So...what do you do when...

old.Tohtori

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Don't read, if faint of heart or some other stuff:

What do you do when your friend tries to take their own life and you can't talk about it to anyone, 'cause the one you'd talk about such things, is the one who tried it?

Yes, happened, no further details, not going into it, asking for myself here.
 

Mey

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I'd suggest talking to them, or failing that there are loads of places on the Internet that offer advice for people in situations.

Purely out of interest and so that i can offer more advice (i worked in bereavement counseling for awhile) is there a reason why they have tried to.

Don't mind answer in PM or what not.
 

Bugz

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Purely out of interest and so that i can offer more advice (i worked in bereavement counseling for awhile) is there a reason why they have tried to.

I'd imagine there's a reason for attempted suicide. Although I may be wrong ;)
 

old.Tohtori

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Yeah, talking to "them"(general term) is ofcourse on the way and i use what i can to help, but it's the things i myself feel that are really cumbersome when you can't "unload" them, like you usually do to some person.

No offense, and thanks for the help offer, really, but i don't want to discuss the act itself more as i have to respect the privacy.
 

Calaen

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I'd imagine there's a reason for attempted suicide. Although I may be wrong ;)

Well without knowing the ins and outs it is difficult to give any proper advice.

If it was over a relationship I would in nice terms tell them to give themselves a shake and find something better to do.

It may well be financial in which case I would get them to seek help from a company that can help put money problems into a better perspective.

It could be that they are just feeling sorry for themselves/feeling slighty depressed, a little harder to deal with because they could be emotionally challenged. If this is the case get them to speak to a professional.

one of my close friends found his dad hanging at the top of his stairs when he was 16. How a father could kill himself knowing that one of his children would find him is beyond me. He killled himself because his marriage had broken down.

My wife also had a friend, he had a great job, lovely family and was a good looking guy. He killed himself and know one had a clue why.

Its a fucked up world sometimes and some people feel that ending it is the only way out of whatever problems they are in. Never felt that down about anything before so I am not going to start trying to understand anyones state of mind before the act.

I feel for your friend, it cannot be easy and more times than not someone who fails at it will try again because in their own eyes they cant even do that right either.

Another interesting thought is that they didnt really want to do it in the first place but by trying and failing it has given them an opportunity to get their own problems out in the open in the hope that help comes their way.
 

Thorwyn

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Talking about suicide is a pretty ... urm.. I can´t find an appropriate word here.. I`ll try it with "unfair". Thing is, your friend is talking to you about his plans. And by doing so, he´s loading a HUGE burden on your shoulders. You can - of course - try to talk him out of his plans. But whatever you do, if you fail, you have to live with the "I couldn´t save his life" stigma for the rest of your life. And you have to decide for yourself wheter you want that, respectively whether you´re strong enough to carry that.
I don´t know the circumstances and I don´t want to know them. However, I always have the feeling that in those kinds of situations, the person is trying to perform a "help me and if you can´t, it´s your fault when I`m pulling the trigger". Basically transfering the responsibility to the other person, while - in fact - it´s HIS goddamn job.
 

old.Tohtori

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Luckily i know what to say, and what i want to say to the person, so it's not the problem. And i know i can, and how, can help.

The problem is that it happened to the person i would talk to about it with no holds barred(so to speak), how i myself feel and such. Something one ca't even do on this forum.

So it's left to your own mind to process, and as such, we all know how our minds work. Just wondering if anyone was ever in such a situation too.

It's not a, how to say it without making it sound like i'm taking it lightly, well..it's not a "hard" thing to cope with, just a mind boggling situation when the ony person to talk to is the person.

It's a good thing too, as i always try to find the silver lining, as we are in such terms with the person that we can talk about anything/everything, so it gets talked about and not be awkward.

thorwyn, i know what you mean, and this person wouldn't do such a thing. It's the "after effect" so to speak.
 

Hawkwind

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I would contact his family, there is something seriously wrong. He may need more than a good chat to fix his problems. Maybe even professional help.
 

Gorbachioo

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I would tell him that suicide is the most selfish thing you can do and that hes a worthless piece of shit if he does it.

Ive been there and seen the damage it does.
 

Rubric

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I would tell him that suicide is the most selfish thing you can do and that hes a worthless piece of shit if he does it.

Ive been there and seen the damage it does.

or you could try a softer approach?
 

old.Tohtori

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Peopel rather, even if almost all the replies are appreciated, missed what i was asking.

I don't need help in "what to do", but more was asking at how can I, myself, unload what i might feel about such, to someone when the someone i would unload and feel comfortable talking about such things, is the person.

