Secondary Schools

[mank!]

He's not very short. He left my school two years ago, but went to teach somewhere else.

Does he insist on Kenya being pronounced Keeeeenyah and Himalayas being pronounced Him-ah-li-ahs?

 

[PR.]

Only 5 things I remember from school

1) The DT Teacher had left his car unlocked so a gang opened it up toke the handbrake off pushed it down the schoolfield then spread their jam sandwiches

2) Some boy finally got expelled after shouting "miss has nice tits" and when she asked for him to repeat it... he did

3) We never got to do science experiments as they couldn't get insurance, this I blame for getting me an E in science after I went right off of it

4) 150 Kids chacing the least liked person for that week. It ended up with him getting a beating in the underpass under the road.

5) German teacher who would give out any discipline, even when people were blowing bits of paper via the biro into her face she just ignored it, more than once other teachers came in cos we were so loud

I'd also agree with another 2 points that younger school kids no longer respect the older ones and that only about 10% of school teachers are any use whatsoever

 

[Munkey-]

Gosh, i have a wealth of stories that i've now forgotten mostly, but a few do stand out.

(first school) We had a lovely female latin teacher, as in nice...not fit., who taught us for a year. At the start she was all jumpy and hyped up with excitement but got dragged down towards the end, i feel it was our classes fault. We'd put the clock in the room 20 minutes fast to get out early, we hid mobile phones in the rafters above the classroom then set them off and she'd have no-one to blame then she'd try to show us videos but on of the guys had one of those watches which you can change channels and the like, so we'd fast forwad, rewind, pause on the kinky parts, switch off the TV randomly until the teacher went spare and threw it in the bin. We'd ignore her quite a bit when she tried to teach and eventually broke into tears in the middle of a lesson.
(second school) We, when i say we i mean everyone who knows him, hated our history teacher. He was gay, a pervert and a oxford moron i.e. wet-behind the ears. We all plotted to do something against him but these kind of failed when a year 7 class got a pen and flicked ink all the way down his back, which he noticed, and stuck the whole class on detention. So we resorted to laughing at him to his face, ignoring him and when he, quite wrongly, accused me of acting rude and inconsiderate, stating that i had DEMANDED that i be allowed to borrow the Irish History notes for me to copy up (i had not acted rude, i'm always polite..well..most of the time...but i was this time) and refused to back down. So i walked out of his class. Created quite a stir at the time, with the head of history pulling me in later and then give me a sound hearing...until i gave him a sound hearing on the teacher and he eventually ended up sympathysing on my side. Teacher had to go to his room most days and be taught how to relate to other pupils and how to teach, poor bastard. anyway, he's gone now.
(first school) We had some kid in our year who ran into the junior school playground and started chucking fire crackers round.
(first school) Our music lessons in year 7 and 8 were great. we used to fuck around all the time, hardly doing any work as the teacher couldnt be arsed. During the summer he just used to wheel in the TV and let us watch wimbledon every lesson \o/
(second school) Some kid broke a window and got expelled when one of the guys in our year tattled. Anyway, the guy comes back in a month later, runs up to the kid, smashes his face in, smashed another window, got chased by one of the maths teachers (which was hilarious as the teacher was out of breath after two minutes) before running out to a waiting taxi and getting away. Needless to say he was deported soon after on the charges of drugs and illegally driving.
(second school) some kids in my year got bored in a chemistry lesson and decided to make a rocket. having no experience on the matter, theyh used the first few objects to hand, a mile of magnesium ribbon, enough cap rounds to give a 5 year old an orgasm, and a pen lid. Needless to say, they were quite succesfull on their first attempt, getting about 2 feet into the air. However the chemistry teacher caught on when one of the kids pencil cases spontanesouly (sp) combusted before his eyes (he'd been storing cap powder in it and closing the zip had ignited it) so they decided to conduct it out of lesson. in the middle of the break-time courtyard. I forgot to mention, seeing as the first rocket got about 2 feet into the air they felt they needed more explosive stuff this time. AND just to be sure, a metal pencil case. so in the middle of break they set the bloody thing off. 1 foot in the air *BLAM*, kids rolling on the floor with blood flowing down their faces, 2 windows smashed and a sizeable scorch mark where the rocket had exploded. They were suspended for a week.
(second school) in the middle of our gcse's, someone took it into their head to run a destructive campaign against the school, with dead rats left in the A/C duct and a few other things to boot. This somebodys masterpiece however, was smearing shit over every single available surface in the boys toilets. they never did catch whoever did it.

May i mention that both of these schools are private and quite posh. There are a few more stories but those are the most memorable at this moment.

edit: just rememebered two more.

(first school) as part of their leaving "gift", the year 13's sold a teachers car. then tied him up in a bag and left him at the side of a roundabout for half a day before advertising his house for sale in the local paper.
(first school) a different set of year 13's decided to go one step further, got the biggest bag of grass killing stuff they could find (i dunno what it was, but it was blue) and wrote out "GOODBYE FUCKERS!" in the middle of the pitch.

 

[Deadmanwalking]

Munkeh reminded me of this one.

With all th extra funding etc etc most classes had OHT and smart boards instead of plain old whiteboards. Now this was all well and good until someone (me) nicked the remote for one of them. As they were all the same make/model it worked for half the school, fun fun fun.

