Platonic Friendships

[Sar]

I disagree Bullitt. You're basically saying you can't be attracted to someone and be friends with them at the same time? Completely wrong.

My best friend is my wife, without a doubt. You have to be friends with someone you're attracted to sexually, otherwise it's just plain old lust.

Lust + Friendship = Love (imo).

 

[Bullitt]

You misunderstand me, I agree that you have to be friends with someone you are attracted to. What I meant was that as soon as you have that attraction the basic 'friendship' is destroyed, to be replaced with a relationship...or not.

I take the meaning of a friendship as you see, and treat the female friend like one of your regular male drinking buddies. Your happy to see them pull, pleased when they get a new partner etc. If your attracted to the girl then your obviously not going to be happy about these things and so that type of friendship is gone.

 

[old.user4556]

Oh yes, you can be attracted to them and be a friend at the same time; but it's very hard to over-ride the feelings that you want to undress them and get them into bed which in simple terms the thread is more or less all about.

I agree with you Sar, i've been with my girlfriend 3 years now and we are the best of friends; we have silly friendly fun at times, love each other and get under the sheets as lovers do. The difference with Charlie over every other girl i've met is that the lust came first when we barely knew each other and then developed a very strong relationship as opposed to meeting someone, developing a very strong relationship only to then become attracted. I feel that if I met her and became great friends with her, and then told her how I felt; things may have been very different.

Again, that link I posted discusses the prospect of missing the "potential sex" window and then ending up in the "plutonic friends" window.

G

 

[Damini]

I always used to hang out with guys - infact, until I went to university, my best friend was a girl but really all my other friends were guys. I say until I went to university because the sad thing I found out was that at university if you chat to a guy and try to make friends with him, he thinks you're trying to screw him. I got pissed offf with trying to be sociable and guys thinking I was after a romp.

Back home, I never dated any of my good male friends. Never kissed them. They would fancy girls I know, and I would help set them up and so on, but as far as I know there was never any chemistry going on either way between us. The guys I dated were alwyas guys on the outskirts of the social group, but never the main group of friends. Just chat, play pool badly, help them buy christmas presents for everyone, give girl advice, go to the cinema, just the usual. I really miss male company to be honest. Ever since university, I've found it hard to be friendly with guys without feeling I have to prefix it with "I'm not trying to chat you up", which is quite sad really.

From my perspective, yes, I think you can be just friends with guys without it being more. Some people you can't be with, but that's not because of an over riding imperative (Thou Must Lust After Friend Of Opposite Gender) but simply because of the one on one dynamics of that particular relationship/friendship. Anyway, I feel that really, friendships are very much like relationships anyway, just without the sex. Losing a friend is as hard as losing a lover. Some people you instantly click with, some people grow on you, some people it works because you are so different, some people it works because you are so similar, and sometimes you can fall in and out of friendships without realising it. Some friendships last one night, that person you met at the bar or were chatting to on the bus, and some last a lifetime. The only difference between friendships and relationships is whether the pheromes smell right.

 

[old.user4556]

The world would be an easier place if we all had the same sex drive.

 

[tRoG]

My best friend is my wife, without a doubt. You have to be friends with someone you're attracted to sexually, otherwise it's just plain old lust.

Lust + Friendship = Love (imo).

Same here. I've known and been friends with teh missus for about 15 years. We've been married for 2

 

[Mellow]

From my perspective, yes, I think you can be just friends with guys without it being more.

Only because:

1. The guy is gay.
2. The guy does not find you attractive.
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder.

 

[Damini]

So you're saying it's impossible to ever just be friends with an attractive woman? If that's true, I'm glad I'm not a bloke.

I can recognise people as attractive without fancying them. Some of the best looking people I know I wouldn't date ever, nor one night stand them.

I think it's sad that the world has to be catagorised into mingers I'd talk to, or pretty birds I'd screw. If that's really the way a man's world works, then I'm glad I'm not pretty. I'd probably be a man hating feminist if I was, if men only ever wanted to talk to me to get in my knickers.

 

[Ch3tan]

Keep the friendship, it will probably last longer, and you know it works that way.

Then again life is about taking chances, and whether you do or you dont you will regret it.

 

[Sissyfoo]

Only because:

1. The guy is gay.
2. The guy does not find you attractive.
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder.

Such cack.

 

[old.user4556]

Damini, Welcome.... to the real world...



Maybe not quite as strong as that Damini, but yes, it's difficult to be a close friend with a woman (imho) who is very attractive. You then get into arguments about "but it's just sex" which don't hold up very well against a woman's point of view that sex isn't just physical.

When I was a student, I worked in Boots stacking shelves. Boots was a haven for good looking young women in a similar student job to my own. Most of them were very pretty and I was friends with all of them to a certain level (we had a chat, said hello, have a laugh in the stockroom) and it did lead on to me being attracted to more than one of them. There was no way I could be close friends with them because of my attraction to them, so I never pursued that level of friendship.

Similarly Damini, I can appreciate when a woman is attractive, I may look and think "yeah, i'd like to have sex with her" but that's as far as it goes, other men my persue it if the conditions are right (it's in a nightclub and the said woman is wearing a 'fuck me' mini-skirt). Here is a funny picture (NSFW) summing up what I mean.

Men will always want in a woman's knickers, I don't see what's wrong with that? Sex is fun and very pleasurable for both involved and personally i'd be flattered if I was able to have my pick of the crop.

G

 

[old.user4556]

Such cack.

Why?

 

[Damini]

So you guys can all be my friends online, we can talk, discuss, joke and interact, but if we were to meet in real life all it would boil down to is how nice my body/tits/face is whether or not we can be friends?

That's fairly tragic.

 

[Sissyfoo]

I've been friends with women who I would consider to be very attractive but have never, EVER wanted anything more than to be friends with them. I am not ghey (despite what K9 wishes/thinks) and I rarely have a woman higher up on 'teh scale'. Perhaps I could have tried it on with one or two of them but I never really felt it was worthwhile and preferred to bum around with them and have a larf instead of boinking. Sex makes things complicated and I like my life nice and simple. ~shrug~

I think what Mellow said is cack simply because if I can do it then it stands to reason that there are others who can.

Of course, there is the possibility that I am *actually* ghey and I just don't know it.

 

[Doh_boy]

I echo sissys coment, all my close friends are attractive. Most of them have boyf but when they hadn't I never made a move and didn't consider doing so.

Also I know for sure I'm not gay so that's out.

 

[old.user4556]

So you guys can all be my friends online, we can talk, discuss, joke and interact, but if we were to meet in real life all it would boil down to is how nice my body/tits/face is whether or not we can be friends?

That's fairly tragic.

I think there are a few more variables at work there though, the fact that internet forums strip out any phyiscal contact for a start. Again as I mentioned, it depends on how close a friendship you mean. Taking your speculative example, if there was a Freddymeet I don't expect a bunch of Freddy lads are gonna scope you out in the manner you suggest - everyone is too nice . But if you developed an offline regularly close relationship, then perhaps that'd be different, perhaps that man may find you attractive. I don't know , just speculating. My comments are totally my own findings/opinions.

G

 

[Wij]

So you guys can all be my friends online, we can talk, discuss, joke and interact, but if we were to meet in real life all it would boil down to is how nice my body/tits/face is whether or not we can be friends?

That's fairly tragic.

Not really, I think you're misinterpreting the situation. If one of us met you and found you attractive and was single and you were too (just to simplify it) you could easily be friends but the bloke, if he has an attractive female friend he gots on well with is going to fancy you. Like-looks + like-personality = fancy. Nothing wrong with that really. Sure, you could be friends for years but he will have feelings for you.

Whether that means that men can't have friendships with women is largely a matter of interpretation really but I'd say it's an over-simplified one.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

It is perfectly possible.

I find it a little on the worrying side just how many men are only capable are thinking with their cocks. I have close friendships with several different women, and each friendship is different. There's one for example who I've known for a long time, on and off. The last couple of years we've become pretty good friends, she's a fantastic person to be around. She's also one of the most attractive people I know. The thought of any romance between the two of us is just laughable, it wouldn't ever be possible - we'd both probably think it was too much of a surreal joke and fall about laughing.

On the other hand in the past I've once been in the thought process of "shit, am I actually attracted to her" with someone else. A little time spent thought on the matter and I realised I was getting myself confused - I was at a vulnerable time and couldn't believe such a genuine and caring person could care for me as a friend.

And, there is of course the other one, the dangerous one. Nothing's there to start with, you become friends. You become closer friends and start really finding out about each other, and from that you then realise that you are "compatible" or whatever. Soon you realise you adore this girl and want nothing but the best for her. Thoughts about her when she's not around are all controlled and 'friend' based, but when you're in each other's company you're having to stop yourself from telling/making a move.

There's many more levels of this platonic friendship stuff than people realise. My advice is generally wait, give it time - see how you deal with it in yourself for a while - you may end up realiseing you were confusing something for something else due to other life pressures.

 

[Xtro]

Yes, you can have platonic friendships with women. Most of my close friends are female, and my best friend in the world is female and we've been mates for 20 years.

Tom - go for it, but don't make it into a big deal. Just tell her something like "I have to tell you this to either see what happens or get it out of the way, dont be mad at me but I would rather be honest and say what I feel."
I've said something like that and it turned out to be fine...I ended up with her for 7 years Friends (of both sexes) appreciate honesty. If they are a good friend and worth your friendship they won't freak out on you, and they should appreciate you telling them.

