Help Need help

[Gins]

First of all 2 things
1) sorry for my non perfecy english
2) i have been reading FH since i started playing daoc in 03 but never posted much, dont give me grief for doing right now.... thx

I have a MAJOR problem..

For all my life i had everything handed to me on a plate, as in i managed to turn my hobby ( poker) into a mony printing machine and my parents always helped me out when i was stuck..

I lived in Ireland for about 9 months where i had a verry succesfull(sp) buisiness in the card gaming industrie.. fell in love with a costa rican girl, sold everything in ireland knowing that i would have enough money to live in a poor country like CR for at least half a year without working, and enjoying the sweet things of life.....

Now here is my problem, all the mony is gone and for the last 2 months im working 11h a day 13days every 2 weeks in a stupid call center for S400 a month, just covers the rent..

I could go back to belgium, where i have a filthy rich family etc, get a well payed job and what not, but my girlfriend wants to stay here in costa rica, and frankly even tho i love here to bits i will never ever be 'someone' in this country... hell i would never even make enough mony to buy my own 500quid volks wagen....

WHAT DO I DO ( stay with the girl that im so in love with, but have no future with, or go back home and work on my future)


P.S if this is to much drama send me a pm and i will wire you a copy of die hard4 to make up for the girlieness

thx

 

[Helme]

If you are good at cardgames, start playing online poker? There's quite a few people living off of it in western countries, and looking at how much it costs to live a decent life where you are, just smaller winnings would be enough I reckon.

 

[Gins]

i know on line poker is pretty much what got me here (illegal to play live in belgium when i was last there) but as there is no security whatsoever and i have no bankroll anymore ( plus the GF dont like me "gambling" ) thats out of the question..

Thx for the imput tho im really all tied up here

 

[Helme]

There's quite alot of 'secure' sites offering it, and you don't really need a huge bankroll to get started, a $5 pot could lead to $15 which could lead to $50 etc. Just never play what you can't afford to loose.

 

[Bahumat]

Honestly, these types of decisions normally always go in the woman's favour. If you move to wherever your parents live, you can offer her a more financially beneficial life. Plus its probably safer as well.

I would love to say "ooh if you love her then stay there with her blah blah" but fuck all that. She wants to stay, you obviously want to go. It sounds like moving to your country offers a better quality of life so its the obvious choice. Don't live in a shit hole all your life with no money.

You already sold everything to move out there, now its her turn to either move, or get a kick ass job so you both live comfortably.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Honestly?

You're a gambler, you were born to gamble and if you're good at it, your GF saying "i don't like you gambling" is just "F*ck off" behavior.

She's changing you, maybe changed already, and that's not a woman you want.

About love, well, i'd like to say "stay with the one you love!!!1" too, but, semantic bull like that only works if you got the cash and job to do so.

At the moment, it sounds you're miserable, will be miserable and 9 out of 9.5 times you will end up making both miserable and your woman hate you for "ruining her life", even if she's the problem *cough*.

Say you're moving and if she's not up for a good life elsewhere, tell her it's hard but you have to think about your OWN future too.

Disclaimer: This is only my opinion, you take actions by your own accord. I am not to blame for any divorce, fight, row, argument and/or murder.

 

[Gins]

helme : with secure i dont mean dodgy sites, i mean there is no guarantee i actually will make money, and " dont play with what you cant afford"... well i cant afford to lose anything right now.

Bahu: dunno if you remember me from in game but i was in "fear" with you on the pvp server and you amused me countless times on vent when i was waisted ( ig name was wumpus the merc)
And i do know what you mean and the fact that im posting here right now kinda gives away that i really want to leave, but i love this girl so insanely much, and if i leave thats the end of it...

 

[Uara]

I have to agree with Toht and Bahamut!!

There's no point staying in that country if its making your life completely miserable, being in love is all well and good but if your not happy in other areas of life, such as money,job etc you've got to think, is the feeling of love worth all the negative aspects of living there.

You never kno you might find someone just as good back in belgium where your other areas of life will be a higher quality.

Thats my 2p

 

[Helme]

I would just bring up how very hypocritical it is of her to expect you to move from the comforts of your home, to a 3rd world country - but you can't expect the same in return.

