Teh Seel goes for some "stand up(ish)" again.

[old.Tohtori]

So i was sitting at my computer the other day, reading an interesting article about ice melting used in...well actually was browsing for pron, but that's off the point, and i started thinking about the difference between real life and internet.

As a great example, when in the internet, using smilies like : p or : D is a great way to express that you're making a joke, or that you're not too serious. But when you go to a bar and tell a lady something and go : D, before returning to normal, not so good.

Or you might go to a big, 7 foot tall bodybuilder, tell him "hey man, you're a weener" and go : P just to show you're kidding. He'll quickly show you his fist up close, just to show you he's not.

Another thing about the internet is spoiler tags. Though this i believe SHOULD be brought to real life. But imagine you're sitting at a bar and go "SPOILER! SPOILER!" then tell something about the new harry potter and the stick of pointing, your friends arn't that understanding of your "considerate" ways.

Then there's the ending of a mail. Often we put XXX, or whatnot at the end of mails if their to a GF or whatnot, but in real life, if you're not a multimillion selling rap artist with a posse that fits only in a normal sized bus, shouting "XXX!" just ain't that romantic.

Talking about romance. Cybering. Ooh got your attention now. Here's some real life-internet comparison:

Cyboring:
"Hey babe..."
-Hey.-
"What are you wearing...?"
-Just my pink panties and wet top.-

Real life:
"Hey babe..."
-Hey.-
"What are you wearing...?"
-...? You blind or something?-

Or how about if you manage to get that pink panties and wet top in your bed...

Cyboring:
"...i'm sliding my fingers down your stomach..."
-Oooh....i'm shivering in antisipation...-

Real life:
"...i'm sliding my fingers down your stomach..."
-What the f*ck are you doing sitting on the edge of the bed, muttering to yourself?-

Some things just don't work. Also another thing i noticed is that on the internet, the security of anonymity is quite strong. Imagine if you went to a local bar, met with some friends and did the same that you might do on IRC or boards:

Yo whaddup.
Hey man, how's things.
Nothing much, just had a poop and thought about wanking at the same time.
....

Yeah...too far? They thought so too at my bar.

Thanks everyone, hope you had a laugh, see you next time.

 

[Blackjack]

On the internet you are forced to argue the "feminine" way. You have to solve conflicts with words. If you gave me the chance to act the way i really wanted to when arguing with a female in real life. i wouldn't meticulously be explaining my points. fuck no, i would be jump on the table and bang my chest like a full grown silverback then continue to slap her into submission with a leafy branch.. or in this case a 4 page TV guide; "Sundays *smack* are *smack* reserved for *smack* football!". Because, as a wise man once said, you can't win an argument with a woman if she decides not to loose. Women wont let a little thing like making sense spoil their argument.
No i don't think you should beat women, i hate people who abuse the spouse.. but you could shake the fuck out of them, thats allowed right?!
Woman always say they hate violence. Well that might be true.. if it doesn't happen to them that is. no no no but the first fucking time you take a new GF out she WILL find that massive 400 pound weightlifting, nunchaku wielding, gun slinging, tattooed from top to toe mofo wearing a hells angels club jacket next to his 4 giant friends. and say "You are such a fag! my boyfriend will beat you up" And you look around wondering what boyfriend she might be talking about because it certainly isn't you.

Don't you just hate getting interupted while masturbating? It's so damn annoying. Here you are trying to make sweet love to yourself and some damn elderly lady complains that she can't get her cart past you in the slim aisle.

The little slipups during sex.. imho the biggest design flaw we have. She is happily riding away like you were the prize pony at the county fair. when suddenly *KAPAU* he just rides that inch or 2 too high. Mr. Johnson then continues to slam head on into something less than soft and moist. She ofcause think it's hillarious.
But you get your revenge. yeesss. because the next time it happens Mr. Johnson has learned.. he avoids the skin colored wall of pain and slams the pedal down road number 2. he guns it down the dirt road if you catch my drift. Now it's your girlfriend's turn to jump up and whimper in the corner while your stomach hurts from laughing.

did you know that male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal. that kinda of explains the tight latex like batsuit batman insists on wearing. now to mention Robins gear.. i mean c'mon. The Fab 5 are straighter than those 2.

I found out that women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't. I, being a man and all, decided to introduce my then gf to the library of porn called.. the goody closet. And it was then i found out that woman do not considder the "riding little red head" short story for romance.

i had ofcause realized that pron had screwed me up way before that. As a young lad age 13-14 i enjoyed vast quantities of porn. so when the time came for me to loose my virginty i found out me and my girlfriend had very different expectations. She was expecting 2 bodies merging into one in an erotic dance of hearts.. i ofcause was just waiting spin her around pull her hair and come on her face. Surfice to say my first time was less than perfect

 

[Vladamir]

But you get your revenge. yeesss. because the next time it happens Mr. Johnson has learned.. he avoids the skin colored wall of pain and slams the pedal down road number 2. he guns it down the dirt road if you catch my drift. Now it's your girlfriend's turn to jump up and whimper in the corner while your stomach hurts from laughing.

I believe the phrase is, dropping anchor in poo bay!

