Need some advice

[Amphrax]

Ok, a few years back my half sisters got in touch with me and my brother after 20 odd years of not seeing them. They been asking me if I wanted to talk with mum but I didn't want to speak with her and i'm thinking not really... 28 years of no contact or anything so why do I bother.

Anyway, my 'mum' has finally contacted me via facebook and I'm in 2 minds ... do I bother because why now and no contact for 28 years ... or will I regret it in the long run... I think I will regret it...

oooh I dont know

Help please my mind is soooo mixed up

 

[fettoken]

Have you something to loose? But Facebook, that is a f*cking miserable way to contact someone after 28 years.

 

[pikeh]

Obviously there must be a good reason as to why you are not talking with your mum for so long, but it's hard to say anything at all not knowing the reasons behind it. I'm not saying you should tell us or anything.

I do know that family is really important, and you may regret it later when you don't have the chance any more. But like I said, it's not for us to decide. I think you must know deep down what you want to do. You have made your own life for yourself after 28 years, and what she did must have been pretty unforgiveable, but maybe she isn't asking to be forgiven, maybe just how her son is doing.

Sorry I can't help anymore, kind of a contradicting post on my part

/edit I don't see whats wrong with using the internet to talk, it's kind of like the step you can take before going to meet her if you do decide so. Internet; it's big business y'know

 

[Laddey]

I was in the same position with my sister mate.

Just remember, you're life its ok as it is and you don't wanna open that can of worms.

but maybe this is what you require in your life, a mother. Maybe maybe not, the choice is yours mate

 

[Amphrax]

Also I found out she only lives about 4-5 miles away from me... So apart of me thinking why the hell should I... Then again if I dont I may regret it...

I've had this on my mind for 3 weeks and I still dont know the answer :/

 

[old.Tohtori]

You will regret not getting in touch.
You MIGHT regret getting in touch.

Chances are on the side of getting in touch.

 

[Bahumat]

No one can give you advice when you dont give all the information. sorry mate but its the truth.

 

[Laddey]

Mate, just go for it. You're dead a long time you know. Only live once.

I say go for it, fuck what anybody else thinks its your life and your family.

Thats just my two cents

 

[Bugz]

I was in the same position with my sister mate.

Just remember, you're life its ok as it is and you don't wanna open that can of worms.

but maybe this is what you require in your life, a mother. Maybe maybe not, the choice is yours mate

Difference being your sister was in prison.

 

[Laddey]

Difference being your sister was in prison.

haha was she fuck

 

[Gwadien]

Difference being your sister was in prison.

Uhmm, I can guess what for, but im not here to offend

 

[russell]

Its really tough.

I have the same thing with my Dad. I dont see him. My parents divorced when I was 3 and we have no relationship. He worked and lived abroad alot.

There have been times in my life where I have gone to stay with him/met up with him, but these only served to upset me more. He is a nice guy -but basically it is like visiting an old neighbour as he has never been my 'dad'. And that is just wierd. Do you find people around you think its strange you dont see your mum or that you should get in contact? I dont know your circumstances, but when people find out mine they struggle with it.

I have no resentment towards my dad as he is a nice guy who simply chose career over family- so he never really bonded to me-But your parents are integral to your identity and so that bit is hard. I found that it was always me or my mum instigating the meetings and it never came from him.

I did alot of thinking after visiting my Dad at 18 and wrote him a big long letter to explain that I understood what happened and accepted that it was not all his fault, but that it upset me more to see him. So we agreed to stay in touch from a distance.

We send Christmas and Birthday cards and he has met my husband once after we were married and my first child was 3 months old. He came to my graduation, but that was a nightmare and so he was not invited to my wedding.

It still gets me and I still cry at father/daughter things- above all is the sense of abandoment that still lies deep- the 'what was wrong with me that he/she didnt want me' crap. Thats hard -but such is life.

Facebook is not ideal -but at least she is making the effort. Again I dont know the circumstances, but being a mother myself, God it must be hard to leave your kid.

Think about what is driving you- do you have unresolved business?Questions that you need answered? Are you looking for a relationship with her? Do you just want to satisfy your curiosity? Are you feeling pressured to see her? Do you think you should?

Lastly -Give yourself time to really decide -dont do anything rash. Only you know the real situation and what you have to gain/lose.

PS -Sorry about the ramble -as you can see it is a subject close to my heart

 

[Levin]

Wow Russell. You got me crying here too just reading your post. Would rep but must spread more first. I can't imagine what it would be like to have grown up without one of your parents. /hug

Otherwise when it comes to advice to Amphrax and without knowing the situation, i guess what Tohtori said sounds wise.

 

[russell]

Wow Russell. You got me crying here too just reading your post. Would rep but must spread more first. I can't imagine what it would be like to have grown up without one of your parents. /hug
.

Sorry -its not really that bad!!! Its just my achilles heel. But I dont dwell on it and only people really close to me even know. It just seemed appropriate to share

 

[sayward]

Got back in touch with my in laws after many years of no contact. Regretted it bitterly ever since.