A
AbPoon
Guest
This is a cut and paste off the Aesirs Msg board done by Whoodoo the comedy writer of Aesirs 
Miserable zombies cured
In Uppland today many people travelling across the frontier observed a strange sight. It seems someone has taken pity on the plight of these hapless souls and offered them counselling and has been dishing out herbal anti-depressants.
One of the undead was quoted as being “excited” by single dandelion popping through the spring snow. The eye witness described him as he “danced with joy and glee at the mere sight of fresh foliage.”
Talking to Araxir, an Arachite priest from Myrkwood, he said “some of our kin folk in Uppland and Jamtland got sick of hearing them moaning day n day out, we tried killing them, but the damn things just kept respawning, ever time worse than the last. We got together and I went to listen to their plea. I’m not saying what medication they are on, lets just accept their new found happiness”.
Infiltrator arrested for “wacky baccy” DoT
Pin, the notoriously annoying “now you see me now your dead” infiltrator has been arrested in Odin’s gate for possession of a class b drug.
“A large quantity of Canabis resin was found in his possession, leading to his immediate arrest” said Jarl Bledmere.
“He was apprehended testing it on the Vendos near our borders. We found several very beaten Vendos, all with severe cuts and bruises, yet they all had this strange grin on their faces, then we found the assailant rolling on the floor in laughter shouting ‘ROFL, LOL, HEHE’ and other words in a language we didn’t understand”
We were briefly allowed to talk through a translator to Pin, who said “WTF man, least they go out with a smile on their faces”
None of the Vendo were seriously hurt, although many did develop a craving for something called ‘fridge’, saying they had the ‘munchies’. Many Midgardians went in search of them, but were unable to track these mysterious items down. If anyone knows where they drop, please inform Lord Bledmere.
Prulgar hangs up the saddle
Prulgar, the renowned richest stable keeper of Huginfell, has hung up his saddles for good.
“Since them fools put a new sacred stone in Svasud Faste, my takings are down 80%, its been a good run, and I’ve made 50 Mithril out of this lot in the past 8 months, so time to cash it in and bugger off to Albion and the nicer climate!”
Prulgar has now left Midgard, leaving his brother Prulgar in charge.
“Mum didn’t have much imagination when it came to names, so she just named us after the last stable lad who was here, our dad, Prulgar”
He went on to say the same quality of service is available to all, and if hes not his normal spot, he’ll be in the pub next door.
NCP’s threaten strike action
NCPs around Gotar and Svealand have been in talks with Jarl Jordheim, regarding the rewards they have for sending people on missions to aid the “Keep the realm tidy” campaign.
“My so called ‘quest items’ are utter shite!” claimed one angry Thane. “I send off these sad git players to fight some critter with the promise or a nice reward, and all I got left is some weewolf on a stick FFS!”
The Weewolf on a stick drop is a DPS 0 item, it has no stats and can only cause harm to a mob when digested. Tests on several werewolves proved that upon eating their victim and their new weapon found it caused severe dioreah and sickness. Sometimes with a damage over time effect that could last for weeks.
“We want some quality items to give to the lowbies we recruit, not junk like this, them damn realm guards get all the good stuff, leaving us with squat!”
Jarl Jordheim refused to talk to our reporter, who is still missing, but sent in a statement saying “They get wot we got, my guards is avin the best ya know! They can go kill sommit of their own for some drops n stuff, we cant all get freebies ya know!”
The Dwarf NCP’s made a brief statement saying that soon a strike will happen, and that “Tight arse Jarl can go shove it!”
Classic stuff and all you who read the www.midgardtimes.com will know in what vein this is wrote in
Miserable zombies cured
In Uppland today many people travelling across the frontier observed a strange sight. It seems someone has taken pity on the plight of these hapless souls and offered them counselling and has been dishing out herbal anti-depressants.
One of the undead was quoted as being “excited” by single dandelion popping through the spring snow. The eye witness described him as he “danced with joy and glee at the mere sight of fresh foliage.”
Talking to Araxir, an Arachite priest from Myrkwood, he said “some of our kin folk in Uppland and Jamtland got sick of hearing them moaning day n day out, we tried killing them, but the damn things just kept respawning, ever time worse than the last. We got together and I went to listen to their plea. I’m not saying what medication they are on, lets just accept their new found happiness”.
Infiltrator arrested for “wacky baccy” DoT
Pin, the notoriously annoying “now you see me now your dead” infiltrator has been arrested in Odin’s gate for possession of a class b drug.
“A large quantity of Canabis resin was found in his possession, leading to his immediate arrest” said Jarl Bledmere.
“He was apprehended testing it on the Vendos near our borders. We found several very beaten Vendos, all with severe cuts and bruises, yet they all had this strange grin on their faces, then we found the assailant rolling on the floor in laughter shouting ‘ROFL, LOL, HEHE’ and other words in a language we didn’t understand”
We were briefly allowed to talk through a translator to Pin, who said “WTF man, least they go out with a smile on their faces”
None of the Vendo were seriously hurt, although many did develop a craving for something called ‘fridge’, saying they had the ‘munchies’. Many Midgardians went in search of them, but were unable to track these mysterious items down. If anyone knows where they drop, please inform Lord Bledmere.
Prulgar hangs up the saddle
Prulgar, the renowned richest stable keeper of Huginfell, has hung up his saddles for good.
“Since them fools put a new sacred stone in Svasud Faste, my takings are down 80%, its been a good run, and I’ve made 50 Mithril out of this lot in the past 8 months, so time to cash it in and bugger off to Albion and the nicer climate!”
Prulgar has now left Midgard, leaving his brother Prulgar in charge.
“Mum didn’t have much imagination when it came to names, so she just named us after the last stable lad who was here, our dad, Prulgar”
He went on to say the same quality of service is available to all, and if hes not his normal spot, he’ll be in the pub next door.
NCP’s threaten strike action
NCPs around Gotar and Svealand have been in talks with Jarl Jordheim, regarding the rewards they have for sending people on missions to aid the “Keep the realm tidy” campaign.
“My so called ‘quest items’ are utter shite!” claimed one angry Thane. “I send off these sad git players to fight some critter with the promise or a nice reward, and all I got left is some weewolf on a stick FFS!”
The Weewolf on a stick drop is a DPS 0 item, it has no stats and can only cause harm to a mob when digested. Tests on several werewolves proved that upon eating their victim and their new weapon found it caused severe dioreah and sickness. Sometimes with a damage over time effect that could last for weeks.
“We want some quality items to give to the lowbies we recruit, not junk like this, them damn realm guards get all the good stuff, leaving us with squat!”
Jarl Jordheim refused to talk to our reporter, who is still missing, but sent in a statement saying “They get wot we got, my guards is avin the best ya know! They can go kill sommit of their own for some drops n stuff, we cant all get freebies ya know!”
The Dwarf NCP’s made a brief statement saying that soon a strike will happen, and that “Tight arse Jarl can go shove it!”
Classic stuff
and all you who read the www.midgardtimes.com will know in what vein this is wrote in 