Regrets toward people

[kirennia]

Do you ever wonder about your effects on people in general and do you feel guilty about things you've done or said, long after when there is nothing you can do about it? I'm not talking about people you know or such, just people you meet, even if they're hostile towards you and you say/do something back which makes you think later about if you should have handled the situation differently.

This is the story. I was out around a week ago in Plymouth at a small pub/club where a friend of a friends band was playing. We sat down upstairs, around 10 of us when I noticed at the bar a bald guy, only around 5"8 but pretty big build, very pissed and he was being aggressive to someone who was at the time on their own. I went over, out of ear shot and said to the guy, if there were any problems to come over as there were no bouncers there at the time. Eventually he left him alone but he ended up coming over to our table and giving another guy abuse. We ended up laughing at the guy as part way through a sentence, he simply fell asleep in his chair.

I ended up telling the bar staff who were already aware of it and they called a bouncer from across the road and the guy got kicked out which I'd presumed would end up with him going home. I didn't see anything until later on, around 3 hours later I went outside to speak to someone and I saw him sitting on a wall asleep. When going past him to go to the shops for some mints, I noticed him sitting there once again asleep, sitting next to his own pile of piss.

Now I did from then on what I thought was the right thing to do, I went to a taxi driver and asked him to call it in...whether he'd get a taxi or the police would come along, anywhere would be better then there in the middle of a student area in the freezing cold. I went back inside, told the guy who he had been starting on and we had a little bit of a joke...probably the worst part of it for me.

Now, the following day, my housemate was telling me about a bald guy (turned out to be the same guy) who walked upto them and got talking and basically said how he worked night shift, was very depressed, had no family or friends and wanted to tag along with them. Bare in mind he was mid thirties I'd say and she is 22. They got a bit annoyed at his drunkardness and ended up sneaking off to the next pub leaving him behind.

Now, I guess at least he hadn't spent the three hours sitting on the same wall but I can't help but wonder what ended up happening to the guy and while you can't be responsible for everyone you meet, especially if they're aggressive towards you or your friends, I still feel guilty laughing about it.

Not really sure why I posted this, just thought I'd share... anyonelse felt guilty about their behaviour to someone who was aggressive to them or their friends? I think I just have too much guilt about things

 

[Raven]

There isn't really a lot you could have done differently in that situation, you managed to calm a potentially violent situation and did what you could for him. Nobody should really feel they have to look after everyone they meet as you say. Trying to get him a taxi/ambulance home is far more than most would do.

 

[old.Tohtori]

If you don't feel guilty about making ufn about a person BEFORE you hear something "incredibly sobby story" or some such, then you shouldn't.

They act like a jerk, they get treated as such. No matter what or who the guy is. Or girl.

Now, feeling guilty for treating somone "innocent" like that, say, laugh at a silly hat wearing guy and him eharing it, you could feel a bit of guilt, but nothing you shouldn't get over the next couple of hours.

People have different stages of guilt, you're one of the "always guilty", which isn't too healthy as you might stress too much. But, it's better then the "insult everyone, be a dick and not care" alternative end of the line.

YOU, shouldn't feel guilty at all. You informed the bouncer(or staff) about someone sleeping, they took him out, then you(amazingly enough), called help on the guy aswell.

 

[Ormorof]

usually if i do i regret so instantly and try and make amends, i find it quite difficult to stay angry at anyone for a sustained period of time and will usually apologize for being a nob if i was

 

[leviathane]

best way not to feel regret is to treat people how you'd like to be treated. But in this story you have no reason to feel guilty,
a) you did the right thing
b) his personal problems have nothing to do with you, ie nothing you have done(hopefully) determined his current situation.

 

[Nate]

Theres quite a lot of things I need to get closure on(too many to list), yet can't due to not wanting to bring up some big mistakes in my past. I've moved on and don't know the people it relates to anymore, I often think about if I'd gone about it a different way but c'est la vie and I can't change it now.

At least you know the guy isn't dead or you'd be seeing flowers by now.

 

[Heta]

nope, wouldn't bother me the least

Always been a straight shooter and always say whats on my mind, no matter what.. guess what, I'm singel

 

[Mikah75]

i dont really regret anything, im never horrible to people who havnt done anything wrong to me but other than that, i generally have an effect on people be it in a negative or positive way, more negative. many people annoy me so i dont really hold back, im a very liberal person and all about new age men etc reading a sociology degree so if i hear any sexism, homophobia, racism etc i dont stand for it and ridicule and demeen them until they have no words to come back at. which is why my house mates annoy me so much and i piss them off as they're all chauvanistic moronic, racist, sexist pigs wether it be overtly or covertly but they are

 

[old.Tohtori]

many people annoy me so i dont really hold back, im a very liberal person and all about new age men etc reading a sociology degree so if i hear any sexism, homophobia, racism etc i dont stand for it and ridicule and demeen them until they have no words to come back at.

You sound a bit like an a-hole though, just because of "many people annoy me", like your way is the right way and others are fair game. Also a bit extreme anti-person, who can't stand even the slightest of joke which has nothing to do with racism etc etc.

Probably not an a-hole, but you make it sound like it.

 

[Bahumat]

Just stab the guy and end his misery

 

[Rubric]

Just stab the guy and end his misery

The drunk guy or Mika75?

 

[Bahumat]

The drunk guy or Mika75?

The drunk guy, Mika75 is great, he can get you money out of cash machines or rig votes!

 

[Rubric]

The drunk guy, Mika75 is great, he can get you money out of cash machines or rig votes!

I can get you money out of cash machines.

Just let me know your pin number and give us your card.

Rigging votes however i bow before him in this matter.

 

[liloe]

I rather think it was nice of you to call a taxi. I mean it's not like that guy will ever know that you made a joke about him and no matter if you're depressed or not, there's no need to be rude to other people.

 

[Bugz]

I'm somewhat in a deeper problem than yours.

I had no confidence but when I've come into sixth form, I smashed my GCSEs, I started taekwondo (first grading very soon :d) and I've generally done things that I haven't done before. Thus my confident has grown. The only problem is, I'm now a royal fuck to everyone. Before I would have shrugged off someone throwing a comment at me, but now I literally retaliate in full force.

Some may think it's justified but I don't like how it's turned out. I'm a **** to everyone and while I can just brush off someone saying something offensive to me - I've noticed I've upset others quite a bit.

 

[Lamp]

Do you ever wonder about your effects on people in general

Yes all the time. More so as I have got older.

and do you feel guilty about things you've done or said, long after when there is nothing you can do about it?

There's no point worrying about things in the past that you cannot change.