Let's talk love.

[old.Tohtori]

Just had to put that topic in one time

What i really wanted to say is this; is the whole "the one", "you'll find someone" etc a load of hypothetical crock?

First of, the one. Sure it's a nice idea that there's this superfitting megaunit for everyone, but it's hardly realistic. This would mean that there's a "one" for the axewielding, kiddiefiddling wow-nerd down the street. Or is this perhaps a situational load of crock, brought forth by the lucky ones who have found the preverbial jackpot? Or jillpot. In essence i've always felt that there's, maybe, someone out there who will eventually fit in my world(not that i'm in a rush to find one), but i'm hardpressed to believe it's some magically created person just for this purpose. Afterall, you have to train the women a bit before they work

Second bit, my love to hate one; "you'll find someone eventually". Now that i know is a load of crock as no one can say that for certainty. It's the same chance, to some degree, to find someone, or die alone with 50 cats. Which is rather insulting to cats mind you. I always feel it's meant as a pat on the back, but it has such a huge false premise that it might actually set up someone with the emotional bomb.

This is kind of a half rant, half question, whatchamacallit to have a discussion on. Interested in the opinions of the folk out and about as there's a motley crew around for sure.

 

[Ceixah]

Sounds like Toht is looking for a life-partner! ;o


scary thought.

 

[chipper]

firstly we would all like to think there is the one, and truth be told there probably is someone out there who fits your idea of the one perfectly.
chances are your never gonna meet them tho, 6 billion people in the world what you think your chances are.

youll find someone eventually isnt a crock of shit its true, but its usually down to you to find them not sit on ya backside hoping love is gonna fall into your lap.

me personally after 10 years of moaning im gonna die alone etc finally decided to stop been a cock and actually do something about it within a year id met someone

now been with my missus nearly 3 years and we have a 18 week old son life couldnt be better

people get bogged down with the idea that they must be with the one and its bollox my gf isnt at all what i imagined id be with and i dont give a shit im the happiest ive ever been atm and love her to bits.

 

[ST^]

As so many people do find "the one", it seems pretty obvious that for each person, there are a lot of people out there who qualify as "the one".

Of course, if you aren't going out and meeting lots of different people, then your chances of finding one of these people are slim, no matter how many or few of them exist.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Sounds like Toht is looking for a life-partner! ;o

scary thought.

Rest assured, i ain't looking

I got plenty of companions in fallout.

Chipper, while it worked for you, the premise of "you'll find someone" is based on a false notion of fact. As stated before, this would require it to work for every tom, dick and harry and harry might be a twonosed, three eyed, lard of doghair in a pool of piss. Otherwise it's a pick&choose notion, whch would suggest it only works if; you'll find someone, in the next 10 years, if you're moderately human, act in atleast like a moderate human and manage to make it work.

Removing the fact that you might as well end up alone, no matter how much you try, is a bit of a delusion.

 

[dysfunction]

I didnt think I would find anyone I would spend the rest of my life with.
I even resigned myself to spending my life as a single guy which I didn't mind.

Eventually I did meet someone on a night out with friends.
She is my best friend as well so I believe I have found "the One" as they say.

I think it all depends on what you are looking for, how fussy you are etc etc.

There is definitely a fit for everyone that is for sure. It depends if you meet that person at the right time, if they want what you want etc.

There is no magic formula. Just enjoy life and be happy within yourself. Thats all you can do.

 

[eksdee]

Definitely agree that there are many 'the ones' out there for everyone. Ultimately it's about finding someone who you feel comfortable with and simply enjoy spending time with, as well as the obvious stuff like physical attraction, similar views or whatever else you feel is important - it's different for everyone.

More than anything I couldn't stress more that I feel finding someone who you can see as your best friend, like dysfunction says above, is more important than anything. For me, more than any other thing about my partner that makes me feel like I couldn't live without her is that when I'm with her I'm always happier than I am when I'm not.

As they say, love is fickle. It's different for everyone.

 

[TdC]

There is no magic formula. Just enjoy life and be happy within yourself. Thats all you can do.

this!

 

[Uncle Sick]

Finding Miss Toto.











She's -got- to have patience.
And understanding.
And patience.

 

[old.Osy]

Originally Posted by dysfunction
There is no magic formula. Just enjoy life and be happy within yourself. Thats all you can do.

this!

