made-up world records

ilaya

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add your own :)

Trevor Bongo from Macclesfield turned himself inside out 100 times in 4 mins 26.7 secs in 1996

Bruce Willis was the first man to cross the english channel on a magic carpet on 12th november 1991, in a time on 2 hours and 9 mins, yet to be beaten.

an episode of Hetty Wainthrop Invistegates holds the record for most complaints by viewers ever.. a staggering 8.23 billion!

the record for throwing a blue marlin over a lake full of piranhas, is held by the Incredible Hulk who got it 1657 metres in 1977 (although The Thing from Fantastic 4 threw 1718 metres, but was deemed wind assisted)

the worlds most garish shirt is actually owned by the US government and is currently held in area 51. its being kept there in case of an invasion. then and only then will it be allowed to be worn be a blindfolded marine who will then storm the invaders. such is the power of this ghastly shirt, anyone who views it is instantly rendered uncouncious.. or worse. it was donated to the US military by Edmonds-Brandreth Inc, and a prototype woolly jumper is said to exist on UK shores, but nobody is prepared to go look and check it out.
 

Ezteq

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The Record for the most Eskimo rolls performed whilst sat in a canoe on a lake of jelly is held by Arnold Schwarzenegger, he learnt to do this when training for his new movie "The Turtlenecker" in which he plays an elderly robot sent from the future to teach kids the ways of the ancient americian natives.
 

SoulFly

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Ilay from Tyneside made the most useless topic in the world on the 29th of october, 2005.
 

Naffets

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SoulFly said:
Ilay from Tyneside made the most useless topic in the world on the 29th of october, 2005.

lol :D

Just woke up and that made me laugh
 

Morchaoron

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SoulFly said:
Ilay from Tyneside made the most useless topic in the world on the 29th of october, 2005.

yeah and at least that one is not made up!
 

Ezteq

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in the third LoTR movie peter jackson got the world record for inserting a hot poker up the most hobbits.

When questioned as to why he would do something like that he said "I needed them to get the pained dewey eyed expressions just right, and i knew there had been no record attempts made so i thought yeah go for it."








When asked how exactly he knew what expression a hobbit made when a hot poker is inserted in to it Mr Jackson refused to comment.
 

mikke

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Mikke jumped into outer space 18.15 the 29th October in a hightjumping competition.
 

Overdriven

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Freddyhouses' Mod Jupiter, danced with 649 chickens on the 2nd of January 2002. He just managed to beat Ezteq's record of 600 because of poor chicken hospitability.
 

Ezteq

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pfft i blame bird flu tbh i'd have thraped him otherwise :(




morcharon holds the world record for jumping out of wardrobes and scaring little kids, to date he's made 50 wet themselves, 300 scream constantly until sedated and you dont want to know what the other 3,621 did (lets just say there was a hefty increase on industrial laundry detergents).


darksword hold the record for the worlds longest intestine, he has had to have surgery to hollow out both arms, one leg and his neck just to contain his mighty organ...


ilaya holds the world record for panda worrying, he has persued this title for 17 years taking the movie "Alien" to zoo's all over the world, he is responsible for at least 12 panda pairs refusal to mate.

soulfly holds te record for the longest time holding a record he has held the soundtrack to "the breakfast club" in his left hand for 20 years.
[edit soulfly has since been disqualified it has been discovered that he wasnt holding a record but has a disc shaped hand and had a tattoo of the cover of the breakfast club on his deformed mitt to make himself appear less conspicuous]


Naffets has the worlds most promenant belly button, it is an outy with attitude and sticks out an amazing 52 centimetres and has made a rather lucrative living from appearing in bellydancing sex shows for tha past decade.

mikke holds the title for the most toenails consumed in one sitting, it took 38 hours to clear his plate but finally he consumed a staggering ton and a half of toenails (all kindly donated by the bellydancing sex show performing society) when he finished this epic task and was awarded the record he said "Man im goin' to puke!"



overdriven holds the record for being the only human being ever to be born as an almost perfect trapazoid and has appeared in many mathematical teaching videos as well as a small cameo roll in Frank Millers Sin City as a door.
 

