North/South Divide

[caLLous]

Subject: GCSE Mathematics 2000

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN THE NORTH:

NAME :...................................

GANG NAME :...........................

1. Craig has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Vinnie for 300 quid and 90 grams to Tomo for 90 quid a gram, what is the street value of the rest of his stash?

2. Marcus pimps 3 brassers. If the price is 40 quid a ride, how many rides per day must each brasser perform to support Vinnie's 500 quid a day crack habit?

3. Whacker wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?

4. Darren gets 6 years for murder. He also got 350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends 33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time would Darren get for killing the slapper that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with an eight fluid ounce can of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?

6. Spike steals Wayne's skateboard. As Spike skates away at a speed of 35mph, Wayne loads his brother's armalite. If it takes Wayne 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Spike have travelled before he gets whacked?

 

[caLLous]

Subject: GCSE Mathematics 2000

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN THE SOUTH:

NAME :.......................................................................................... (if longer, please continue on separate sheet)

SCHOOL :..................................................

DADDY'S COMPANY :...................................

1. Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks his local MP to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Julian driving now?

2. Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds?

4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for 2 weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?

5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When does his Sunday Independent column start?

 

[Summo]

I disaprove of using the forum for this sort of thing, but 'lol' anyway

 

[caLLous]

sorry... what is "this sort of thing"?

 

[old.mAlKyFrAz3r]

ROFL

 

[Yaka]

okey how manys of yer lot are southern bastards?

 

[caLLous]

/me slowly (but with pride) raises his hand...