That's just you two resigning to "fate". That is wrong. Stay strong, continue on your Quijotian quests, you "forever alone" candidates

 

[Lamp]

I believe there's someone out there for everyone. You just gotta make the effort & socialise. It will come in time. You'll spend a lot of money, make a tit of yourself many times, but eventually, you'll get lucky. You may get lucky first time out, or the 500th. Eventually, you'll meet someone special....but if you decide to spend your entire life drinking alone and playing computer games till 5am, your chances aint that great. Miss Perfect doesn't exist. Find someone you can relate to as a mate who you fancy the arse off, be yourself, & go for it. Good luck.

 

[russell]

I believe there's someone out there for everyone. You just gotta make the effort & socialise. It will come in time. You'll spend a lot of money, make a tit of yourself many times, but eventually, you'll get lucky. You may get lucky first time out, or the 500th. Eventually, you'll meet someone special....but if you decide to spend your entire life drinking alone and playing computer games till 5am, your chances aint that great. Miss Perfect doesn't exist. Find someone you can relate to as a mate who you fancy the arse off, be yourself, & go for it. Good luck.

You are so totally right -big rep.

 

[Mey]

"If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love."

Never a true thing said.

 

[TdC]

That's just you two resigning to "fate". That is wrong. Stay strong, continue on your Quijotian quests, you "forever alone" candidates

heh, not entirely so: I'm not resigned to anything. However, while I am faffing about all undecided like you can bet your left nut I am having a heck of a good time doing it

 

[old.Osy]

heh, not entirely so: I'm not resigned to anything. However, while I am faffing about all undecided like you can bet your left nut I am having a heck of a good time doing it

That's generally what faffing is about. Having a good time. Especially if the porn is 720p minimum.

 

[Uncle Sick]

I didn't have to look for very long. Got lucky, I guess. Personally I believe there's a someone out there for someone else.
Got married when I was 22... 12 year anniversary coming up on 9/30.

Even though the missus used to fancy Jupitus' shmancy accent. The bastard. Both of them actually.

 

[Wij]

Can we talk tits instead ?

 

[Shagrat]

"If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love."

Never a true thing said.

yep true.

So many years wasted trying to pull in clubs, possibly the worst place to do it (dark, noisy, too much drink).

starting "socialising" doing things I enjoyed, met the missus and now been married 13 years. we share interests, I enjoy stuff she hates (football, mmo's, techy stuff) and the same with her.

 

[Gumbo]

Really, really long post below, read it if you can be bothered, but...

Spoiler

I was 30, working like mad, bit of a geek, but mostly my life for the preceding year or two had been taken up with the slow death of my father from leukaemia and a mother who couldn't cope with it. I worked with a ton of women, got on well with them, comfortable around them, but never got involved with any of them. I'd seen a few of my colleagues dip their pen in the company ink and get very burned, and with everything else going on in my life, hooking up with someone wasn't uppermost in my thoughts.

Dad died in March '06 and left a really complicated world of shit behind him, including a family business which was months from bankruptcy and mired in family politics.

My employers were great, they let me work whatever time I wanted, just paid me for when I was in. I had constant meetings with solicitors and accountants. It seemed endless, and very lonely, really quite a bit shit.

Clare came to work at my place in July that year. We hit it off immediately, laughed, joked (a lot) played around, flirted a bit, but not too much and generally made the work day pass more quickly. I thought she was married, she knew I was dealing with a ton of shite, and because I hadn't made a play for any of the other girls there, they had told her I was probably gay....

In the end, it became apparent that if the aforementioned family business was to survive, I had to go and run it. Again, my employer was great, and told me that if didn't work out, there would always be a job for me there. As they had treated me well, I said I'd work my notice and duly did.

In my last week there Clare was going karting at a local track in an evening league she did, and as I was racing there a few weeks later for the first time, I asked if I could meet her there to get some track pointers. For me it was entirely innocent, and whilst I quite fancied her, being a married woman, I really wasn't angling for her.

Well, at the end of the karting night, Clare and her fella had a blazing row in the car on the way home, he thought she was going home with me, although to me it had been a perfectly pleasant evening, I'd learnt a lot about the track and thought Clare's fella and one of her sons who were there seemed alright chaps.

The next day in work, Clare was quiet and withdrawn. She sat outside between runs, she was a van driver. I went to see her and said what's up, she ran off crying. It was odd.

