Sexist Jokes - Please bring some anti-men ones

[Morphius]

to start the ball rolling

Why is PMS called PMS?

Mad Cow Disease was taken

 

[lilmissnaughty]

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.

 

[Morphius]

loller would give rep but i need to spread

 

[lilmissnaughty]

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What's the difference between a penis and a prick?
A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying... A prick is the guy who owns it.

Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart

If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

 

[Outlander]

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?

A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

 

[lilmissnaughty]

how can u tell if ur husband is dead?
he starts to smell, just sits there and doesnt respond to a word u say..
lol sorry thats what they do either way
best just call a doctor

 

[Outlander]

 

[haarewin]

lol.
fact: females headaches are curable through sex.

 

[lilmissnaughty]

http://www.funnyjunk.com/p/malebrain-gif.html

or

http://www.wernersplace.com/images/malebrain.jpg

 

[evzy]

Why do women get married in white?

Because thats the colour all kitchen appliances come in

 

[lilmissnaughty]

Why do women get married in white?

Because thats the colour all kitchen appliances come in

nope this is cos it makes u look fatter then normal in pictures that way u can let urself go an he wont notice so fast

 

[Ormorof]

 

[chretien]

Bloke goes into a pub and starts chuckling. The barmaid asks him what's so funny and he replies "I've just heard this really great blonde joke, do you want to hear it?"

The barmaid leans across the bar to him and says "Look, tell it if you like but as you can see, I'm blonde and I own this pub which is the only one in the village. Apart from that, the lady sat next to you is the coach for the England Women's Aikido team, she has PMT right now. And she's blonde. The lass playing pool behind you is the trophy wife of 'Mad' Harry McAxe, the notorious gangster. She's easily upset and also blonde. Finally we have Bertha our bouncer. She weighs 25 stone, likes to pull peoples' arms off and is also, coincidentally, blonde. Are you really sure you want to tell this blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a moment and finally says "Christ, no. Not if I'm going to have to explain it four times."

 

[Haggus]

Why are womens feet so small ?

 

[Cemeterygates]

Why are womens feet so small ?

so they can get closer to the sink...

 

[[SS]Gamblor]

WHy do women have legs ?


1. to bring you the beer from the Fridge

2. Have you ever seen the mess snails make


How many women does it take to change a light bulb ?

None, let the biatch cook in the dark


How many men does it take to tile a roof ?

Depends on how thinly you slice them

 

[tris-]

oooo...

singing oh ah eee in the tampax factory. long ones, short ones some the size of three.

if she wont touch your member just remember use rohypnol when the end of the month comes around.

ooo...

singing oh ah eee in the tampax factory. long ones, short ones some the size of three.

if she wont touch your prick then just hit her with a stick when the end of the month comes around.

yee ha

singing oh ah eee in the tampax factory. long ones, short ones some the size of three.

i know some more, but at the min i cant remember them.
take that bitches.

 

[pip]

Some funny stuff but can't think of any male jokes

Show me a male I show you trouble

Show me a women I will show you double Bah dont sound right

 

[tris-]

Show me a male I show you trouble

Show me a women I will show you double Bah dont sound right

erm, errr,

 

[Tilda]

Bloke goes into a pub and starts chuckling. The barmaid asks him what's so funny and he replies "I've just heard this really great blonde joke, do you want to hear it?"

The barmaid leans across the bar to him and says "Look, tell it if you like but as you can see, I'm blonde and I own this pub which is the only one in the village. Apart from that, the lady sat next to you is the coach for the England Women's Aikido team, she has PMT right now. And she's blonde. The lass playing pool behind you is the trophy wife of 'Mad' Harry McAxe, the notorious gangster. She's easily upset and also blonde. Finally we have Bertha our bouncer. She weighs 25 stone, likes to pull peoples' arms off and is also, coincidentally, blonde. Are you really sure you want to tell this blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a moment and finally says "Christ, no. Not if I'm going to have to explain it four times."

Its supposed to be a "Blind man goes into a pub chuckling..." Or else it makes no sense that the barmaid is explaining it

 

[old.Tohtori]

Men have PMS too - It's called Post Marital Stress.

Old quote by yours truly, don't know who it spikes

 

[Sparx]

hehe i need to sit and think of some now

 

[[SS]Gamblor]

Scientists have discovered a Food that cuts a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.


It's called Wedding cake

 

[evzy]

The clue is in the title!!

WOMEN = Will Obey Mans Every Need.....

 

[Haggus]

Afaik thats not true !

When women are at weddings your 90% more likely to get some

 

[[SS]Gamblor]

Afaik thats not true !

When women are at weddings your 90% more likely to get some

maybe it's just the bride then

but saying that , nearly all my mates have meet thier current partners at weddings , well a wedding , all at the same one... was bloody strange.

And guess who didn't pull anyone

well i did pull but at least i waiting till i got home to do that

 

[Haggus]

Nope ;p Not just the bride

 

[Lamp]

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?

A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

LMAO

 

[Morphius]

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.

Why do women fake their orgasms?
Because they think we care.

How do you make love to an ugly woman?
Jerk off in your hand and throw it at her.

Women are like rocks... the flat ones are easier to skip.

 

[snushanen]

I am taking the mens side here since i am a guy.

starting with 2 jokes:

Q: What do you do if ur washing machine dosnt work ?
A: Kick her!

Q: What is it called when a blonde girl changes hair coulor?
A: Artifical Intelegence.


Here is a list of positive sides about guys:

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
2. A 7 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
3. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
4. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
5. You don't have to lug a bag full of stuff around everywhere you go
6. You can go to the bathroom without a support squad.
7. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
8. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
9. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
10. Your underwear is 10€ for a three-pack.
11. You can write your name in the snow
12. 3 pairs of shoes is more than enough.
13. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
14. Foreplay is optional.
15. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

There are loads of more good reasons

To be born a man, is like being noble :worthy: