Some thoughts I found on the Net

[Thorondorito]

·How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

·Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids

·If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - Is he still wrong?

·At age 4, success is..................not peeing in your pants. At age 12, success is..................having friends. At age 20, success is..................having sex. At age 35, success is..................making money. At age 70, success is..................having sex. At age 80, success is..................having friends. At age 90, success is..................not peeing your pants

·A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A great friend will be in the cell next to you saying,"Damn, that was fun!"

·If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

·If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while your ahead"?!

·Five out of four people have trouble with fractions

·Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you but when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window?

 

[Sparx]

·A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A great friend will be in the cell next to you saying,"Damn, that was fun!"

i have always loved that quote

·If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - Is he still wrong?

made me laugh alot lol

 

[Wonk]

·How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

I've caught myself doing that a zillion times.

 

[Chronictank]

I've caught myself doing that a zillion times.

lol me too come to think of it ><

 

[Svartmetall]

I've caught myself doing that a zillion times.

me too

 

[old.Tohtori]

Me too...oh you're talking about remotes...

I wrote a few lines long time ago that might fit this thread.

There never seems to be a good time to say "Have you gained weight?"

If stupid is as stupid does, who do stupid people do?

Everytime someone asks how long your "thing" is, i answer "Whole thing or from the knee down?"

If you grab the muzzle of a dog, the dog waits for you to let go. "One hand" Joe used to insist that it worked on wolves too.

(Bah my memory ain't as good as it used to be...)

I went to change a lightbulb, couldn't come up with a good joke so i lit a candle.

In the year 2010; razors will have 20 blades, eyelashes will be 1200% longer, tampons will be inserted with a microscope for help and Britney Spears will still be a virgin.