Samaroon|Terracotta
Banned
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2006
- Messages
- 2,325
Haggus said:
or Milk! :d
The Crap Joke Finger of Shame award...
- Thread starter Takhasis
- Start date
or Milk! :d
Serbitar
Fledgling Freddie
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2004
- Messages
- 734
how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fish
how many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - they'd rather sit in the dark and cry
how many vietnam war vets does it take to change a lightbulb
You don't know cos you werent there
Fish
how many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - they'd rather sit in the dark and cry
how many vietnam war vets does it take to change a lightbulb
You don't know cos you werent there
Sharaft
Fledgling Freddie
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2005
- Messages
- 706
allright.. allready got a worse!
ever heard the bob marley joke?
There was a man and he owed a: Bob marley scarf, bob marley LP and a bob marley poster. When he died hes son got his hands on the Bob marley scarf, bob marley LP and the bob marley poster. He got himself a wife and got a son and he gave the Bob marley scarf, bob marley LP and the bob marley poster to his son as a 18th birthday present. His son got himself a girlfriend and he gave the Bob marley scarf, bob marley LP and the bob marley poster to her.
Then two tomatoes went over the road and one of the got runned over by a truck and the other said "Come on ketchup"
please.. this must be the worst ever..
ever heard the bob marley joke?
There was a man and he owed a: Bob marley scarf, bob marley LP and a bob marley poster. When he died hes son got his hands on the Bob marley scarf, bob marley LP and the bob marley poster. He got himself a wife and got a son and he gave the Bob marley scarf, bob marley LP and the bob marley poster to his son as a 18th birthday present. His son got himself a girlfriend and he gave the Bob marley scarf, bob marley LP and the bob marley poster to her.
Then two tomatoes went over the road and one of the got runned over by a truck and the other said "Come on ketchup"
please.. this must be the worst ever..
Lamp
Gold Star Holder!!
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Messages
- 23,236
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
Lamp
Gold Star Holder!!
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Messages
- 23,236
Got another one:
A young single guy finds himself stranded on a deserted island. As he washes ashore, he sees a women passed out in the sand. Able to perform CPR on her, he saves her life. Suddenly, he realizes that the woman is Cindy Crawford. Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man. Days and weeks go by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven on earth in the man's eyes. Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together and I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt and pants?" "Sure," she says, "if it'll help." He takes off his shirt and pants and she puts it on. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks. "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so.
Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?" She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later.
He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"
A young single guy finds himself stranded on a deserted island. As he washes ashore, he sees a women passed out in the sand. Able to perform CPR on her, he saves her life. Suddenly, he realizes that the woman is Cindy Crawford. Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man. Days and weeks go by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven on earth in the man's eyes. Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together and I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt and pants?" "Sure," she says, "if it'll help." He takes off his shirt and pants and she puts it on. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks. "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so.
Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?" She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later.
He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"
pikeh
Resident Freddy
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2004
- Messages
- 5,032
got a couple of crackers for you guys.
A man gets onto a plane, and THE most beautiful woman comes and sits next to him. He gets nervous and stutters "hi! business or pleasure", In her sweet sexy voice she replies "business, actually. Im going to a conference for Nymphomaniacs"
"jesus!" this guy thinks. Here he is sitting next to the most beautiful sex addict ever. "So, what is it you do?!" he says, his eyes lighting up.
"well, i do talks to groups of sex addicts. For example, the general consensus is that men of an african american background are more likely to be well endowed, but research shows its native americans that possess this trait. And the same goes for the french being supposedly the best lovers, this isnt true. Research shows that its men of a greek origin that have this quality. Also, irish men have the most sexual stamina"
"Oh im sorry" the woman says, "i shouldnt be saying all of this, I dont even know your name!"
"Oh I apologise. Im Tonto Papadopolous, But my friends call me Paddy"
And another,
I was walking down the street and i saw a guy laying on the ground, kissing a shrimp. I said "you alright mate?"
he said ,"i think ive pulled a muscle"
boom-tsh.
A man gets onto a plane, and THE most beautiful woman comes and sits next to him. He gets nervous and stutters "hi! business or pleasure", In her sweet sexy voice she replies "business, actually. Im going to a conference for Nymphomaniacs"
"jesus!" this guy thinks. Here he is sitting next to the most beautiful sex addict ever. "So, what is it you do?!" he says, his eyes lighting up.
"well, i do talks to groups of sex addicts. For example, the general consensus is that men of an african american background are more likely to be well endowed, but research shows its native americans that possess this trait. And the same goes for the french being supposedly the best lovers, this isnt true. Research shows that its men of a greek origin that have this quality. Also, irish men have the most sexual stamina"
"Oh im sorry" the woman says, "i shouldnt be saying all of this, I dont even know your name!"
"Oh I apologise. Im Tonto Papadopolous, But my friends call me Paddy"
And another,
I was walking down the street and i saw a guy laying on the ground, kissing a shrimp. I said "you alright mate?"
he said ,"i think ive pulled a muscle"
boom-tsh.
pikeh
Resident Freddy
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2004
- Messages
- 5,032
A vampire Bat came flying back to his Bat cave, covered in fresh blood. As soon as he hung upside down, a swarm of other Bats were around him, begging him to show them were he got the blood. Eventually, he gave up, and told them to follow him. He led them over a mountain, over a lake, through a tunnel, and at long last, he said; "do you see that tree over there?"
"Yes! yes!" they all warbled in excitement!
"well I didnt"
"Yes! yes!" they all warbled in excitement!
"well I didnt"
Bahumat
FH is my second home
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Messages
- 16,788
Jeremiah said:Two goldfish were in a tank. One of the goldfish turns to the other one and says "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
What did the slug say to the snail? "Big Issue mate?" (Maybe this is a scottish only one)
makes sense for us brits (for any idiots i can only assume it refers to Big Issue magazine sellers who are homeless, irony being the snails having shells supposidly used for a home)
What you wanna do is this
You:- Knock Knock
Big Issue dude:- Who's there?
You:- Big Ish
Big Issue dude:- Big Ish Who?
You:- No thanks.