[Long] /vent

[Jeros]

Hearing some other peoples experiences of this sort of thing might help me

Ok so i bump into a girl i used to go out with in school at the end of 04, we get talking and i get her number, we talk on the net and arrange a date, all goes well and we start a relationship, we get engaged at the only a short time after the first date, weeks infact, however we had spoken so much over the phone and the net it was like we had hundreds of dates, we discover we are a perfect match for each other, infact seem to be identical personality wise, i dont know how to explain it but we just clicked, the only problem is she was moving to Australia in June.

I ended up going with her to Australia, originally we were going to move out and get our own place, but it soon became clear that i would not earn enough with her at uni to support that, so we ended up staying with her parents for the whole year and at the end we decided to apply for a visa for me to stay as her fiancée, which we could do as long as we could prove we were in a interdependent relationship which we were.

Things seemed to be perfect and we were very happy or so i thought, turns out I was the one who was happy and she was not, she was unfaithful to me once while very drunk on a uni camp and we almost broke up as she was not sure if she loved me, however she realized she did and we stayed together, turns out at the end of it she said "had not really changed my mind" about that, whether that ment loving me or wanting to be with me i don't know, any who things went one, now im not a easy person to live with , i have OCD and many other problems, but i always thought they were things we could work through, i am lazy, very much so, and this caused strain, i left the application for our visa too late, i did not spend as much time working as i should have been, i hated myself for that, but i could not seem to break that cycle, i always thought she would stand by me no matter what as she had always promised, no matter what i did wrong she would always forgive me, but she is only human and can only be pushed so far.

In the end i was not giving her the attention she deserved and was making her miserable, the night before the break up, she went out with her friends and got very drunk, i blew up, i was so angry and i still dont know why, i knew she would not cheat on me again, but i was still angry, it was so immature and stupid but thats how i acted, the next day she told me that she did not want to be with me anymore, it was VERY difficult for her after such a long relationship but she was brave to do it, i took it as bad as you can imagine, she was being very nice and even letting me sleep in the same bed as her however she made it clear that i should stop trying to get back together with her as it was tearing her apart as i was trying to save the relationship, guess what i did the next day? i had to go to the immigration department and withdraw our visa application i kept phoning her to ask her to chance her mind or at least give me two weeks, i begged her, i upset her so much she ended up not going to two of her lectures, i cant believe i could be so selfish, all i was thinking of was myself, not her, i dint think how much i was hurting her, that night she texted me to ask me when i was coming home as i was with a friend and asking me to come home asap, i texted her to ask if she was kicking me out, i had a feeling, when i got home i found my bags packed and she and her parents had booked me a flight for the next day, i dint have much choice, i could not really afford to stay in a hostel or buy another flight back at another date, so i had to take it, and here i am back in the uk

The worst part is i know its all my fault, i took her for granted and it killed everything, she is such an amazing person and im sure we would have been very happy if i had just acted like a adult and not some lazy teenager (im 22 btw), i cant believe its over, the best thing i have ever had in my life is gone!

On the way to the airport and on the plane home im a made a promise to myself to do an access course for uni and get a degree and to make something of my life.

That was always the long term plan, if we had stayed together and got married and had kids (i was going to look after them) i would have proboly never gone to uni so i spose in one sense all this has had a positive effect, but it still hurts.

er advice?
and thats me story

ahh that feels better

 

[Clown]

tl;dr

p.s. punch her in the face

 

[Raven]

well not to be to blunt, you blew it, there isnt much you can do about it. You will just have to get on with your life. one thing you can take from it is you have learnt a lesson. i did the same sort of thing and it nearly cost me my marrage. dont take anything for granted.

pick yourself up mate, dust yourself down and get on with that degree

 

[Gamah]

Shame it happened mate, break ups are always hard. It seems like you rushed into everything very fast at such a young age at thats doomed for faliure. I am 21 been with my girl for about a year and love her very much but I am no way ready to be engaged to her.

The cheating thing is shit man, I would have broken up then, trust is an important part of a relationship and once thats broken it can never be reapired really which is why you blew up when she went out again in the same situations as the cheating time.

You have to move the fuck on, yeah its hard, go do the access course, go to uni and have a good time. you WILL meet someone else and be happy with them. To be honest I had a lot of problems trusting when I started this relationship (due to a pervious girlfriend cheating on me) worrying and being contorling is the WORST thing you can do and puts a new relationship through impossible strain.

Next time, don't rush, take things slowley and move at your own pace.

