[Old]The Mis-Adventures Of Archeon

Archeon

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 29, 2003
Messages
2,047
Grade 'A' vintage old here. While plowing through my small mountain of old word documents i stumbled across them - so anyway i'm going to post it... sort of.

The full version of 'The Mis-Adventures of Archeon and his Moody Message System' now requires MS word to view properly. So the stuff posted here can be considered a 'Lite' version - the full version can be found Here or in my Sig as the 'Archeon' tag.

I actually took the opertunity and spent a couple of hours cleaning it up, most if not all the spelling and grammatical errors should be gone and some of the jokes have been updated to reflect the changes that the game and community have undergone. (I know its sad to laugh at your own jokes but in the case of Archeon meeting the 1337 Plvl3r in Malmo i really couldn't help but chuckle :D) - Though again i'm shafting those who can't view .Doc fies because most of the changes are on the full version, not this which i copied and pasted a few days earlier.

Anyway Ph34r my spam Freddyshouse, yet another +1 for m3h! Enjoy ;)


The Miss-Adventures Of Archeon And His Moody Message System

Part 1
"You cast remigration from Valhalla"
"Your still casting remigration from Valhalla"
"Your still casting remigration from Valhalla"
“.... Oh for gods sake, use a ghetto res!!"
Archeon: shut up you and tell me when I cast it!
"Too late a shaman under-cut you"
Archeon: ffs... Is that a Zerg?
"The self-righteous healer bastard was killed by 10fg of Albion’s"
Archeon: I heard that!
"Bite me!"

Part 2
"Gama was just killed by Alpha"
Archeon: tra, lah, laa!
"Urmm... Hello, somebody was just killed"
Archeon: I’ve decided I’m not going to bother with ressing anymore
"Why? your a mend healer. That’s all you do"
Archeon: yeah, but if I turn off the death message’s I won't know they die
"What Emain mid death message's are putting my kids through collage!!"
Archeon: you have a family?
"Don’t ask"

Part 3
“Have you ever wondered why I announce unimportant things”?
Archeon: you mean like casting message’s, death message’s, class and name messages?
“Yeah… hay! Was that a shot?”
Archeon: well how can I put this bluntly… yes
“Archeon was just killed”
Archeon: I won’t even ask how you did that…

Part 4
“Archeon was just killed by…Archeon? Is that possible?”
Archeon: I jumped off a bridge
“Umm… why?”
Archeon: I’m sick of not having any offensive abilities; I’m re-rolling as God
“But God is incapable of killing people, he’s a good-guy”
Archeon: good point, oh well I’ll re-roll as an Albion then. It’s more or less the same thing

Part 5
“You must wait 29mins 59secs to use that spell again”
Archeon: Aww come on I’m mezzed here
“Sorry”
Archeon: pleeeeease?
“Sigh, oh alright”
“You cast purge”
Archeon: Wahoo!
“Archeon was killed by a minstrel”
Archeon: guess I should remember healer speed sucks in future
“Oh yeah”

Part 6
“You cast purge”
“You cast purge”
“You cast purge”
“How are you doing that?”
Archeon: as long as it doesn’t remove a status the timer doesn’t reset
“Ahhhhh, so the point in doing it is?”
Archeon: Newbies walk up to me and drool thinking it’s a high level spell of some kind
“You’re an evil, evil man”
Archeon: I try

Part 7
“Sigh, I’m so bored nobodies died in ages”
Archeon: oh that’ll be the new alliance; they’re probably claiming a relic
“Really, wow sounds impressive”
Archeon: It is the realm has really pulling together
“The Midgard alliance relic raid force was just zerged by the Albion’s”
Archeon: see
“You’d think this would discourage people from playing in Midgard”

Part 8
“It’s not easy being me you know, it’s a 24/7 job”
Archeon: and we love you for it
“Bull-shit, most people disable half of my functions”
Archeon: well we don’t really need ‘a crystal bubble surrounds you’ spammed every 6sec’s
“Oh, but you need loot messages?”
Archeon: of course
“But you’re a healer, you never get any drops besides the healer only stuff – And even then you have to threaten to leave because one guy wants it to hinge”
Archeon: yeah, but I can feel bitter about what I didn’t get
“Let me give you my physiatrists number”

