My life in ruins

Lamp

Gold Star Holder!!
Joined
Jan 16, 2005
Messages
23,260
Expressing how you feel in the way you have is a great start. The fact you've spoken about it here means that you can express what's bothering you. Some people can't do this. Its bottled up deep down inside.

How did you feel after you wrote your thread ?

Was there a feeling - even a tiny one - of feeling like you got something off your chest ?

How would you feel about speaking to someone face to face ? Completely confidential. A counsellor.

I had counselling when I was battling to give up my cocaine addiction. Felt wierd. But I was surprised at how much I wanted to talk. It all came out. Had a cathartic effect on me. But this counsellor wasn't a doctor, shrink, or someone with a long title starting with "psycho...". He was a bloke. A stranger. He was addicted like me. But he was much worse off. I related to him. I drew inspiration. It really helped.

Its just an idea.

I don't have any answers for you.

All I do know is that if you can talk 1-2-1 with someone you might be surprised at how good it feels to get things off your chest.

That person - whoever it is - may open up new ways of looking at your situation that you've not thought of before and you might eventually see some light.

Healing takes time. Anyone who's suffered a trauma (whether mentally or physically) and has taken the appropriate remedy (treatment, advice, counselling, support etc) will agree. It won't happen over night. But if you take things gently, slowly, and stick at it, if can work for you too.

Feel free to PM me if anything I've said has been any help and you fancy chatting more.

Good luck matey. Keep your chin up.
 
S

Shatari

Guest
Lamp said:
How did you feel after you wrote your thread ?

It felt better. I've never been good to express feelings about anything, especially not when it comes to my own. Posting it here was the only way I felt I could get it out, and don't get me wrong here, because I'm happy for what all has said (yes, even the silly comments), but it's easier for me to speak to people when they're not infront of me eye to eye, and when they don't know me.

People on here wouldn't be able to tell, how I looks like, or be able to reckongise me. I've always been trying to hide my feelings, but it has just come to a point where I can't take living like this anymore. That's another reason why I wrote here in the first place, along with that I felt it was some too big decisions for me to handle.

The truth about me, is that I'm what you call a.... coward. You must understand that I already know some of my problems, but just don't know how to deal with them. My biggest problem is that I always "run" when something unexpected happens.
I've not been much happy for long, but when people see me, I try to smile and hide it, as good as I can.

You're not the first one to advise me to go to a counsellor (or however it's spelled). Two places through my life, the teachers has advised me to do so. One of the times I actually did it, but I didn't tell her (the counsellor) anything. It was silly of me, but I was too scared to tell her what I actually was so unhappy about.
I should've told my best friends what I felt at that time. I should've at least tried to hold onto some of my friends, so my friend circle didn't had become so slim, as it has now. I shouldn't be affraid of what people might think about the scars on my body. But I'm a coward...
At the time I was taking an education as an electrician, I tried to "buy" my popularity. You can probably guess how it ended. I lost some money (some thousands actually), and what did I do? I stopped from that education, running away like a coward.
When people asked me, when I was younger if there was anything wrong, I just lied and told them everything was alright, or came up with a story.

I've tried fighting this coward inside me for long, but I've not been able to come through it, perhabs until today (?) and a little earlier in this week (where I showed and told this girl my feelings). All what has been said here, I've actually shared with the girl from my childhood (I took the advise to show her, as one of the posters told me to). Somehow it actually made me feel better, like something heavy has gotten off my chest.
She seemed happy for that I'd came up with the decision to continue see her, and deep inside me I do actually think she's happy to have gotten every fact about me straight.
The thing that will probably not change soon, is how I try to run from everything. Old habits are hard to break, but at least you all has helped and cheered me up (this goes to those that has pm'ed me too) for a while :)
 

Haggus

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Jun 18, 2004
Messages
1,075
ffs if theres one mistake in there its that FACT that you told the girl you didn't want to see her.

NEVER DO THAT !!! it fucking irriates me and a hole lot more the women.

Apologies to her asap, tell her how you feel and how it hurts you each time you see her. Try and sort it wiht her instead of hiding away. You'll never get anywere if your life if you jsut hide away. Why do people not see this !!

I'm sorry if you have already been told this in a previous post but I just read your first one and was just outraged.

I don't mean to be offensive mate, if you want my advice then open the spoiler, it's harsh.

At the end of the day you jsut have to over come this bullshit feeling of embarrasment/scaryness of doing it. I know this sounds harsh but if i've learn't anything it is grow some balls and do not hide away.
 

tris-

Failed Geordie and Parmothief
Joined
Jan 2, 2004
Messages
15,260
i agree dont tell her u dont want to see them. i didnt see the m8 in question for well over 5 months. it was shite.

btw, should of added it did actually help me sort my self out.

so there is two sides tbh. its shit, but it sorts you out.

i will let you decide your self
 

Shadoo

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Mar 15, 2004
Messages
144
I have been through the exact same thing!