Anyways what do I know, I would think of everything logically while love is clearly not logical in any way possible.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Also if you want to simplify my points, i'll quote Jack Sparrow.

CAPTAIN!!

Ahem, Captain Jack Sparrow:

"The only rules that really matter are these; What a man can do and what a man can't do."

So i ask you, can you drop your girl, or can you live in misery because of her?

 

[Gins]

I think an appolagy is in order as i get the feeling i scetched the girl a bit wrong.. granted she is trying to change me, and she lives in a poor country where NOBODY but the rich gringo can make a buck. but i do know that she really loves me to, as in:
She does not want me to gamble as se have seen me blow XXX on blackjack/craps... many times ( i always made up for that with poker tho)

And she also could be on a tv show as the perfect wife as i NEVER get nagged when i gen drunk during the day, come home late, eat infi fast food even tho she cooked etc etc... in other words i think she is perfect but the country is not... not a easy choise as i make it seem

 

[Gins]

Also if you want to simplify my points, i'll quote Jack Sparrow.

CAPTAIN!!

Ahem, Captain Jack Sparrow:

"The only rules that really matter are these; What a man can do and what a man can't do."

So i ask you, can you drop your girl, or can you live in misery because of her?

well, last thing i didnt say, the 9 months i was in ireland she lived with me ( fully supported by me ) when she got deported i was crushed and got the first plane to CR

 

[old.Tohtori]

So she would leave, if she could?

Also, about gambling on blackjack etc, don't. Stick to what you know. Stick to poker.

I think you need a more strict bankroll management, heck, tell your GF to manage your poker funds. Women are naturals at that

If the only problem is that she doesn't have a right to live somewhere, there's a simple solution:

Marry her.

 

[Uara]

Yeah, keep with the poker, blackjack etc are real easy to lose money on, I've experienced that!

lol Amen to that Toht, my gf ensures i never overspend whenever we go out shopping. ALthough slightly annoying when I try to buy a new gfx card and she claims I can't afford it

But yeh if she needs to get the right to live somewhere, if you love her so much, marrying her will ensure it all goes along smoothly!

 

[Gins]

hey i know more about blackjack than anyone else in the world, and before i start playing it i set some bj money asside KNOWING that i will lose it, if i win something its juse a bonus, ( like if you go out on a savage drinkin session you know you will lose an easy 50 euros, sometimes i just decide not to go drinkin and keep the money for black jack ( im actually pretty good with money) and i havent played ANY house games for at least 6 months now, just caus i cant afford to lose anything, before it was just amuzement money..

Anyway im even more confused now, was secretly hoping for "kiss and make up" but im sure you are all right.

and...eurm...what if... grmph.... how the hell do i tell here im leaving? jesus what a mess

 

[old.Tohtori]

It's actually quite simple, "gambling" aside:

If she will move if she can, marry her if you love her. Immigration problem solved.
If she won't leave, and you don't want to live in "misery", break up(break ups go as go, personal) and move back home.
If you CAN live where you are(which i assume you can't from this post), and love her THAT much, stay where you are.

 

[Bahumat]

Bahu: dunno if you remember me from in game but i was in "fear" with you on the pvp server and you amused me countless times on vent when i was waisted ( ig name was wumpus the merc)
And i do know what you mean and the fact that im posting here right now kinda gives away that i really want to leave, but i love this girl so insanely much, and if i leave thats the end of it...

Hehe yeah I remember you buddy!

Relationships are all about compromise. However it seems like you're the only one who is compromising...

This is what I would do. I am by no means an expert, but I do know how it feels to always want to make the person happy (it's scary in a weird way). Sometimes this can be at your own expense.

I would say to her you are not happy, list all the things you do not like (not about her hehe, about the country/lifestyle). Also I would mention the fact you do a horrible job you do not enjoy, and you get poor money. I would tell her that you really love her, but you cant carry on living with the current setup.

I would tell her how much you love her, but then say she is the only reason you've not moved back to Belgium/home. Say that you don't enjoy life there and as much as you love her, you cant stay any longer. You gave it your best shot.

 

[Uara]

/concur

I agree with everything you just said Bahu!

Remember relationships go both ways, she can't have everything how she wants it.