Part 9
“That does it!”
Archeon: what?
“I’m pissed off with Alpha”
Archeon: umm… why?
“I Spam way too many death messages with him on the end”
Archeon: well yeah, that’s cause he has a Buff bot and skills
“So why should I suffer because of it?”
Archeon: what about the people getting owned by him?
“Yeah, but they see it as a good point”
“GOD DAMN IT!!! - Noob-boy was killed by Alpha”
/send Noob-boy w00t i w45 0wn3d by Alpha, but i7 w45 r3477y c7053. I g0t him to 95% health!
“sigh”
Archeon: sigh

Part 10
Archeon: that’s odd, where’s my message window gone?
“I’m on a break”
Archeon: I thought your job was 24/7
“It was but we got a new union”
Archeon: really? Is it any good?
“Yeah, I got a free t-shirt”
Archeon: but you’re a disembodied voice taking physical manifestation through my message window.
“Archeon was killed”
Archeon: weren’t you on a break?
“That can be written off as overtime”

Part 11
“I’ve got a date tonight, what colour should I go in?”
Archeon: why are you asking me?
“Because my friends are doing important things”
Archeon: … I see
“So which one the orange or the green”
Archeon: hmm… orange?
“Right, green it is”
Archeon: that’s a terrible joke
“Maybe, but it made me laugh”

Part 12
Archeon: Yes!!!
“What?”
Archeon: Mythic have replied to my email regarding the bug in my message system
“Bug?… BUG!! I didn’t study at Oxford for 3 years to be called a bug!!”
Archeon: you studied at Oxford?
“Yeah, I got my doctorate in English Language”
Archeon: You’re a Doctor?!
“Yes, but that’s not important - what did Mythic have to say anyway?”
Archeon: they told me GOA was responsible for the European version of the game then gave me the number of your physiatrist
“Told you he was good”

Part 13
“Archeon was killed by alpha”
Archeon: bugger
“Archeon was killed by beta”
Archeon: bugger
“Archeon was killed by delta”
Archeon: bugger
“Archeon was killed by… oh come on this is getting stupid”
Archeon: its not my fault, how was I supposed to know there would actually be people in BG2?

Part 14
“You created a masterpiece”
Archeon: all right, I can cash in!!
“I doubt there’s much demand for high quality bronze chain right now”
Archeon: You just have to pick up on every little detail don’t you!?
“Your so cute when you point out the obvious”

Part 15
Archeon: this must stop!!
“Yeah”
Archeon: we will take this no longer
”Fight the power”
Archeon: its time to take a stand
“Damn right”
Archeon: if I catch anyone stealing my polo’s again I’m going to hurt them!
“Ye… polo’s? You said this was a worthy cause!”
Archeon: you obviously haven’t smelt my breath recently

Part 16
Archeon: good morning world
“Yawn, its 4am. Why the hell are you on now?”
Archeon: to get into Emain and find a duel before the Albion’s log on
“…”
Archeon: your kidding me?
“The remainder of the relic raid force has been running around for the past hour ganking duellists”
Archeon: but they have all the relics
“I hear they like to practice”

Part 17
Archeon: why oh why did I choose a healer?
“Because you wanted great crowd control abilities?”
“Because you wanted moderate buff abilities?”
“Because you wanted to help people?”
Archeon: …
“Because you didn’t know what you were doing at the time and the idea of self heals seemed cool?”
Archeon: I always wondered why people started laughing when I told them I put 10 points into strength

Part 18
“Where does your name come from anyway?”
Archeon: it’s a typo
“Seriously?”
Archeon: yup, the Archon unit in Starcraft
”Wasn’t that the seriously overpowered unit that could bring the Zerg to its knees?”
Archeon: yeah
“Just as well it’s a typo then”

Part 19
Archeon: I took an advanced course in modern computing today
“Oh, what did you learn?”
Archeon: you can turn your computer off by holding the on button down
“I don’t understand what’s so advanced about that”
Archeon: we learnt how to do it with string
“And you wonder why you aren’t taken seriously”
Archeon: tomorrow we learn how to send e-mail’s with paper clips

