Urgluf
Part of the furniture
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2004
- Messages
- 2,900
The regular guy
Pros: Commonly accepted in the Western world; relaxing, your ass is supported comfortably by toilet seat. Ass usually covers up seat area to prevent a huge barrage of smell; able to read/text on cellphone/play handheld games quite easily. If you don't mind germs, you can even lean back and rest on the toilet tank
Cons: Bad circulation: Many people reported that their legs lost circulation if the toilet seat was not the right size. Poor access to asshole for wiping purposes, standing might be necessary; erect penis can hit side of bowl/water in bowl
The badass
Pros: spread cheeks, so I hardly had to wipe at all; you can see what you're doing, so with some toilet paper in the bowl and aim, you won't get splash back at all; no danger of an erect penis hitting the bowl, like mine sometimes does; easy to wipe.
Cons: urine control! I hit the seat with a few drops, and my thigh with one. I would NOT recommend this for girls, if they have to urinate at the same time, like I often do; you're standing right over the bowl, staring down, so the stench will hit you worse; You need stamina, I got kinda tired in the leg that was supporting my weight, so you'd want to alternate between legs each time.
This one is kinda minor, but if you're in a public toilet where there is a gap underneath the door, so people can see your legs, someone might spot that your pants are halfway off, and that you've only got one leg on the ground.
The AC Slater
Pros: Get to be like AC Slater and be extremely badass and sit backwards on things. Head and arms can easily rest on top of toilet tank. It's possible to take a quick nap while on the john. Toilet paper and all other necessities are easily accessed.
Cons: You touch a lot of the toilet. The AC Slater is not recommended for dirty toilets. If not paying close attention, might accidentally shoot poop over the front of the toilet seat.
The Upper-Deck
Pros: Use toilet seat as foot rest; if desired, can use toilet bowl as foot bath. Can have fun pissing down into the bowl below while shitting in the upper deck. Can do what is known as a "stealth dump", meaning someone won't know you took a dump until you flush. Hilarious prank to play at ex-girlfriend's house
Cons: When toilet is flushed, shitty water flows down into the bottom bowl, creating undesired sights/smells. Also, poor drainage in the upper deck can cause exceptionally large shits to get stuck up there.
The Sniper
Pros: Can be extremely fun/rewarding when pulled off correctly. The sniper can put a smile on any man's face because they know that woman are unable to perform this amazing feat. Don't have to get close to a dirty toilet. If you're using an outhouse, you can actually stand outside that shithole of a toilet and just piss inside from the long range.
Cons: Lots of cons. Requires immense precision/focus. Quick physics estimations must be made before attempting the Sniper. If wrong, piss goes everywhere. Make sure you're conservative on your distance estimates. It's better to hit the back of the toilet seat than the floor in front. Not only does the Sniper take precision, but timing is of the utmost importance. Once you feel the piss stream lightening up you must re-evaluate your distance. Quick sprints might be required. Note: If you're a tranny and have not gotten used to your new penis yet, performing the Sniper is not recommended.
The Special Delivery
Note: delivery device is required
Pros: Crap anywhere you want and it'll end up down the drain eventually (delivery to toilet optional; throwing outside or hiding under couch are valid choices, among others). Don't have to be bother by a small, cramped bathroom. Instead, poop within your bedroom or another bigger room. Perhaps you don't want to miss your favorite TV show/favorite sports team? Poop in a bowl, and deliver to toilet later. This style is very flexible
Cons: Be careful of onlookers. This requires you to handle poop outside the bathroom, thus setting yourself up for some explaining. If you are spotted performing a special delivery, act calm and collected. Say it's your dog's shit. If you don't have a dog, say your neighbor's dog took a shit on your porch. If that doesn't apply, make sure you have an excuse thought out before hand. Also, handle shit with care! Last thing you want is to drop your #2 on a newly cleaned carpet.
