got the common decency to come round and speak to you nicely in the first instance.

If she gets arsey point out that you've not been writing letters about the fact that the whole neighbourhood has to put up with listening to her mouthing off at her kids and if she gets aggressive back (likely) smile and tell her that you understand why she's single

No swearing or shouting tho old bean (not that I'd expect it off you!)

 

[Wij]

Chloroform.

 

[Scouse]

Chloroform.

That works too

 

[Fast]

Get the Revenge Crabs out and sprinkle on her washing

 

[Raven]

Is writing "die bitch" in burning petrol on her lawn a bit far?

 

[Ch3tan]

Neighbours like that can be hell, seeing as you spend time away from home on work, do not aggravate her. You never know what kind of crazy bitch she could be.

Ring her doorbell, ask her politely if she left the note, and explain that you only park there if another space is not available. If she still wants to be a moany cow and argue, just walk away.

 

[old.Osy]

Bug out. Nuke the site from orbit. Its the only way to be sure*

*May have been playing AvP recently.

Hah, best reply yet

 

[Tom]

Fuck speaking reasonably to her. I'm going to store this offence in my revenge bank. One day, the opportunity will avail itself, and she'll be none the wiser.

Hopefully one of her daughters will get pregnant while still at school or something.

 

[Bugz]

The way you've phrased that makes it sound like you're going to be the one impregnating her! :lol:

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

The way you've phrased that makes it sound like you're going to be the one impregnating her! :lol:

It does rather sound like that

 

[Wij]

16-year-olds can be at school so it's ok, you're not a paedo.









Rapist perhaps, but not a paedo.

 

[TdC]

or a papist!

 

[Wij]

Remember to keep your eyes closed when having sex with 16-year-olds though as saucy images of under-18s are child pr0n. The cops could confiscate your retina and brain.

Your willy and however-many-fingers-you-can-manage are fine though.

 

[Chilly]

Remember to keep your eyes closed when having sex with 16-year-olds though as saucy images of under-18s are child pr0n. The cops could confiscate your retina and brain.

Your willy and however-many-fingers-you-can-manage are fine though.

rofl, good point. no wank bank memories allowed

 

[Tom]

Actually her eldest daughter is rather lovely and works in the local co-op, she's always been friendly and polite.

Her mother however, is like Medusa after a haircut.