silly joke :)

[Thorwyn]

90 year old Luigi is sitting on the balcony of his house with his friend Guiseppe.
"Guiseppe, you see that road there? I´ve build it with my own hands, I know every stone and every angle. But do you think that people are saying: Luigi, the guy who build the road? No way.
And Guiseppe, you see the school over there? I´ve build it with my own hands, I know each and every brick. But do you think that people are saying: Luigi, the guy who build the school? No!
And the docks on the other side of the village. I´ve build them with my own hands. I know each and every goddamn stone and all the angles. But do you think people are saying: Luigi, the guy who build the dock? No."

He grabs his cup of tea and takes a sip, his eyes are wandering into the distance.

"...but get caught with a sheep once...."

 

[Mikah75]

lmao

 

[Dakkath]

Cheers, lightened up my afternoon

 

[TheBinarySurfer]

Cheers, lightened up my afternoon

I see youre having a similar work day to me today wist...

The Mourner

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
or...

Why it is so cool to be a man
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

Same work, more pay.

Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: $75.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Took me no time to type em at all - cut them direct from an e-mail a friend sent me

 

[Frozodo]

haha billiant so true with shopping for xmas 45mins and i got all me stuff sorted!

 

[Sparx]

lol

 

[Neffneff]

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.[/i]

that's me, every fookin xmas. i just cant help it.

 

[tris-]

as a guy my self i have made a better solution to the xmas present thing.

only buy them for your parents, everyone else should just be grateful they know you.

 

[liloe]

What about this one

Breaking news - Cessna crashed

Yesterday a one motor Cessna crashed into a graveyard. 200 dead bodies have been retrieved, the search continues.

 

[liloe]

got another one:

-Why don't ants go to church?

-Cause they're insects.

Took me a few secs =))