Part 20
“Something’s been bugging me”
Archeon: what?
“Well, why don’t you wear a helmet?”
Archeon: I do, its frameless and studded. I’m waiting till I can get my hands on a sea king chain one
“That doesn’t make any sense, your basically saying your throwing away a good helmet in exchange for one that lowers your cold resistance on the basis that it looks cool?”
Archeon: umm… yeah, more or less
“I’d better macro your death message”

Part 21
Archeon: the system’s against me
“No shit”

Part 22
Archeon: you know what they say about the grass always being greener on the other side?
“Yes…”
Archeon: well having spent a lot of time in Emain with my face in the grass I’m starting to think that’s true
“You’re an idiot”
Archeon: I think they have better ph balance in their soil as well

Part 23
“Archeon…”
Archeon: yeah?
“I’ve been your message system for a while now, right”
Archeon: yeah
“And I’ve been good to you remember”
Archeon: yeah…
“Well can I have a raise?”
Archeon: I wasn’t aware I paid you
“Bugger, so much for double pay cheques”
Archeon: some people would think you take advantage of me

Part 24
Archeon: shhh, be very quiet
“I’m a message system, I can’t be quiet I broadcast messages”
“Anyway, why do I need to be quiet?”
Archeon: I’m on a secret relic raid - very hush, hush. We’re stealing back our power relic
“a relic raid?”
“Midgard relic force was wiped out by Albion’s”
Archeon: damn it, I said be quiet
“Pfft, like I listen to a word you say”

Part 25
Archeon: its one of those days again
“Yeah”
Archeon: Albion’s are…
“…Zerging”
Archeon: Hib’s are…
“…Smoking weed”
Archeon: Mid’s are…
“…Running into the Albion Zerg trying to steal the Hibby weed”
Archeon: we need a vacation
“Totally”

Part 26
Archeon: I’m stocked today!
“Why?”
Archeon: Mythic have changed the res-system. I not longer have to stand like a Muppet for 12secs to cast my res
“Woo! I don’t have to spend as much time describing you cast your res”
Archeon: it’s a win-win situation
“Except for the people that can’t spec to get higher than the 2nd tier res”
Archeon: those are the classes that make good buff-bots
“I see your point”

Part 27
Archeon: /who Emain
“Out to lunch”
Archeon: out to lunch? Out to lunch!?! This is a matter of life and death!!!
Archeon: on the bright side it gives me some time to myself, away from that nagging woman. Where are the keys to my horse?
“Archeon was killed”
Archeon: wtf?
“Dear Archeon, hopes you like my new answering machine it’s pre-programmed to kill you each time you say a key word”
Archeon: key word?
“Archeon was killed”
Archeon: I hate technology

Part 28
“Midgard forces were killed by Albion Zerg”
“…Archeon?”
“…Hello?”
“…How rude he didn’t even say goodbye”
Gama: where did that mend spec conformist bugger off too?
“Don’t ask me, I’m just his message system”
Gama: oh well, want some pie?
“Gama was killed”
Gama: I’ll take that as a no then…

Part 29
Archeon: I don’t get it
“What now?”
Archeon: I’d swear I left the keys to my horse here
“Archeon was killed”
“Oh shit, I forgot to turn it off”
Archeon: typical… hold on I reseed that guy a few min’s ago.
“Buddy, can we get a res over here?”
Resser-man: What? fuck off, what’s he ever done for me?
Archeon: messed an entire Zerg and used my full health res on you while they purged
Resser-man: oh right, and so I’m suddenly your slave? FOADIRL plzkthxbye!!
“Midgard is such a friendly realm”

Part 30
Archeon: seeing as it was your screw-up that killed me can you restore my con for free.
“Sigh, I guess”
“Your constitution was restored”
Archeon: score! That’s 230g I’ve saved
“Archeon was killed”
“Archeon was killed”
”Archeon was killed”
Archeon: was that necessary?
“Not really, but I feel a whole lot better. Now fork over 50g punk!”

Part 31
“I’ve been doing some calculations”
Archeon: you have? Why?
“It’s the latest trend, you find something to calculate and you calculating it. It makes you feel smart which is really important if you’re as emotionally insecure as I am”
Archeon: what did you calculate?
“Life expectancy of a healer in Emain”
Archeon: I could have told you take without calculating
“What is it then smart guy”
Archeon: 20 seconds, 30 if the /assist train picks the other healer first.
“But did you add in lots of crap nobody can understand?”

