Oro
Fledgling Freddie
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2004
- Messages
- 691
- Thread starter
- #31
Vampires in theory were a fantastic choice for leading an army. Charming, persuasive, incisive and deadly, they were traditionally of ruthless intelligence and cunning - the perfect general. However, what looked good on vellum met with a few certain practical problems. They were, as everyone knows, somewhat allergic to direct sunlight. You don't look very commanding on the battlefield when you've just been vapourised because there was a patch in the clouds. Indeed vampires relied on very accurate weather reports and in the places where they unlived there was no such thing as a second rate weatherman. Basically unless General Vamiprisimo was leading a battle at night, he had to be wheeled around in his coffin, with aides passing info into the box. There was definately a certain loss of credibility when your highest ranking officers stood around in a circle talking to some carefully crafted pine. Some had even tried leading their armies in daylight at the front. However, a coffin at the front of the army tended to become peppered with arrows very fast and within seconds resembled a pine porcupine.
Despite certain limitations, there was one thing a vampire could do in the night time hours better than almost any other creature. Certain of their kind had the ability to shapechange into a bat and what was better for scouting at night than something so perfectly attuned to the dark (other than those in the legal profession of course). Snotwheeze, the mighty lurikeen vampire was currently wearing his bat form and perched high in the trees above the small clearing where two trolls, a norse woman and a seal made their camp. The Seal was quite clearly uncomfortable, unable to find a nice flat rock to waddle onto. He saw Ham alert and watching into the trees while they rested.
Snotwheeze hardly noticed. Another weakness of powerful vampires everywhere is that their urge to find a suitable mate is almost unquenchable. Its a peculiar blind spot of such a normally intelligent type of creature that whenever confronted by a perfectly formed and beautiful woman, their plans for either global domination or at least to suck dry a couple of local farmers, tended to go flying out the window. Down the centuries many vampires had been felled by their pursuit of a beautiful woman, or more accurately her stake-wielding, cult-worshipping companions. Poor old Snotwheeze was no exception. As he looked down at this beautiful norsewoman lying uncomfortably on the ground, his heart was smitten by the huge troll in chain armour tending her. He had never seen such a huge mattock before. The troll moved utterly gracelessly but with such power. Snotwheeze's plans for revenging his dead brother and following his lord and master's orders were for the moment forgotten. He was spellbound.
Tight examined Tesla's broken leg. Other than being able to identify it was broken he was unable to do much more. His idea of field medicine was to put someone out of their pain with his mattock. Tesla had taken one sniff of the Fluffy Bunny potion and turned it down despite Tight's assurances that she wouldn't feel any more pain. Tesla grunted in pain as Tight gently probed her leg, causing even more bruising. He suddenly stiffened and looked up into the trees but couldn't see anything.
Snotwheeze watched Tight looking straight at him, yet still unable to see him. Even in bat form he felt his knees tremble. Such power in this troll.
Tight shrugged and looked away again. By Thor he could use some food. Tesla was propped up now watching him.
"It cold," he said, "We should build fire if resting here. Then find food."
"No!" exclaimed Tesla, "with both Albs and Hibs around we'll be trampled fast!"
"Just little fire." said Tight stubbornly.
"If you build it they will come." said Seal.
Tight grumbled but subsided.
"Why are you two out here anyway? Nobody comes here by choice." asked Tesla.
Tight grinned at her, "Am helping brother troll."
Ham looked across, "Got separated from Mother and Father trolls in snow. Ma said meet at Bledmeer if that happen so we go Bledmeer."
Tesla smiled, "But you don't even know how to get there. What were you hoping for?"
Ham looked over his shoulder at Tesla.
"Maybe we get lucky and bump into der hunter that knows way." he said, giving Tesla a lopsided smile.
Tesla shook her head in disbelief. How did these trolls manage to stay alive. Tesla wondered what they were doing in Odin's Gate in the first place but decided to bide her time asking. Aside from garrison rotations in Bledmeer Faste not many from Midgard came out here.
