Teh Seel attacks Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons.

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old.Tohtori

Guest
Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons is a writer at Something Awful and he recently reviewed some of the "classic" games that people suggested him to "slack off". So i, as a concerned citizen, ofcourse had to send some hatemale(an angry male via internet) towards his cruel injustice towards Fallout.

Here's the comment by Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons towards Fallout:

You mean "being shot in the back" simulator? That's a wonderful game! Nothing quite like picking up a couple NPCs to empty entire clips into your back. Hey professor trajectory, when I'm punching a supermutant in the face how about not shooting your goddamn minigun into my spine. Also I absolutely loved the voice acting in this game. The cast reads like a who's-who of out of work Z grade TV actors. The plot was a photocopy of the script to some Roger Korman movie that combined zombies with the apocalypse and for some reason Internet fanboys think it's the hottest shit since they learned how to dress themselves (yesterday).


And here, is the hatemale i sent him:

Good day,

Your "review" of Fallout was just horrible! You obviously haven't played the game at all or you're just too juvenile to see the things in it. First off, the professor doesn't empty a minigun to your back, he empties a shotgun. Nobody in their right mind would let a scientist of some sort(or from sweden) to carry a minigun and only sensible players of this game would let themselves be killed off by a shotgun. If you must, and in this game you do, have one of your "friends" waste you in a wasteland(Get it? Me Mr. Funnypants.), you should always have a shotgun on them. It is just how the laws of bad games go.

Second, you saying that the plot was straight from a Roger Korman movie is total and utter bullcrap. It is clearly more towards the "Resident Evil" movie included with "There's Sum(thing) of All Fears". Even if Fallout was released before these movies were made, it doesn't stop the developers from using a timemachine built out of sodacans and bubblegum (like MacGyver did) and steal the idea from the future. Haven't you played Command and Conquer: Red Alert?(green is not realistic color in Real HalfLife -tm) There you see a timemachine.

Third thing about your so called "review" was the blatant lie about "..this being the hottest shit since fanboys learned how to dress themselves(yesterday).." Honestly. Atleast keep the facts straight. Fanboys didn't learn how to dress yesterday, but infact the day before that and around teatime. Why you ask? Because they heard that Fallout is out so they must learn how to dress(in womens clothing or themselves, whichever they prefer) so they can get their uber-eleet copy. Ofcourse you might have meant the fanboys of Fallout 2 but these have yet to learn that important skill. In any case, you were wrong.

Also you forgot useless perks like "More blood(two pixels) on screen", "Steal a fruit from strangers pants" and many other so relevant things that make this game the best game ever.

Please correct there things and i don't have to take legal action towards the company who makes roadsigns and demand a refund for a lost carrot i found two weeks ago from next tuesday.


*nods*
 
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Ekydus

Guest
:ROFLMAO:

It could have been better though Tohtori. Your standards are slipping. :p
 
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old.Tohtori

Guest
Originally posted by Ekydus
:ROFLMAO:

It could have been better though Tohtori. Your standards are slipping. :p

Yes i know, not my best work but i'm kinda testing the waters. :D

I have to know what comes of this so i can dig deeper into my strange mind and drag out more, "oddities" if you will.
 
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Serbitar

Guest
its hardly hatemail... more along the lines of 'youmadesomeslighterrorsthereandwouldyoupleasemindchangingthemmail'
 
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Sichama

Guest
There have allways been a part of my mind that wished Fallout would come out as a MMOG, and personaly i think its a genious hatemail, if it was just a litle bit more odd and mister, Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons, would probably have a stroke.
 
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old.LandShark

Guest
Bloody muppets - and by that I mean you guys.
Geist Editor is copying an SA forum thread style which runs along the lines of "Post any <band/film/artwork/game/poem> and I will attempt to destroy it".
It's not serious. He probably likes most of those games. Have those of you who read SA.com not read TruthMedia Reviews? They write fake reviews in an attempt to generate as much flame mail as possible.

edit: Personally, I thought he makes it fairly clear in the opening paragraph that literally any game, ever made, ever, could be suggested and that it would be ripped apart.
If his opening few sentences didn't tip you off, then the fact that he obsesses in each attack over very minor parts of the game in question, should have done. You honestly think it could be serious? I mean, ffs, read the damn thing.