 

[Bahumat]

It's actually quite simple, "gambling" aside:

If she will move if she can, marry her if you love her. Immigration problem solved.
If she won't leave, and you don't want to live in "misery", break up(break ups go as go, personal) and move back home.
If you CAN live where you are(which i assume you can't from this post), and love her THAT much, stay where you are.

Wummpus I never knew about the deportation untill after I just replied. I think Tohtori is right.

One thing to add; "Does she not want to move because she is scared of being deported again? or something else".

 

[old.Tohtori]

Remember relationships go both ways, she can't have everything how she wants it.

Even if they do try every time, especially since most the time they don't even know what they want

"I want a man to TAKE me! I want a rough man! A bastard if you will."

Act like it. Get her.

"Now that we've been together so long, i wish you'd talk more and be more sensitive."

You change.

"You're not the man i met all those years ago!!"

You kill her..err....i mean...

 

[Gins]

"Does she not want to move because she is scared of being deported again? or something else".

Well not really she knows well enough how the immigration laws are in belgium, she got deported from ireland before but keeping here in belgium would be easy ( sadly enough, ANYONE could come live in belgium legally after filling out a form or 2) but she does not speak the language, hates cold weather and would miss fam/friends to much

 

[Uara]

But doesnt she understand that some of those factors can apply to you as well.

 

[old.Tohtori]

But doesnt she understand that some of those factors can apply to you as well.

All factors i believe and more.

Her problems:

Family - Can be fixed by visits. Families normally don't stick next to each other whole life. Fly out lil birdie, fly away from the nest.

Friends - Were fine before with the ireland trip, think they'd be fine now too.

Cold weather - wear more.

Language - You two talk, fine i believe, so i think she can manage English a bit? Works wonders for the rest of non-people.


But you got the added "i can't take this country!", added "i can't take my job!", and added "Our better secure life would be RIGHT THERE!!".

It seesm you're going to give all away for a woman, which is nice, but draw the line of chivalry somewhere.

Also, if she moved before, why not now?

 

[taB]

Hmm, try getting seasonal work in your home country. Tourism industry or something similar Do 6 months there, 6 months in CR. Earn enough in your home country to sit on your arse and live the good life in the sun for half a year.

Personally I'd avoid the gambling if you've blown money before. It's not a profession that is tenable if you act on whims.

 

[Gins]

i beg your pardon for bumping old thread but i made a choice and happy as i am i wanted to share:

I followed your advice and said to the GF " i love you verry much, but i cant do this anymore, need to go back home etc etc you can come with me if you want it will be sweet, i am verry sorry but if you really want to stay here there is nothing more i can do for you, i do not want to count my money to see if i can afford siggies after a 50h working week"

she thought about it and decided to mive back to belgium with me permanently, and we will come back to costa rica once a year on holidays...

My parents fronted me the money for 2 plane tickets, and i will working as a chef/co owner in the restaurant me, my brother ( he will do the room) and my parents open up together in 3 weeks from now ( i had a chef training in high school)

will be back home the 6'th of next month, tickets booked and everything!

cheers all for the advice, those who have not recieved rep already will have to wait till i spread more.

P.S will post link with pics of this beautifull country soon

 

[Helme]

Good choice! Congratulations on getting your girl to see reason

 

[Huntingtons]

for some reason most of you make her to be Evil and selfish which i think you have no reason to.

 

[Helme]

But women are evil.

 

[Huntingtons]

so are men .

 

[Ingafgrinn Macabre]

i beg your pardon for bumping old thread but i made a choice and happy as i am i wanted to share:

I followed your advice and said to the GF " i love you verry much, but i cant do this anymore, need to go back home etc etc you can come with me if you want it will be sweet, i am verry sorry but if you really want to stay here there is nothing more i can do for you, i do not want to count my money to see if i can afford siggies after a 50h working week"

she thought about it and decided to mive back to belgium with me permanently, and we will come back to costa rica once a year on holidays...

My parents fronted me the money for 2 plane tickets, and i will working as a chef/co owner in the restaurant me, my brother ( he will do the room) and my parents open up together in 3 weeks from now ( i had a chef training in high school)

will be back home the 6'th of next month, tickets booked and everything!

cheers all for the advice, those who have not recieved rep already will have to wait till i spread more.

P.S will post link with pics of this beautifull country soon

All I can say really is...



Good Going, Congratulations and everything