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Politically Correct: Nursery Rhymes

Discussion in 'The Front Room' started by Overdriven, Oct 5, 2007.

  1. Overdriven

    Overdriven Not a sandwich

    So, in this world of politically correct nursery rhymes.. I thought I'd post these new and improved versions of our childhood stories. (rep to who ever can find the reason I'm posting this :)

    Mary Had A Little Lamb:

    Mary had a dimensionally-challenged-but-no-less-useful-to-society lamb,
    Its fleece was as rainbow as snow,
    And everywhere that Mary went,
    The lamb chose to follow, out of its own free will
    not because it felt compelled to by the mores of a patriarchal phallus-centred society that seeks dominance over non-human life forms.

    Georgy Porgie
    Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
    Kissed the girls and made them cry.
    When the boys came out to play,
    Georgie Porgie was accused of sexual harassment and creating a hostile offensive environment and after a summary tribunal he was taken away.

    Jack and Jill

    Two young persons of opposite genders, proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic protuberance. The purpose of their expedition was to procure a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was omniously omitted from the record. As the male person precipitously descended, he consequently sustained severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomy. A similar fate befell the female, who immediately after the male person, performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction having been traversed by the young man.

    Baa Baa Black Sheep
    ba ba ethnic minority sheep
    have you any wool
    yes equal person, yes equal person
    3 bags full
    one for my superior but no less important a person
    one for the imperialist scum who has inherited a title
    and one for the vertically challenged person of male gender
    who lives down the no less an important a road than a motorway

    Little Miss Muffet
    Physically diminutive (but no less a valuable person) --- (objectionable and archaic term denoting gender and marital status removed) --- (Name based solely upon that of male parent hence perpetuating a patriarchal, phallo-centric, male-dominated society with all the war-mongering rapist implications thereof removed)
    Sat on a tuffet...

    Others out there.. Found them the best. (There atually proper new politically correct ones around, I preffered those though :D)
  2. Heta

    Heta Fledgling Freddie

    I really hate pcness
  3. tris-

    tris- Failed Geordie and Parmothief

    i invented a drinking game based around this. basically the idea was to take a song and turn it pc, and if you failed then obviously you drink.

    gets funny when you do things like smack my bitch up.
  4. Lamp

    Lamp I am a FH squatter

    As Billy Connolly said, "political correctness is the language of cowardice"

    Fuck political correctness. No one's got any backbone anymore. Call a spade a spade ffs

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