Ham broke her train of thought, "How far to Bledmeer from here?"
Tesla pursed her lips while she worked it out, "Probably half a day's walk, so long as we don't bump into any trouble"
"We save you again little hunter," said Tight, "if anyone tries to hurt."
Tight drew his mattock and ran his hand slowly along the shaft. He didn't hear the soft plop as Snotwheeze fell out of the tree and landed in the snow.
"Strong trolls are good trolls, as Mother Troll always says." said Tight.
"No she don't." said Ham.
Tight frowned, "Of course she do."
Ham sighed and said "No. It Uncle Krill say that."
"No," said Tight, "he say 'Smish a day keep hibbies away.'"
"No brother troll," said Ham, "that be Wither the barman."
"No," said Tight, "Wither always say 'Beer beer good for heart but with troll tums it make them...'"
"Arrrrrgh" said Tesla, "will you two shut up."
The two trolls continued their bickering and completely ignored Tesla.
"Breaker Finfin says 'We go we go to smish we go." said Ham.
"No silly troll that Rogad Blacknose. Breaker Finfin say 'Big Ben this is Rubber Duck I'm about to put the hammer down.' Never understand that one." said Tight.
"No Breaker Finfin die last winter and always say 'Smish be a lady tonight."
"He dead?" asked Tight.
"Got caught cheating on Esme the barmaid at Troll's Nest."
"ooh what happened?" asked Tight.
"Esme sat on him."
"How that kill him?"
"At time she on mammoth."
Tesla picked up a couple of small rocks and threw one at each of the trolls.
"That tickle." said Tight as it bounced off him.
At least she had their attention, "If you two are quite finished..."
"What you wanting grumpy hunter? We havin' brother talk." said Ham.
"Something is watching us." Not sure where, but there's something in the trees.
Ham snorted at the skitish hunter but nevertheless he narrowed his eyes as he looked around.
"Maybe best we move." he said after a few moments, "Won't hurt to get to Bledmeer as soon as we can."
Seal sniffed the air, "I think Albs are coming. Roughly from south."
Without delay, Ham scooped up Tesla and Tight got Seal back onto his shoulders.
"Which direction we go?" asked Ham.
"Thataway." answered Tesla, pointing roughly north east.
"Jog speed, brother troll." said Ham.
"Yer brother troll." answered Tight.
Despite certain limitations, there was one thing a vampire could do in the night time hours better than almost any other creature. Certain of their kind had the ability to shapechange into a bat and what was better for scouting at night than something so perfectly attuned to the dark (other than those in the legal profession of course). Snotwheeze, the mighty lurikeen vampire was currently wearing his bat form and perched high in the trees above the small clearing where two trolls, a norse woman and a seal made their camp. The Seal was quite clearly uncomfortable, unable to find a nice flat rock to waddle onto. He saw Ham alert and watching into the trees while they rested.
Snotwheeze hardly noticed. Another weakness of powerful vampires everywhere is that their urge to find a suitable mate is almost unquenchable. Its a peculiar blind spot of such a normally intelligent type of creature that whenever confronted by a perfectly formed and beautiful woman, their plans for either global domination or at least to suck dry a couple of local farmers, tended to go flying out the window. Down the centuries many vampires had been felled by their pursuit of a beautiful woman, or more accurately her stake-wielding, cult-worshipping companions. Poor old Snotwheeze was no exception. As he looked down at this beautiful norsewoman lying uncomfortably on the ground, his heart was smitten by the huge troll in chain armour tending her. He had never seen such a huge mattock before. The troll moved utterly gracelessly but with such power. Snotwheeze's plans for revenging his dead brother and following his lord and master's orders were for the moment forgotten. He was spellbound.
