H
Haldar
Guest
reposted from safehouse. tho i cba to do formatting 
======================================
Got this from the Iseult VN forums thought it was funny in a truthful sort of way.
A translation for the corporate-double-talk-impaired readers:
It’s the holiday season, and I want to wish everybody who sees this message a happy holiday.
Fiscal year-end, time to suck up to what's left of our customer base.
I have a lot of news to share with the community,
/em cues up soft-shoe music
and I hope that the community sees this message as a special and unexpected holiday announcement from Mythic.
rather than a last-ditch effort to salvage our player-base at the height of the retail season
I’m happy to report that as of December 1st,
A timeframe that allows me to sidestep the issue of /cancelled accounts with time remaining on them and include them in the statistics
our US server subscriber base is higher than a year ago at this time
Our player base has been reduced to the chronically stoned, for whom farming seems to move at warp-speed
and our subscriber base for our European partners is growing steadily as well
They are +1 on subscriptions too. Just don't ask me about the numbers after those free trial cd's run out
Second, in October, we released our second retail expansion pack, Trials of Atlantis, with much fanfare - and some fanfoul.
We managed to piss off everyone, including the PvE geeks.
Trials of Atlantis was our response to player requests for more quests, more story-based encounters, and complicated puzzles.
We heard what EQ2 was going to be like, and tried our best to copy it down to the last detail
By creating an expansion pack with these new features - a departure from the original game and first expansion - we were making a bold statement for Camelot.
The bold statement of "We can succeed without playtesting, customer service, or a customer base for that matter"
As most of you know, after the release of ToA, some bugs were discovered in the master level and artifact encounters.
Some of them actually worked, much to our chagrin
However, no matter when the bugs were discovered, that is still no excuse and we apologize for the problems and we are working very diligently to resolve these issues.
We are working overtime to ensure that the few remaining encounters that can be completed, and artifacts that can be activated, never will be.
Third, the number of people who are working on DAoC today is higher than it has ever been.
We've had to hire 200 temps to deal with all the hate-mail, run the bomb-screeners in the mailroom, and provide personal security for myself and the design team
Between the two teams of DAoC (Live and Expansion), we have more developers working on DAoC than ever before.
We actually had to hire some people that knew what they were doing, and cut off the pron access to the developers cubicles
We’ve been hiring developers at a frantic pace (over nine in the last month) without losing anybody.
Our private investigators have successfully located the 9 fugitives, and are bringing them in handcuffs back from the Canadian border at this very moment
Our plans to release both Frontiers and another retail expansion pack are right on track and nothing will stand in their way.
Our parent company is unaware of the Tedium of Atlantis fiasco, and has provided yet another bail-out loan for funding
Nothing, that is, except for what you are about to read.
If you don't buy this next line of bullshirt, I'm out of a job
There is more to Mythic and DAoC than simply a subscriber count
At least I'm hoping that's the case 'cuz we don't have many of those left
and what I’m about to say will surprise a lot of people and be followed, I’m sure, with a bit of skepticism by some people after reading this message.
Even I don't believe it, but here goes nothing
We are, as always, grateful for the community’s support during the last two years.
I can't believe you've put up with this for two years.
You’ve supported us through our good decisions and bad decisions, you’ve supported us while other big-profile games have been released, and you’ve supported us by continuing to be our customers.
You've got to be gluttons for punishment
Now is our time to give something back to you in a most unexpected way.
Hey Rocky, watch me pull this rabbit out of my <fluffy bunny>!
It would be easy for us to keep doing what we’ve done over the last two years.
But at some point you run out of subscribers
After all, why argue with a successful model that has worked for us and other companies?
If only we had followed it, and not tried to copy SOE.
We could keep two full teams working on separate parts of DAoC and release expansion packs for both retail (ToA) and for subscription-based (Foundations).
We could try the same trick again, but we're still backlogged on copies of ToA that we can't sell on Amazon for 9.99 ea
However, Mythic has never been about taking the easy path.