You know?

But until someone can answer that more, i'll just say that if i told someone they were a piece of sh*t for trying to kill themselves, i'd CERTAINLY feel responsible WHEN they'd do it again.

Nothing like making someone feeling down feel even worse about themself? Bull.
 

Marc

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I would tell him that suicide is the most selfish thing you can do and that hes a worthless piece of shit if he does it.

Ive been there and seen the damage it does.

Would you still think its selfish if you had to live your life under a deep depression. From the moment you wake up, you just dont want to be alive. Even when medication doesnt work, it just makes you worse? Well ive lost 2 friends to suicide from depression and neither of them I think are selfish.
 

Wonk

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I've got no idea really. I had a childhood friend who comitted suicide some months ago (maybe a year), and I didn't really know about it until it happened, so I cant say I've been in the same situation :(
 

Huntingtons

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there's hotlines you can use for this i think tohotori, at least in denmark theres hotlines for people who are affected by suicide and suicidees. goes for rape/incest and such atrocities as well.
but hey, cheer up! On Greenland every 1 in 3 have tried suicide and the rate of abusing children physically is rampaging (like 25% of all girls under 15 have been sexually assaulted), alcoholism almost as bad as in Russia and the government is corrupt.
 

Nate

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Ring them samaritans, dunno if you have them where you are though but I'm sure theres something similar seel.
 

Imgormiel

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Don't read, if faint of heart or some other stuff:

What do you do when your friend tries to take their own life and you can't talk about it to anyone, 'cause the one you'd talk about such things, is the one who tried it?

Yes, happened, no further details, not going into it, asking for myself here.

I have had two friends who killed themselves, both of them quite close - it just made me so angry when I found out why, such a waste and so stupid. I still resent them now for it some years later :(
 

Gorbachioo

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Ok I think i was a bit too harsh. Ofcourse not all suiciders are selfish but have real reasons to hate their life.

I said what i said because of my own experience where the person had a loving family and friends and no real reasons to do what he did. Thats when i got the attitude i have now.

Didn't mean to offend anyone. It was a dumb thing to say.
 

Mey

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Seel I think I know what you mean, you finding it hard yourself to deal with it on your own.

Well for starts there is no normal way to feel after something like this, everyone reacts differently and anyone that says you should feel like x or whatever is talking out their arse.

This may sound like a retarded idea, but have you tried to talk to the guy about how YOU are feeling about the situation? It may help you both?
 

echome

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Make him or her seek help.
Even though you might be a very good friend and think you are able of helping him/her it is not always enough.

People trying to take their own life, needs professionel help.

Had a friend who was like this and didnt help untill he got the proper help needed. Now it is all good, even though he is still taking some pills. But anything is better than commiting suicide tbh.
 

old.Tohtori

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This may sound like a retarded idea, but have you tried to talk to the guy about how YOU are feeling about the situation? It may help you both?

Hunt and you actually got it.

About hotlines, i don't feel comfortable talking to them, as i'd rather, like Mey said, go through it myself. Which i kinda did rather fast over the day, also talked to the person as you suggested Mey, before i read it though, but still.

Helped clear out the cobwebs.

I'm not too bothered with this kind of thing, just found it interestingly difficult when you can't puke out your brain to someone. I need to purge my brain every now and then to keep thinking.
 

Levin

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I have a friend who I've been afraid would take his life for a while now (though he is better now). I could sit a whole day at work and get all teared up just thinking about it, so I decided to talk to him and at least let him know he has friends who care. But then, just like you, I felt like I needed to talk to someone for myself. I was able to talk to a genuinely interested colleague about it, which helped a lot.

If you don't have someone close to you to talk to like that it's harder of course. But hey, at least you have us. :) Hopefully it will help you somewhat. Mostly, all we can do here is to be fellow humans and hopefully make you feel somewhat comforted.
 

old.Tohtori

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If you don't have someone close to you to talk to like that it's harder of course. But hey, at least you have us. :) Hopefully it will help you somewhat. Mostly, all we can do here is to be fellow humans and hopefully make you feel somewhat comforted.

Yeah, this place is a purgedump of the brain if nothing else. Works wonders.

I just need, when something happens, usually need to take out the why, what, who, where, when and then i'm done with the issue. If i can't purge my brain, so to speak, then i get stuck in what, why, what, why(as an example).

I don't tend to tiptoe around issues either, so it's gotten me some "words" in the past :D

But, my friends know it, and they don't expect me to be the "awww, are,you...awwww..." person.
 

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