Rabbie Burns - Modern Poem

[Lazarus]

Guys,

A wee poem, drafted by a relative of a guy I work with. I thought it was pretty good :

THE HERO



Pair wee leather roon-shapit thing
Ye’re kicked, punched, heided, everything
Before the match, pumped fu’ o’ air
They dinna ken yer tummy’s sair

The team’s read oot, but no yer name
Although ye play in every game
Oot oan tae the park completely bare
Nae shorts, nae shirt, nae boots tae wear

The whistle blaws, the game’s begun
Nae place tae hide, nae place tae run
High in the air, and alang the grass
Frae man tae man ye’re kicked and passed

And when ye roll intae the net
Is there ever any praise ye get?
Naw, not a bit, it’s a’ fur him
That muckle creature that kicked ye in

It’s hauf time noo, all aff tae the side
But oan the park ye must bide
And through a’ the banter wid anyone think
That pair wee ba’ wid he like a drink?

The game restarts wi’ a hefty kick
It hurts sae much ye’re nearly sick
“Can ye no see ah’m injurt”? ye whine and moan
“Naw naw” shouts the ref “play oan, play oan”

So the game rages oan, 22 against one
Oh how ye wish this day were done
Scotland are down and everyone’s saying
“If only Archie Gemmel wis still playin”

Five minutes tae go, there isnae much time
Tae the Scotland lads ye’ve taken a shine
Kenny Miller rushes through, exhausted and wet
So ye jump aff his feet and go intae the net

The ref blaws his whistle, the game ends in a draw
They aw shake hawns and ignore the wee ba’
Nae shower, nae drinks, nae fun at the bar
Ye just sit yersel in the boot o’ the car


So ah raise ma glass tae oor friend wi’ nae name
Withoot whose presence there wid be nae game
So please be upstanding freens yin an a'
Tae oor Unsung Hero – THE WEE FITBA

 

[xane]

http://www.scots-online.org/dictionary/search.htm

 

[leggy]

Love it!

But I am a jock and can fully understand it.

 

[Jupitus]

Posting should be done in English. Drunken English is also permitted so long as we can make sense of it without having to use a crack team of ex-KGB code breakers.

*bans Laz*

 

[Draylor]

Id translate for our geographically challenged friends, but it just wouldnt be the same

 

[Lazarus]

I'll translate before Jup bans my ass

Translation in italics

Pair wee leather roon-shapit thing
poor little leather round-shaped thing
Ye’re kicked, punched, heided, everything
you are kicked, punched, headed, everything
Before the match, pumped fu’ o’ air
before the match, pumped full of air
They dinna ken yer tummy’s sair
They dont know your stomach is sore

The team’s read oot, but no yer name
the team is read out, but not your name
Although ye play in every game
Although you play in every game
Oot oan tae the park completely bare
Out on the park completely bare
Nae shorts, nae shirt, nae boots tae wear
No shorts, no shirt, no boots to wear
The whistle blaws, the game’s begun
The whistle blows, the game has begun
Nae place tae hide, nae place tae run
No place to hide, no place to run
High in the air, and alang the grass
High in the air, and along the grass
Frae man tae man ye’re kicked and passed
From man to man you are kicked and passed
And when ye roll intae the net
And when you roll into the net
Is there ever any praise ye get?
Is there ever any praise you get?
Naw, not a bit, it’s a’ fur him
No, not a bit, its all for him
That muckle creature that kicked ye in
That great big creature that kicked you in

It’s hauf time noo, all aff tae the side
It's half time now, all off to the side
But oan the park ye must bide
But on the park you must stay
And through a’ the banter wid anyone think
And through all the jokes with anyone think
That pair wee ba’ wid he like a drink?
That poor small ball, would he like a drink

The game restarts wi’ a hefty kick
The game restarts with a considerable kick
It hurts sae much ye’re nearly sick
It hurts so much you are nearly sick
“Can ye no see ah’m injurt”? ye whine and moan
"Can you not see that I am injured" you whine and moan
“Naw naw” shouts the ref “play oan, play oan”
"No, no" shouts the ref "play on, play on"

So the game rages oan, 22 against one
So the game rages on, 22 against one
Oh how ye wish this day were done
Oh how you wish this day was over
Scotland are down and everyone’s saying
Scotland are down and everyones saying
“If only Archie Gemmel wis still playin”
“If only Archie Gemmel was still playin”

Five minutes tae go, there isnae much time
Five minutes to go, there is not much time
Tae the Scotland lads ye’ve taken a shine
To the Scotland lads you have taken a liking
Kenny Miller rushes through, exhausted and wet
Kenny Miller rushes through, exhausted and wet
So ye jump aff his feet and go intae the net
So you jump from his foot and go into the net
The ref blaws his whistle, the game ends in a draw
The ref blows his whistle, the game ends in a draw
They aw shake hawns and ignore the wee ba’
The all shake hands and ignore the small ball
Nae shower, nae drinks, nae fun at the bar
No shower, no drinks, no fun at the bar
Ye just sit yersel in the boot o’ the car
You just sit by yourself in the boot of a car


So ah raise ma glass tae oor friend wi’ nae name
So I raise my glass to our friend with no name
Withoot whose presence there wid be nae game
Without who's presence there would not be a game
So please be upstanding freens yin an a'
So please be upstanding friends one and all
Tae oor Unsung Hero – THE WEE FITBA
To our unsung hero - the small football

 

[Louster]

Wait, what. I'm English and I understood the original version fine. What's the problem?

 

[mank!]

that was a piece of piss to understand in comparison to some of the stuff i've read for my english course and even some parts of trainspotting.

nice though.

 

[JingleBells]

When your national team is as bad as the scots, you need to find a different hero

*runs*

 

[xane]

Wait, what. I'm English and I understood the original version fine. What's the problem?

That's because you've been ruled by the Scots for so long.