Mythic is about ME. MY money, MY power, MY PRESTIGE! Muuuuuhhhhaaaaahhhhaaaahhhhaaa...oh wait, where was I?
We’ve never been shy about admitting our mistakes,
We stick to our 3 D's of the /appeal queue. Delay, Deny, Delete. And by not reading any feedback, we avoid ever having to alter our course and actually accept some responsibility for our actions. LALALALALALA I can't hear you!
nor reticent about accepting well-earned kudos.
We DO, however, read the good feedback. That letter is posted in my office where the sunlight won't cause the crayon to melt.
So, we have made a decision which that will shake up that model and take us down a different path.
We're under a court injunction to fix a couple things
As of the New Year, Mythic will devote both its entire DAoC teams to subscription based content (just like Foundations) for at least the next quarter or more.
We've got 90 days to fix ToA or I'm going to Jail.
We will be reintegrating the teams with one mission, to take DAoC to the next level and in a way that all of our customers can support.
We're aiming to move from sub-standard to average in hopes that our remaining few customers won't leave
The DAoC Team will be focusing on new content (the RvR expansion which you will be hearing a lot more about starting this week), new features and updating and redoing the existing areas of DAoC.
These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Additionally, we will continue to work on any issues that are currently associated with ToA encounters and of course, any new issues that might arise based on that expansion pack.
If you think you're pissed NOW, just wait 'till you see ML's 7-10
For those skeptics who will simply say that “Mythic is cutting out the expansion team and putting them on Imperator,” that is not the case.
We can't get funding for Imperator until we get this mess cleaned up
Mythic currently has two full teams working on DAoC and all of those people will be still working on DAoC next year; they will just be working on DAoC LIVE content.
Don't ask me what I mean here, all of DaoC is LIVE, except for the living dead we have manning our CSR terminals
I made a promise last year about DAoC’s future and not only are we keeping the promise, we are expanding on it.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky...wrong lie, same concept tho.
Never before in the short history of MMORPGs has any company followed this path (at least not with a team this size).
Never before has a company been in this deep of doo-doo, and tried to fix it with two fat guys, a heroin addict and a midget
We are proud to make this commitment to our players and only once we are totally satisfied with the state of the game, will some of us go back to work on a new expansion pack.
If we manage to salvage this thing, the few who haven't left for a real game company will steal an engine, some graphics and a plot from an Indiana Jones movie and try it all again!
Looking forward, selling a couple of hundred thousand boxes (per expansion pack) is great but that shouldn’t be our guiding star.
Because for us it's just a pipe dream atm. Have I mentioned ToA is on sale at Amazon for $9.99 a copy? Only 50,000 left, they're going fast!
The star should be our commitment to making DAoC the best MMORPG on the market, and we are showing our commitment to our game and to our players by this action.
I need this job, three of the kids need braces, the wife wants a new dining room set...
So, what does this mean to the average player?
Disregard everything I said, here's the part you should remember
It means we will be able to devote more developers to our RvR expansion and so we will be able to put in more additional features than we originally planned.
We're gonna put in even more same untested, unplayable 'features' in our RvR expansion than you saw in ToA
It means that there are going to be development resources available to improve the game visually and through updating of older areas, that wouldn’t have been available otherwise.
Layoffs are coming
It means a continuing commitment to adding features to DAoC that wouldn’t have been added until after our next retail expansion or beyond.
I'm about as committed to this as Bill Clinton is to Hillary
It means that 100% of the developers’ time will be spent on improving the game for players today and not waiting until the retail expansion.
We've realized we aren't going to SELL another expansion if we don't clean up the mess we're in now
As required by lawyers everywhere, the usual disclaimer that this letter is a guide as to what we hope to do and not as a guarantee of any kind. I always hate saying this but that’s what lawyers are for, to make us say things that we hate.
Don't believe a word that I said, it's not worth the paper it's printed on. Hey, it's not even on paper! W00-HOO!
As always we thank the community for its continued support and patronage of DAoC, and I hope that this letter finds you and your families well during this holiday season.