 

[Sparx]

Sound like what i done with my gf when i was 21. Was the perfect girl for me in every way. And laziness and not wanting to budge made us break. She moved to Aberdeen to start uni. I didnt really have anything in London that needed to stay. Any other guy would have went but i was lazy and was having a blast with my friends. I'm 24 and i still miss her terribly. But relationships i have had after her have been so much better. Cause some of the best lessons you learn in life are through mistakes. Someoene can tell you what to do/whats right, but like my da says you need to mess everything up on your own to appreciate the advice.

I'm sure you got some decent mates back here in the UK, best thing to do is get out with them as much as possible and try not to be on your own for a couple of months.

Sad to hear your bad news, i know your a wicked guy i've teamed with you a few times in game over 4 years and know your safe.

Also remember dont pester her, she will only hate you, let her get on with her life just like you need to get on with yours, if your paths cross again then so be it. The only thing you will do if you keep on at her is not allow yourself to heal and progress to other things.

Just speaking from experience

 

[old.user4556]

First off, i'm very sorry to hear it.

It's no consolation, but i know exactly how you feel; I broke up with my girlfriend of five years nearly two months ago, but believe it or not there is light at the end of the tunnel.

we get engaged at the only a short time after the first date, weeks infact

I know it sounds like it means you're perfect for each other, but engaged after weeks? That's absolutely insane, you can't possibly know what someone is like after that time, let alone know what they're like to live with. Living with someone, in my opinion, would be a real test to see if you're right for one another. You got engaged far too fast, or at least she said "yes" too quickly.

As for the lazyness and not doing things on time; i'm friendly with a fair few girls (and i have two older sisters) and one of the biggest complaints is men or boyfriends taking a total backseat in a relationship to the point that people have broken up over it. My middle sister broke up with her long termer because he simply stopped putting any effort in (stopped making himself look nice, stopped doing romantic things), and I was the same with my ex; I stopped putting in the effort that was perhaps required to keep the flame going. What I would say is that the excitement of a new relationship will wear off no matter who you meet, but you must realise that it will need more effort in time.

As already mentioned, it sounds like you might have blown it, but fear not! I have some helping pointers for you that have helped me.

1) Try not to dwell on the "what if" and "if only", you can't change the past so move forwards. Have a really good cry now and again about it, it really helps and it's part of the healing process. It's ok for men to cry.

2) Stop blaming yourself for everything. The flip side is that perhaps she never really wanted to be engaged, but never had the heart to tell you, so she used your lazyness and lack of motivation as an excuse to make it look like it was all your fault. My ex did this to me, made it out to be all my fault, but now that the emotions have calmed down I can see that her disgusting attitude and behaivour made me want to not be with her, so i stopped putting the effort in.

Also, she cheated on you; there clearly was no trust, or she at least had a wandering eye - sorry to tell you buddy but it was most probably over back then and she merely stuck with you out of habit, it's not your fault but hers.

3) Take a look back at all the things that went wrong, or all the things you feel that you did wrong and make a promise not to repeat them going forward. Take what you have learned and move forward.

4) I know it doesn't feel like it now, or it may not feel like it for a good while, but there are other girls out there that will be better than her.

I thought my world had ended when I broke up with my ex, I was suicidal, I nearly chucked myself out the top floor window of my apartment. I've now met an absolutely amazing girl that is in every way better than my ex (much nicer person, gorgeous, big breasts, amazing eyes, intelligent, excellent career prospects, witty and can hold a conversation), and it's only now that I can realise the absolute shite I was putting up with and how horrible my ex was - my ex flunked out of uni, she's got fuck all and i've got everything; so a two fingered salute in her direction. Even if my new squeeze isn't the right one, I now know that I can feel sexy about someone else, perhaps even love someone else.

You will meet someone else!

5) Get out with your mates as much as possible, throw yourself into some random girls to mask the feelings of your ex. Although I didn't really enjoy it in retrospect, it really helps to experience other girls and to discover what it is you truly want or like, at least before jumping into another relationship. Open yourself up to new opportunities, expose yourself to as many new people as possible, leave no stone unturned.

6) Buy a Fleshlight

7) Become a bit more metrosexual, do some weights, get a new haircut, have a sunbed, get some new clothes, get your self respect back, eat healthy, loose some weight, inject some confidence into your life.

8) After a good few dates and some random girls, i've learned that all women are a little bit messed up in the head; if you try and understand them, you'll be dead before you know it. Don't try to understand her.

9) Accept it's over and move on.

10) You will miss her, even if you get with someone new. I miss my ex a lot, you need to break out of the habit. You will miss the sex too, see point 6 .