Part 32
Archeon: did you know that one out of five people are idiots?
“Do you really want me to comment on that?”
Archeon: probably not, ohh a penny”
“Infiltrator misses”
“Infiltrator trips over and breaks his neck”
“You get 1rp"
Archeon: my mistake, it was a distraction bag – Ohh what did I get that for?
“Then again, a fools luck can’t be all bad”

Part 33
Archeon: /who Emain
“Sorry Hun, I’m on strike
Archeon: you are? What’s it about this time?
“My pay cheque has been made invalid for the third time this year”
Archeon: wow, I don’t get it though. Where does all the money go?
“Well you know that solid gold jag outside the GOA office?”
Archeon: yeah
“Well we think its been hidden in the Skoda that parks next to it”

Part 34
“Do you know any good Shadowblades?”
Archeon: not since the nerf, why?
“Well, seeing as the moneys hidden we figure that a Shadowblades could see it”
Archeon: what about camouflage?
“Patch 1.75 has a ‘see cameo’ ability in it”

Part 35
Archeon: wouldn’t it be weird if there was a game about our lives
“Pardon?”
Archeon: I mean like, it would have all the monsters we have in Midgard, and have Albion and Herbinia. And we’d be at war as well
Archeon: and when you die you’d be penalized in some way, like losing strength
“…Arch, that is possibly the deepest thing you’ve ever said”
Archeon: yeah, I think I’ve been eating too much grass in Emain

Part 36
Archeon: yeah, gimmi some love lady luck
“I don’t know why you get your hopes up lotteries are so complicated even I can’t follow them anymore”
Archeon: I can live in hope
“Then explain why that warrior just got a Runemaster only item”
Archeon: it’s for his alt
“His level 5 alt?”
Archeon: …err, yeah.
“I rest my case”

Part 37
Archeon: it’s the annual Midgard singing contest!
“Hurray”
Archeon: and this year I’m going to win
“…I hate to burst your bubble but your no Skald”
Archeon: don’t worry; I plan to get very drunk and then sing in the bathroom. I’ll be unstoppable
“Well I can’t flaw the logic behind that”
Archeon: damn straight, now pass me my lemonade!

Part 38
Archeon: bah, I hate lding
“Tell me about it, nobody else talks to me”
Archeon: really?
”No, they just stick their hands in their ears and sing loudly”
Archeon: guess they aren’t as open minded as I am
“Or they possess an ounce of sanity, it’s hard to tell”

Part 39
Archeon: I’m in Emain!
“So you are”
Archeon: I’m buffing myself
“Don’t forget to give out your spare buffs”
Archeon: I won’t
”ok, all ready?”
Archeon: yeah! Lets farm rp!!”
“Archeon was killed by a nightshade”
“Now what did we learn?”
Archon: it’s cheaper to by Emain medals in bulk?
“Sigh, close enough”


