T
tisme
Guest
Male Bashing..........
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won't stop for directions.
Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.
Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.
Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.
Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.
Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.
Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.
Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What men know about women.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.
Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.
Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.
Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing
Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Government bonds mature.
Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.
Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the head up.
Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know. It's never happened.
Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.
Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
so the guys dont think i'm picking on em ... thought i best add this too
Female Bashing..........
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A; None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you fix a women's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do?
A: Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, which do you let in first?
A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won't do what she's told.
Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won't stop for directions.
Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.
Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.
Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.
Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.
Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.
Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.
Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What men know about women.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.
Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.
Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.
Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing
Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Government bonds mature.
Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.
Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the head up.
Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know. It's never happened.
Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.
Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
so the guys dont think i'm picking on em ... thought i best add this too
Female Bashing..........
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A; None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you fix a women's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do?
A: Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, which do you let in first?
A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won't do what she's told.
Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