She was expecting 2 bodies merging into one in an erotic dance of hearts.. i ofcause was just waiting spin her around pull her hair and come on her face. Surfice to say my first time was less than perfect

Pmsl. Fucking excellent posts, keep them coming! :worthy: :worthy:

 

[Haggus]

It's most embarresing when you say "l-o-l" out loud in a bar or something with your mates and they then turn round to you and look at you like your a twat.

Or Q-Q out loud. There like wtf is that? then you have to explain and at the end you call them noob's. Then you have to explain what that means and then explain why you called them it because they had forgot that you had said Q-Q.

Have to admit, i've never said O-M-G out loud, nor rofl or lmao. My mate did once (WoW'er) and i looked at him like a fucking retard, well I do anyway cos he play's WoW.

When you read lmao do you say it in your head as L M A O or Laugh My Arse Off?

Like L O L - do you say lol or L O L or Laughing Out Loud ?

 

[Blackjack]

She is happily riding away like you were the prize pony at the county fair. when suddenly *KAPAU* he just rides that inch or 2 too high.

hmm self pwned ohh well. lets just say i did it to make the joke work for the homosexual people on FH too

 

[Tasslehoff]

hmm self pwned ohh well. lets just say i did it to make the joke work for the homosexual people on FH too

Lol

( read that as lol, and lmao as laughing my ass off, by the way)

Can't ever rep you :s

 

[Rhori]

It's most embarresing when you say "l-o-l" out loud in a bar or something with your mates and they then turn round to you and look at you like your a twat.

Or Q-Q out loud. There like wtf is that? then you have to explain and at the end you call them noob's. Then you have to explain what that means and then explain why you called them it because they had forgot that you had said Q-Q.

Have to admit, i've never said O-M-G out loud, nor rofl or lmao. My mate did once (WoW'er) and i looked at him like a fucking retard, well I do anyway cos he play's WoW.

When you read lmao do you say it in your head as L M A O or Laugh My Arse Off?

Like L O L - do you say lol or L O L or Laughing Out Loud ?

I read lol as lol, and lmao as laughing my ass off

 

[Ezteq]

The Girls Perspective

ah hem

I believe the phrase is, dropping anchor in poo bay!

maybe if your the guy, if your the gal the phrase is:


"GAAaaaarrrrgggggaaaaarrrwaddafukwrongonewrongonegedditootfortheloveofgodLOOOOOOBE!!"



I'm always dismayed that the people i know irl are such dimwits, actually at work today i was thinking how great it'd be if i worked somewhere that the folks were all nerds because tbh nerds are so much better than real people.

 

[Haggus]

I'm not a nerd!

 

[Ezteq]

stand up and be counted!!

be proud!!

be a nerd!!

nerds are great i love em!

 

[Rhori]

I'm not a nerd :< I'm a freak , that's why my real life nickname is Freakeh!!

 

[Blackjack]

Well i pretty much got what i needed off my chest yesterday but i still have a few things i could poke around in.

for excample a few years ago i was an exchange student in Holland. I had a great time but i noticed the cultural difference.
e.g Dutch people are not particularly thrilled yet non confrontive when they catch you and your GF having sex in their waterpark. Normally people scream and call the lifeguard to stop it. Or in this one perticular case, call the police!
But how was i to know that manati sex at the zoo is fround upon?

Well when in Holland you ofcause have to visit Amsterdam, but before i actually went there the family i stayed with gave me a warning. Make sure your wallet doesn't get stolen and don't take cookies from strangers they are most likely filled with daterape drugs. Well ok, i'll be carefull...
What they failed to mention though was the fact that the red-light destrict has a "code of conduct" i was in the process of some of the best sex i have ever had when suddenly a huge bouncer like dude rushes over to me and saying that i was making his girl uncomfortable. By then i ofcause had to pull out, say sorry to the girl in the window and take the pony back to the petting zoo.

Speaking of sex for once <cough> i have perfected the move called the spinning dragon. This is most likely a direct result from my love/hate relationship with porn. For the people who has never done the "spinning dragon" move. it goes like this. Have some nice doggystyle sex just when you are about to cum. pull out and spit your gf on the back. when she spins around to blame you for making a mess, unload in her face. By now you might be wondering where the dragon part comes in.. trust me if you dont get out of there before she recovers from the shock. You will know! Never seen anyone with that kind of dragonlike fury. But then again it's kind of hard to be afraid of the raging seemen-dragon infront of you

Well back to Amsterdam. When walking down the main street my GF suddenly go. "Ohh my God, a black sailor. i think my panties are going to fly off! That is so hot."
By now my friends are looking at me like "Dude your girl is turned on by that guy, aren't you gonna say something" No, im not. I was the one going home with her. I didn't really care who she was thinking about when having sex with me. I still felt she had the right to get an orgasm... If she was fast enough

So we left Amsterdam. My girlfriend with bags and bags of clothe and shoes. Some of the guys with funny gadgets. I left with just a bag full of daterape cookies i scammed out of the different perverts in the alleys, who knows? i might run into a dry spell and if that happened those little wonder cookies would be worth their weight in gold! do you know how hard it is to get close to a 300 pound polish road worker woman when she is awake?

 

[Aoln]

Those cookies sound fun xD

nerds are so much better than real people.

Says it all really

 

[Chronictank]

Those cookies sound fun xD



Says it all really

lol this is a geek ><

A carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken.