Platonic Friendships

[Tom]

Possible? Pipe dream?

I have ulterior motives for asking this. :touch:

 

[mank!]

It's possible but depends entirely on the circumstances and situation, of which you've given no detail so I can't really comment.

I've managed it both successfully and unsuccessfully.

 

[Will]

Only if you'd never sleep with her.

 

[throdgrain]

Absolutely impossible, from anyones perspective.

 

[Gumbo]

I disagree with Throdders, however I agree strongly with Will.

 

[Cyfr]

whats platonic?

 

[Doh_boy]

Not really, I've got a close-knit group of friends and each one has, at least, snogged another member of the group. Apart from me, and that's because I only really liked one girl in my group of friends and I'm not her type.

Technically I've only ever thought about it with one female friend so I've had a perfect platonic relationship with 3 girls for a number of years now.

 

[FuzzyLogic]

Very much possible, just a bugger to maintain

 

[Doh_boy]

whats platonic?

It means free from any romantic/sexual entanglements.

Basically true, just, friends.

 

[Frizz]

It's definately possible, but my peers set up a situation in which i, and the girlie were a victim of false pretense.

We got together, then she decided it wasn't meant to be. I got bitter and twisted and ended up blaming all sorts of things. I stopped talking to her, and i don't really know why. My friends later came clean, and that it was a set-up. I went ballistic. Regardess of their "good intent" to set me up with someone, i was most unhappy about it.

We now see eachother on the odd occasion, back to being indifferent to eachother. Which i'm happy about.

 

[Will]

Doh Boy has proved me right, as has Frizz.

 

[Tom]

A very lovely friend I've known for about 10 years, currently unattached, and absolutely the nicest kindest person I've ever met.

Rock and a hard place tbh.

God why can't life be simple. :/

 

[mank!]

Aha, so it's a question of possibly ruin the friendship or remain friends and struggle with your feelings whilst she's blissfully unaware?

 

[Tom]

Well, yeah, thats exactly it. Although another friend told her a while ago that I liked her, and since then shes been her usual smiley and friendly self.

Friendships are very important to me.

 

[Frizz]

Actually twice now (Maybe more, if you include my school years: 4, 5 and 6 ), i've gone for a friend, and "ruined" the friendship. Then after a few months we started talking to eachother again.

It's not the end of the world if you go for it Tom tbh, atleast, not in my experience. Maybe don't take rejection so seriously. If that was to be the case.

*Touch wood on Tom's behalf*

 

[mank!]

I just fucked up a similar thing with somebody, except she was an ex of mine who I'd become friends with again a while after breaking up. It got very messy and complicated and then it looked to be fine until the other day when things went pearshaped again.

So yeah, I have no idea whether that's just the combination of two fucked up people or whether that's how it usually ends up. But that's my experience.

 

[Doh_boy]

Just to add to the 'do it' vibe. Just recently I expressed my feelings for my friend and it went suprisingly well.

I expected my friend to be weirded out by it but she took it all in her stride and we're as close now as we've always been.

Here comes the embrassing bit, I told my friend I liked her.....over msn... .....which I find really embarrasing. :/

 

[Will]

I had a female friend. We'd been platonic friends for eight years. Then we got very very drunk, I snogged her friend, then, when the friend passed out, I slept with we long-term friend.

We've been together almost two years now.

 

[Doh_boy]

I had a female friend. We'd been platonic friends for eight years. Then we got very very drunk, I snogged her friend, then, when the friend passed out, I slept with we long-term friend.

We've been together almost two years now.

hehehehe

+100 bloke points for that I think!

 

[Frizz]

Here comes the embrassing bit, I told my friend I liked her.....over msn... .....which I find really embarrasing. :/

hehehehe

+100 bloke points for that I think!

-100 for this one then.

Mind you, i resorted to a text once, but perhaps that's a topic for another day.

Mobiles or PC's?

 

[Trem]

Women can be, men can't. Dirty bastards that we are.

We can find almost anything in any women that would make us want to roger them.

Ask her Tommeh, ask her mate, you never know.

 

[Doh_boy]

-100 for this one then.

Mind you, i resorted to a text once, but perhaps that's a topic for another day.

Mobiles or PC's?

heh she acounts for about 60% of the money spent on my phone, which is all texts. I can never be bothered to phone her because she'll spend fucking hours on the phone. I remember calling her to ask her to the cinema and managed to be on the phone for 6 mins before I had to tell to shut up because the film was starting.

As for doing it over msn, I had said nothing for 2 years (fucking stupid but hey, I didn't want to ruin it etc etc) and just decided in a split second to do when talking to her on msn. What made is extra surreal was that after I said I liked her and she said I wasn't her type. We pretty much chatted for the rest of the day over msn... :s

So it's not like that's the only way I could have done it, it's just that at the time I decided to do it I was talking to her over msn....honest

 

[Mellow]

What made is extra surreal was that after I said I liked her and she said I wasn't her type. We pretty much chatted for the rest of the day over msn... :s

Women have two categories in their mind, one is for guys they want to fuck, the other is not. You have been placed in the latter by your friend. Hence the talking over msn for a day and not being invited round.