Ame

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Wish I won a record. Will perhaps involve moaning, whimpering, and complaining whilst noone notices and/or cares.
 

ilaya

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Ezteq holds the record for longest time as the worlds worst Al Jolson impressionist..

the world record for toilet roll usage (neccesary sheets only) for whiping someones arse until clean, is held by Fern Britton and was set on boxing day of last year. 1021 sheets, surpassing Barry White's record of 746 also set on boxing day.. but in 1985.

the longest time anyone has ever laughed at a Bobby Davro joke was .31 secs. the record was set my a Mrs Davro..

My bro (lollie) once scored a break of 155 at snooker whilst playing Billy Webb in an episode of Alphonso Bonso.

the world record for unnecessary shouting in an ITV drama is held by Ray Winstone... actually.. hang on.. that one may be true.. erm.. BUGGER! WHAT?!! WHAT U LOOKING AT U SLAAAAAAG'S??!!!!
 

Ame

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ilaya said:
the longest time anyone has ever laughed at a Bobby Davro joke was .31 secs. the record was set my a Mrs Davro..


Good one, but who the hell is Bobby Davro :x
 

VampiiricMist

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haipu finkulainen from finland holds the record of stuffing most hot dogs up his nose with 47 hot dogs up his left nostril on jan 13 1935.
 

Overdriven

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VampiiricMist said:
haipu finkulainen from finland holds the record of stuffing most hot dogs up his nose with 47 hot dogs up his left nostril on jan 13 1935.


He was later disqualified in 1936; as the judges found that he had had his brain moved to the left, which gave hotdogs more room.
 

VampiiricMist

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overdriven currently holds the record for shaving 85 cats in a minute while humming the class song mmmbop and spinning a plate on his head.
 

Bracken

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A cocker spaniel called Ron holds the record for doing the longest land-based shit on record. Measuring in at 49cm, Ron's turd followed a breakfast of black pudding and trifle on 14th September 1996. It beat the previous record of 47cm, dropped by Morton the giraffe at Dudley Zoo in 1981.
 

Equador

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Since 1997 Illudian holds the record "sumo-wrestling multiple chimps at once" having wrestled 11 chimpansees in 1 match. This beats Rhori's old record of 7, set in 1987.

- The record attempt was disqualified later, as banana-peels were found after the match. Witnesses say Illudian offered banana's to various chimps if they would lose on purpose. The chimps wish to stay anonymous, and Illudian has denied this claim, saying that Rhori tricked him due to fear of loss of title.
 
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Set yesterday, Samaroon holds the record for staying in a bath on custard the longers. In total he was bathing in the yellow substance for 29 hours and 51 minutes. This beat the old record of 15 seconds made by Vampiiricmist.

=|
 

Darksword

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ezteq has managed to waste the most time, no one knows how big the record is, but after she broke her arm while ninja'ing some bricks she managed to spend her recovery time training/carrying out this task.:clap:
 

Ezteq

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Darksword said:
ezteq has managed to waste the most time, no one knows how big the record is, but after she broke her arm while ninja'ing some bricks she managed to spend her recovery time training/carrying out this task.:clap:


oi lol cheeky git!:twak:

my record is for hang glyding off 72 manatees assemballed in to an upside down pyramid whilst on a fisher price adjustable roller skate (yes kids these came before blades) and playing hi ho silver lining (ask your parents) on the kazoo.



i did bloody loads while i was off sick tyvm.....



bloody manatees don't organise themselves you know



*mutter mutter grumble groan*
 

Naffets

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Ezteq said:
pfft i blame bird flu tbh i'd have thraped him otherwise :(

Naffets has the worlds most promenant belly button, it is an outy with attitude and sticks out an amazing 52 centimetres and has made a rather lucrative living from appearing in bellydancing sex shows for tha past decade.

I have a stalker apparently :(

edit: Fixed quote
 

old.Tohtori

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Old but...

Metallica sold out in 15 minutes.

Also they sold all their tickets to their concert rather fast.
 

Ezteq

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old.Tohtori said:
Old but...

Metallica sold out in 15 minutes.

Also they sold all their tickets to their concert rather fast.




*does small "Baa Daa Chaa" on drumkit in corner*
 

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