I told her how i felt and we made up, i also grew jealous anytime anyone got near her! But the thing is you must apologise to her, you will treasure her as your friend much more in the long run!

Not much help i know, but you need to make the most of any real friends like that you have!
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
Shatari said:
All what has been said here, I've actually shared with the girl from my childhood (I took the advise to show her, as one of the posters told me to).

Wow..sh*t...

Err...dude! No no no no no....

You actually did that?!

*pulls collar and gulps*

Don't listen to Teh Seel! Gees...i gotta watch my words a bit better from now on if people actually listen to me...



Seriously though, way to go :worthy: Balls of steel. As the "jock" community might say.

There is no such thing as a coward, just hidden heros, you'll be just fine :)
 

Lamp

Gold Star Holder!!
Joined
Jan 16, 2005
Messages
23,260
You mention that you are struggling to fight the coward inside you.

First thing. You're not a coward. You lack self-confidence. This can be sorted.

Second thing. All this struggling and fighting. You need to accept that you may not be able to do this yourself. Let someone help you. Let them gently coax it from you rather than trying to force it out yourself.

You need someone to help you.

At some point in our lives every one of us will turn to someone else for help. Its not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Realising the need to talk to someone is the first and most important step. Actually going is the next step. Its a big one, but when you do it you will have taken a giant leap forward.

Counselling is all about taking lots of little tiny steps at a time. Eventually you'll look back and realise how far you've come. And how far you can go still further !

You need to talk to someone who you feel comfortable with.

Give counselling another go. When I saw a counsellor he didn't force me to talk. I asked him what happens if neither of us talk for 10 minutes ? He said what do you expect will happen ? I said nothing. He smiled at me kindly. Silence is healthy. He's giving you time to organise your thoughts. Eventually you'll want to talk. When you're a lot older you may find yourself helping others !

Battling an adiction is hard. But I did it. And now I can talk about what counselling helped me to achieve and offer help and support to other people in the same boat I was. You know what ? It feels nice to help someone else. Don't be afraid to take help if someone offers, and if you can, return the favour.

:)

Best of luck
 

laponna

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Apr 1, 2006
Messages
59
hello hun
sorry to see you are unhappy but i feel you have to let the girl know what you feel females like the truth (i am female by the way)
was a good idea to copy and paste what you have written here you dont have to do it face to face but at least she will know why you are acting like you are
and you are worried about scars they dont matter i have many but still can have a secure relationship looks do fade as the years go by so what matters is what is inside that wont fade with age be yourself and from what i am reading you seem a nice guy
start with friendship then let what happens happen a partner /wife needs to be your friend confident protector lover nurse all these things not just good in bed
with a friendship start, love is for what is inside not just lust who cares what the outside is inside matters
all the good looking models stars of today that have looks they will go if they have no personality then what a shrivelled up nothing
i hope you get my drift but hun be yourself cause i think this girl like you for you so why are you worried if she didnt she would have not have been around for so long

take care and stop worrying you have lots to offer
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
laponna said:
(i am female by the way)

Lies. All lies.

"She"'s a 50 year old hairy man named billy-bob from alabama... :(

Women. On MMORPG forums? Propostrousous!
 

laponna

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Apr 1, 2006
Messages
59
old tohtori
dont discribe yourself hun wont hold it against you for being old fat and hairy lol
there are quite a few females who play DAoC thats why some of the post on here make sense know what i mean
and can assure you i am 100% all female
 

Kinag

Part of the furniture
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
3,217
laponna said:
old tohtori
dont discribe yourself hun wont hold it against you for being old fat and hairy lol
there are quite a few females who play DAoC thats why some of the post on here make sense know what i mean
and can assure you i am 100% all female


Oi, Teh Seel got owned? :(
 

Mey

Part of the furniture
Joined
Apr 9, 2005
Messages
4,252
I used to keep stuff bottled up inside and consquently i'd smoke like a right trooper, but since i've been going out with my current girlfriend i only really smoke out of habit now (only when im out really..)

Who'd of thought that talking could help ey' :)
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
laponna said:
old tohtori
dont discribe yourself hun wont hold it against you for being old fat and hairy lol

Please don't hold IT against me, i know you love me and all but...keep it away :eek6:

laponna said:
there are quite a few females who play DAoC thats why some of the post on here make sense know what i mean

Women, making sense? I'd like to see the day :p

Look at Eq, prime example.

laponna said:
and can assure you i am 100% all female

That's what all the fat and hairy billy bob's from alabama say. Until they lure you in their "fun cave" for some man loving.

I know it, i've watched Vlad :eek:

So stay away!
 

Spis

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jul 17, 2005
Messages
487
laponna said:
old tohtori
dont discribe yourself hun wont hold it against you for being old fat and hairy lol
there are quite a few females who play DAoC thats why some of the post on here make sense know what i mean
and can assure you i am 100% all female

Pics plz!
 

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