 

[Jonaldo]

Funny this should come about this weekend actually as I have a short but possibly similar story of my own.

Was seeing a girl back in 2000, we separated, albeit on good terms as she was going to uni in another town, didn't want to be tied to anyone back home and generally wanted to be able to be free and have fun while she was away. This I understood but we still maintained contact and had a rather expensive and annoying 'text message' friendship where neither of us could be bothered to phone but ended up spending more on several messages a day.
She came back last summer with a degree in history and unfortunately (for me) a new born baby girl.
So we remained in contact and she still turns out to be the female that I get on best with that I know, although our meetings are limited to when she can get people to look after the kid and when she can afford to get out.
I was due to meet up last night, instead all my friends decided they didn't want to go to the venue she was at and I (rather stupidly now) decided I shouldn't wander into the place alone as I would probably look a bit of a knob as I walked around solo hoping for people I knew.
I went home, sending a message about that I would've been on my own and I got a reply saying that it's probably best as she couldn't guarantee that she could spend all her time with me as she's with mates.

Today I speak to her briefly and it turns out that she got pissed, pulled some guy she used to go to school with, and they're planning on hooking up tonight as her parents have the kid away on holiday and she's got the place to herself. I kinda feel like.. "urgh" if you know what I mean? Maybe it would've been me round there with her in an empty house.. Am I prepared to get involved in a relationship with a (now one year old) kid?

I dunno.. I do know we get on really well and I know that although I thought we were just good mates, as soon as she said she pulled and was seeing someone else I felt absolutely gutted.. As the saying goes 'You never know a good thing till you lose it', maybe I should admit it but I'm still worried about it all. Maybe I should just get totally munted next week and blag some fat ugly bird just to prove my manhood, and then I could forget about all this emotional shit I've been thinking about today.

I've had too many tonight also and that's why I wrote this entire fucking novel about something that really will prove to be of no importance to anyones life in the near future, and if it does it will only be mine so who cares?

In a nutshell, I don't really know if platonic relationships work, I just know that I'm a jealous arsehole who doesn't know what he wants in life.

 

[Milkshake]

Yep, took a girl out several times, roses, wine, cinema. Plenty of compliments, that sorta stuff. Loads of fun, laughing etc.

Came to ask her if we were going anywhere, I was told that she hadn't thought of me any other way than just a friend.

Happens to me alot. I must be ugly as fuck.

I'm an intellectual whore :/

 

[Sissyfoo]

I'd go for it, Tom! Better to take a chance and risk it all than spend the rest of your life never knowing. As long as you don't discuss your views on depression with her I'm sure you'll do fine.

 

[old.user4556]

Have a read of this regarding the whole "friends with a woman thing".

Scenario 3: A girl says any of the following to you:

* "You're like a brother to me"
* "You're like a big teddy bear"
* "I feel like I can talk to you about anything"
* "You're so nice"
* "Can you help me with my homework"


Ladder Theory Explanation: You are on the friends ladder. So Sorry.

Personally, I think it's impossible for single men and women to be friends partly because it's in our very nature to be attracted to one another, particularly if both parties are attractive in personality and looks. As Harry met Sally says, the sex part always gets in the way and inevitably one of the party will become attracted. You can't deny millions of years of evolution and that "STICK PENIS IN VAGINA" desire.

Some people do seem to make it work, but i've never seen it in my personal experience. My good mate used to take this girl out for lunch, they played squash together, they had dinner together, she would visit him out of the blue, they were both young free and single; so one day he told her he liked her - she reacted badly saying "what?? we're just good friends". Bunny boiler, so he just moved on in life. You can potentially kill a good friendship, that's true (see my link about 'ladder theory'), but i'd hate to live my life not knowing "what if i only told her".

Life's too short, go for it.

G

 

[Sar]

Well, I had a friendship with this woman. TBH I didn't stay just friends with her for long. I ended up marrying her. If we hadn't got involved we would have remained best friends, so I'm lucky (for a bleedin' change).

Ask her does she think of you as anything other than a friend. If the answer's no, then you can just remain friends with no awkwardness. Well, a minimum of it anyway.

 

[Sar]

BTW: I've got a few female friends, most of whom I've known for about 5/6 years. And those relationships stayed platonic. So it is possible. But only if you're not in any way sexually attracted to her. Because if you are, then you've got one of four situations to look forward to:

1) Years of secret, unrequited lusting, which will put pressure on you.
2) The loss of a friend if you tell her, she's not interested and then goes on to feel too awkward.
3) You tell her, she's not interested, but you remain friends, while she knows you want her.
4) You get the girl.

Only one of those is really bad, and you'll lose her friendship, so the odds are in your favour my young padawan.

 

[Bullitt]

I've been in a similar situation, i was good friends with a girl who i liked, had a shot...got nowhere and then kinda didn't see each other again.

I then randomly met her two years later, became good friends again only to have those old feeling ressurected. Took the shot again, got 'half-way' if you catch my drift then again, went our seperate ways...that was three years ago.

The way I see it is, yes you may be ruining a good friendship but a good friendship to me is one where there's no feelings of that sort towards each other - so in essence there's nothing real to lose as it's already gone when you become attracted to the friend.