Something to keep you amused on a boring tuesday afternoon...

[Naetha]

http://b3ta.com/questions/accidentallyerotic/

Lots of fun

 

[Wonk]

This friend was subsequently diagnosed with a broken dick, reblooded as he had lost quite a bit of the red juice, and stitched up.

As all men will know, there is a phenomenen, as yet unexplained, know in scientific circles as "morning wood".

My friend found out that this is sufficient to break medical stitches.

Every bloody morning

lol

 

[Chronictank]

rep for the find ms Naetha

It should have been an intimate moment, but only in the sense that it should have been private and personal. Arousal should never have occurred on the part of either of us given the circumstances.

I whispered goodbye in her ear. I was now at ease with the fact that the time had come for us to part. But something inside me would not allow me to let go. It felt as though a brace of tiny, atomic pigeon's eggs had been laid in the depths of my stomach and were now hatching. And the hatchlings, before they had even emerged fully from their respective ova, were battling for avian supremacy over this secondary womb, hurling bile at one another and clawing at my stomach lining in their desperation.

I looked upon her face. She was beautiful. I began sobbing as I kissed her thin lips passionately, grasping as much of her clothed breastflesh in my hand as I could, for I knew that this was the last time I would have the opportunity to do so.

Men in suits lunged to pull me away and they did this in earnest, but not before I had produced my desperate member from beneath my sad black trousers, and it twitched as though holding back tears of its own.

The vicar stepped forward mournfully as though he had witnessed this sorry scene too many times before. He shook his head before bidding the men to close the coffin. And so they did, and that was the last time anyone laid eyes on my dear grandmother.

That night I remained in my room. I wept until dawn. So did my penis.

R O F L

 

[Naetha]

Tell you what, it makes me damn glad I don't have an embarrassing appendage

Boobs don't show you up quite as bad

 

[Chronictank]

Mr McLaughlin is one of the eccentric english staff of my School. He is particularly interesting because of his many mannerisms indicating a Grade A bummerer of men. Anyway...
Mr McLaughlin comes walking up the corridor, spots me and simply says "Have you seen m'shoes?"
Eep.
Not knowing quite what to do I stare at him. He looks like he really wants an answer to this. Here it goes: I scan his body down slowly in what looks like something straight out of a porno, but it was really my terror debilitating me. Finally I reach the shoes.
"Yes Sir." I flatly reply.
He's still waiting...
"Well where is she?" he adds.
"Who??"
"Miss Hughes? Have You seen her?"
"Oh..Shit."

Duno how this got into there but i found it amusing

 

[Naetha]

From: http://b3ta.com/questions/awesomesickies/

best i've ever heard, and fairly sure it's true...
guy in york works in a call centre, crap job etc, spends weekend doing ketamine. drops him in a rather large hole in the universe. calls in on monday morning, saying
" i can't come in, i'm only 1 inch tall"
boss asks "how did you manage to use the phone then?"
reply? "i've just spent 25 minutes jumping on the buttons..."

i love hard drugs.

 

[Amanita]

Hehehe, thankyou Naetha