Serious Shit

[Sparx]

Ok little history of me;

My mum remarried and i dont remember my biological dad (split when i was 2ish). I call my step dad my dad, best guy in the world he is my hero.

But i have always wondered who my bio dad is and what he is like.

Couple of years ago my gran (mums mum) told me she has kept in contact with my bio dad and he knows about my life.

3 Months ago my gran gave me my god mum (my bio dads sister) phone number. Its taken till tonight for me to call her. Was weird but ok

Now the ball is rolling, she has given my number to my bio dad and i am fucking bricking it.

Think Its fast moving, my housemate thinks its great. Dont know what to think. I know everything now (my gran told me tonight) why my mum and bio dad broke up.

I'm concerned about my step dad (who i call dad) feelings

Anyone else gone through this sort of thing? What to do, oh what to do

 

[Yshynsin]

I haven't been through it, but my advice would be, tell your stepdad about it, and remeber that if your stepdad has been good to you and brought you up then just remember to not let your biological father take over that and always think your stepdad as dad.

Best of Luck

 

[Job]

My stepsister (who I didn't know about till I was 21) tracked us down, she was adopted, it went really well, she is so like me even though different dad, all my mates were like 'she's your twin', we don't see much of each other though cos she's got a big adopted family, but no weird sh1t or anything, except she turned up on a Harley Davidson hardtail and was wearing flying goggles

 

[tris-]

i live in a similar situation, split when i was 3/4, remarried and my step dad is uber.

though my bio dad was/is a twat and id rather not get in contact

 

[Dreamor]

I'm in same situation, I've never met my real dad (my step dad is a great guy) and never wanted to meet my bio dad.
Where I work requires me to have high security clearance and the questions of my real dad always come up, its something that I always feel uncomfortable about - as I only have a name. my step brothers and sisters ask if I want to meet him - but I reckon if he was worth it he would seek me out, its just the way I feel.

As already said, meet the guy if you really want - but it will cause pressure / emotions on your step-dad and possibly mother.

to me, your dad is the guy who would do anything for you and give you a good schooling when you've done something wrong - but always remain your best mate (type of thing, find it difficult to explain)

best of luck with it though

 

[evzy]

One thing I will say in your Bio fathers defence is there is always 2 sides to a story of why people split up - you will only probably have heard one side and had him painted in a not great picture.

This doesnt mean he will be a great person etc but be open minded if/when you do meet him - but I would think about telling your step dad and mother about it before hand and just be honest and explain you want to meet him but that they are still your parents etc etc etc...

My parents split up when I was young and my dad was always kinda painted in a bad way but sinec I have grown up and got to know him properly he is one of my closest friends and a great guy - it was just a case of him and my mother stopped being in love etc and it fell apart, no-one's fault and now I can see this I have no problem with either parent and I know from my own personal relationships that of course this could happen.

Just keep an open mind and try and be honest with everyone dude.

 

[Naffets]

I'm in a simular situation, kinda. Only my step dad isn't uber.. but the less said about that the better.

I didn't get in touch with my real dad for 7 years or so and i heard nothing from him. My brother got back in touch and I decided it was stupid of me not to contact him and not to talk to him really. At the end of the day if i refused to talk to him because of what my mum has said about him then i'd never forgive myself if something ever happened to him. I'd be absolutely devastated knowing that he died for instance, having not spoken with one of his sons for 7 years because he didn't get in touch.

I've been in constant contact with him since, not looked back.

My advice, get in touch with him but take it one step at a time. It's a huge thing to adjust to getting back in touch with him after so long and will take a lot of getting used to, I know it did for me.

I'm sure your stepdad will understand, after all, your dad is your real dad. The one who gave you life (Or half )

 

[cHodAX]

It is a tough one but the most important thing to remember is this, the guy has obviously taken an interest in making sure you were okay
growing up by staying in contact with your mum. That alone makes him worth meeting, sometimes situations dictate that one parent can't be around but that doesn't mean they don't care or didn't want to be there.

As for your step dad, before you do anything you need to sit down with him and explain to him that meeting your biological father is like scratching the itch that must be scratched because if you don't it isn't ever going to stop bothering you. As long as you let him know that your relationship with your real dad is not going to take precedence over your relationship with your step dad or how you feel about him I don't see him getting too upset. It is really a matter of reassuring the guy more than anything.

After that, have a stiff drink and then sit down to make the call. If that is too big a step then write a short letter first, let him know how anxious you feel about the whole thing and that you want to take it slowly for a while till you can get a handle on things. Whatever you do don't rush in or get too involved too soon, the last thing this situation needs is more pressure from anyone, you need to be comfortable with things and let the relationship develop at it's own pace.

 

[Sparx]

My mum has never mentioned him and i never asked. So never heard anything bad about him. It was my Gran that kept telling me things about him. She could only say good things.

I know what my step dad will say and i think i wanna reassure him more cause i respect him so much and wanna make sure he knows i am thinking of him when i meet my bio dad more than anything else.

But at least its going to be an interesting journey hehe

 

[old.Tohtori]

People seem to take it too positively, so let me say something *grin*

The fact of the matter is: Your real dad may have left for a reason, that reason being you. He may not give a rats a** about you and really doesn't wanna hear about you.

Your stepdad, well, if he's a man he won't give two flying fiddliwinks about if you meet your biodad or not, he knows he's the one who's been wiping your arse since you were yeihigh.

Just possible. No stress.

 

[Sparx]

Toh the height of possitivity

I know the reason why he left been told by my gran. It was nothing to do with him or me it was down to my mum.