That's a point i really should flog that to some kid in year 11 now

 

[Teh Krypt]

Detentions are still at our school, people don't turn up, they brought in a new thing, The Isolation Unit - basicly a prison

In year 8 a new teacher came to school, I wasnt in his class until year 9, everyone took the piss out of him ect, and did lots of stuff . He insisted on calling himself 'Dr' and yelled at you if you called him mr, so we laughed ect. He couldnt control the class at all, he was getting the teacher from next room in every lesson.

He would have all these silly catchphrases, like "Errr", so we would piss him off more by runing around shouting "Errrr!!".

He didnt ever teach us anything, only gave us sheets and just told us to get on with the, im sorry to say but any monkey can do that, not just some 'Dr' whos getting 30k+ a year.

Im only small, used to hide in cubards and scare him shitless when he went to open one He also looked rather funny and his hairdo was too

One pubil ended up pushing him over and the usual
In the end, we were told he broke his leg, but we aint seen him since


There are also a few twats in my year that drive a few teachers mad, and they are really nice teachers, I feel so sorry for them

 

[Munkey-]

After-school detentions were a laugh. You'd be given a binbag and told to fill it up.

So we'd fill it with rubbish from the kitchen bin before bunking off behind the tennis courts.

 

[mank!]

The other thing they do now is put you on report if you're norti. There's various levels of reports and you're supposed to get them signed at the beginning and end of every lesson and the teacher has to comment. It never really worked, I was put on it various times and it was hardly a deterrent. It was just totally pointless...

 

[Deadmanwalking]

I always missed report and went right into the harsh stuff

 

[mank!]

Everytime I got isolated or anything I'd get put on report. I think I spent most of my time from year 9 onwards on report, whenever I actually was at school.

I wasn't exactly a troublemaker, I just hated authority, liked to argue with teachers, swore a lot, had a tendency to walk out of lessons and me and a mate would get sent out at the start of Biology because it'd be inveitable we'd just piss about and do nothing.

It was quite fun actually...

 

[echo]

Every single free period I had in my last year was spent in the Head of Sixth Form's Office, which was fun. He taught Geography in some of those though so we sat about smoking ourselves silly. Happy days.

 

[pcg79]

One of our teachers had his belly button pop.

 

[mechy]

You never get detention in my school you always get punishment exercises. Also if your casught fighting it is an imidiate expulsion.

 

[evilmonkeh]

Here is school as i see it: (note cba to read other posts)
You have your Year 7s. they are very timid, and most of the time quiet whilst there are the odd cheakey ones who do stuff. normally small boys.
Year 8s. getting to the stage where they start to have someone younger than them so get a bit cockeir. there are a couple of 'leading people' who smoke. about all i can say. year 8 is the easy year where you dont do much work.
Year 9s. Obvious devide between the people who are smart and want to work and those who are just there to be 'cool'. you have to smoke to be cool and hang around in groups. you can spot the trouble makers as they never wear the right school uniform.
Year 10s. Walk around in big groups as if they own the place, lots of smoking, lots of being cockey, generally regarded as being twats. not so much in-year picking on each other.
Year 11s. Most of the smokers have grown out of it, with only the seasoned smokers left. These normally smell and are worht avoiding. The need for showing off has gone as people know their places. with the odd exception of the neds, people tend to work a bit harder due to gcse's. most of the idiots have got expelled by now.

there.
longest and hopefulyl mosy coherent post ever.

 

[kameleon]

Pft detention. This was supposed to be a replacement for "the slipper" we spent our time playing chess.

Report: I was on report for 3 years for not doing my homework, not cos i'm lazy but because i was protesting that if they cant teach me what I need to know in school time why should I "do their job for them" on my time.*



*i've never worked overtime BTW

 

[ECA]

Oooh got some good ones.

Went to a private school.

Leaving Stuff:


Flour bombs, alarm clocks under chairs to go off every 2 mins in the final assembly, etc. etc.


Sports day : Skiving smoking weed because we'd got out of doing anything.

Sports day 2: Some guys who'd been expelled drove their car through the fence and went round the track a few times, and revved + wheelspinned at the teachers seating area.

Paying back the bully: Got a few m8s and taped the bastard into a wheeled spinny chair, and pushed him round the drama studio one lunchtime and left him there ^_^

Setting off fire alarms during exam season ( not me guv - for once ).


Our biology teacher had a habit of making people who were passing notes ( no talking! ), read them out at the front of the class, so we wrote: Haha, this isnt a note, suckeeeeer! on one until he took it of us, then he went bright red and chucked it in the bin.

We repeated this with a *got you again* note, and also got one of my friends kid brothers to do it after we left.

Donated magic brownies to the schools jacob joint.
Fucking quality.

I'm sure i'll remember some more.

 

[SilverHood]

we had mock wrestling matches all the time at my shcool.... mock Free for alls in the canteen... teachers would try to break up the fight and everyone would go "what fight?"

then in english, theacher had arranged the class as a horse shoe... perfect wrestling setting

one guy was being counted out and we all bundled them... thats 25 rowdy boys all on top of each other (english was split into boys and girls)

our teacher would just stand there and shout, usually at Adam

then *everyone* in the classroom would get back up, and shout "AAAAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!" at the top of their lungs

then we'd shout "ADDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAM!!" while waking down the corridors to the next lesson too, and all the teachers thought Adam was doing some thing wrong (poor guy)

Year 11 leavers assemly... they had arranged 127 candles (one for each of us), quiet music was playing in the background, and everything was settled and calm

someone blew the lights out - our head of school was not pleased..... "Who did that?!"

"AAAAAAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!"

good fun