God I hope some of you still read the Herald, if only for nostalgia's sake
Mark
The Evil Overlord
======================================
Got this from the Iseult VN forums thought it was funny in a truthful sort of way.
A translation for the corporate-double-talk-impaired readers:
It’s the holiday season, and I want to wish everybody who sees this message a happy holiday.
Fiscal year-end, time to suck up to what's left of our customer base.
I have a lot of news to share with the community,
/em cues up soft-shoe music
and I hope that the community sees this message as a special and unexpected holiday announcement from Mythic.
rather than a last-ditch effort to salvage our player-base at the height of the retail season
I’m happy to report that as of December 1st,
A timeframe that allows me to sidestep the issue of /cancelled accounts with time remaining on them and include them in the statistics
our US server subscriber base is higher than a year ago at this time
Our player base has been reduced to the chronically stoned, for whom farming seems to move at warp-speed
and our subscriber base for our European partners is growing steadily as well
They are +1 on subscriptions too. Just don't ask me about the numbers after those free trial cd's run out
Second, in October, we released our second retail expansion pack, Trials of Atlantis, with much fanfare - and some fanfoul.
We managed to piss off everyone, including the PvE geeks.
Trials of Atlantis was our response to player requests for more quests, more story-based encounters, and complicated puzzles.
We heard what EQ2 was going to be like, and tried our best to copy it down to the last detail
By creating an expansion pack with these new features - a departure from the original game and first expansion - we were making a bold statement for Camelot.
The bold statement of "We can succeed without playtesting, customer service, or a customer base for that matter"
As most of you know, after the release of ToA, some bugs were discovered in the master level and artifact encounters.
Some of them actually worked, much to our chagrin
However, no matter when the bugs were discovered, that is still no excuse and we apologize for the problems and we are working very diligently to resolve these issues.
We are working overtime to ensure that the few remaining encounters that can be completed, and artifacts that can be activated, never will be.
Third, the number of people who are working on DAoC today is higher than it has ever been.
We've had to hire 200 temps to deal with all the hate-mail, run the bomb-screeners in the mailroom, and provide personal security for myself and the design team
Between the two teams of DAoC (Live and Expansion), we have more developers working on DAoC than ever before.
We actually had to hire some people that knew what they were doing, and cut off the pron access to the developers cubicles
We’ve been hiring developers at a frantic pace (over nine in the last month) without losing anybody.
Our private investigators have successfully located the 9 fugitives, and are bringing them in handcuffs back from the Canadian border at this very moment
Our plans to release both Frontiers and another retail expansion pack are right on track and nothing will stand in their way.
Our parent company is unaware of the Tedium of Atlantis fiasco, and has provided yet another bail-out loan for funding
Nothing, that is, except for what you are about to read.
If you don't buy this next line of bullshirt, I'm out of a job
There is more to Mythic and DAoC than simply a subscriber count
At least I'm hoping that's the case 'cuz we don't have many of those left
and what I’m about to say will surprise a lot of people and be followed, I’m sure, with a bit of skepticism by some people after reading this message.
Even I don't believe it, but here goes nothing
We are, as always, grateful for the community’s support during the last two years.
I can't believe you've put up with this for two years.
You’ve supported us through our good decisions and bad decisions, you’ve supported us while other big-profile games have been released, and you’ve supported us by continuing to be our customers.
You've got to be gluttons for punishment
Now is our time to give something back to you in a most unexpected way.
Hey Rocky, watch me pull this rabbit out of my <fluffy bunny>!
It would be easy for us to keep doing what we’ve done over the last two years.
But at some point you run out of subscribers
After all, why argue with a successful model that has worked for us and other companies?
If only we had followed it, and not tried to copy SOE.
We could keep two full teams working on separate parts of DAoC and release expansion packs for both retail (ToA) and for subscription-based (Foundations).
We could try the same trick again, but we're still backlogged on copies of ToA that we can't sell on Amazon for 9.99 ea
However, Mythic has never been about taking the easy path.
Mythic is about ME. MY money, MY power, MY PRESTIGE! Muuuuuhhhhaaaaahhhhaaaahhhhaaa...oh wait, where was I?