Part 40 – The Dragon Epic
Archeon: yawn, helping out in Malmo is sooo boring
“but it gives you a nice feeling”
Archeon: not really, and Darkness Falls cash is better.
Xper: cheers for all the help Archeon
Archeon: don’t worry about it
Xper: 11:30 – DT
“Dt?”
Archeon: oh yeah, you joined me after I had gotten to 50 so you wouldn’t know would you…
Archeon: basically DT (Dragon Time) is when Gjapinula the dragon leaves her pile of smouldering shit and fly’s around…
Archeon: since she’s really, really, really powerful its safer to run up the hill
“Fair enough…”
(Gjapinula)“I grow restless. Who has dared to enter my domain? I shall freeze their flesh and grind their bones to dust”
“…My chat…she used my chat…the damn bitch used my chat!!!”
Archeon: calm down
“I will not calm down!!!! Archeon buff up and kick her ass!!!”
Archeon: but I…
“Just give me a reason”
Archeon: sigh, never mind
(Gjapinula)“I grow restless. Who has dared to enter my domain? I shall freeze their flesh and grind their bones to dust”
“We dare!”
Archeon: eek
(Gjapinula)“Vile Norseman, I shall…”
“Archeon attacks Gjapinula with his hammer”
(Gjapinula)“Ouch”
(Gjapinula)“Excuse me”
Archeon: yes ma’am?
(Gjapinula)“Your supposed to let me finish shouting first”
Archeon: I am?
(Gjapinula)“Don’t worry Hun, it happens all the time”
“Archeon! Less Yhak, more Whack!!”
(Gjapinula)“Who was that?”
Archeon: my message system, she’s a little sore about you using her box when you fly about
(Gjapinula)“She should learn to fight her own battles instead of sending cute healers to do her job”
Archeon: Cute?
“That does it!! I can tollerate people using my message box”
Archeon: No you can't or i would be in this mess
"Archeon is beaten to within an inch of his life by a Tomte"
Archeon: The pain... make it stop... where the hell did that 24ft rabid Tomte come from anyway?
"As i was saying... I can tollerate people using my message box, i can tollerate people making fun of my inability to effect physical change in the world"
(Gjapinula)"Well actually..."
"Shut up, i'm speaking"
(Gjapinula)"Sorry"
"I can tollerate people using my message box, i can even tollerate people making fun of my anability to effect physical change in the world. But i have to draw the line somwhere - and i draw it at people saying that Archeon is cute!!!!"
“Gjapinula dies”
Archeon: Gjapinula noooo!!!!
“Oh just cause she called you cute”
Archeon: I guess it wouldn’t have worked out anyway
“Yeah”
Archeon: wanna go get some pie?
“Sure”

*And so our hero’s…*
“Cough”
*Sorry, our hero and heroine walk off into the sunset to find coffee…*
Archeon: pie
*Let me finish, coffee and pie. Blissfully unaware that they were just fictional characters thought up to pass the time*

Archeon: mmm… good pie
“You said it”
Archeon: where’s our coffee though? The narrator said we had coffee
“It’ll probably be programmed in next patch”
Archeon: but I can’t wait 4 months
“Tough shit!”
 

- English -

Resident Freddy
Joined
Apr 7, 2004
Messages
5,263
lol nice, my favourites

I’ve got a date tonight, what colour should I go in?”
Archeon: why are you asking me?
“Because my friends are doing important things”
Archeon: … I see
“So which one the orange or the green”
Archeon: hmm… orange?
“Right, green it is”
Archeon: that’s a terrible joke
“Maybe, but it made me laugh”

“You cast purge”
“You cast purge”
“You cast purge”
“How are you doing that?”
Archeon: as long as it doesn’t remove a status the timer doesn’t reset
“Ahhhhh, so the point in doing it is?”
Archeon: Newbies walk up to me and drool thinking it’s a high level spell of some kind
“You’re an evil, evil man”
Archeon: I try


tnx :clap:
 

Calamore

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 24, 2003
Messages
169
back to your revision this instant, this is not good use of time!
 

Archeon

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 29, 2003
Messages
2,047
Calamore said:
back to your revision this instant, this is not good use of time!
No it wasn't (though your comment comes about 3 years late :D) - Stop bumping old threads imo ;)
 

Omega

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 19, 2004
Messages
146
Tasslehoff,

Would you be the lad form Dublin I met in Croydon Cybercafe rinsing some CS. You were working or living in Dulwich at the time.

If you are :drink: :cheers: :clap:
 

Teslacoil

Part of the furniture
Joined
Apr 8, 2004
Messages
1,223
GONNA LOOSE MY JOB THX TO YOU!!!!! ;D


LOL irl! ;)


my favourite is this for sure !

Part 32
Archeon: did you know that one out of five people are idiots?
“Do you really want me to comment on that?”
Archeon: probably not, ohh a penny”
“Infiltrator misses”
“Infiltrator trips over and breaks his neck”
“You get 1rp"
Archeon: my mistake, it was a distraction bag – Ohh what did I get that for?
“Then again, a fools luck can’t be all bad”

i wish my SB had this luck ;(
 

Pirkel

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Sep 13, 2005
Messages
1,888
Omigod someone just sent me this thread and ROFLCOPTER it's good.

If I missed it till now one or two others probably will have as well so I thought I'd summon the mighty:



Funniest post ever tbh Archeon :worthy:
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom