New Joke thread - dont hijack this one

K

keludm

Guest
Post the jokes here and let those 2 argue about the law of armed conflict on the other one..

Not exactly a joke but v funny - These are actual titles to some Country and Western songs (I didnt believe it but Im assured theyre real)

1. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

2. How Can I Miss You, If You Won't Go Away?

3. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In Bed

4. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, 'Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye

5. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself, Or Go Bowling

6. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger

7. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

8. I Just Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole My Girl, but The Car Don't Run; so I figure we Got An Even Deal

9. I Keep Forgetten' I Forgot About You

10. I Liked You Better, Before I Knew You So Well

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

12. I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

14. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

15. Please Bypass this Heart?

16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

17. Mama Get a Hammer (There's a Fly On Papa's Head)

18. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus

19. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him
 
W

woodmansee

Guest
I started that joke thread to get some hits!!
It worked for awhile and I really didnt care what topic it was... Just need some more hits lol!!

Anyway Your gonna get em now so thats messed up!
lol

Good Reasons for Being French!!
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Experience the joy of winnig the world cup for the first time.
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frogs legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You dont have to read the subtitles on those late night flims on TV.
6. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star!
7. People will think youre a great lover even when you're not.
8. You dont have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street.
 
S

Sleet

Guest
What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astranauts
 
W

woodmansee

Guest
its a joke

you need to learn to laugh at yourself


I wont cry if you tell an english joke!

Whats the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf?
The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells better.

What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
Bisexual
 
M

-mk-

Guest
didn't say i didn't laugh :D

and your french jokes are getting old btw
 
W

woodmansee

Guest
I didnt tell them to please you so its all good with me..
 
R

rahan

Guest
One sunny day a Russian, an American and a blonde are walking down the street. They were talking and getting to know eachother and they started talking about history. The Russians chest swells up and he says proudly "We were the first to land on Mars!"
The American says "We were the first to land on the moon!" The blonde's chest puffs up the most and she says "Yeah, I bet you can't beat this, we're going to be the first to land on the sun!" The Russian and the American look at eachother and chuckle then the Russian says to the blonde "Your joking right? You think that you can do that? You'll burn if you get anywhere near it!" The blonde starts laughing and says "HELLO!!! WE'RE GOING AT NIGHT!!!!"
 
N

Norvindus

Guest
Sh#!


Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language....

Consider this: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck or have shit for brains. With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit and tell others to eat shit and die. You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit your life away.

People can be shit headed, shit brained, shit blinded and shit over. Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits and sweet shits. There is bull shit, and horse shit and chicken shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit or duck when the shit hits the fan. You can take a shit, give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit and there are times when you feel like shit. You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don't want any shit at all. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose. Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation. And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else.
 
R

rahan

Guest
One day a brunette was walking thru the woods, when she came upon a magic lamp. She picked it up, and rubbed it. A genie flew out, and said "I will give you three wishes for freeing me. BUT, any wishes you get, three blondes in the world will get double of what you get." Now, the brunette HATED blondes, and so she though carefully. She said, "i wish i had a million dollars." POOF, she got a million, and three blondes got two million. Then she said, "i wish that i had a hott boyfriend." POOF, she got one, three blondes each got two. then, she spent a few minutes thinking about the last wish. She spotted a large stick nearby, and got an idea. She said, "see that stick over there? i wish you would beat me half to death with it."
 
R

rahan

Guest
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."


There is a blonde, a brunette, and a red head in the 3rd grade fighting about who has the biggest boobs. And of course its the blonde....because she's 18!!!

Three Blonds are in a bar. They keep cheering and and yelling "we did it!" and "we are the best!" After this had been going on for a while a guy comes over and asks "what did you do that was so great?" and they shout "We just finished a 50 piece puzzle in two months and the box said 3 to 5 years!"
 
R

rahan

Guest
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a small bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blond jokes, when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says:

"I've heard just about enough of your degrading blond jokes, Asshole! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only other blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humor!"

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the little bastard on your knee!" that all fokes !!! catch u online (fingers crossed)
 

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