The Fountain
Pros: Lie down on the floor and work out the kinks in your back. If you're very tired, this position offers the most relaxation of all positions. Bringing a pillow can increase the pleasure of the Fountain. Many are too scared to attempt this because of the risk of pissing on yourself, but if pulled off correctly, the rewards are unfathomable. I'm sure you'll win an award or a pat on the back
Cons: Beware of dirty floors. And stray piss. Warning: To prevent from pissing on yourself, aim for optimal acceleration/deceleration. A slow v/t will wreck havoc on your shorts (upper thigh if you're naked)
Pros: Commonly accepted in the Western world; relaxing, your ass is supported comfortably by toilet seat. Ass usually covers up seat area to prevent a huge barrage of smell; able to read/text on cellphone/play handheld games quite easily. If you don't mind germs, you can even lean back and rest on the toilet tank
Cons: Bad circulation: Many people reported that their legs lost circulation if the toilet seat was not the right size. Poor access to asshole for wiping purposes, standing might be necessary; erect penis can hit side of bowl/water in bowl
The badass
Pros: spread cheeks, so I hardly had to wipe at all; you can see what you're doing, so with some toilet paper in the bowl and aim, you won't get splash back at all; no danger of an erect penis hitting the bowl, like mine sometimes does; easy to wipe.
Cons: urine control! I hit the seat with a few drops, and my thigh with one. I would NOT recommend this for girls, if they have to urinate at the same time, like I often do; you're standing right over the bowl, staring down, so the stench will hit you worse; You need stamina, I got kinda tired in the leg that was supporting my weight, so you'd want to alternate between legs each time.
This one is kinda minor, but if you're in a public toilet where there is a gap underneath the door, so people can see your legs, someone might spot that your pants are halfway off, and that you've only got one leg on the ground.
The AC Slater
Pros: Get to be like AC Slater and be extremely badass and sit backwards on things. Head and arms can easily rest on top of toilet tank. It's possible to take a quick nap while on the john. Toilet paper and all other necessities are easily accessed.
Cons: You touch a lot of the toilet. The AC Slater is not recommended for dirty toilets. If not paying close attention, might accidentally shoot poop over the front of the toilet seat.
The Upper-Deck
Pros: Use toilet seat as foot rest; if desired, can use toilet bowl as foot bath. Can have fun pissing down into the bowl below while shitting in the upper deck. Can do what is known as a "stealth dump", meaning someone won't know you took a dump until you flush. Hilarious prank to play at ex-girlfriend's house
Cons: When toilet is flushed, shitty water flows down into the bottom bowl, creating undesired sights/smells. Also, poor drainage in the upper deck can cause exceptionally large shits to get stuck up there.
The Sniper
Pros: Can be extremely fun/rewarding when pulled off correctly. The sniper can put a smile on any man's face because they know that woman are unable to perform this amazing feat. Don't have to get close to a dirty toilet. If you're using an outhouse, you can actually stand outside that shithole of a toilet and just piss inside from the long range.
Cons: Lots of cons. Requires immense precision/focus. Quick physics estimations must be made before attempting the Sniper. If wrong, piss goes everywhere. Make sure you're conservative on your distance estimates. It's better to hit the back of the toilet seat than the floor in front. Not only does the Sniper take precision, but timing is of the utmost importance. Once you feel the piss stream lightening up you must re-evaluate your distance. Quick sprints might be required. Note: If you're a tranny and have not gotten used to your new penis yet, performing the Sniper is not recommended.
The Special Delivery
Note: delivery device is required
Pros: Crap anywhere you want and it'll end up down the drain eventually (delivery to toilet optional; throwing outside or hiding under couch are valid choices, among others). Don't have to be bother by a small, cramped bathroom. Instead, poop within your bedroom or another bigger room. Perhaps you don't want to miss your favorite TV show/favorite sports team? Poop in a bowl, and deliver to toilet later. This style is very flexible
Cons: Be careful of onlookers. This requires you to handle poop outside the bathroom, thus setting yourself up for some explaining. If you are spotted performing a special delivery, act calm and collected. Say it's your dog's shit. If you don't have a dog, say your neighbor's dog took a shit on your porch. If that doesn't apply, make sure you have an excuse thought out before hand. Also, handle shit with care! Last thing you want is to drop your #2 on a newly cleaned carpet.
The Fountain
Pros: Lie down on the floor and work out the kinks in your back. If you're very tired, this position offers the most relaxation of all positions. Bringing a pillow can increase the pleasure of the Fountain. Many are too scared to attempt this because of the risk of pissing on yourself, but if pulled off correctly, the rewards are unfathomable. I'm sure you'll win an award or a pat on the back
Cons: Beware of dirty floors. And stray piss. Warning: To prevent from pissing on yourself, aim for optimal acceleration/deceleration. A slow v/t will wreck havoc on your shorts (upper thigh if you're naked)