We’ve never been shy about admitting our mistakes,
We stick to our 3 D's of the /appeal queue. Delay, Deny, Delete. And by not reading any feedback, we avoid ever having to alter our course and actually accept some responsibility for our actions. LALALALALALA I can't hear you!
nor reticent about accepting well-earned kudos.
We DO, however, read the good feedback. That letter is posted in my office where the sunlight won't cause the crayon to melt.
So, we have made a decision which that will shake up that model and take us down a different path.
We're under a court injunction to fix a couple things
As of the New Year, Mythic will devote both its entire DAoC teams to subscription based content (just like Foundations) for at least the next quarter or more.
We've got 90 days to fix ToA or I'm going to Jail.
We will be reintegrating the teams with one mission, to take DAoC to the next level and in a way that all of our customers can support.
We're aiming to move from sub-standard to average in hopes that our remaining few customers won't leave
The DAoC Team will be focusing on new content (the RvR expansion which you will be hearing a lot more about starting this week), new features and updating and redoing the existing areas of DAoC.
These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Additionally, we will continue to work on any issues that are currently associated with ToA encounters and of course, any new issues that might arise based on that expansion pack.
If you think you're pissed NOW, just wait 'till you see ML's 7-10
For those skeptics who will simply say that “Mythic is cutting out the expansion team and putting them on Imperator,” that is not the case.
We can't get funding for Imperator until we get this mess cleaned up
Mythic currently has two full teams working on DAoC and all of those people will be still working on DAoC next year; they will just be working on DAoC LIVE content.
Don't ask me what I mean here, all of DaoC is LIVE, except for the living dead we have manning our CSR terminals
I made a promise last year about DAoC’s future and not only are we keeping the promise, we are expanding on it.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky...wrong lie, same concept tho.
Never before in the short history of MMORPGs has any company followed this path (at least not with a team this size).
Never before has a company been in this deep of doo-doo, and tried to fix it with two fat guys, a heroin addict and a midget
We are proud to make this commitment to our players and only once we are totally satisfied with the state of the game, will some of us go back to work on a new expansion pack.
If we manage to salvage this thing, the few who haven't left for a real game company will steal an engine, some graphics and a plot from an Indiana Jones movie and try it all again!
Looking forward, selling a couple of hundred thousand boxes (per expansion pack) is great but that shouldn’t be our guiding star.
Because for us it's just a pipe dream atm. Have I mentioned ToA is on sale at Amazon for $9.99 a copy? Only 50,000 left, they're going fast!
The star should be our commitment to making DAoC the best MMORPG on the market, and we are showing our commitment to our game and to our players by this action.
I need this job, three of the kids need braces, the wife wants a new dining room set...
So, what does this mean to the average player?
Disregard everything I said, here's the part you should remember
It means we will be able to devote more developers to our RvR expansion and so we will be able to put in more additional features than we originally planned.
We're gonna put in even more same untested, unplayable 'features' in our RvR expansion than you saw in ToA
It means that there are going to be development resources available to improve the game visually and through updating of older areas, that wouldn’t have been available otherwise.
Layoffs are coming
It means a continuing commitment to adding features to DAoC that wouldn’t have been added until after our next retail expansion or beyond.
I'm about as committed to this as Bill Clinton is to Hillary
It means that 100% of the developers’ time will be spent on improving the game for players today and not waiting until the retail expansion.
We've realized we aren't going to SELL another expansion if we don't clean up the mess we're in now
As required by lawyers everywhere, the usual disclaimer that this letter is a guide as to what we hope to do and not as a guarantee of any kind. I always hate saying this but that’s what lawyers are for, to make us say things that we hate.
Don't believe a word that I said, it's not worth the paper it's printed on. Hey, it's not even on paper! W00-HOO!
As always we thank the community for its continued support and patronage of DAoC, and I hope that this letter finds you and your families well during this holiday season.
God I hope some of you still read the Herald, if only for nostalgia's sake
Mark
The Evil Overlord