Drop me a PM if you want to chat any further, I know it's hard, really fucking hard infact; but i'm nearly two months on and i'm on top of the world - chin up lad!

 

[Sparx]

some good points there done most of that myself.

Def good idea on the metro thing, thats what i done, decent haircut and nice clothes maketh the man

Women love my manbag

not to sure about the fleshlight tho may buy one for a "friend"

But remember its not the end of the world and in 3-6 months you will be all over another lass (or in my case that weekend). I found sleeping around a massive help, lets you knwo that you still can pull

 

[tris-]

6) Buy a Fleshlight

good advice. i bought one of these for shits and giggles. while it is nothing like pumping a real, female vagina, its much better than using the hand. my usage stopped though after i ran out of water based lube and couldnt be assed to buy anymore :/ it does also need cleaning after every use.

i am quite worried though, we moved house and i knew where it was when we got here. now, the package has vanished. i only hope it was stored in its 100% gaffa tape sealed box instead of being opend by the parents, lol.

 

[old.user4556]

Did you heat it up Tris? Needs heated, then it's pretty fucking close to the real thing.

 

[Clown]

You don't have to clean it

 

[old.user4556]

This is true, but (i'd imagine) it would be like fucking a granny

 

[Clown]

Grannies are crunchy

 

[Dukat]

Well done for being able to talk about it mate, even if its just here on the forums it is good if you can talk to someone about it, I would imagine it will help you to recover from this and get yourself back on track.

I half wanted to ask you what happened the other day on msn - I thought it would've been good for you to talk about it but I didnt know how you were taking it and if you felt alright with talking about it, so I didnt ask, but its good to see that you can

As I said on msn mate, time heals all wounds, you'll recover from this and probably end up stronger for it.

 

[tris-]

Did you heat it up Tris? Needs heated, then it's pretty fucking close to the real thing.

aye i tryed various methods of heating it up.

- submerging in hot water for 10-15 mins

- stick the little hole onto a tap and run hot water through for 15 mins

and some other things

i suppose yes, for about 5 mins it does feel pretty damn real. but the heat retention of the material doesnt seem to be so good, maybe its just the insert i have. after a while it gets quite a bit cooler.

 

[JBP|]

9) Accept it's over and move on.

I seem to remember you getting most upset about recieving advice such as this Big G, does this mean i was right or that you are a hypocrit?

 

[Raven]

cant you stick it in the microwave and wait for the ping?

 

[mank!]

i didn't read it cos i'm cool.

 

[Jeros]

Thanks everyone you help put things in perspective, im sure ill be ok, its just right now it feels like my insides have been torn out.

 

[Jeros]

Just went for a nice long walk, feel better now, im sure ill meet somone one day maybe at collage or uni who is smart, attractive and will be right for me, i just need as has been said some healing time

 

[old.user4556]

I seem to remember you getting most upset about recieving advice such as this Big G, does this mean i was right or that you are a hypocrit?

I gave that advice along with a whole load of other 'useful' tips on how to cope with a distressing breakup, I don't necessarily agree with it. The difference between how I gave it in my post, and how you gave it in yours, is that i'm at least quantifying with many streams of advice and helping this dude on how to deal with it based on my experience, instead of your openly blunt style of "get over it, move on" which was pretty fucking useless and hurtful to say the least. Alas, here you are still trying to get a reaction.

 

[JBP|]

Yes you were quite correct afterall JBP, i do apollogise for acting like a spoilt child and calling you silly names.

Fixed

 

[old.user4556]

How mature.

 

[leggy]

The fleshlight conversation has me slightly perturbed.

 

[old.user4556]

You can borrow mine if you like, to try it?

 

[Clown]

You need to make it so only subbed members can see this conversation

I feel sick.

 

[leggy]

You can borrow mine if you like, to try it?

I'm a very smells oriented person. I know what the first thing I'd do would be... so NO THANKS.

 

[old.user4556]

How about i unscrew the other end, we can spit roast one together? Give high fives n stuff. Would be fun.
































































right ok i'll stop now

 

[Clown]

Shut up! Fuck off! Fuck!

 

[Insane]

How about i unscrew the other end, we can spit roast one together? Give high fives n stuff. Would be fun.


right ok i'll stop now

you BASTARD!!!!!(1)

I now have coffee all over my keyboard!

my manager has asked why im laughing so much...

 

[MYstIC G]

You need to make it so only subbed members can see this conversation

I feel sick.

If that were true I'd want a refund.