Tight examined Tesla's broken leg. Other than being able to identify it was broken he was unable to do much more. His idea of field medicine was to put someone out of their pain with his mattock. Tesla had taken one sniff of the Fluffy Bunny potion and turned it down despite Tight's assurances that she wouldn't feel any more pain. Tesla grunted in pain as Tight gently probed her leg, causing even more bruising. He suddenly stiffened and looked up into the trees but couldn't see anything.
Snotwheeze watched Tight looking straight at him, yet still unable to see him. Even in bat form he felt his knees tremble. Such power in this troll.
Tight shrugged and looked away again. By Thor he could use some food. Tesla was propped up now watching him.
"It cold," he said, "We should build fire if resting here. Then find food."
"No!" exclaimed Tesla, "with both Albs and Hibs around we'll be trampled fast!"
"Just little fire." said Tight stubbornly.
"If you build it they will come." said Seal.
Tight grumbled but subsided.
"Why are you two out here anyway? Nobody comes here by choice." asked Tesla.
Tight grinned at her, "Am helping brother troll."
Ham looked across, "Got separated from Mother and Father trolls in snow. Ma said meet at Bledmeer if that happen so we go Bledmeer."
Tesla smiled, "But you don't even know how to get there. What were you hoping for?"
Ham looked over his shoulder at Tesla.
"Maybe we get lucky and bump into der hunter that knows way." he said, giving Tesla a lopsided smile.
Tesla shook her head in disbelief. How did these trolls manage to stay alive. Tesla wondered what they were doing in Odin's Gate in the first place but decided to bide her time asking. Aside from garrison rotations in Bledmeer Faste not many from Midgard came out here.
Ham broke her train of thought, "How far to Bledmeer from here?"
Tesla pursed her lips while she worked it out, "Probably half a day's walk, so long as we don't bump into any trouble"
"We save you again little hunter," said Tight, "if anyone tries to hurt."
Tight drew his mattock and ran his hand slowly along the shaft. He didn't hear the soft plop as Snotwheeze fell out of the tree and landed in the snow.
"Strong trolls are good trolls, as Mother Troll always says." said Tight.
"No she don't." said Ham.
Tight frowned, "Of course she do."
Ham sighed and said "No. It Uncle Krill say that."
"No," said Tight, "he say 'Smish a day keep hibbies away.'"
"No brother troll," said Ham, "that be Wither the barman."
"No," said Tight, "Wither always say 'Beer beer good for heart but with troll tums it make them...'"
"Arrrrrgh" said Tesla, "will you two shut up."
The two trolls continued their bickering and completely ignored Tesla.
"Breaker Finfin says 'We go we go to smish we go." said Ham.
"No silly troll that Rogad Blacknose. Breaker Finfin say 'Big Ben this is Rubber Duck I'm about to put the hammer down.' Never understand that one." said Tight.
"No Breaker Finfin die last winter and always say 'Smish be a lady tonight."
"He dead?" asked Tight.
"Got caught cheating on Esme the barmaid at Troll's Nest."
"ooh what happened?" asked Tight.
"Esme sat on him."
"How that kill him?"
"At time she on mammoth."
Tesla picked up a couple of small rocks and threw one at each of the trolls.
"That tickle." said Tight as it bounced off him.
At least she had their attention, "If you two are quite finished..."
"What you wanting grumpy hunter? We havin' brother talk." said Ham.
"Something is watching us." Not sure where, but there's something in the trees.
Ham snorted at the skitish hunter but nevertheless he narrowed his eyes as he looked around.
"Maybe best we move." he said after a few moments, "Won't hurt to get to Bledmeer as soon as we can."
Seal sniffed the air, "I think Albs are coming. Roughly from south."
Without delay, Ham scooped up Tesla and Tight got Seal back onto his shoulders.
"Which direction we go?" asked Ham.
"Thataway." answered Tesla, pointing roughly north east.
"Jog speed, brother troll." said Ham.
"Yer brother troll." answered Tight.
more! 