The rest of the girls could see what was going on, and conspired to get my feelings out of me. It was like being at school again as they ragged on me to get me to finally admit that yes, I quite fancied her...

This left me with no option but to tell Clare what I told them, so that she didn't have to suffer the rest of the women taking the piss (lots of women in one workplace can cause ridiculous politics).

She didn't say anything, but left quietly, but 10 minutes after she left my phone buzzed and I got the text 'You do know it's mutual, don't you?'

Anyway, 2 weeks later her fella had left (They weren't actually married, but even as we kissed for the first time the day after the text, I still didn't know her status and frankly didn't care).

2 years later we have a 7 month old.

5 years later we're working together, living together, raising our daughter, and more in love every day.

I often say to her that at 30 years old or so I was thinking that I was getting on, and at some point soon I was going to have to settle for the first munter that would have me.

I'm really glad that I didn't have to settle. I found my soulmate who is my perfect woman, shares my interests, laughs with me and for some bizarre reason seems to love me as much as I love her.

in summary, it can come when you aren't looking at all. I was in no place to be finding my soulmate, but we found each other entirely by accident and couldn't be any happier.

 

[Bahumat]

I really wanted a cup of tea at work, but no one made it and I had to make it myself no one loves me enough to make me a cup of tea...that's all I want...and 5 asian wives.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Finding Miss Toto.

She's -got- to have patience.
And understanding.
And patience.

You missed red hair and patience

And off her rocker.

Yeah....a patient for sure

Interesting views here, even if a bit surprised at the amount of love-superstition going around, in a large part techy/non-skyfairy forum. I disagree a lot on some of them, but this is smoething you can't really ague on. Admitting fault in this kind of topic would mean that you'd have to redefine your "love" in general.

 

[dysfunction]

That's just you two resigning to "fate". That is wrong. Stay strong, continue on your Quijotian quests, you "forever alone" candidates

No that is not true. I'm happily married!
When I say I resigned myself to being single I didnt mean I gave up looking. It meant I was happy just being me.

If you can't be happy with yourself then you definitely won't be happy in a relationship.
Everyone has their faults. If you find someone that overlooks yours and you do the same then all is going to be good.

 

[Shagrat]

No that is not true. I'm happily married!
When I say I resigned myself to being single I didnt mean I gave up looking. It meant I was happy just being me.

If you can't be happy with yourself then you definitely won't be happy in a relationship.
Everyone has their faults. If you find someone that overlooks yours and you do the same then all is going to be good.

This man speaks a lot of sense

 

[Jiggs]

my wife is better than me at video games :<

 

[Lamp]

I can reverse the car into the garage. The Mrs can't.

 

[CorNokZ]

Are you talking about anal sex Lamp?

 

[Fafnir]

Are you talking about anal sex Lamp?

Bet he wishes she could do it thou...

 

[bainteor]

There is no such thing as a one true love.

In reality, there are thousands, probably tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of people that are suitable enough to form a loving relationship with - that will blossom into a deeper love - whereby the term "the one" is appropriate because of the intense bond between two people.

Let me explain. In our lives, how many people do we actually get to know? Say you are a man, how many woman do you actually know? One of these women will become your wife, because you cannot marry someone that does not exist to you. By 'knowing' someone, I talk not of people that you see on the street, but of people with which you share some sort of friendship or common activity with (for example, someone from your university course or living in halls of residence - the way many married couples meet). My thought is that we meet about 2000 women/men in our lives - some closer than others. Out of those 2000, one will become your wife or husband and be "the one".

Look at how many people are married, and convinced that they have found "the one" for them. By the law of probabilities, if there was a "one" then very few people, if at all, would have the luck required to find their soul-mate.

Of course, you have things like love at first sight, but these are rare occurances. Rarer indeed than people like to make out or convince you. Love at first sight - in my opinion - does not exist. A deep physical attraction, yes, but love (this is difficult to explain because many people on this forum probably have not experienced true love) is something that grows over time, that must be nurtured. It is not as easy as people make out - even the strongest marriages require effort.

Back to my point - as I have said earlier, I believe that there are many "ones" of all of us.

Do not forget that humans are but simple organisms in the void of eternity, we are not difficult to please .

I have this enlightens some of you - and I hope it atleast answers some of your question.