 

[Laddey]

My brother never knew his father for 20 years, then my brother got sent to jail and my uncle bumped into my brothers dad in the street, told him the score and he went to see my brother. Best thing that ever happened to him, he says.

I do hear that when they was in the visiting room, his dad didn't know who was his son. So he was stood there til everybody sat down and then he my brother saw the last man standing.

 

[Pirkel]

Two points of advice.

1. Talk to your stepdad about this. He's your hero you say and I'm sure he will appreciate it if you involve him in this. Ask him for his advice, ask him if he'd mind. Worst case scenario he tells you it would hurt him and then you can always decide to not tell him/shield him from it. But I am pretty sure he will appreciate it making the decision easier for you and possibly making the entire experience better.

2. Don't listen to teh Seel. Being negative and considering what could possibly, maybe, perhaps go wrong doesn't help.

 

[old.Tohtori]

2. Don't listen to teh Seel. Being negative and considering what could possibly, maybe, perhaps go wrong doesn't help.

Yes 'cause life is filled with lillies and roses and bunnies eating candycanes

My "advice" wasn't to be taken without a pinch of salt, but it's healthy to think of the WCS too. That's worst case scenario. If you think it through, plan your actions for that unlikely event, you won't be left crying in the busstation when the proverial sh*t hits the metallica fan.

 

[Ucallme]

Ok little history of me;

My mum remarried and i dont remember my biological dad (split when i was 2ish). I call my step dad my dad, best guy in the world he is my hero.

But i have always wondered who my bio dad is and what he is like.

Couple of years ago my gran (mums mum) told me she has kept in contact with my bio dad and he knows about my life.

3 Months ago my gran gave me my god mum (my bio dads sister) phone number. Its taken till tonight for me to call her. Was weird but ok

Now the ball is rolling, she has given my number to my bio dad and i am fucking bricking it.

Think Its fast moving, my housemate thinks its great. Dont know what to think. I know everything now (my gran told me tonight) why my mum and bio dad broke up.

I'm concerned about my step dad (who i call dad) feelings

Anyone else gone through this sort of thing? What to do, oh what to do

Ive been in a similar situation but it was the other way around.
I use to live with my mum until i was about 3 so i been told and then moved in with my Dad. 27 years later I still dont know who my mum is and to be honest I dont really want to know because I just get the feeling that all this time she would of atleast tried to make contact or something so why should I. As far as im concerned I have no mum.

Amphrax/Arauddry

P.S.

Hope it works out for you though mate. Something I may regret when im alot older and wiser.

 

[Pirkel]

Yes 'cause life is filled with lillies and roses and bunnies eating candycanes

Fucking bunnies eating my candycanes again?

 

[Ezteq]

tbh be open about it, say its pure curiosity and no reflection on his (stepdaddys) parenting skills whatso ever, tbh its natural youll want to know something about a biological parent.

Be careful though sweetie, the phrase can of worms is a good one for situations like tese, have fun getting to know your other family but protect yourself and dont leave yourself open to being hurt etc (this is experience talking here) and that doesnt mean dont trust them as far as you can throw them etc it just means look out for yourself..

anyway i hope everything turns out great for you, i really do hope you like him and have a good time :hug:

 

[Dukat]

I almost wrote out a novel about my situation between me and my real dad - deleted it because it was going to go on for pages and pages and wouldnt really help you in your situation.

Anyways the short of what I was going to try and say in my little novel is that my perants seperated, and between the ages of 5 and 16 I got to see my dad literally less than most people see thier dentists. A weekend a year was the norm, and sometimes even that didnt happen.

I never knew my dad properly untill recently. I spent a few months staying up at my dads house, and I really got to know my dad properly.

For years my dad was someone whom I never really heard much about, my mum found it painful to talk about it too much, but to her credit whenever she did tell me about my dad she said only good things.

I only recently got to know him properly. My step dad has been fine with the situation, he's been there when I've been frustrated with my real dad, unbiast and ready to listen, he's fine when I come back full of stories of what I've been up to with my real dad, I try not to go overboard with it and try to be fair to my step dad.

For me, wanting to get to know my real dad was a natural urge. I had to get to know him. My mum and step dad accepted that and even went out of thier way to help me achieve that goal - ferrying me the 250+ miles to get to see him, and letting me spend hours on the phone to him.

I've really enjoyed getting to know my dad. While up there people say how much me and my dad are alike, despite that fact that I hardly ever saw him, its become a bit of a running joke, whenever I've done or said something,not knowing its the way my dad did or said it, my mum has laughed and said "oh god is that your father just walked in the room?!"

My advice to you would be to talk to all parties in the matter fairly an honestly. Your mum and step dad should beable to see your point of view. Remind your step dad that you have the highest respect for him. Try to take it slow in getting to know your real dad and, assuming they're ok with it, always try to come back and tell your mum and step dad how it went, so they can see you still love and respect them.

I cant say that its going to be easy, only that for me, getting to know my dad was the most worth while journey I've ever embarked on.

 

[Sparx]

i am also lucky that i live alone and my parents moved to australia, Its my bio dad that lives near my gran. I'm very independant too so makes it easier.

Cheers for other ppls stories of their situations seems alot of on this boat.

Oh i wont be calling my bio father dad. I already got one of them

 

[Naffets]

i am also lucky that i live alone and my parents moved to australia, Its my bio dad that lives near my gran. I'm very independant too so makes it easier.

Cheers for other ppls stories of their situations seems alot of on this boat.

Oh i wont be calling my bio father dad. I already got one of them

no problem mate If you want to talk about it anymore then drop me a pm and ill catch you on msn or something.