However if you are stood there obviously shitting yourself it makes the situation tense and uncomfortable. Mention it a bit matter of fact (but not coldly) and it should be ok. Good luck.

Personally I've never had a prob having girls as close mates. Ffs I end up seeing their "fiddly" bits enough being a piercer...if they didn't think we were just mates they wouldn't ask me to pierce 'em

 

[Scouse]

Actually the exact opposite of X here.

I can be friends with women if:

1) They're already attached to a friend of mine (100% cast iron sex-stopper this one) or;

2) I'm already attached (which stops me 99.9% of the time I'm ashamed to say).

3) If they are so hideously unnattractive that I have problems looking at them....


Other than that I find that if they're nice to talk to and I have fun with them I pretty much want to fuck them. I mean, why not??


On the other hand, there's loads of attractive women I'd never want to sleep with - because they've got fucking minging personalities. Which kinda excludes them from being my friends.

Basically, if she doesn't ming, and she's fun to be with that fills all my requirements in someone I could (and given the chance probably would) sleep with.


Also, I don't have any particular hankering for female friendship. I've a close bunch of male mates which is all I seem to need out of life. Anything more and I look to women. (Although it doesn't mean I can't be mates with women - I do have female friends - but they fullfil one of the above...)

 

[Yoni]

I have to agree with Xtro on this. You can have platonic friends of the opposite sex, my best friend of 18 years (not old we have been friends for 18 years) is male. We have discussed all things sexual and not in our time of being friends and still can.

You can also have friends which were platonic then you "shagged" and then the friendship reverted back to being platonic. Its all a matter of dealing with a situation maturely.

Tom, tell her how you feel, if she is indeed a good friend and dosn't reciprocate your feelings then she should have the honesty and decency to tell you straight away but reassure you that the friendship is still intact. If you can deal with your feelings in this situation no harm done. I guess what you need to think about is how you would feel if she dosn't feel the same way and whether it is something you can put behind you.

Historically I have been on both sides of this fence and at the end of the day I would rather retain a good friendship than loose that person totally because of some feelings I had which wern't reciprocated. There are so many different levels of friendship i'm sure you and your "friend" will find one which suits you both even if it takes some times.

 

[Munkey]

I disagree. I'm close friends with a lass who's bloody short, great body and has bloody big tits and amazing eyes to boot, has an amazing personality and we can make each other laugh at the drop of a hat yet i dont feel 'in love' or 'lust' after her. We're just really good friends.

Tbh, if you're going to go for a relationship, you have to set it straight right from the start, or you get slotted right into the FRIENDS category. Of course, guessing how the lass feels about you at the start is a tad bit harder.

 

[old.user4556]

So you've never thought about having sex with her?

 

[nath]

So wait, you can't be friends with a hot woman without wanting to nail them? Surely some of you have the mental capacity to want to bone them but overrule the cock in favour of something that's probably more special?

Just thinking out loud here.

 

[old.user4556]

Hehe, makes me think of the film Magnolia where Tom Cruise shouts "RESPECT THE COCK!".

 

[nath]

It did make me think of that film too actually

 

[Wij]

So wait, you can't be friends with a hot woman without wanting to nail them? Surely some of you have the mental capacity to want to bone them but overrule the cock in favour of something that's probably more special?

Just thinking out loud here.

You can overrule it but that doesn't stop the cock reminding you that it wants to do rude things all the time. The point is, in these circumstances, your head wants friendship, your cock wants to give her a spoff-beard. There's a battle going on which the head CAN win, but sometimes you'd rather not fight. Either go for it or break off the friendship.

 

[old.user4556]

Very true Wij....

"spoff-beard", that had me in a fit of painful lol :worthy:

Oh and respect the cock

G

 

[TdC]

I'm with Xtro and Yoni here (not irl heh ) Two very close friends of mine are 'teh wimmins' and, if I may say so, look damn nice, not that that matters a damn tbh. though I letch shamelessly now and then they're my friends and we all love each other as err friends and that's that.

my gf, on the other hand, is not only my friend but has also managed to become my lover. still not quite sure how she managed it. prolly rohypnol tbh. I class my lady friends (dunno how, and I'm too sleepy to reach for answers) as somehow sexless. they are girls, they are pretty people, yet there's no hint of sex-pressure. bliss tbh. I'm not entirely sure how I'd handle a long-time friend turning on sex in our relationship, it would feel a bit like having the hots for my sister (not that I have a sister, but you know what I mean)

guh, I'm far too tired for this

 

[Ch3tan]

Hehe, makes me think of the film Magnolia where Tom Cruise shouts "RESPECT THE COCK!".

Fighting the battle of the bush.