I'll give Zack a day or so to post "oh noes, some clownskull didn't like my deliberately provocative reviews!" before I request a moderator-approved invasion of these here forums. Well, I wouldn't do that because I'm not a twat and I wouldn't like to wreck Damini/Bels' weekend, but the potential for comedy is vast. SA goons + Excal offtopic/rvr discussion = oh my.
 
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Ekydus

Guest
Yeah, don't turn your back on me you freak of nature shark thing!
 
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old.LandShark

Guest
Yeah, here we go: title + first paragraph, with the relevant bits highlighted...

Your Favorite Game Sucks - Part One

There isn't much I enjoy more in life than pissing off the ridiculously zealous fans of various videogames. Don't get me wrong, I love certain games, but even I'm cynical enough to see that the best of them are flawed in one way or another. Inspired by forum-goer DannyManic's tirade on music, I recently challenged the entire membership of the Something Awful Forums to give me the titles of games so that I could rip into each like they had brutalized and murdered my family. My hatred poured out in a pure and cleansingly exaggerated form that I have to admit was pretty therapeutic.

Today I offer up slightly less than one half of the games I belittled in the hopes that a few among you will go red in the face and fire off angry e-mails.


edit: 'sup Eky? :uhoh:


edit2: also, pre-emptive apology to toto, because I am no longer sure that you're actually missing the point. Still, I fear your attempts at humour will bring you in for derision anyway, but hey, you're used to it right? :)
 
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Ekydus

Guest
OK, you did notice that Tohtori's reply was basing on the minor points of the minor arguments against Fallout?

It wasn't the classic counter argument...

Hang on, wait a sec...
 
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Ekydus

Guest
Originally posted by old.LandShark
It's just a bit hard to have a really downbeat song as your current favourite when you're generally happy ;D
LIES!

You are in a power hungry, politically correct, civilisation dominating mood!
 
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Ekydus

Guest
Don't know about you LS, but I'm waiting for some fireworks.
 
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old.LandShark

Guest
mariofunny.gif
 
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Cap'n Sissyfoo

Guest
Toto's hate mail wasn't the funniest thing I've ever read (sorry dude :p) but it seems that he was aware that the SA article (which was even less funny) was all tongue in cheek.
 
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old.LandShark

Guest
Originally posted by Cap'n Sissyfoo
Toto's hate mail wasn't the funniest thing I've ever read (sorry dude :p) but it seems that he was aware that the SA article (which was even less funny) was all tongue in cheek.

I agree, hence the image macro.
keke.gif
 
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old.Tohtori

Guest
Phew...i thought Landshark was taking my post as a serious one :p

I know it wasn't "teh Funneh!" but as i said, just testing the waters. Also had to keep it serious enough to keep it from being too serious :D
 
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old.LandShark

Guest
You may be glad to know your mail didn't turn up in the inevitable "Hey guys, some retards didn't like my game-bashing!" thread.

A 2-page (1248x1024 resolution, 12pt font...) mass of solid text defending fallout and flaming the mysterious Geist Editor, did, however. I can't repost it, as the aforementioned thread has been hidden until part two of the game-flaming is over. I expect they'll front-page the final collection of responses.
 
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old.Tohtori

Guest
Originally posted by old.LandShark
You may be glad to know your mail didn't turn up in the inevitable "Hey guys, some retards didn't like my game-bashing!" thread.

Aww shucks. :(

I'll just have to take out my silly-stick and bash Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons a bit harder then :eek:

This isn't like the "Icecream Van of Death" wars i had with Greasnin. that was brutale.
 
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old.LandShark

Guest
For me, the comedy is knowing that most of the SA writers don't actually exist :p
 

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